Chapter 22 - Charlie

Everything is happening too fast. I can't wrap my head around things when I walk next to the hospital bed, holding Jay's hand. I don't even remember how I got int he ambulance with her.

The only thing I know is that Andrew hold me back the whole time. He said I was making it obvious that we were together, but I didn't gave a shit. The girl I love is about to die and I can't lose her. I did everything that I could to stay with her. I almost fought an ambulance brother who was just trying to help. But I lost it when he pushed me out of the way.

Coach knew at that moment exactly what was going on with me and Jay and handled the situation. I got in the back and after the door closed they sped away.

She still isn't stable and her life is still in great danger and I'm breaking down. I'm barely holding on. I can't do this without her. It's all my fault.

I look at the bloody fist what I hit AJ with. I think I broke her nose, she deserved a lot worse but I got pulled away.

"You have to stay here." An assistant removes my hand from Jay's and hold me back while they wheel her in an emergency room.

"Let me go." I try to push her away and walk through the doors. But two security guards help her. "Please." I beg.

"If you don't listen they have to kick you out of the hospital." She looks at me with sad eyes, she doesn't want to do it. "Sit down in the waiting room as soon as she's ready I will come to get you alright?"

"Charlie!" I look behind me. The boys are running towards me. When I turn around the nurse is gone and the security guards stand in front of the door. Fuck.

I ignore the boys who are talking to me, trying to calm me down. I lay my hands in my neck and walk around the room. My anger is rising, I let the anger take over because I really don't want to cry.

"Charlie it isn't your fault."

"She's going to be okay."

They have to shut up. It is my fault she god hurt. I should be the one that's lying there. I will end AJ if Jay dies. My blood boils and my fists shake.

"Come on Char, Jay is a strong girl."

"Don't be so exaggerated, it isn't like you two are together." I turn on my heels when Keith says that. His eyes get bigger when I storm at him. "Charlie chill!"

"Charlie no!"

I grab him by the collar and push him against the wall with such force that I hear a crack. I pull my fist back. "Don't talk to me like that ever!" I yell at him. "She could die because of me you fucking asshole." I swing my fist at him, but instead of really hitting him I move my fist out of the way. The rock hard swing collides with the wall.

As soon as my hand hit the wall Andrew gets a hold of me and pushes me up against the wall. "Enough." When I want to push him away he pushes me up against the wall one more time. "Stop it Charlie, you're hurting yourself."

"It's okay, you had nothing to do with this." When I look at Keith the regret and the guilt settle in and tears start to form in my eyes. "She's going to make this, we promise."

I shake my head and slide down the wall. Jake bends down in front of me to make sure I don't get a panic attack. Silent tears stream down my face. I see her face in front of me, but she isn't smiling, all the live is sucked out of her face and it's horrible.

I shake my head in my hands when someone touches my shoulder. I can't. Her dad is going to hate me for the rest of is life and I will drown in guilt.

"Charlie, let him help you." Keith lifts up my face. I look at the male nurse in front of me. He carefully takes my hand.

"Can you feel it." I look at my bloody knuckles, I shake my head. I don't even feel it when I make my hand into a fist. To be honest I don't feel anything at all. "Does this hurt?" He softly pushes the swollen skin. I shake my head again. "Alright come with me, I need to take some x-rays to see if it's broken."

I shake my head. "I can't. I need to stay here and -"

"Charlie go, if anything happens we will get you right away." I shake my head at them. "Just go, it will take a few hours until they are done with her."

"But what if she -"

"Stop." Jake looks me straight in the eye. "Don't say it, don't think about it. Let him fix you up." They pull me off the ground and after a few deep breaths I follow the nurse. I'm shaking and I can't stop it.

"This will be over very quickly." The nurse says as he walks me into a room. I really hope he's right.

Well in my mind it took forever to check out my hand, but it didn't took that long at all. Because after making a few pictures the doctor directly saw that I broke my hand, so that's great. It really started to hurt when the adrenaline started to work out and they gave me something for the pain.

Coach is going to kill me, first Keith and now me. Keith can almost play again tho, but our coach is not going to be happy about me breaking my hand. Yet I didn't care or think about that for 1 second. My mind was with Jay the whole time.

When we walked back and the boys saw me with a cast around my hand and a part of my arm they looked worried. Coach did too, he sat with them waiting for news on Jay and me.

"How is your hand doing?" Coach asked when I sat down and held my arm against my chest.

"Broken." I say while closing my eyes, scared that If I open them I will start crying. I don't care about my fucking arm. "Is there any news?" I said after a few seconds.

Andrew cleared his throat before he speaks. "No." I opened my eyes. "They are still working on her." Fuck!

I got up and paced through the waiting room. I tried to talk to every nurse or doctor I saw but none of them wanted to talk to me and that was a bad sign. Andrew, Keith and Jake tried to let me sit, but I pushed them away.

No way in hell I'm going to sit and do nothing, I want to know how my girlfriend is doing for christ sake! After 1 hour I was ready to punch another hole into the wall and when another hour passed I wanted to roll myself into a ball and cry. I held it barely together.

I was angry Jay's dad wasn't here yet, because he probably had to many beers and and was already out cold.

When the anger subsided, the guilt came back and consumed me from the inside out. It left me feeling terrible and helpless. It's all my fault...

Just as I was about to drop on my knees and cry I saw my mom. She had some nursed hot on her heels and looked around the waiting room for us. Her eyes found mine and I had to supress my tears when she walked straight towards me.

I fell in her arms, I hide my face in the crook of her neck, I don't want them to see me cry. "Mom..."

"It's okay, Charlie." She rocks me back and forth trying to comfort me. "Come sit." She guides me towards some chairs and sits me down. "I know it's hard, but you can't blame yourself." She says while wiping away some of my tears.

"But it is, if I had warn her on time, AJ would have missed her and Jay wouldn't have to fight for her life right now." I look away, my heart aches again.

"Charlie, listen to me." Mom gets a hold of my face and forces me to look at her. "She got arrested right after you left for the hospital. AJ will not get away with this." Even though this is good news, I don't give a shit.

Mom holds my hands when they start to shake. "I can't lose her." I whisper so she's the only one who hears. "I really can't." Before I break down again mom pulls me in her arms and hushes me.

"I need her."

"Sshhh, you're going to be okay." I cling to her. The ache in my chest is so big that my whole body hurts.

It take me 15 minutes to settle down. Mom gets me a cub of water and let her fingers slide down my hair. Mom told me she tried to get some information out of the nurses, but they didn't let anything go. We did know Jay was breathing on her own so that was good news.

I think of the crying I fell asleep with my head on my moms shoulder because when I opened my eyes again, two hours had passed. The other boys where still sleeping. I started to feel bad for Keith. He likes Jay a lot and I have to ruin it again for him.

Then while everyone slept I went up to sit in the window. I silently cried while I pushed my head against the cold window. I got some flashback of AJ and I didn't want that. I couldn't sleep anymore. I saw AJ or Jay they both haunted me.

When it was 6 am Jake woke up and got up to sit by me in the window. We talked with hushed voices and he held my hand to support me. He knew I was dying from the inside.

It wasn't long before the rest woke up too and we were all waiting for some doctor to tell us what was going on. I paced around the room again, almost pulling all of my hair out of my head.

And then a doctor walked in the room and he made his way towards us. My heartbeat increased as he neared us. Please...

"Doctor." Coach said and gave him a hand. Oh god, why does he have that terrible look on his face.

"Hi." My mom gave him an hand again. "How is she doing?"

"Hello." He looked at us before he continued. "She's stable." I didn't hear the words after that and fell into Andrew's arms. God. A tear escaped my eye, making its way down my cheek.

"I recommend that 2 people go in, she needs all the rest she can get and we don't want to upset her by letting too many people see her." The doctor looked at us. "I would recommend her father when he get's here and one of you to keep her company. She's still asleep and will wake up somewhere this morning or around noon."

After he left we all looked to each other and although Keith wanted to see her, everybody agreed that I could go see her. A heavy feeling felt of my shoulders when I heard that. But now standing in front of her door, it frightens me.

I feel how an arm is wrapped around me. "You don't have to if you don't want too." Mom kisses my temple.

"I'm scared." I look at mom.

"I know, but I also know you are going to regret it if you don't see her." Mom strokes my hair out of my face. "I'm here if you need me, go get her." She let's go of me and nods at me. God.

I push open the door and step inside. I can't stop the tears that start falling when I see her. She's hooked up to different kinds of machines and straps. My heart aches.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I walk over to her and sit beside her bed, holding her hand. "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry." I cry. Shaking I bring her hand to my lips, her hand is so damn cold and I shiver when I kiss her skin.

A cry leaves my lips, I try to muffle the next ones. I take a few seconds to compose myself. Although I know I can't.

"You're a fighter, you can get through this, baby." I press her hand against my forehead. "Please don't leave me." More tears slide down my cheeks. "I will never let her hurt you again."

I bite on my lip hard to stop myself for making a sound. "I love you." I kiss her hand one more time. She can't leave me. "You're so strong."

-----

I must have fallen asleep because when I open my eyes again some daylight shine's through the window and I feel a hand in my hair.

My eyes widen and I shoot right up. Jay looks at me, her hand lands on my cheek where she wipes my tears away. I can't get the words out but I don't have too.

"Jay..." I can't almost believe my eyes. She's awake, she's really here.

"It's okay." She says with a hoarse voice.

I stand up to move closer to her. "I'm so sorry." I say.

Jay shakes her head and pulls me towards her, she's still very weak so she doesn't really have the strength. I have to... I kiss her, a lot of tension disappears when we kiss. I let my fingers caresses her cheek.

Guilt settles in again and I have to pull away. "It's my fault and I'm so sorry."

"Shut up, don't ever think it's your fault." She strokes both of my cheeks.

"It is!"

Jay rests her forehead against mine and she shakes her head. "No, it isn't, I saw her coming and didn't -" She coughs. "I didn't move out-"

"Stop talking, you're hurt." A small smile appears on her lips and she places a small kiss on my lips.

"You broke your hand?" Se asks while she let her fingers slide over the cast. She moves just a bit so I can lay down next to her. Really careful I lay my head on her chest.

"I did, I was angry and scared and hurt." She calms me down when she let her fingers travel through my hair. "So instead of punching Keith real hard, I punched the wall and I broke AJ's nose." Jay chuckles. She kisses the top of my head.

Jay lays her head against mine. "Thank you for saving my life."

"Thank you, that you're still breathing." I look at her, our fingers intertwine. "Don't do that to me ever again."

She smiles at me. "I won't, I promise."

I push myself up so I can kiss her. "Good, because I love you."

Jay smiles against my lips. "I love you too."

-------

We both fell asleep, I was the one holding her and it felt so good when she was in my arms. I was the first one to wake up and that was because some of her doctors came in to check on her.

To let them do their work I moved myself in a chair. Jay's dad came strolling in at noon, he looked worried and like he hadn't slept at all. I left the two of them alone and took some deep breathes in the hallway.

Coach was still in the hospital, he took a seat next to me. He talked to me about Jay. First about how she was doing. Then he talked to me about our relationship. I was scared that he would tell me that we had to cut it. Relationships among teammates is a no go. But he just grabbed my hand and told me that he was glad that she made me happy.

He knows a lot about me, he was a role model when I needed one. He was there for me after my dad disappeared out of my life. We talked for a good amount of time before Gerald walked out of Jay's room. He thanked me for saving his daughters life. He pulled me into a hug and although I was actually angry at him for everything he has done to Jay. I hugged him back. He almost lost another important women.

After that we both walked back into Jay's room and stayed with her. The boys and some team mates came to check in on her. Her dad smiled when so many of our friends walked in. Only once I had to bite my tongue when he teased Jay and asked who of the guys was her boyfriend. Of course Keith thought he was funny and said he was the one.

Too late, little bro, she's mine. Before I could say anything I saw Jay's eyes. I backed off, I don't want to ruin anything for her.

When the boys left my mom came in the room. The four of us talked for a while, we even laughed. I had to hold myself back. I wanted to grab Jay's hand real bad, god I wanted to lay down with her real bad. But I didn't want to give away that we are together.

We ate some hospital food, my mom left not long after that. With a heavy feeling I would have left with her, but Gerald insisted that I should stay. He didn't had to tell me that twice.

So here I am, in her room sitting in a chair next to her bed. I play with the bed sheet next to her hand. My fingers slide over her skin ever so slightly that it almost isn't noticeable.

Gerald yawns. "You can have the second bed if you want to sleep, Charlie."

I look at him. "I'm okay, I'm guessing your back starts hurting from these chairs."

"How did you guess?" I smile at him. He's different, he's not that grumpy man he always was.

"Dad, is it okay if Charlie lays down next to me, there is room enough." Jay bites her lip.

Gerald sighs when he lays down on his bed and looks at us. "I don't see a reason why not." He stretches. "But I don't want to hear you giggle the whole night."

I lock eyes with Jay and move myself onto her bed. I would have pulled her towards me to hold her, but that would be a bit strange for her dad. So I hold her hand under the sheets instead.

We look at each other, Jay moves her head a bit closer to mine and she closes her eyes. This could end good or real bad.