20.2 Logistics

Amelia and Liam looked at the spot where they disappeared before meeting each other's eyes.

"Why are you friends with him again?"

"Hey Stan is an alright guy once you get past the prickly exterior."

"Really? Cause I've known him for like two years now and he's still the biggest asshole I know."

"It helps if you don't antagonize him."

"Hmm…nope."

That drew an exasperated chuckle out of him and for a moment they fell into silence. Amelia was prepared for Liam to be freaking out but he did not immediately broach the subject and instead held a look of contemplation as he seemed to mull over his thoughts. It seemed as if he was building up to something and the anticipation was making her anxious so in an impulsive move she nudged his shoulder with her own.

"What are you thinking about?"

He brushed the top of his head "still processing I guess."

"…are you mad?"

"No" he said immediately "I guess I'm just still a little confused" he paused "and hurt."

"Hurt?"

"That you didn't tell me about this sooner. Were you even planning to tell me before you went through with it?"

Amy winced and looked away in shame. It wasn't explicitly stated but Liam was smart enough to read between the lines of the situation.

"I…to be honest I didn't know how you'd react to all this" she waved her hand "I didn't want to start having second thoughts and I figured if I just went along with it you'd have to either accept it or…leave."

"Jesus Christ Amy."

'There it is' she thought miserably.

Amelia knew she was really pushing Liam's patience this time around. It's the reason why she didn't really want to reveal her decision to him until it was already done.

'In hindsight that would have been pretty messed up.'

Especially now that Liam wouldn't have been able to reject her as a mamono even if he wanted to and let's be honest Amelia probably definitely wouldn't allow him to reject her in the first place which brought up some uncomfortable thoughts.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Liam's next words "do you think so little of me?"

"What!? No I just…" she trailed off before slumping "I wasn't thinking straight."

"It's fine…no its not" he amended after a pause "we're supposed to talk things over before either of us make these kinds of life changing decisions that affects us."

"I knooow" Amelia gave a muffled groan as she lowered her face into her palms.

When she didn't continue Liam spoke "for the record I'm not mad with you but I am disappointed. I shouldn't be hearing about this stuff from Stan."

And wasn't that a punch to the gut? She was saved from a bad decision making a dicey scenario much worse because Stan decided to show up at their room uninvited and uncaring of her opinion or the delicate nature of her situation to force everyone to lay their cards on the table and talk to one another. She supposed it could have been worse and with Stan that was definitely a possibility but she couldn't really do anything about it besides moving forward.

"I'm sorry."

He grasped her hand rubbing his thumb over her knuckles "I don't want to dwell on this. We still have a lot to go over."

"Right".

Amelia knew this was bound to come up again at some point but he was right, they had a lot to unpack. Thankfully they didn't end up devolving into shouting, the tension didn't spike and for the most part their conversation to be a pleasant affair overall. Their conversation touched on a great many things and Amelia was ashamed to admit that a lot of the topics brought up are ones she didn't really think about although she really should.

Liam steered their discussion towards how their relationship will go moving forward. How she would have to be under a disguise at all times in public settings. Considering their entire livelihood revolves around them posting pictures and videos of themselves that will forever be available for public scrutiny really doesn't paint a stable picture. Then the topic went to a more distant future, one that involved kids. Neither of them was interested in having kids at the moment they both knew it was an eventuality especially given how procreation plays a vital role in mamono instincts.

They would never be able to have a son and since their kid will definitely be a mamono 100% this meant specialized birthing conditions but beyond that that their daughter would also need to be under disguise for the rest of her life. The idea that their future daughter would need to keep her true self hidden from the public had Amelia wondering whether she was making the best decision here.

Amelia was intimately familiar with the idea of hiding behind a fake persona so as to avoid public scrutiny. She wasn't referring to her current self as a rather provocative content creator as said persona was closer to her real self than the person she pretended to be in the past during her teenage years. Nowadays she could care less about what other people thought about her but the idea that she would be subjecting her future child to these constraints did not sound appealing in the slightest.

Then she started to think more of herself and how she would essentially once again be hiding behind a mask, this one very literal. Strictly speaking Amelia wasn't some clout chasing attention whore who documents her entire life to put on the internet but at the same time she didn't take well to the idea of forced censorship especially when it will hide an important aspect of herself.

The doubts started manifesting however before it could truly fester she paused, took a step back from the brink and shifted her thoughts in another direction. The answer to her reasoning behind the decision to become a Mamono can be found in a single rhetorical question:

Why would a woman in her mid twenties living in the modern earth in the 202X give up her humanity to become an ostentatiously beautiful, quasi immortal and magically gifted creature of myth?

Amelia didn't need to become a mamono. It was explained to her that despite being infected with Demonic Energy it was made clear that said infection can be staved off for the rest of her natural life so it wasn't as if she would be in danger of monsterization if she declined. Amelia spent a significant amount of time attempting to rationalize her decision only to come to the conclusion that she didn't have a moral imperative or unavoidable need to support her argument.

Her decision to become a mamono was rooted in selfishness, vanity and jealousy specifically towards Ezraphel who is a beautiful, graceful and powerful woman that practically oozes charisma and sensuality from her pores. She is someone who despite being under moral and physical constraints is still unabashedly content and happy with her lot in life. Frankly anyone who can unironically wax poetic about their relationship with someone like Stan Berkowitz with such passion was someone clearly happy with themselves.

Amelia wanted that.

She wanted to be ostentatiously beautiful without the heavy maintenance.

She wanted to not have to worry about the little things.

She wanted to be passionate about her relationship at all times.

She didn't want to worry about sickness, age or death.

And yes she wanted to learn magic.

But above all else she wanted to feel good about herself without the nagging doubts.

She wanted to become a mamono because it looked like genuine fun and for all that she was warned of the drawbacks as well as the potential negative effects being a mamono would have on herself, her relationship and her future the pros outweigh the cons in her eyes.

Does that make her a bad person?

Maybe.

Does it make her selfish?

Sure but it's her decision.

She made her bed and she's prepared to lay in it.

Frankly she could not wait for it to happen.

Once she came to this conclusion and told Liam of this point blank with a straight face she was surprised to find him relieved.

"Good."

"Good?"

Amelia didn't know what to think of this at first since she assumed he would be erring on the side of sanity. He's the one who seemed the most unsure about all this and he ended up being the one to bring up all the hard questions that ultimately cast doubt on her decisions. It made it seem as if his initial support was just him deferring to her as a means of not wanting to state his negative opinion that would cause a friction between them.

"I mean your reasons could have been more…" he made a so-so gesture with his hands "you know, ethical but honestly I just wanted to make sure that you were sure about this."

"Seriously?" she said in disbelief "I just admitted I wanted to become an inhuman sex monster because of reasons that are entirely selfish."

"So? Babe I'd follow you to hell if you wanted."

"Really?"

"…well no I would probably end up dragging you out of there once you realize how stupid it would be and I'd admit you to a psyche ward for your own safety."

Amelia couldn't help but snort at that "my hero" she faked swooned.

In hindsight she could see why he would be this way. After all it wouldn't have been the first time she made an impulsive decision only to be brought back from the brink by his rationalization. There were actually more examples than she'd like to admit of this very same phenomena happening throughout their relationship so him being unsure and highly skeptical made much more sense.

"No but seriously you wanting to become a Mamono might not be for the right reasons but fuck it we're only human" he shrugged "and I don't think Ezraphel's deal is necessarily bad all things considered."

"You think so?"

"I mean it's not like you're investing in crypto and NFTs" he quipped.

Amelia snorted "that's not fair. Ezraphel's deal is way better than those things."

"Yeah you can actually physically see and touch the results for one" he agreed.

The two of them had a laugh at before Liam coughed in his fist "speaking as a red blooded man I find the prospect of you becoming a sexy monster girl waifu devoted to me and always down for sex to be very…appealing to my male sensibilities."

Amelia said nothing for a long moment before eventually nodding to herself "fair enough."

"Cool so Stan mentioned we'll need to clear our timetable for a week before you can do the thing."

Amelia couldn't help but feel relief as they managed to get through the heavier topics with level head intact. Now they can move on to the logistics of how they would go about preparing for her transformation.

"Are we doing anything important next week?"

"You have livestreams and I have to record for the podcast and weekly news report not to mention whatever drama pops up this week."

Amelia clicked her tongue in annoyance, the perils of being an active content creator.

"I can postpone the livestreams for the week."

Even as she said this her thoughts turned to how she could use her newfound transformation to make content.

'Will I look different with the disguise on?'

She'd rather not look like her current self to be honest. Whatever enhancements to her body and appearance she would receive from the transformation she'd like to keep minus any extra features so to speak.

Her thoughts were cut off by a yawn and a moment after she glanced at her phone and winced "it's late."

"Yeah" Liam agreed "let's talk about this tomorrow."