Dawn's Story IIl

MAY 23, 2003, SUMMER BREAK

I just couldn't stay away.

I hated Ben and yet, I loved him. I had fully intended not to talk to him again until we met up at camp. At camp, I figured, we'd somehow find the magic that would make us understand each other and realize what we really meant to each other. But until then, I had to step away. I had to give him more time to get over Adrienne and realize how much he needed me. Our worlds wouldn't be complete until he figured that out.

I was doing fine today. Ben saw me in the morning on his way out. I just avoided his gaze until he left. And then I spent the next ten minutes trying to breathe normally.

After his final, Ben had his talk with Adrienne. I worried for a little while, but the next time I saw him I knew it was really over. She wasn't exactly giving him back to me, but Adrienne had broken up with Ben.

I was actually surprised he didn't grab someone and start fucking their brains out right away. But then, I figured that he'd been doing that all week just to keep himself occupied until the hammer finally fell. Now that it had, apparently sex wasn't the first thing on his mind.

Drinking, however, was. We threw an End of the Year party, and Ben was pounding shots and screaming cheers in a dozen or so different languages. Of course, getting to a dozen languages meant he had to down a dozen shots. And I was beginning to worry about him.

Still, I kept my distance. Ben didn't try to approach me apart from some longing looks across the room. It hurt him, to have his best friend nearby but avoiding him. But hell, this hurt me, too. I just couldn't face him right now. Not when I'd gotten my hopes up that we'd be together again, only to find that he hadn't been of a like mind.

I saw when Matt Kanemura, Brandi's boyfriend, first cut Ben off. I felt a pressure deep in my gut to DO something about it, and when Ben started getting belligerent, I realized my conscience wouldn't let me stay totally aloof. If Ben got into serious trouble and I did nothing to stop him, I'd hate myself forever. So I tried to slow him down and he practically collapsed right in front of me.

Poor guy. Lost his girlfriend — both of them — and his best friend in the span of a couple of days. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head. I got him back into his bedroom. And for a while I was tempted to stay with him, pull his head into my lap, and cuddle with him until my happy Ben came back.

But he wasn't my Ben anymore.

So I kissed him tenderly, platonically, on his forehead. Then I got off the bed and left the room.

"Hey, babe," I said softly when I found Ryan. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

My loving boyfriend put his arm around my shoulders, took one last look back at Ben's bedroom, and then we left.

MAY 24, 2003, SUMMER BREAK

I just couldn't stay away.

I hated Ben and yet, I loved him. I wanted him to understand how much he'd hurt me. But I didn't want him to be miserable for the rest of the summer. The last thing he would remember of me was me helping him into his room and then walking away, leaving him when he needed my help to get through his pain.

I'd abandoned him. And I was sorry for it. And I HAD to tell him that I was sorry. Even if it wasn't my place to comfort him, I could at least not ADD to his misery.

"Take me home, Ryan," I said softly.

My boyfriend looked over at me. We had spent the morning getting breakfast and hanging out with Gwen and Robin, helping them pack up their dorm rooms. Now Ryan and I were going off to lunch by ourselves. But I couldn't go just yet. Maybe Ben and Adrienne hadn't left just yet. They were probably already gone; but maybe ... just maybe ... it wasn't too late. "Take me home," I repeated. "I need to say goodbye."

My boyfriend looked over at me, a curious expression on his face. But bless his heart, without a word, Ryan just moved up to the next streetlight and signaled to turn around.

A few minutes later, we pulled up to the curb just in time. Ben and Adrienne were standing by the Mustang, having not yet climbed in. I sprinted out the door and up the driveway. And I slammed into Ben from behind, choking out a few sobs as I wrapped myself around his body.

"Dawn?" Ben gasped. His hands jerked up to touch my arms.

I didn't answer except to kiss the back of his neck. In that moment, I felt his shoulders relax as a mountain load of tension slid away from him. And I felt the same tension leaving me as well.

We were connected, after all.

"I'm sorry, Ben," I said softly, right into his ear.

He didn't answer. He didn't even turn around to look at me. He just bent his head and gently patted my hands.

I kissed his neck again and sighed. "I'm your Dawn. Forever." My voice cracked and I WILLED him to understand that when the world came to an end, I would still be waiting for him.

Ben turned around and gave me the warmest hug I'd ever felt. It was better than the hugs my parents gave me when I was little. It was more relieving than even Ben's hugs when he'd raced up in the middle of the night after the whole Mark incident. I pushed my chin into his shoulder and he rubbed my cheek with his own. We twisted together for a good minute, hugging each other tighter and tighter until neither of us could breathe.

It ended perfectly. He turned and kissed my cheek, whispering, "And I'm your Ben."

JUNE 2003, SUMMER BREAK

"Wow..." I breathed as I pressed the phone to my ear. I sagged back, feeling Ryan's strong arms wrapping around my waist as I leaned against his chest. Still slightly shell-shocked, I didn't react when he leaned around and pecked my cheek.

"You okay, babe?"

I nodded slowly. I hadn't even noticed Ryan coming up and hugging me while I was on the phone. What Ben had just told me sent chills down my spine.

"You got SHOT?" I gasped into the phone. This time, I felt Ryan tense up behind me.

"Twice," Ben replied at the other end of the line.

I dropped the phone. Just imagining Ben with two bullet holes in his body frightened the crap out of me. Ben. MY Ben. He'd nearly died. I'd nearly lost him FOREVER.

I scrambled and picked up the phone, quickly putting it to my ear. Ben didn't currently sound in distress, but I HAD to know. Eden. Emma. Brooke. "Ben, tell me that everyone is okay!"

"Everyone's fine. Brandi didn't tell you that part?"

"No! I haven't seen her in a couple of days!" I exclaimed. "And my mom didn't tell me anything about guns or shooting! You got shot?"

"Yeah, but I'm fine, everyone's fine," Ben said reassuringly. "I was a little freaked out about Adrienne for a minute there, but everyone is fine. Emma was untouched and Adrienne just had some cuts."

"What happened to Adam?"

Ben took a deep breath. "He's dead."

I dropped the phone again.

All this death. All this craziness. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to rush down to Ben and promise to never leave his side again. This is a fickle world we live in, and every day could be our last. Could I afford to wait for my destiny to come? Or could one of us end up DEAD before it ever happened?

But I tamped down on those urges, hanging my head. I loved Ben. I would always love him. But we weren't like that anymore. I wasn't just going to wait around for a stupid boy to figure out I was the love of his life, soulmate or not. He'd shown me with the whole Adrienne thing that he wasn't thinking on that level yet. He was just looking for whatever would make him happy for now. Could I fulfill that role for him? Maybe. But didn't I deserve the absolute devotion I wanted to give him? When was BEN going to give that to me?

Maybe Ben just needed a couple more years of seasoning. After all, Ryan was two years older and had been giving me that kind of devotion since he was Ben's age. Maybe I just had to wait and see if Ben matured into the man I knew he could be: the kind of man who would be right for me.

Maybe he wouldn't.

Either way, that was up to Ben now. I'd wasted too much of my life — and too much of Ryan's efforts — to waste any more. Those were the decisions I'd made in the month since we'd left Berkeley. And not even getting shot by Adrienne's deranged brother could change that.

Ben told me the rest of the story. I listened in mild shock at the violence of it all. Crazy shit had happened to me in my life, but nothing quite so ... fatal. I still couldn't believe Ben had actually been shot.

But that concern was wiped away by a new crisis. Ben tried to joke, "I'm fine, Dawn. Well, I may not be able to go swimming with you when we get to camp because the wounds will still be healing; but other than that, I'm perfectly healthy."

"Oh, Bennn..." I moaned forlornly, realizing that my timing really SUCKED. After everything he'd already been through, I had more bad news for him.

"ReLAX," Ben tried to reassure me. "I'm fine."

"No, it's not that," I moaned in the same tone. I looked at Ryan, gazing into his eyes for strength as I gathered myself together. Then deciding I just had to spit it out, I stated, "I was going to tell you today: I'm not coming to camp."

There was a thudding sound as apparently it was Ben's turn to drop the phone. I heard the mad scramble as he picked it back up and then gasped, "Wait, what?" I could imagine his frustration. Eighteen years we'd been together, with never a single miss...

... until now. I sighed and tried to explain, "I know we didn't put much effort into finding internships for this summer, but Dayna's company wants extra interns and she recommended me. It's a paid internship, I'll get lots of good experience, and specifically this'll really help make sure I get into the Undergraduate Business program. They made the offer and I already accepted."

And more to the point, I don't trust myself around you. But I didn't tell him that part. I knew that if I met up with Ben at camp, I wouldn't be able to resist sleeping with him and betraying my boyfriend. And right now, maintaining a relationship with the one man who truly dedicated himself to me mattered more.

"You're not coming to camp?" Ben complained.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. But no."

All I heard was a bitchy snarl before the line cut off. Wow ... Ben actually hung up on me. How... immature...

I pulled my head away and furrowed my eyebrows, staring at my cell phone, feeling annoyed. But I shut down my annoyance. After all, Ben had just gone through a painful trauma and had been shot twice. I could forgive him a short temper in these trying times.

So I called him back. I wanted him to know that I was still his friend.

But of course, it went straight to his voicemail. I could already see Ben sulking on his bed, hitting END on his phone like a petulant child.

I sighed. THIS was why I had to wait for him to grow up.

JULY 9, 2003, SUMMER BREAK

After never calling me back before he left for camp, I was absolutely THRILLED to hear from Ben on my birthday. "You can't believe how happy I am that you called me!" I gushed into the phone.

"You're my Dawn," Ben said sweetly. "And it's your birthday. Just because you're not at camp this year doesn't change that. Still ... I wish you WERE here..."

I sighed. "I know. I'm still sorry it had to be this way."

"Don't worry about it. If nothing else, I'm sure Ryan is thrilled you're staying nearby."

I chuckled and looked around the room. At present, I was all by myself in my house, having come home early from my internship. And Ryan hadn't yet come by to visit after his own day at work. My parents didn't know it, but Ryan was pretty much spending every single night with me since we could get away with it; and Dayna promised she wouldn't rat me out. So on that point alone, Ryan was thrilled I wasn't at camp this month. And then of course, Ryan was doubly-thrilled I wasn't with Ben. "He wouldn't say it, but he was freaking out about the idea of you and me at camp again. Last year was one thing, but ... well..."

"I know. It's fine. Less temptation this way," Ben admitted. "Besides, your little sister has been quite eager to take up the slack. Seriously Dawn, DJ has been an absolute nymphomaniac. Girl hasn't left my side for the entire camp."

"Really?" I giggled. I thought back to when I informed my own family that I was going to stick around the house. DJ had gotten really, really excited.

"You know," I began in a thoughtful tone. "As soon as DJ found out I wasn't coming to camp, her eyes got REALLY big. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think it's because she knew you were going to be single this summer. That girl's had a crush on you for a long time."

"Really?" Ben asked in surprise.

"Really. I once asked her why she's never settled down with a serious boyfriend. At first, I thought it was because she'd gotten too much advice from Dayna about playing with many boys being more fun than just being with one. But DJ just said that none of the boys she ever met measured up to you."

"Really?"

I giggled. "Really. I wonder if I should worry about little sis trying to poach you while I'm gone."

Ben chuckled. "Nah. We're just friends ... well ... horny friends. Girl won't leave my dick alone."

I laughed, imagining horny Ben and horny DJ with a big camp and no big sister around. "I'll bet. And I'm sure you have lots of opportunities with my old cabin being empty most of the time."

"We have. Plus, we spend a lot of time at the clearing."

I went quiet.

He didn't...

SHE didn't...

"You took her to our clearing?" I asked coldly, ice running through my voice.

Ben could already tell I was angry. He practically whimpered, "Uh, yeah."

"To OUR clearing?" I growled. "You fucked her in OUR special clearing? Alone?"

"Whoa! Whoa!" Ben stammered. I could even picture him waving his hands defensively. "Wait a minute; DJ said quite explicitly that she asked your permission. And now that I think about it, she said you specifically gave her the green light to keep me company this summer since you were quote/unquote 'abandoning' me."

"I never said ANY of that!"

"What? I even asked her if she was lying!" Ben protested. Then I heard a commotion behind him and he whispered harshly. "DJ said she knew you'd rip her head off later if you found out."

"I would! I will!"

And then I proceeded to verbally thrash my best friend for violating OUR most special place.

I was still upset when Ryan got home. I'm sure he wasn't expecting to find me the way he did.

He was late, an hour later than usual. I was actually starting to get mad at him for it. Here was my 19th birthday, with no family around except for Dayna. No Mom or Dad. No Ben. Just me. Not even my boyfriend could bother to show up on time. And all this on a day I found out Ben was fucking my little sister in OUR clearing.

So I moped on the bed. And I was surprised when Ryan walked through the door, holding a bouquet of pink roses, my favorites. He was dressed in a tuxedo, a smile on his face as he started theatrically, "And now my dear, shall we... Dawn?"

He cut off when he realized I wasn't in the mood. And he quickly crossed over to me, kneeling and reaching for my hands. "Are you okay?"

I didn't answer him. I just furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at his attire and pointed. "What's with the penguin suit?"

He gave me a lopsided grin. "It was a surprise. Remember how we watched that Japanese 'Shall We Dance?' a couple of weeks ago? Well, you said you'd never been formally dancing and I thought it would be fun to go tonight."

Absolutely incredible. How did I ever manage to get such a special guy?

I looked up at my boyfriend, seeing his sterling blue eyes and handsome face as he smiled down at me. For years, he'd been considerate and caring. He always made me his priority and never once failed to show me he loved me. Yeah, we had our fights and disagreements. But if you took away the jealousies over Ben, Ryan and I probably had the least number of fights out of any couple I'd ever HEARD of, let alone met. He was a perfect guy, and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why I'd kept him at arms length for so long.

Blinking, I looked up at him with moist eyes and said softly, "Tell me how much I mean to you." My voice was filled with need.

It took him a second to remember what I meant, but it came to him quickly. This would be the third time since April I'd asked him to tell me how much I meant to him. And he changed the words every time.

"You don't mean a lot to me," Ryan began, just like always. "You mean everything to me. You're more than my world, Dawn; you're my Universe. You are every season of the year. You are the heat of Summer, filled with light and warmth. You are the beauty of Fall, with ever changing moods like the colors of Autumn leaves. You are the purity of Winter, cool and absolute. And you are the promise of Spring, making me believe that my time will come. You are my sunrise and sunset; and at night I eagerly await the new coming of the Dawn."

Tears now fell down my cheeks as I reached up to Ryan, grabbing his shirt and tugging him down to me. I hungrily sought out his lips, kissing him so hard my teeth hurt as I pulled him onto my body, crushing myself so wonderfully beneath his heavy weight.

Then I pulled back and stroked his cheeks while lovingly looking into his eyes. I made sure I had his full and undivided attention as I stared right into him, saying, "You don't have to wait for your time anymore, Ryan. That time is now. I love you."

Uncontrollably, Ryan smiled WAY bigger than I'd ever seen him do. He couldn't help it. He'd waited years for me to say that, and now that I had, he couldn't be happier.

But that happiness was tempered by skepticism. His eyes searched through mine, clicking back and forth as if looking for a 'but' to follow.

There was none. I just pulled him down and kissed him again, a passionate growl rising up in my throat.

But he pulled away and gasped, "Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn-Dawn." He paused, heaving for air. "Don't do this to me. Don't do this if you don't really mean it," he rasped.

"I mean it," I giggled and pulled him in for another kiss.

"N-no," he pulled away, shaking his head. "I know the score. I know you're in love with Ben. You've ALWAYS been in love with Ben. And I knew, deep in my heart, that I was just keeping you warm until he came around to his senses. Please, Dawn. Don't do this to me if you don't really mean it!"

I took a deep breath and looked straight at my boyfriend. "I love you, Ryan," I said firmly. "And you need to know this: I used to think I would end up back with Ben, someday. I used to. We grew up together. He was my first everything. But we've grown up into different people. He's still my best friend, but we're not romantic anymore. He has his life. I have mine. And YOU'RE at the center of my life, now. Okay?"

Ryan blinked several times. "So ... I'm not just keeping you occupied until Ben comes to his senses and wants you back?"

I sighed. That WAS how I'd seen Ryan a long time ago. Well, maybe not so long ago; but it wasn't the way I saw him now. "No," I said firmly. "You're more to me than that."

Ryan frowned and looked skeptical.

I sighed. "Ben is my past. But when I see you, babe, I see my future. Look, we've only been dating for less than two years. But you're not just a temporary boyfriend to me. I want to see where this goes, how our relationship can develop. I want to find out how our feelings can grow if we stay together through your graduation. Heck, I want to see how our feelings can grow if we stay together through MY graduation, and beyond."

"Are you serious?" Ryan looked dubious.

"Yes, I am," I told him with heartfelt conviction. "When I see you, I see a man who just might make me happy for the rest of our lives. And for that, I really and truly do love you."

I kissed him again. And this time, the stupid boy didn't do anything else to stop me.

We never made it to the dance. Actually, I ended up tearing his tuxedo, which wasn't cheap, in my haste to get it off him. And even then, I don't think his pants ever came fully free of his left ankle. Neither of us wanted to take the time to remove them before my boyfriend's wonderful cock slid home inside me.

"Yesss..." I hissed, my fingers clawing at Ryan's back as he hunched over my prone body, urgently thrusting with his hips to drive the powerful rod into my clenching pussy over and over again.

"Dawn..." he moaned, repeatedly, in love with the sound of my name. "Dawn..."

"Fuck me, Ryan. Love me. Love me, baby," I crooned back at him, rolling my hips to meet his. I held his face in my hands, staring right into his eyes. I wanted him to see mine, to see that I really and truly loved him. I wanted him to feel my love radiating out from every pore in my body while he passionately pushed part of his body, part of his soul, into mine.

That night, I showed my boyfriend just how special our lovemaking could be when we both loved each other, holding nothing back. And when we fell asleep together with his cock slowly going soft inside me, nothing else in the universe mattered.

AUGUST 2003, SUMMER BREAK

"You'd better get going. My family will be home soon." I pecked Ryan on the lips and then pushed him away lightly.

Smiling, he took a step backward. But he stopped and looked at me with both trepidation and hope on his face. "You're serious about this? I should go ahead and put down the deposit?"

I smiled wanly. "Well, maybe wait until tomorrow. My decision is made, but my parents may still pitch a fit."

Ryan nodded and then blew me a last kiss. He then turned and headed up the sidewalk to get into his car.

I wasn't actually worried about my parents. They were protective, but they were very into letting us girls be independent and make our own decisions. We always tried to reward that freedom by being responsible, succeeding most of the time. And in this case, I already knew they'd let me make this big decision as well: I was moving in with Ryan.

The idea started a week ago. Ryan had been looking at several different apartments himself, wanting a place to stay closer to campus and closer to me. It was simply too much of a drag to take the BART up every day and to live at home. He felt like he was intruding every time he crashed over at the house, and he felt doubly uncomfortable knowing that both Ben and my sister were in the house, potentially able to hear us if we decided to get intimate.

Originally, Ryan was going to get his own place and live on his own. It would be expensive, but he'd manage if he had to. Or maybe he'd find a roommate. We'd already discussed sleeping over at each other's place from time to time.

One complication was that at the Berkeley house, Adrienne and I would ACTUALLY have to share the big bedroom, with Ben taking over my old room. Now that Adrienne and Ben were broken up, it just didn't make sense for them to share anymore. And since Adrienne and I were the young girls on the totem pole, we'd have to share. THAT would make it difficult to bring Ryan over to my place.

But after Ryan had practically lived at my house for the past month, I was loathe to be parted from him. Ever since declaring my love for him on my birthday, our relationship had bloomed into something intense and passionate and wonderful. I didn't want to be away from him. So a week ago, when he asked me to move in with him, I jumped at the idea.

Ryan had been surprised. He never expected me to go for it. After all, I'd been the one keeping our relationship at a measured pace for almost two years. But that didn't mean he wasn't thrilled with my positive response. I knew my parents could afford it, this would solve the housing dilemma with Ben and Adrienne, and besides, it wasn't like my Mom and Dad were under any illusions that I wouldn't be spending all my time at Ryan's apartment anyways. Worst case, if I broke up with the guy, I could always move back to the house.

So I wasn't worried about my parents. The one person I WAS worried about? Ben.

How would HE react to the news? With something this momentous, I knew it would change my relationship with my best friend forever. This wasn't just about where my head hit the pillow every night, this was a choice. This was me choosing Ryan over him. And DJ or no DJ, I had no idea how Ben would take things. I didn't think it likely there was anything he could say that would change my mind. But this was Ben. He just had that effect on me. Because deep down in my heart, I knew that if Ben promised to drop DJ and be with me and love me forever if I only didn't go ... I would.

I loved Ryan, but Ben still had that power over me. So I told Ryan to wait a day. I'd give my boyfriend the answer tomorrow.

It was highly unlikely Ben would react that way. But am I a bad person for hoping he might?

Ben's family arrived first, or at least their van did. With the balance of kids thrown off, it turned out that Ben and Brooke had ridden with my parents and DJ, and had yet to arrive.

My heart nearly stopped when they did. Showtime.

Brandi was the first to greet her little brother. They hugged, Ben lifting his big sister off her feet for a few seconds in their happiness. The two chatted briefly and then moved along, Brandi going to Brooke and Dayna leaving DJ to go for Ben. My own big sister laughed and patted Ben's ass before moving on.

And then Ben's eyes met mine.

I'd stayed in the doorway to the house, biting my lip nervously. A flood of uncertainty washed through me, and I saw Ben hesitate when he felt my mood. But then he stepped forward and came right to me.

I opened my arms as he approached and Ben stepped into them for a hug. Neither of us said anything. Neither of us needed to. Time stopped and the world ceased to spin while he and I simply enjoyed the pleasantness of holding each other once again. We hadn't seen each other in person since that last gasp hug the day he and Adrienne drove away from the Berkeley house back in May, and only now did I realize that my world had been slightly off-balance ever since he'd gone.

Yeah, I loved Ryan. But I needed Ben around me like I needed air to breathe.

Eventually, we pulled apart and looked at each other. I stared into his soft, expressive eyes. He looked me up and down and then stated knowingly, "I guess we need to talk."

I nodded wordlessly, took his hand, and led him inside the house.

We ended up in my bedroom. I turned and sat down on the bed, leaning back against the headboard while Ben sat just in front of me. I felt a little weird, knowing I'd made love to my boyfriend on this bed only a couple of hours before.

"You okay?" he asked with some concern. "You don't look so good."

"'Very well'," I corrected his grammar. "I don't look very well."

Ben chuckled and rolled his eyes. And just like that, a smile spread across my face as our old comfortability came back to us. "It's good to see you," he said warmly.

"You too," I replied in the same tone. "Things weren't so great the last time we saw each other."

"Things were pretty good the last time," he corrected. "They just weren't so great right before that."

I blushed and nodded as I thought of how I'd embraced him from behind and kissed the back of his neck just before he drove home from Berkeley. But Ben winced at the memory of what came before. He'd been going through hell, and I hadn't made it any easier on him by cutting myself off from him. I'd been angry and disappointed in him, but he still had to have been feeling a lot of pain.

But that was then. This was now. Ben moved us along by asking, "What's bothering you? Are you upset that I started dating DJ?"

I was more bothered by moving in with Ryan and Ben's potential reaction, but talking about DJ would give me the time to gather my courage. "What's up with that, anyways? Are you rebounding?"

He shook his head. "If I'd hooked up with any other girl, I'd have said yes. Even with DJ, I'll admit there was a desire to fill the void inside me. But she's more than that."

"How?" I arched an eyebrow.

He shrugged. "She's DJ. She just is."

It wasn't really an answer, but I let it go. I just looked down and exhaled. "I can't say I'm thrilled with it. After all, there's a part of me that wishes you would just sit around with your hand on your dick, pining away for me." I smiled mischievously at that. "But I can't blame either of you. I knew the way DJ felt about you. I knew she was going to go after you. And ... well ... DJ's a very pretty girl. You and she are quite compatible and magical things happen at camp."

Ben leaned forward and touched my hand. "It doesn't mean I don't still care about you. You're still my Dawn."

I returned a small smile. "And you're still my Ben." "I then tilted my head back and sighed. "But it would be SO weird if you end up my brother-in-law."

We both chuckled at that, and Ben shook his head, saying, "We've been together for three weeks, and DJ is barely seventeen. I don't think marriage is in either of our plans just yet."

I smiled wider at that pronouncement. At least I didn't have to worry about that anytime soon. He was right: we were still very young.

"So if it's not my thing with DJ, then what's wrong?" Ben queried. "Why do you look like you're about to tell me you decided to transfer to Alaska State and leave me forever or something?"

My lower lip quivered and I felt like crying. In a way, I WAS leaving Ben forever. I was making this choice to go with Ryan, and giving up on waiting for my soulmate. It wasn't like this decision was a be-all, end-all; but it was a very clear step away from Ben. I supposed this was inevitable. After all, I'd already let myself truly fall in love with Ryan.

Ben started to panic when he saw the look on my face, and nervously, he asked, "Are you really leaving me?"

"Not exactly," I said hurriedly, not wanting him to get the wrong impression.

"What does that mean?"

I whimpered and croaked, muttering questions to myself about why this felt so hard. When Ben wasn't here, when it was just me and Ryan, it all made so much SENSE! Why couldn't I think straight around Ben? Momentarily overwhelmed, I buried my face in my hands and started crying for real.

"Whoa, whoa." Ben wrapped me up in a hug. He rocked me gently, soothingly. And in a warm, reassuring voice, he intoned, "Hey ... hey ... It's alright. You can talk to me. It's alright."

"I'm sorry, Ben!" I wailed and picked my head up. I could feel the moisture on my face and I tried to thumb it away.

"Hey, slow down ... slow down..." Ben kept rocking me and I fought to regain control of my emotions. It was just so... intense ... having to do this after not having even SEEN Ben in three months, after MISSING our summer camp. I reminded myself to take deep, calming breaths. I gritted my teeth and balled my hands into fists. And Ben held those fists between in his big, warm palms. He looked right at me, such a calming brown peace in his eyes. "Talk to me," he said gently.

I finally sighed and just said plainly, "Ryan's getting an apartment off-campus. He asked me to move in with him. And I accepted."

Now Ben looked like he wanted to cry.

OCTOBER 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

I had to admit, things were going much better than I'd expected. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be in truly in love with Ryan and had given up on reuniting with Ben, I would have said you were crazy. If you'd told me I'd be living with Ryan while Ben was dating my little sister, DJ, I'd have tried to get you locked up in a mental institution. And yet that's exactly how our lives were currently playing out.

Oddly enough, the new arrangements had done wonders for relaxing any tensions between me and Ben, and also between Ryan and Ben. Now that I was living with my boyfriend and spending most of my time with him, as opposed to spending all day and then most evenings with Ben, Ryan had totally relaxed about the whole "Ben-is-going-to-steal-Dawn-away-from-me" bit. And when Ryan relaxed, I found myself far less defensive about it and far less careful around Ben. I mean, I always held Ben's hand whenever we walked, but I always had to pay attention not to hug him too tight or kiss him too affectionately or crap like that, for fear of inciting Ryan's jealousy.

Now? I was just totally relaxed. And somehow the sexual tension between Ben and I had lessoned as well. Hell, I could advise him on how to better fuck my little sister without either of us thinking about him doing the same things to me. And when Ben complained about the weeklong delays between visiting DJ for sex, I took it upon myself to talk with both Brandi and Adrienne to help keep their brother well-satisfied. All three of them were happier than before, and all three of them individually thanked me for giving them the extra kick in the butt.

After all, who ISN'T more relaxed when they're getting frequently laid?

But then an old nemesis re-entered Ben's life.

None of us had really seen Paige Jacobsen since the end of last year. I'd been surprised when Paige didn't show up to hang out with our crew when the semester started, but I didn't exactly mind her absence, either. So I hadn't brought her up and no one else really did, either.

It was by Sather gate when Ben and I bumped into her ... and some grungy loser of a guy. We recognized her right away based on her slutty-Catholic schoolgirl attire, even skankier than usual.

"Paige?" I stammered in surprise.

The skanky redhead was making out with the grungy loser, and she pulled away to say, "Dawn! Hey!"

With a frown, she then turned to Ben and growled, "Oh, hi Ben."

I was polite as we made conversation, and my opinion of the girl fell even further the longer we talked. I always knew she was an over-sheltered naïve little girl just WAITING to get into trouble; and once away from Ben's constant supervision, she seemed to have found it. Hell, she was BAKED ... on-CAMPUS.

In the end, I just stared in wonder as the girl glared right at Ben and stated clearly, "I'm bored of talking to you, Ben. C'mon, Jerry. Let's go have sex before my buzz wears off. I'll even let you cum in my pussy today."

"Paige..." Ben groaned and reached out to her, clearly anguished over seeing his de facto little sister in such a state. But the girl was already walking away. And as icing on the cake, she flipped Ben the bird as she left.

What a fucking bitch!

Ben stared after her for a long time. I knew he needed space, so I patiently waited him out. And eventually, he turned and started walking toward home.

I quickly fell into step alongside him. "It's not your fault, Ben."

"If I hadn't broken her heart, she wouldn't BE with him," he said in shame.

I sighed and squeezed Ben's hand. "That part was unavoidable. You tried to tell her you didn't have those feelings for her, but she let herself fall in love with you anyways. A broken heart was inevitable."

"But I made it worse by dating her."

"Adrienne arranged that," I tried to soothe.

"So what? This is all Adrienne's fault?"

I frowned, shaking my head. "It's nobody's fault. Paige is just doing her own thing. You can't control her. You never could. Yeah, you kept her in check a bit, but that girl's been looking for trouble since well before you showed up on the scene."

"No she hasn't."

"Of course she has," I rolled my eyes, thinking of Paige's checkered history, something Ben seemed to have blinded himself to all this time. "Look at how you met. She got smacked on the street because she'd been teasing some scruffy locals at a house party. At every party of ours, she was doing her best to get falling-down drunk, and would have succeeded much more often if you weren't there to stop her. She's a stupid girl and whatever shit happens to Paige happens because of her own stupid decisions!"

I realized I had a pretty nasty tone of voice, and Ben looked taken aback by it. "You were her friend. How can you say that about her?" He frowned.

I sighed. "I can say it because it's the truth. She's a sheltered, naïve little girl who's running wild with no one to restrain her."

"I'm supposed to be the one to restrain her."

I leveled my gaze at my best friend. "That's not your job."

"I made it my job. I still care about her."

"Clearly, she doesn't feel the same way. Or did you not notice her doing her best to rub her sex life and drug use right in your face?"

"I've got to do something," he pouted.

"Like what? Tell her not to have sex with her boyfriend? Tell her not to smoke weed?"

"Yes!"

"And you think she'll listen?"

"Yes!"

"Why? You already told her you don't love her. It looks like she's moved on from you. She's not your problem anymore."

"How can you be so cold?"

I rolled my eyes and then before I knew it, I'd barked, "Because she's a fucking BITCH!" Surprised by my own outburst, I immediately stopped walking.

Ben stopped and turned to take both of my hands. Instantly, his face was filled with concern for me, Paige now forgotten. "Whoa, whoa. Dawn, you okay?"

I looked away from him, grinding my teeth and working to calm myself. I'd resented Paige for well over a year now, and that resentment I'd kept hidden away was now boiling up out of my control. "She doesn't deserve you, Ben," I griped.

"What?"

"Look." I turned and stared straight into Ben's eyes, willing him to understand where I was coming from. "I know it's not my place to be jealous. We're not together anymore. But I can still want what's best for you, and that little tramp is NOT worth your time."

"What?" He didn't understand.

I sighed. "I was happy for you that you found Adrienne. She's got a checkered past, but she's a special, special girl. I know how dearly she loves you and most important to me, she wants what's best for YOU. THAT was a good relationship. If the two of you somehow lasted and got married and all that, I would have been able to accept you being with her. She is good enough for you."

Ben blinked, just trying to process what I was saying,

"And of course I'm happy for DJ. I love my baby sister and if you and she are meant to be together, then I can be happy for the both of you."

Ben just blinked again.

"And there are a lot of nice girls around you. Some of them are only in it for the sex, and that's fine. You make them happy, they make you happy, and everybody wins. But Paige always wanted more, and frankly I was never happy about you dating her."

"Huh?"

"That relationship was all one-way, Ben. She leeched off of you at every turn. Even before you two hooked up, she followed you around. You were her world, and even if you didn't love her, you devoted so much of your energy into protecting her and caring about her. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve you. And what did she do when it was over? She told you she'd be your friend and then the first chance she got, she ran away to some... punkass ... For fuck's sake, Ben, she was making cracks right AT you about fucking him. It proves that she never really loved you. She never really cared about you, or wanted what's best for YOU the way Adrienne did. She just obsessed about you like a fucking stalker until you finally got rid of her."

"What?"

"She wasn't good enough for you," I stated indignantly. "And I won't let her suck up any more of you than she already has!"

Ben frowned. "So what? You're the arbiter of who's good enough to be with me?"

"Yes!" I huffed, feeling the tears forming in my face. If he wasn't going to be with me then I'd be DAMNED if he ended up with someone I didn't approve of. "You're MY Ben!" I screamed.

Ben rubbed his temples like he had a massive migraine, my declaration clearly too much for a mere male to handle. But almost immediately, he took one look at me and decided that I was more in need of comfort. So he stepped forward, hugged me fiercely, and soothed, "Dawn ... Dawn..."

I realized that I'd let my emotions get the best of me, first with bitching about Paige and then getting all high and mighty over who was good enough for Ben. "I'm sorry," I apologized and looked up into Ben's face. He looked so handsome, so perfect, so ... well, he looked like my Ben. " I know I don't have any right to be — not anymore — but I'm jealous. Even if you're not my boyfriend, I want to spend so much time with you. You're my best friend. You've always been my best friend. And if some tramp isn't good enough for you, I don't want her taking you away from me."

"Dawn..."

I realized then, that even though I'd chosen Ryan, Ben would ALWAYS have a piece of my heart. We were linked at birth, and nothing in the universe could ever take that away. "I love you, Ben. I always have. And I always will," I said sincerely.

"I know. I love you, too," he replied in the same tone. And then, unexpectedly, he bent to kiss me.

I felt my breath taken away when his mouth covered mine. It wasn't a kiss of passion. It wasn't a kiss of lust. It was just a kiss of love, the timeless love that had bonded Ben and me since we were first born. I realized that I hadn't felt him kiss me on the lips since camp, well over a year ago. That tender touch filled me with a joy I hadn't felt in a long time, and gave me a total sense of completion. And we stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a long, long time.

"Ahem," a new voice cut in.

Shit! Ryan! I jerked away from Ben, and we turned to see my boyfriend standing not five feet away, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Oh, hey babe." I hurriedly pulled away from Ben and looked at my boyfriend nervously. I reached a hand up to wipe away my tears and quickly pressed myself against Ryan's broad chest, whimpering softly.

Thankfully, Ryan accepted me warmly, hugging me back as if I hadn't just been kissing Ben. Still, there was no doubting that he'd seen us, and after I got myself under control, I pulled my head up and looked into his blue eyes. "I'm sorry about that, babe. I'll explain on the way home."

Ryan nodded and held my cheeks, looking deep into my eyes. I filled them with all my love for him, reminding him that yes, I DID love him. And he wrapped his arms around me.

I'd tell him about running into Paige, and the state she was in. I'd tell him that I'd gotten upset and started crying. I'd tell him that Ben kissed me for comfort, nothing more. All of these things were true. And because Ryan loved me, I knew he'd believe me.

But I wouldn't tell him how much I loved Ben's kiss.

NOVEMBER 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and DJ." I squeezed Ben's hand and patted his shoulder.

It was Monday morning and we were sitting on a bench by Memorial Glade, just outside the Main Library. After spending the weekend hiding out inside the house with Dayna, Brandi, and Adrienne, Ben had finally told me the story of his breakup with my little sister. I was disappointed he hadn't come to me sooner. After all, wasn't I his best friend? But now wasn't the time to be harsh on Ben. He was hurting enough as it was.

Ben sighed in resignation, seemingly at peace with what happened. He wasn't happy, but at least he wasn't moping about it. "It's okay," he said. "You were right though: It would have been weird if you ended up my sister-in-law."

"Still," I said sympathetically. "Breakups are never easy."

Ben leaned into my hand on his shoulder and chuckled. "Actually, I think your mom took it harder than I did."

I cracked up at that and looked off into the distance. "Yeah ... Mom still has it in her head that you're going to marry one of her daughters and give her grandkids that unite our two families." I grinned. "Guess Dayna's her last hope."

Ben snorted at that and arched an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

I laughed and nodded. "I never told you but Mom got really mad when I agreed to move in with Ryan. Don't get me wrong, she likes the guy. But he's not you. And I don't think she realized how serious I was with him until I moved in. And then she got really happy when you and DJ hooked up."

Ben chuckled. "I always wondered about that. She was a lot more ... permissive ... with me and DJ than she was with me and you."

I shrugged. "Well, you guys are older now. And Mom let us get away with a LOT of stuff when we were just 13 or 16 or whatever."

"Yeah, well, it's a moot point now. Maybe you can check in with DJ later and see how permissive your Mom is with DJ's next boyfriend."

I rubbed Ben's shoulder sympathetically and said, "Hey, there's still a chance that it'll be you."

Ben arched an eyebrow. "Ah, did you miss the part where I explained how we'd broken up?"

I shrugged. "I didn't say right away. But when DJ gets over you and decides she's ready to date again — which between you and me won't be until AFTER she gets her college acceptance letters — she may very well decide she wants another shot with you. The real you."

I sighed. "Maybe ... maybe not. DJ was right about one thing, I never really got to know her all that well. All I was thinking was 'DJ Evans: Dawn's hot little sister who's had a crush on me forever'. It's a very appealing concept to a guy."

"A more appealing concept than 'Dawn: Best Friend Forever who wants you back'?" I arched an eyebrow with a teasing smirk on my face.

Ben leveled his gaze at me, with an intensity that made my heart tighten. "Don't even fucking kid about that," he practically growled.

I blinked a few times and apologized, "Sorry, sorry." I put my head down, biting my lip. I wondered if I WAS kidding about that. I was committed to Ryan. But every now and again, yeah, I wanted Ben back.

We were both silent for a long while, and then Ben looked up at The Campanile to check the time. I looked up as well to find that we'd spent our whole break talking about this.

Standing up, Ben leaned back to me and offered his hand to help me up. "Come on. Let's get to class."

Exactly WHAT did Ben get up to at that Halloween party Adrienne took him to? A very pretty Filipina girl and two other freshman hotties were ALL over Ben before Microecon. They only scattered when Professor Ice showed up and glared at them. And they weren't even the first girls to come hit on him. Seemingly every day, there was at least one random girl stopping by to flirt. One, a tall, gorgeous strawberry-blonde girl with electric green eyes managed to get Ben's head turned so much that he would have walked into a bush if I didn't jerk him back.

I rolled my eyes. Just when I started to worry about Ben's mental state after a bad breakup, he always had his own way of recovering.

Neoclassical economics holds that when each individual maximizes their utility, the utility of society is also maximized. This requires that individuals' utilities can be summed (i.e. individual utilities are additive).

"How do you DO that?" I snorted and turned around in Ben's lap to look down at him, annoyance in my gaze.

Ben craned his head around my shoulder to look at the monitor and confirm that he'd typed that perfectly. Then he smirked up at me. "It's a gift."

"Yeah, well I think you have too many 'gifts'," I sighed and turned myself to the side so we could better talk to each other. I then kicked one leg over his head so that we were face-to-face, my feet resting on the floor on either side of the chair. "You can type without looking. You can recall every damn thing you read and ace your tests with ease. And you can eat all those fatty foods without gaining any weight. I hate you."

Rather than respond to my statements, sex-addled Ben lightly thrust his hips upwards, digging the front of his jeans into my crotch. "Yeah, and I can take a girl from zero to climax in under a minute," he bragged. "That's one 'gift' you haven't experienced in a long time."

"Stop that," I admonished, lightly slapping his cheek without any actual force. Ben hadn't given me that little gift in a LONG time, and the brief thought about it sent a tingle up my spine. I breathed deeply and fought away the momentary arousal.

"Sorry," Ben replied sincerely, realizing that what he'd done was not appropriate. "It's a good thing Ryan's not around to see that."

"Oh, he knows we won't do anything," I said dismissively, choosing not to think too much about it.

"Maybe," Ben pressed. "But speaking as a guy, there's always a niggling of doubt no matter how sure you are."

"Ffppt. My boyfriend is secure in who he is and in how much I love him," I declared, working to convince myself more than Ben. Ryan really DID trust me not to do anything. I'd kept my word this long and given him no significant reason to believe that would change.

"Besides, we all know that just getting laid isn't exactly a problem for you right now." I smirked and then reached down to tap the bulge in Ben's jeans.

Ben smirked right back, the shit-eating grin of a well-fucked young man. "True," he admitted.

"What's up with that, anyways?" I sighed, giving him a tired look. I wasn't trying to keep track, but as far as I could tell, Ben was spending every single day over at the Tri-Delt house. And from what hints Adrienne would tell me, they were with a different girl (or girls) almost every time.

"What's up with what?"

"You. Screwing around. I mean, I know you're horny, but you've never been quite this much of a slut before."

Ben frowned. "Slut?"

I giggled and patted Ben's shoulder condescendingly. "Yes, Ben; you're a slut. How many different girls have you slept with since you and DJ broke up?"

"How many? Uh..." Ben fidgeted, and I watched the gears turning as he struggled to add them up.

I giggled almost immediately. "Too many to count?"

"Hey, gimme a second," he protested.

"What, like a dozen? In a month?"

"No! Not that many."

"You sure?"

Ben bit his lip, once again trying to calculate the total. If it took him this long to even get started, then the count certainly had to be pretty high.

"Forget it. You already proved my point."

"What point?"

I shrugged. "You're a slut. Accept it. I'm not criticizing you for it. Just stating the fact."

"Okay fine. So?"

"You feel happier?"

"Yeah. Kinda." Ben's shit-eating grin was back. "Makes me think that maybe I'm better off not getting involved in a relationship with anybody. Why go through all the headaches and drama of a girlfriend? I'm getting laid. I've got time to focus on my schoolwork. And I've got more time to spend with you and the rest of the crew. Yeah. I'm happy."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Sometimes I feel like we're sharing the same brain. But then sometimes, I don't understand you at all."

He arched an eyebrow questioningly.

Sighing, I stood up and got ready to kick my leg over Ben's head to turn away. But the instant I lifted free of his legs, Ben wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back down into his lap.

"Oof," I huffed in surprise, and realized his bulge was against my crotch again. Ben stared at me, his eyes liquid and intense. Confused, I looked right back at him, wondering why he'd pulled me back down. And his hand edged further up my back while he pressed his chest against mine, hugging me firmly.

It felt like Ben was hugging me for a long, long time. Our eyes stayed locked together. And as great as this felt, I was a little weirded out by Ben's intensity. So softly, I asked, "Ben ... What are you doing?"

As if only now becoming aware of the situation, Ben blinked rapidly and released me abruptly. He rolled the chair back, separating us from the desk and with his hands on my hips, he helped me stand up. "Sorry," Ben mumbled. "I don't know what came over me."

I looked at him with a curious expression on my face. "It's okay. No harm done."

Ben turned and got out of the chair, gesturing for me to drop back into it. And without a backwards glance he headed to his bed.

I sat back down on the chair, but I didn't roll back up to the computer. I stared at Ben, wondering what was going through his mind. Even though his bulge had been pressed up against my crotch, his embrace didn't feel sexual. If anything, he just seemed to need ... a hug: a simple, affectionate, undemanding hug. All those girls ... all that sex ... but he still needed a plain, simple hug.

"What?" he asked, and I realized I was staring at him.

I bit my lip and then took a deep breath. Still contemplating that little revelation, I replied quietly, "Nothing." And then I turned and rolled back up to the keyboard.

We resumed our work. Ben looked into his textbook and I stared at the screen. And I worried whether or not my best friend was truly happy.

NOVEMBER 27, 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Dayna, Brandi, Adrienne, Ben, and I all headed down to my family's house for Thanksgiving. And once we got there, it was amazing to see how much things had changed for all of us.

First, DJ had seemed to grow up quite a bit since I'd seen her last, which was only in August. It took me a second to realize she'd taken her hair out of the braids, and for the first time, I could see her being on-campus at Berkeley with us next year. She wasn't just a kid anymore. Hell, she was a half-inch taller than ME, with bigger boobs even.

Adrienne was single now, more concerned with the sorority and with her burgeoning modeling career than in finding another boyfriend OR girlfriend.

Ben was playing with his Tri-Delts and avoiding anything that seemed serious.

Brandi was talking to my mom about how her relationship with Matt was falling apart.

And Dayna cracked, "Seriously, who ever thought I'd be the one in the stable, committed relationship?"

We all got a chuckle out of that. And I thought about my own relationship with Ryan. We were as stable and as in love as ever. And yet, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing in my life.

Specifically, even though Ben and I seemed comfortable in our roles as best friends, there still seemed to be a disconnect between us. It wasn't that I thought we NEEDED to be romantically involved, but I did miss some of the intimate closeness we used to have when we were younger. It always felt like I was trying to hide my relationship with Ryan from Ben, so as not to hurt him. And I didn't like hiding ANYTHING from Ben.

It all came to a head that night. I was chatting with DJ, mostly about Ben, when the man himself arrived and joined in the conversation. We talked about his recent slutty behavior, and when he protested a lack of any need for real intimacy, I found myself getting rather pissed off. At the time, I didn't know why, but we got it worked out later that night.

I apologized for losing my temper. He accepted it when I explained that I realized I WAS a little jealous. I wasn't jealous that he was fucking other girls (not really), but I was jealous that he was spending so much time fucking around and not coming to me post-DJ. He was my best friend and yet, he wasn't opening up and sharing with me, even though I was trying to make myself available to him.

It wasn't that he was obligated to do so. But I felt like we were losing our old connection, our comfortable intimacy. For Ben not to automatically come and share meant that we weren't as close as I wanted us to be. And finally, I told him, "I want to change that, Ben."

"Change what?"

"I want to talk to you. I want to share with you," I said with heartfelt emotion. "I feel like we've drifted so far apart over this last year and a half."

"Last year and a half?" Ben arched an eyebrow. "Two years ago we were 500 miles apart. The last year and a half has been the first time we could really spend a lot of daily time together."

I grinned. "I'm not talking about time. I'm talking about being close to my best friend, being close to my Ben. We may not be a couple anymore, but I want to get back that feeling of intimacy with you. It doesn't have to be sexual intimacy. But that personal ... closeness ... Do you know what I mean?"

Ben smiled and nodded. For the past few weeks, he hadn't been close to anyone. He claimed he didn't need it, but now we both recognized that missing part of his life.

I continued. "I want to share what I'm going through with Ryan. I feel like he and I have reached this really important turning point in our relationship; something that will change the rest of my life. And I'd love to be able to share that with you, to talk it out with you."

Ben smiled and got off the chair, moving over to the bed and sitting sideways on the edge just in front of me. "And I want to share what I'm going through right now," he replied warmly. "I bluster a lot about being Mister Independent and living the ultimate male fantasy. But yeah, I'm still not sure what I'm doing. I want to be happy, not just get laid; and I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. It's still too soon for me to think about a relationship. I know I don't want to rebound and I'm not sure what I should be looking for in another girlfriend anyways. But I'd love to be able to share what I'm feeling with you."

NOW he got me. I broke into a delighted smile, feeling whole and complete for the first time in a long while. Was this it? Was this when Ben and I finally found a harmony with each other again? Maybe it wasn't sexual, but it was something special nonetheless.

With a little giggle, I raised a hand and touched Ben's cheek, brushing it with my fingertips gently. It felt like I was seeing him for the first time. "I missed you, Ben. I know we've been seeing each other almost every day, but I missed you. I missed the Ben I loved at summer camp."

"I missed you, too. I missed ... my Dawn," he said warmly, sending tingles up and down my spine.

"I'm right here, now," I said softly and leaned towards him. "You don't need to be Mister Independent. You've got me right by your side."

Ben took my hands in his and squeezed them gently. "And I'm right here, now. I'll always be here for you."

My smile got bigger and a happy tear rolled down my cheek. Impulsively, Ben darted forward and kissed the tear away, his lips lingering just an extra second against my skin.

I felt a flush of passion surge through me and my crotch started tingling. With just a peck on my cheek, Ben had gotten me from zero to scorching hot. And yet, it wasn't totally sexual. It felt... sensual. How did he have this effect on me?

Another tear rolled down my other cheek. Ben quickly darted around and kissed that one away as well. It felt so natural. I turned my face fractionally toward him. He brought his face in line with mine. And then moving forward, our lips met together.

It wasn't a kiss of passion. It wasn't a kiss of lust. It was just a kiss of love, the timeless love that had bonded Ben and I since we were first born. The touch of his lips filled me with a joy I hadn't felt in a while, and this time there was no Ryan to stop by and cause us to awkwardly split apart.

I pressed a little harder and felt Ben push in to match me. He tilted his head to the side and probed forward with his tongue. I parted my lips for him, for my Ben, and touched his tongue with my own. And as our kiss deepened I felt the waves of absolute bliss and contentment filling my soul.

This was my Ben.

This was the way things were meant to be.

But not yet.

I pulled back and quickly moved up to peck Ben's nose. I was crying again, but this time in full happiness. I KNEW it. I FELT it. Ben and I were BACK. It didn't mean I loved Ryan any less. My Ben existed outside of normal rules. I could love my boyfriend and share this eternal bond with Ben. He went above friendship and above family. He was simply unique.

Still, unique or not, Ryan would NOT be happy if I made love to Ben right now. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't let myself do that, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from him. I giggled and said, "We should probably stop before this gets out of hand. I have a boyfriend, remember?"

Ben groaned and when I looked down, I saw that he was rock hard. My Ben was hard ... for me. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. But he loved me enough not to push. So he backed up and nodded, saying simply, "I love you, my Dawn."

"I love you too, my Ben."

And then I looked past Ben's ear to see DJ leaning against the doorjamb. I smiled, knowing that even if I couldn't take care of Ben's erection, my little sister could. I was happy for both of them and jealous of neither. I loved them both.

Even if I couldn't get laid tonight, at least I knew Ben and I had found our specialness again.

DECEMBER 15, 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

Ben shrugged. "Jocelyn. Man that girl has a tight pussy. But that only came after all three girls swore not to publicly announce who was first. All three of them are going to Leighton today to take credit."

I felt a dampness between my legs as I pictured Ben amongst the three Tri-Delt pledges. I had to admit, I was a little jealous I couldn't be one of them. "So you fucked all three of them?"

Ben snorted. "Of course."

"Your first black girl?"

He nodded. "All girls are the same on the inside," Ben drawled with waggling eyebrows.

"And was Andie as big of a freak as you thought?" My breathing was getting shallow.

"Freakier." Ben chuckled and shook his head as if even HE couldn't believe what he'd done.

I then leaned in closer and rubbed my nose against his ear, panting lightly. "Make any of them pass out?"

Ben grinned. "All three of them," he intoned in a low, smug voice.

"Ohhh..." I moaned, her jaw quivering. Damn, I just had a little orgasm. I leaned against Ben, my legs a little shaky. "Fuck, I wish I was there to see it."

"I would have liked to have you there," Ben said quietly, holding me firmly against his side.

I looked up at the handsome devil, my eyes shining. "I think you'd like to 'have' me, period."

He blinked and stared right back. "You know I would."

I took a deep breath and sighed, exhaling very, very slowly as a way of letting out her sexual tension. I wanted him to have me. It wasn't that Ryan was leaving me lacking. Ryan was very good to me in bed. But a side-effect of opening up to Ben and having us share everything with each other was that he told me about quite a few of his sexual exploits. It was almost like watching porn, quite the turn- on to hear about and fantasize that I was in the middle of one of his orgies. And it was especially arousing because I could REMEMBER being in the middle of one of his orgies. Whatever emotional hang-ups my Ben had, he certainly knew how to make a girl feel damn good.

But I shook away the feelings. Besides, my mini-orgasm had taken the edge off. And when I'd calmed down, I merely went up on my tiptoes and pecked Ben lightly on the lips, then looked back down and resumed walking.

"Come on," I said. "I want to get to Professor Ice before her office hours get too crowded."

DECEMBER 18, 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"You did what?" I scowled at my boyfriend.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you before Ben told you himself," Ryan sighed. "I didn't want to get into a fight about it."

"Well you're gonna BE in a fight if you don't explain 'I confronted Ben and asked him to back off you a bit'," I screeched.

Ryan sighed. "Look, I'm SORRY. I can't help it. I don't LIKE it when you two are all over each other. He turns you on, Dawn. I know what you look like when you're aroused."

"But we'll never DO anything!"

"How do I know that?"

"We've never DONE anything!" I protested.

"So far," Ryan growled. "Freshman year was one thing. He was with Adrienne and Paige the whole time. But he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore."

"He's got the Tri-Delts. Getting laid is NOT one of Ben's problems."

"Still..." Ryan huffed. "Things are ... different ... between you two. Ever since Thanksgiving, you've been closer. You've been more affectionate. You two are touching each other all the freaking time and I'm NOT the only one to notice!"

"We're just FRIENDS, Ryan."

"Fine. Tell me this: If you had the chance to sleep with him without consequence, would you?"

"WHAT?"

"I'm serious!" Ryan thundered, his face red. "What would happen? Would you fuck him if you could?"

"Ryan!"

"I mean it! Dawn ... Dawn ... I don't know if I can handle this anymore. I love you. I LOVE you. But I just ... I just don't know what would happen if you did."

"So what, you're telling me you WANT me to sleep with him?" I looked agog at my boyfriend.

"YES! I mean NO! I ... I ... I don't know!" he crumbled and buried his head in his hands, squeezing as if he could pry his brain out and throw it away so he wouldn't have to think about this anymore.

"Ryan, please, babe." I was quickly hugging my boyfriend. I wrapped my arms around him and stroked him soothingly. "I love you. I CHOSE you. Please know that I would NEVER cheat on you."

He breathed shallowly for what felt like ten minutes. And in the end, he simply reached his hand up to hold my wrist while he turned red-rimmed eyes around to me. I pulled back in surprise. In the whole time I'd known him, I'd NEVER seen Ryan cry. Not once.

"It'll never happen, Ryan. I promise you," I told him reassuringly. "Never happen."

He seemed to calm with my words, and I continued stroking his back and arms gently. But there was a tension in my own hands now.

If the opportunity came to fuck Ben, just once, without consequence, hell YES I would go for it.

DECEMBER 19, 2003, SOPHOMORE YEAR

"So who's it gonna be tonight?"

"Hmm?" Ben looked up from the bottles in front of himself. It was the Friday night after the end of finals, and as usual, the house was about to become party central. Ben and I were setting up the temporary bar and getting everything organized.

I nudged him with my hip. "You know. Who's gonna be the lucky girl ... or girls ... that are going to share your bed on the last night of the semester? I was talking guest list with Dayna and it seems like every girl you're sleeping with is gonna be here. So which ones?"

Secretly, I hoped he'd answer 'You, Dawn'. But I knew he wouldn't say that, and sure enough, he drawled, "How the hell should I know? If it's really up to me, I'll grab a blue pill from Adrienne and bring 'em ALL into my bedroom."

I smirked at him and on impulse, reached forward and tousled Ben's hair. He smiled happily, but a second later darted his gaze to my right, where Ryan was helping Kevin Weiss move the furniture back in preparation for tonight's End of the Year party.

Ben warded my hand away.

I sighed and said, "This is ridiculous, Ben. I'm not going to start second-guessing myself every time I want to reach out and touch you."

"I don't like it either, but I don't want to piss off your boyfriend."

"He's a big boy. He can handle it. He's BEEN handling it."

Ben sighed. "Every man has his limits. And I'm sure he's been particularly stressed this last semester. You said his grades weren't what he'd hoped."

"He's working hard, but this stuff just doesn't come as naturally to him as us. It's why he ended up at Junior College first. But he's still going to graduate on time and as long as he gets his diploma, he'll be able to get a job."

"I dunno. Now's not exactly a good time to go into the Telecom industry. Especially around here."

"He'll be fine," I said stubbornly. "But you're right. It's just a momentary thing. Come next semester I'm sure everything'll go back to normal."

"I hope," Ben said, sliding his hand across the countertop to cover mine. He interlaced his fingers over mine and squeezed gently. "It's only been a day and I already miss these little touches."

A pleasant little tingle shot up my arm from where he was touching me. I squeezed back and set the last bottle with my other hand. "I know. Me, too." Then I stepped behind Ben to exit the enclosed temporary bar. But on the way, I stopped and checked to see if my boyfriend was looking in our direction. And when I was sure the coast was clear, I leaned down to the back of Ben's neck and kissed it tenderly.

"Promise you'll find me tonight, Ben," I whispered into his ear. "At least hold me in your arms for one dance so I can fantasize about you for a little while."

Ryan held me in his arms. We'd been dancing together, my big, strong boyfriend holding me close during the slow songs and not letting go of me during the fast ones. He looked down at me in adoration, his crystal clear blue eyes penetrating deep into my heart.

I like adoration. Adoration is a good thing. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Ryan was good at that. He always made me feel safe and loved. Day in, day out, I could always count on him to be totally devoted to me. He was patient whenever I got into a hysterical mood. He listened as well as Ben, if not more. Okay, so he wasn't so great about opening up and telling me HIS thoughts and feelings — he WAS a pretty conditioned macho man — but he treated me like a lady, with respect and politeness. And despite his supposed machismo, he never once tried to take the upper hand in our relationship. It was as if he knew he was under my spell and at my mercy. Even that bit of control over the relationship was kinda nice.

He was there for me every single day. Yeah, I had my momentary little fantasies about hooking up with Ben, being swept away for a few blissful moments of passion. But Ryan was pretty close to the perfect boyfriend.

I left my perfect boyfriend to head to the bathroom. Drinking does that to a person. On the way out, I waved to Ryan who was standing in the living room, waiting for me. And I saw Gwen nearby, dancing with a pretty cute guy.

I had no warning. One moment, I was passing by Gwen making a teasing comment about the guy she was dancing with. The next, an arm was around my waist and I felt myself quite literally being dragged off my feet.

"Ben!" I squeaked when I realized who'd grabbed me. He slammed and locked the door before throwing me across his bed. I flopped onto my back with my legs in the air. And before I realized what was happening, Ben had broken my thong panties and ripped them off me, leaving my naked pussy on display.

Shouts and the sounds of a doorknob being twisted were accompanied by banging on the door. Ryan's voice yelled and a louder banging followed, the hinges straining as I think he rammed his shoulder into the door as well.

"BEN!" I screamed and slapped his cheek.

His head rotated from the vicious slap. And his eyes went wide with recognition before he rolled away and sat up on the edge of the mattress, his heels perched on the bed frame while he buried his face in his hands. "Oh, SHIT!" he gasped in shock.

But I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. I raced to the bedroom door, tore open the lock, and flung the door open. Ryan was panting in the doorway with Adrienne right behind him. "Did he hurt you?" Ryan roared.

Before Ryan could rush into the room, I squawked, "No! I'm fine! I'm fine!" As casually as I could, I ran my right hand through my hair and smoothened out the hem of my dress with my left, making sure it was low enough to cover my naked crotch. "I didn't realize we'd locked the door. It's okay. Nothing's happening. Ben's just really upset right now and he needed to talk to me."

"About what?" Ryan barked, seething through clenched teeth.

"Paige just left with some random guy," Adrienne put in quickly. "Ben had pulled her into his room, no doubt to try and talk some sense into her. You've seen her lately, Ry; the girl's pretty fucked up right now. I guess Ben didn't get through to her and as you can see, he's pretty shaken." Adrienne was gesturing to Ben now, where he was almost shivering and staring wild-eyed.

I sighed and looked back at Ben with concern.

"I thought..." Ryan began. "I thought..."

I shook my head, my mind racing. "No. Nothing like that." I injected all the calm I could muster into my voice, as if I was on top of things and knew exactly what I was doing, even though I didn't. "Look, I still need to talk to him. He's my best friend and he's hurting right now. But if it'll make you feel better, we'll leave the door wide open, okay? It's loud enough out there that I think we'll still have enough privacy. You can look in whenever you want, okay?"

Ryan scowled and didn't look too happy, but with the door open he didn't really have anything to complain about. He exhaled slowly and then nodded. "Fine, fine." Then he pointed at the door. "Just don't ever do... this ... to me again."

I sighed and shook my head. "Ryan, if we were going to sleep together, we've had a zillion opportunities already. It's not going to happen. ReLAX."

I held my breath then, wondering if the whole charade had worked. I knew DAMN well it wasn't as simple as a misunderstanding. Something had triggered Ben. And there was something beneath the surface such that he'd gone after ME, even with Gwen right next to me.

Fortunately, Ryan bought it. He pouted unhappily, but in the end he simply hugged me and gave me a firm kiss. And when he released me, I very deliberately went and opened Ben's bedroom door completely wide open.

Adrienne then hooked her arm through Ryan's elbow and guided the big guy back into the party. The sound of girls whooping from outside soon filled the air. And then I turned back to Ben, exhaling slowly in relief.

That was fucking CLOSE.

On the way back to Ben, I spied the baby blue wad on the floor that was my thong. I glanced back at the doorway to make sure no one was looking, then squatted and used my body to block the view while snatching up my torn panties. I quickly walked over to Ben's dresser and dropped the panties into the top drawer. Sighing with relief, I turned and glared at Ben. "I hope to HELL he didn't see THOSE."

Ben just winced and looked down between his feet. He looked almost as bad as last semester, when Adrienne and Paige had both broken up with him and I'd been so upset that I walked away from him.

Feeling sorry for him, I moved to join him on top of the bed, sitting upright with my legs folded beneath me and to the right, so that my dress covered my naked crotch and upper thighs. I then reached over and touched his shoulder. "Ben? Are you okay?"

He grimaced and looked forlornly back at me. "Clearly not. I just tried to rape you."

"No you didn't." I shook my head.

"You had to slap me to get me to stop."

I bit my lip. "Well, there was that. But you weren't forcing me. You weren't holding my wrists down or anything like that. You were just ... getting ready to fuck me."

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered pitifully.

"Shh ... It's okay," I soothed while stroking his head. The simple fact was: Ben could never rape me. You can't rape someone who wants it to happen. And if Ben ever wanted just to take me, I knew deep down that I wouldn't resist him. I sighed and said, "I've seen how you can get. It's not like this is the first time you've just sorta ... snapped."

He squeezed his eyes shut and hunched back over.

Dawn sighed and kept rubbing my shoulder. "Was Adrienne right? Were you just in here with Paige?"

He moaned and nodded, a mournful tone in his voice.

We talked for a couple of minutes about her. I reminded Ben that Paige wasn't his responsibility and that we all left for Winter Break tomorrow. There was nothing he could do.

But the simple fact was that he truly WANTED to do something. For whatever reason, he cared about the little shit. Yeah, she used to adore him and worship him and I knew she fed his White Knight complex, but when it boiled down to it, everything she wanted was for her benefit and not his. I couldn't understand why he couldn't see that, but he still cared. And he physically ached inside to see Paige in her current state.

I thought about things for a long while before making my decision. I wouldn't like it, but I would do it. Why? Because this was Ben. "Okay," I began. "Here's the plan. We're just going to get through tomorrow. It's your last night and there're a couple dozen girls out there who want to show you a good time. Just enjoy this and forget about Paige for one night. Then you'll go home and live your life. And when we come back to school, I promise I'll do whatever I can to help you make things right."

He sat up straight and looked at me in surprise. "Really?"

I smiled and nodded. "Really."

"I must say I'm surprised. You've always said she was just a little bitch asking for trouble and not worth my time."

I shrugged. "Maybe she still is. But what matters is that you're not happy. And I HATE seeing you not happy. This isn't about getting you laid or some romantic complication. This is just something else causing you grief and if I can help, I will. That's what best friends do."

Ben smiled at me with hope, enough energy to make ME feel really good inside. "You mean it?"

I smiled right back and nodded. And then he quickly leaned forward and wrapped me up in a big hug. "Thank you, Dawn. Thank you."

"Always, my Ben," I said softly. Anything for you, I thought. ANYTHING. Because I'll always love you.

Ben and I finally emerged, just in time for a sweet slow dance. The party had been running full tilt for a couple of hours, and everyone seemed to need the momentary break from the loud noise and screaming. Quickly, couples paired off and started undulating to the music like long grass in the wind. And smiling, my handsome best friend held his arms open to me.

Ben held me close, letting me rest my cheek against his shoulder while he wrapped his arms around my waist. I could tell he was consciously keeping his hands north of the equator in case Ryan was watching. Together, we swayed back and forth, remembering the old days when holding each other so intimately was a commonplace event.

One song gave way to two. But midway through the second, Ben stopped abruptly. I turned to see my boyfriend standing beside us.

"Mind if I cut in?" Ryan asked neutrally, his face guarded. Ben simply nodded and handed me off, letting our fingers linger for just a second longer than necessary.

Almost instantaneously, Adrienne slid up and wrapped herself around Ben. And with a happy smile from each of us, we finished out the rest of the dance with our more "usual" partners.

But as soon as it was over, Ryan pulled me away to sit down and talk. I thought of going to borrow Adrienne's bedroom or something if he wanted someplace private, but Robin intercepted us part way, with Gwen in tow.

"Dawn! Dawn!" Robin said excitedly as she ran up. The pretty brunette pushed her glasses up her nose and squirmed as if she couldn't stand still. She was clearly quite drunk, and her eyes roved quite obviously up and down Ryan's spectacular body. He was wearing a rugby-striped polo that clung to his V- shaped torso, showing off his muscles, and if I didn't know any better I'd have thought the girl was going to proposition him right then and there.

I wasn't very far from the truth. Robin glanced at Gwen and then returned back to me with an impish grin. "Remember that game we found on Telegraph?" she asked me with more than a hint of naughtiness.

I arched an eyebrow and looked at her funny for a few seconds before it hit me. The swinging game. "You're not serious!" I stammered.

Gwen nodded, a gleam in her eyes. "Like a heart attack."

"Robin!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, come onnn," the young brunette moaned. "This is the last night of the year. I'm drunk and I'm horny and what better night to try this? I'm game. Bert's game. Gwen's game. It's really just up to you guys and Ben. Mmm ... Bennn..." Robin purred as if she'd just moaned the word 'chocolate... '

I glanced at Ryan for a moment, my boyfriend giving me a look of utter and complete cluelessness as to what we were talking about it. I measured him and looked back at Robin. He had his fantasies, but we'd talked about this since Dayna's Blindfold Party over a year ago: Only him. Only me. Monogamous and happy about it. I shook my head and answered with conviction, "No way in hell."

"Why don't you ASK him?" Gwen waggled her eyebrows, eyeing my boyfriend like a piece of meat.

"Ask me what?" Ryan queried.

I squeezed my man's hand and looked at him. "It's nothing. It's a crazy game that Robin found but I already know you wouldn't-"

"It's a Swingers game!" Robin interrupted me cheerily. "You put together a few couples. You draw cards that tell you actions you have to do. And every now and again ... you switch partners!" Her eyes danced behind the glasses.

Ryan jerked his head back in surprise. I was already patting his arm, saying, "Like I was saying, babe, I already know you wouldn't want to-"

"Okay," Ryan interrupted me, nodding firmly at Robin. "Let's do it."

"YES!" Robin cheered. "Oh, let's all go to your guys' apartment!"

My jaw dropped and I gawked at my boyfriend. "Are you serious?"

"This game goes all the way, Ry," Gwen put in, both in warning and in invitation. She was excited and already thinking about fucking him.

"Fine. Let's do it," he said seriously. "Don't you want to do it, Dawn?"

My jaw flapped open and closed a couple of times like a fish out of water. I was so utterly and completely shocked that Ryan would want to do this that I had absolutely no idea what to even think.

He pulled me aside, just a few feet away from the girls and held my cheeks in his hands. "Look, I'm not stupid. I know you're loyal and I know you love me. But I know for a fact that Ben still gets your motor running, okay? I told you before I always wondered what would happen if you two finally did it again. Well, I'm giving you permission. I WANT you to do this. And don't even try to lie to me and say YOU don't want this."

My mouth just flapped open and shut a few more times. Seriously? Ryan wanted me to fuck Ben? My eyes were wide and I took a deep breath. He already saw it in my eyes. Yeah, I wanted to fuck Ben. I wanted to feel him thrusting into my body, giving me that pleasure I'd never felt with anyone else, not even Ryan. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my boyfriend. He was with me night and day, always attentive, always caring. I loved being loved. And I loved Ryan for it.

But no one had ever made me feel quite like Ben.

"Ryan," I stammered. "I would never want to hurt you-"

"That's not the point," he interrupted me. "Please, Dawn. I need this." He sighed. "Let me put it to you this way. I love you and you KNOW I would never cheat on you. But ... well, I'm a guy, alright? Yeah, I think Gwen is alluring and hot and I have my fantasies about her. I think Robin is very pretty and she has that sexy librarian thing DOWN and sometimes I want to just bend her over and ungh- ungh, you know?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

He nodded. "Robin's right. One night. Let's cut loose, okay? If it happens, it happens. And whatever happens, I'm okay with it."

"But this is Ben," I stated flatly, as if Ryan had forgotten.

Ryan's eyes hardened. "I know. And this is your shot. I want you to be happy Dawn. And at least for one night, I'm giving you permission. Don't tell me you don't want to."

I blushed and looked down. "I do," I answered quietly.

"Okay then. You go tell Robin. I'll talk to Ben."

Both my eyebrows popped up in surprise. "You will?"

He nodded. "I need to tell him myself." And then he turned and walked back into the crowd.

FINALLY. I knew Ben had been completely surprised when he realized what kind of game we were playing. Ryan had been so nervous he must have completely bungled the explanation, but the important thing was that we were here, now. And Ben was in the game.

Still, I couldn't BELIEVE it fucking took until Level Three to pair me up with him. Not that I minded making out with Ryan. And Bert was so adorably enraptured by my beauty. He was a good-looking guy himself, if a little shy and nervous around hot chicks. And it was a very nice compliment to have him turn into such malleable putty in my hands.

But the wait was worth it. My heart was racing as Ben's fingers went to my cheek. My hands went to his jaw and around the backs of his ears. And then the universe exploded as our lips found each other. Sparkles went off behind my eyes. My stomach flipped and then flipped a few more times. This was kissing. This was my BEN.

This was where my world made sense.

I didn't even try to grab at Ben's body. He was buck naked and I didn't need to grope him or take his throbbingly hard erection into my hands. I knew it was there. I knew I could have it. But this moment was about our kiss. The feel of our lips against each other, feeling the simple sense of... rightness ... in this intimate touch, was all we really needed. Ben was my soulmate. The kiss was just our reminder.

Things got a little more fun when a card ordered anyone who wasn't already buck naked to get stripped naked by their partner. Ben gleefully pulled away my bra and then suckled on my tits for a few seconds. I giggled and smacked his head playfully, telling him that wasn't in the rules. But then again, Gwen wasn't preventing Bert from doing the same thing. Robin was actually PULLING Ryan's head to her chest.

And then he pulled off my thong panties, soaked completely through with my arousal. Seeing them reminded me of the torn baby blue ones in Ben's dresser drawer. I wondered how I'd ever get them back. A part of me hoped he might keep them somewhere to cherish for all time.

But right now, I eagerly awaited the next card. Maybe they would tell me to bend over and inhale Ben's beautiful cock into my mouth. It certainly was 'beautiful'. Even Dayna had said so, a long time ago.

But then the fourth card landed. Everyone had to switch partners.

FUCK.

And adding insult to injury, the fifth card read: Orally pleasure your partner for five minutes.

DOUBLE FUCK.

"No more timers in Level Four. The card ends when you say it ends," Robin announced and then excitedly looked at Ryan.

The guy shuffled the Level Four cards and then patted them into a neat stack. Everyone tensed as Ryan grabbed up the top card and turned it over, saying in slightly shaky voice, "Fuck your partner right in front of everyone."

[SLAM!]

[THUMP!]

"Oof!"

I glanced over to see that Ben was flat on his back on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. Robin was straddling his stomach with her hands around his head as she frantically slammed her lips against his, huffing and puffing with urgent need. Finally she managed to squeak, "Please?"

Ben being Ben, he simply shifted them into position, let Robin put him in place, and then sank his brunette friend down around his prick. Ben's first fuck of the night, and it wasn't with me.

There was time.

I could tell that Bert was overeager. We'd been playing the game for over an hour and I was soaking wet. I was hot and horny and in no mood to put up with an overeager boy rabbit-fucking me. I needed cock in me, BADLY, but I needed to be fucked RIGHT. So I took charge by mounting his lap. I pressed my tits to Bert's face while his eyes simply went WIDE open. But before I actually impaled myself on him, I grabbed his head and looked into his eyes. "Hi, Bert."

"D- Dawn..." he moaned a little nervously.

"We're just friends, right? We can handle this, right?"

His eyes were still wide as he nodded hurriedly. "Of course."

I knew Bert, like any boy with a pussy hovering over his dick, would say anything to get inside. But I at least had to ask, "We're not gonna be weird with each other after this, are we?"

To his credit, Bert took a deep breath and looked at me seriously. His eyes weren't so wide and for a few seconds, his sense of honor won out over his shock. "Dawn, we'll be cool. Just friends."

I smiled wolfishly. That was all I needed. And then holding his dick in my hand, I spread my thighs and sat down, taking him all the way inside me.

"Holy SHIT!" Bert squeaked in disbelief. His eyes were back to being big and wide and full of adoration. I liked that. I liked a man worshipping me as if I were a goddess descended from on high. Ben always looked at me like that. Even after years and years of knowing each other, he stared at me as if I were the radiant sun that was a requirement for his day to exist.

And from a purely physical standpoint, Bert had a pretty nice dick, too. It was of a decent size, a little over six inches I figured from our previous playing. It wasn't Big Ben or even Ryan's turgid rod; but I wasn't a size queen and for such an enthralled and overwhelmed guy, Bert still knew how to use it pretty well. He didn't just sit there and let me do all the work. He used the springiness of the couch cushions to thrust himself up and into me. He licked my tits and suckled my nipples eagerly. And he even made a conscious effort to read my cues and learn from them. With some training, Bert could be a VERY good lover.

But he wasn't Ben. I was still fantasizing of that time.

In fact, if I closed my eyes and imagined that I was straddling my Ben, pushing my big tits into his face, feeling his thick manhood splitting my pussy, hearing his urgent grunting "Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!", then I could almost ... I could just feel...

"Ohhh, unnngghhh!" I moaned, fantasizing about fucking Ben, MY Ben. I was bouncing up and down the cock inside me rapidly. I was absolutely smothering my man's face in my cleavage. And I gripped the back of the couch as leverage for my spastic lunges. So close. So close. Oh, Ben! Can you feel me? Can you feel how hot I am for you? Can you feel how much I want you? Yes! Yes! I'm cumming. And then I moaned out loud, "I'm cumming!"

"Mmphh!!!" Bert mumbled beneath me. I knew it was Bert, but that was fine. I was getting what I needed, and Bert was a good enough friend for me to feel happy about this. I wouldn't regret fucking him.

And there it was. My pussy muscles were spasming in orgasm when I felt the jets of spunk splashing against my insides. Even though Bert had already cum once tonight, he still had a pretty healthy load to give me. I figured it was because he was so revved up, knowing that he was fucking ME. And with that compliment, I groaned and rode out the rest of my orgasm as well.

And then I heard Robin squeal, "Oh, FUUUCK!"

"Urrgh-NOW!" Ben grunted immediately after.

"OH, FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!" Robin howled, even louder than before. I craned my head around to watch Ben pound Robin right into the floor, his hips thrust all the way forward between the pretty brunette's open thighs and her back arching up and off the floor.

And then, just like I'd a LOT of girls seemed to do with Ben, Robin passed out.

Chuckling to myself, I lifted off of Bert's deflating cock and flopped over to sit down next to him. I saw that Gwen had pulled Ben's face to hers for a steamingly hot kiss. And I realized that despite having just cum, I was hornier than ever.

Robin had gotten to feel Ben fucking her and passed out from overwhelming pleasure. Gwen was carving out the insides of his mouth with her tongue.

I wanted to be next. And I'm sure my eyes communicated that unbridled lust quite clearly when he finally turned around to look at me.

Soon, my Ben. Soon.