157 Chapter 8: Unexpected ll

"I'm not staying," my little sister insisted the moment I walked through her bedroom door in my pajamas, DJ trailing after me.

"Brooke..." I sighed wearily, stepping forward enough so that DJ could close the door behind us and give us some extra privacy. We three were the only ones in the house, but I think everybody felt more comfortable with the door closed. And when it was fully shut, I looked over at my sister and asked, "I don't suppose this is a one-night thing and you'll be back in the morning, is it?"

My sister's look was answer enough. I didn't think so. The way DJ had said that Brooke was 'moving out', I'd instinctively known she meant permanently. Not looking at me, my sister tossed a couple of shirts into the suitcase she'd placed atop the bed. "I'm sorry. There's nothing you can say that's going to change my mind."

I scratched my head, wracking my brain for a workable argument. I still didn't know why she was moving out, so I couldn't attack those reasons head-on. But that didn't mean I was without other rationales. "It's Finals Week. Why don't you wait until the semester ends, and then you can pack up and ship out and everything when you last exam is over. Whatever else is going on, you don't need the hassle of moving when you're supposed to be studying like crazy."

Brooke shrugged. "I'm crashing with Meli and Lexi. I'll be studying with them all week, so it'll actually be easier for me to fall asleep over there instead of coming back to the house. As for packing, I'm just taking enough clothes and toiletries to get me through the week. I'll move the rest after my last final, just like you said."

I grimaced, trying to think of something more permanent. Suddenly, it hit me, and I gave her a know-it-all look, thinking that I'd just come up with an argument she couldn't refute. "Mom and Dad are spending a lot of money to feed and house us here."

But Brooke shook her head. "Meli and Lexi aren't charging me a thing. I'm just gonna help out around the apartment and do some cooking. You know neither of them can even microwave a hot dog. So it's not like this is going to cost Mom and Dad any more money."

I frowned, taking a deep breath before asking, "Why ARE you moving out?"

"Ask her," Brooke snapped sharply, her eyes intent on her luggage.

I turned around to see DJ grimacing as she tried to shrink into the wall behind her. Raising my eyebrows, I asked expectantly, "Deej?"

"She doesn't feel like she belongs here anymore," the blonde explained without really explaining anything.

I frowned and turned back to Brooke. "Belong here? You're my sister! This is the house that three generations of our families have lived in."

"Brandi, you, and I aren't three 'generations', dimwit," Brooke sassed. "And longevity is beside the point. Whatever this house was for the past several years or so, it's not my place anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

Rather than answer, she waved her hand dismissively and returned to packing. Her socks were the last thing to go in, and then she shut the lid.

I was still stuck on Brooke's last statement, that this wasn't her place anymore. And stepping forward, I splayed my hands out and said, "Brooke, please. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on. You're my sister, and I love you. This is our house, our family's house. If this isn't your place, then where is?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. All I know is that it's not here."

"Brooke--"

"My decision's made. Really, this will be easier for everyone." Brooke's gaze darted behind me, and her eyes hardened for a moment. But then she looked back at me and shrugged, explaining, "This'll just make it more convenient next semester since Meli and Lexi live really close to Vivian's place."

"But what about me? I'll never get to see you again."

"So? It's not like we've seen much of each other these last couple of weeks."

"What? We see each other all the time!"

"Do we?" Brooke's attention went behind me once again.

Confused, I backed up a step and turned so I could see Brooke and DJ at opposite ends of my peripheral vision. Although she'd come into the room, DJ had remained by the door, conspicuously keeping her distance from my little sister. And as the two girls stared at each other for a long few seconds, communicating a whole world of emotion with their eyes, I ventured cautiously, "Hey ... What's going on?"

Brooke shrugged. "I'm moving myself away from her."

I blinked twice. "Wait, what?"

Brooke's eyes narrowed and she practically sneered at DJ. "We're not friends anymore."

My jaw dropped again. "Wait, WHAT?"

"Oh, now we're not even friends? Brooke, you're overreacting," DJ sighed, now taking several steps toward us.

"Just, stay away from me, alright?" Brooke warned, holding a hand up.

"But you girls are best friends!" I exclaimed in confusion.

"Were. We were best friends." Brooke scowled. "Not anymore."

"One little argument doesn't mean you have to move out," DJ insisted.

"This isn't a little argument. This is something that's been growing and festering all year!"

"Wait a minute," I interjected. "This is that crack about me stealing your best friend, isn't it?"

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Gawd. Still so self-centered?" she growled at me. "This isn't about you, Ben."

"Isn't it?" DJ challenged.

"Ben is the object," Brooke clarified. "My problem is with you."

"With ME?" DJ groaned at the ceiling.

"You betrayed me."

"It's not a betrayal!!!" DJ shrieked.

"It is to ME!!!" Brooke yelled right back, loud enough for me to worry about neighbors.

"Fine!" DJ spat, flinging her arms out. "Yeah, well you know what? Maybe my problem is with YOU! Fuck, you should move out! Good riddance to a shitty friend!"

"DJ!" I exclaimed.

"Fuck it. I'm done with this." With a deep set frown, DJ marched over to the door, opened it, and stomped outside.

"Deej!" I called after her. Moments later, I heard an emphatic zipping noise and turned around to see Brooke closing up her suitcase.

"I'll be back for the rest at the end of the week," she stated, dragging the closed suitcase off the bed. Pulling up the telescoping handle, she rolled over to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "I do love you, big brother."

Hugging Brooke against my side, I looked down at her just in time for a quick peck on the lips. "You don't have to go."

"Yes I do," she replied firmly.

Brooke was every bit as stubborn as ever. I still didn't know exactly why she was leaving, apart from that DJ and her were having some sort of fight. But I did know that I wasn't going to get a straight answer out of either of the girls right now. So when Brooke pulled away from me, I let go of her and simply followed her to the front door.

When she pulled it open, I took one look outside and noted the darkness of the evening, deep shadows cast by the moonlight from up above. My big brother instincts kicked right in. "No way in hell you're walking out there alone tonight," I stated firmly, putting my arm across the doorway to block her exit.

"I'm going, whether you like it or not," my sister replied back to me in the same unflinching tone, reaching up to tug on my arm.

I raised my eyebrows, and then nodded with my head back into the house. "Just let me get my wallet and keys. I'll drive you to Meli's, alright?"

Brooke rolled her eyes and held up her own keys. "I've got the Corolla, remember?"

I blinked twice. "Oh ... right..."

Brooke looked out into the Berkeley night and then back down the hallway at DJ's closed bedroom door. Her hesitance made me wonder if she was re-thinking her plan to leave, wonder if maybe I could still talk her into staying. I still didn't know exactly WHY she was leaving, but there was no part of me that wanted to see my little sister leave my home. But after a deep breath, she sighed and nodded to me. "Alright. Thanks big brother."

"I love you. And even though we haven't seen much of each other lately, I'll always care about you."

She managed a small smile. "I know. I love you, too."

Brooke and I parted with a hug and my reminder that she could come home whenever she wanted. She assured me that she understood, but told me not to bet on it. She was 19 and still mad. I suppose I shouldn't have expected a different answer.

It was hard to watch my little sister drive away, leaving the nest as it were. I still felt that it was my job as an older brother to protect her, and even though I'd had very little supervision over her college lifestyle, it had to be easier to do that when she came home and slept under this roof most nights. But now she was gone, and I didn't know if she would ever return. Maybe this was just a blow-up, a fight gotten out of hand with her best friend. DJ and Brooke had way too much history to hate each other for very long. Just a week ago the three of us had gotten into an extremely fun threesome, with my girlfriend and me teaming up on Brooke, and I certainly hadn't seen any signs of discord then. Maybe this would all blow over, my sister would realize she was overreacting, and she'd move back in tomorrow.

But maybe not. And that was worrisome.

My mood now melancholy, it was hard to believe that an hour ago, my girlfriend and I were dancing up a storm at the Formal Ball, deliriously in love and on top of the world. Speaking of my girlfriend, it was time to get some answers.

But answers would have to wait. I returned to the house to find the downstairs bathroom door closed, and the sounds of the shower running behind it. Part of me wanted to pop in and ogle her obviously naked body, but the more rational part of my brain overrode that and directed me into the kitchen. I needed coffee. We'd talk when she was done.

It took a while to make the pot, apparently long enough for DJ to finish because when I came out of the kitchen with two mugs, the bathroom door was open and the light turned off inside. On the other hand, DJ's bedroom door was closed.

Crossing the room over to it and raising my right hand, I rapped on the door twice with my knuckles and then called out, "Deej?"

No response.

I waited ten seconds, and then knocked again. Still no answer.

Taking a deep breath, I weighed my options. Was she not inside, her door closed but in reality she was up in my room? Could she have actually fallen asleep and therefore didn't hear me? No way. Not this fast. But I clung to that idea, since I didn't really want to consider the third – although most likely – option: that she was still awake, and she was deliberately choosing not to invite me in.

Whatever was going on, the obvious solution was to walk away. If she was up in my room, we'd rendezvous up there and talk. If she was asleep, I shouldn't bother her. If she was awake and ignoring me, I should respect her wishes and leave her alone.

On the other hand, I wanted to talk to her, and I had a sense that she would want to talk to me, even if she was ignoring me at the moment. Girls are weird like that. They often indicate they want one thing while actually wishing you would do the opposite, and I felt like this was one of those situations. If it were anyone else, or at least, anyone outside of my "family", I would have walked away, just to be on the safe side. But this wasn't just anyone; this was DJ. She'd forgive me if I was wrong. And if nothing else, I had certain rights of access being her boyfriend. So taking a deep breath, I twisted the door handle and went inside.

At first, I thought she really was asleep. Her back was turned to me as she lay in bed, and she had that stillness one would expect of an unconscious person. I exhaled slowly, realizing that I'd have to figure out what the hell was going on by myself. But just as I started to turn away, DJ also turned her head.

"Ben?" she asked softly.

Swiftly but silently, I approached the bed, put down the mugs of coffee, and then sat down on the edge of the mattress, my left knee pulled up with my right foot still on the floor. Reaching a hand over, I rubbed her shoulder as she turned to face me.

DJ had scrubbed away her makeup, which made her still beautiful face look somehow younger and more innocent. Her hair was still damp, but she'd laid a towel atop her pillow to absorb the excess moisture. But it turned out, the towel was needed to absorb more than just shower moisture. DJ had been crying, and still was, actually.

She had dressed in loose pajamas, a cute button-down top in pastel yellow. As she rolled onto her back, the gaps between buttons revealed creamy flesh and proved that she wasn't wearing a bra beneath. And despite the late hour and melancholy mood, I felt a slight diversion of blood toward my nether regions. I couldn't help it; she just had that effect on me. But DJ's expression was anything but sexual and I tamped down on my lust. And rolling over further she wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me further onto the bed before laying her head down in my lap.

Swinging both legs onto the bed, I sat up against the headboard and got myself comfortable before letting my hand stroke through her fine blonde hair, simultaneously drying it and working through her remaining tangles. I didn't say anything at first as she pillowed herself against me, breathing softly as if she were going back to sleep. But after a minute or so, she opened her eyes and turned herself perpendicular to my legs so that she could look up at me.

"Do you love me?" she asked quietly.

Smiling readily, I nodded. "You know I do."

"Not just love me. I mean, really, really love me. Like... forever kind of love."

I blinked quickly, my smile evaporating. I'd arrived expecting to talk about Brooke and her departure, and the current subject was catching me off guard. "I ... I love you, DJ. I'm your boyfriend. As for the future ... I don't know what's going to happen. I mean, I hope we last forever, and I certainly want to believe we can make it. But I just don't know yet. We've only been together for a few weeks, fair enough?"

DJ sighed, a weary frown tugging at the corners of her mouth. She searched my eyes, looking for something. But after a few moments, she turned her head away and sighed again, muttering, "Maybe Brooke was right."

"Right about what?"

"You. Us. We're not meant to be."

"Hey. That part of our life is still unwritten. Maybe we are..." I continued stroking DJ's hair soothingly, willing her to understand that I did care about her and didn't want to lose my relationship with her. But I couldn't give her any guarantees that we'd end up together in the long run. I just wasn't at that point yet. I wanted to believe, but fate and destiny had been cruel enough to me lately to make me a little jaded about making those kinds of promises.

DJ didn't respond right away. She cried a little bit more, and I started wracking my brain trying to figure out how to cheer up my girlfriend. That was my job. But instead, I keyed on DJ's comment and wondered aloud, "Wait, Brooke said that? That you and I weren't meant to be?"

DJ sighed. "That's why we're fighting. You're why we're fighting."

"How?"

She looked up at me, a weary expression on her face. "Because I want to be your wife."

I took a deep breath, that jaded part of me causing me to hesitate. Still, I tried to reply confidently, "Maybe you will be. Time will tell. But you're only nineteen. There's a lot of road ahead of us before we get that far."

DJ flicked her eyes to mine, rolled them, and then rolled off my lap. Coming up to her knees, she sat back with her legs tucked under her and to the side while giving me a sideways frown. "It's never going to happen, is it?"

I winced. "DJ, what's bringing this on? I thought we were doing pretty well together."

"With me as your happy-go-lucky girlfriend?"

I blinked. "Well, yes ... Aren't you happy being my girlfriend? I'm certainly happy about it."

DJ sighed sadly. "We're honeymooning. Everything's peachy right now, but things can't stay like that forever."

"Of course they can't. Life is constantly changing. PEOPLE are constantly changing. My relationship with you is evolving and who knows where we'll be next month, or next year, or ten years from now? I do think about it, you know. I wonder what my daily routine will be like when I'm 31 and you're 29 and we've got two adorable little children running around."

She looked surprised. "Really?"

I nodded proudly, "Yeah."

"You think about that kind of future with me?"

"Sure. Don't you?"

"Of course -I- think about it. I just didn't think YOU did. Especially when you hesitate in telling me you have that 'forever' kind of love for me."

"It's not that I'm hesitating. It's just ... that..."

"That you're hesitating," DJ finished for me, giving me a look.

I pursed my lips. "I thought we were taking things slow. Neither of us wants a rebound relationship. We're in love. We're going to let this love build and grow, not flash white-hot and then burn out just as fast. I DO think about a future with you; I'm just not ready to write wedding invitations just yet. We've only been together for what, four weeks?"

"Isn't that enough to know that you love me?"

"I DO love you. Do you really doubt that?"

"Then why can't you be sure whether or not you'd be willing to marry me?"

"Deej, I've been down this road before. People have told me I measure every girl I meet for a ring."

"Everyone except ME, apparently."

"Including you. Yes, I'd marry you. I asked you once before, didn't I?"

DJ's eyes flashed with an inner fire. "That one didn't count. And you know it."

I nodded quickly, holding my hands up. "But that's just my point. I've spent my entire life being this hopeless romantic, dreaming of the future, and not always having my feet firmly planted on the ground. But I'm trying now. Really. I have my eyes open, and in the long run, it'll be better for us. I need to take my time with this, okay?"

"But that IS what we're heading toward, isn't it? Marriage? Kids? A lifetime together?"

"It is. But we're not there yet."

"Then when? When I graduate and find a job near you?"

"Deej, I'm not an egg timer. You can't just sit around and when the sand runs out the marriage begins. I DO love you, and I WANT us to succeed. But if there's anything my past relationships have told me, it's that there are no guarantees. I love you, and I want to be with you, but I can't make any promises."

"I get it. I'm not being some lovestruck teenager here. But I just want to make sure you and I are on the same page. You KNOW what I want, don't you?"

I sighed, but nodded, "Yes, I do."

DJ's eyes hardened. "Don't string me along, Ben. You know what I'm hoping for and that creates certain expectations."

I grimaced. "The only one who can create an expectation is you."

"Fine, -I- create them. But your awareness of my expectations burdens you with responsibility for them. If you're not going to fulfill them, you'd better let me know right now. I'm not the one who turned this into a relationship; YOU did. I was giving you your space. I was okay with you working out your issues, being single, and flirting with Sasha. I was going to keep letting you fuck me, but I wasn't going to try and tie you down into a relationship. YOU'RE the one who stuck a bunch of roses in my bedroom along with those balloons that all say 'I love you' on them." For emphasis, she pointed above her headboard, where all three deflated balloons had been pinned to the wall.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "If you can't be on a path that leads to marriage with me, then we need to break up right now. I'm still willing to be your fuck-buddy. You can have the milk without buying the cow, really. I was okay with that kind of relationship. But don't tell me you love me and ask me to be your girlfriend if we're not going to get married eventually. Don't string me along if you're just going to break my heart down the road."

"I don't ever want to break your heart."

There were fresh tears in her eyes as she stared at me. "But I'm still afraid you're going to."

I took a deep breath, willing myself to figure out how to erase her fears. But the only way I could think to do that would be to give her the very promises I couldn't give. Our future was still uncertain, and the last thing I wanted to do was compound any errors by making promises I couldn't keep.

I sighed and set my jaw. "Deej ... I love you. We talked about this on Thanksgiving, remember? I choose YOU. Not Sasha. Not Dawn. Not anybody else. YOU. I want to be with you, right here, right now. Okay?"

"But that's now. What about then?"

"Come what may."

"Not good enough."

"Deej..."

DJ's winced and looked away in shame. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back her emotions. "Sorry. I'm trying. It's was just so hard, feeling the way I do about you and having to bottle it up for all that time before we actually got together."

"I know it was. But you were so great and patient with me."

She took a deep breath, finally bringing her eyes up to meet mine. "Because I love you. Because I wanted to be with you, in any way I could."

"I know. And it paid off. You've got me now."

"Do I?"

"Of course you do."

"Then why don't I feel ... settled ... right now?" DJ pulled her feet out in front of her and off the bed. Perching her heels on the bed frame and her elbows on her knees, she leaned forward facing away from me and dropped her chin into her palms.

"Maybe because your best friend just moved out?"

DJ exhaled and grimaced, burying her face in her hands.

"Deej..." I sidled up to her, reaching out to rub her back. "What's going on between you two?"

She looked back at me for a moment, a world of pain in her sky blue eyes. For about three seconds, she looked so much like Dawn that I felt my heart cracking. Only then did I realize how much pain she must be in, and not because of me. Whatever else was going on in DJ's social life with Faye or Josh or whoever else, Brooke had been her best friend since infancy. Less than an hour ago, she'd lost that best friend. And I was still close enough to losing Dawn that I could completely understand the pain she was going through.

"Deej ... I'm sorry about Brooke," I said soothingly. "I'm sure you guys will eventually work it all out."

She took a deep breath, then faced forward again. Speaking to the wall in a low voice, DJ explained, "Not tonight, but a while ago, I asked for her help in getting you to fall in love with me."

That surprised me for a moment, so I stopped rubbing her spine. Sliding myself across the bed, I swung my legs around and sat on the edge of the bed, perching my heels on the bed frame beside her. "Okay..."

DJ sighed again, still not looking at me. "She said she wouldn't do it."

That jerked my head back. "Really?"

DJ winced. "She doesn't think we're right for each other. She's tolerated my crush on you for this long because she's always believed that you wouldn't actually fall in love with me. Even when we started dating, she thought I'd be your rebound and that we'd eventually blow out.

"Wow..." I blinked several times in surprise. "Brooke thought that about us?"

DJ exhaled. "This is not a new argument; we've been having it for a couple of months now. I got really upset with her for not supporting me. I get that she doesn't agree with me. I get that she wants to argue her side and may disagree. But in the end, even if she doesn't agree with my decision, she should support ME. No matter what, best friends should have each other's back, you know?"

I was still trying to process, so I just nodded dumbly.

"But she wouldn't do it. She promised she wouldn't interfere, but she wasn't trying to help us along. She tried to be casual about it, to be playful. Even when we got together, she went along with it, all the while waiting for us to see it wouldn't work out in the long run. But lately, she's been isolating herself from us, getting a little bitter. You may have noticed she hasn't been around all that much."

I frowned, thinking it over. "It's not that she hasn't been around. It's that you and I have been spending more time together."

"That's her biggest complaint. In the beginning, when we got together there wasn't much of a change for me, socially. I still spent a lot of time with her and with our friends. But in the last couple of weeks, with me having lunch with your friends and spending all my evenings with you, I guess she's gotten resentful."

"I see."

"I told her that you're my boyfriend, and that we're in love. It happens. When she got together with Joel, they went into their honeymoon phase and I barely saw them, either."

"Fair enough."

"Yeah, but then she said something tonight that got me righteously pissed off."

"What?"

DJ turned to look at me. Leveling her eyes, it seemed that her entire body went still except for her lips as she intoned seriously, "That you belong with Dawn."

My throat tightened. I tried to gulp, only to find that ball of saliva had caught in the back of my mouth and refused to go down. I couldn't breathe and I felt my temperature rising as my lungs fought for oxygen that wasn't coming.

"Is that why you won't commit to marrying me?" DJ asked, her eyes narrowing as her gaze bored into the back of my skull. "Because you still think you're destined to be with Dawn?"

Her question hit me like a punch in the gut, but I had faced this question too many times in recent memory for it to really shake me. Setting my jaw, I stared right at my girlfriend and stated, "We've been over this. I choose YOU."

DJ glanced away from me. "I told Brooke that, but she waved it off. She said it's not up to me or you. Destiny chooses, and Destiny chooses Dawn."

"Bullshit. I'm in charge," I stated firmly. "I decide my own destiny."

"Tough words. But what's going to happen the next time you hear her voice on the phone?"

"I don't know when that's gonna happen. We haven't talked in weeks."

"That just means that you're due."

I shook my head. "She's moving on; so am I. I'm not going to sit on my ass waiting around for her."

DJ pursed her lips, musing on that. Blinking, that almost scary façade melted from her features as she turned and looked at the wall again. And after taking a deep breath, her shoulders sagged as she explained, "I don't know if it's so much about Brooke believing you should be with Dawn so much as..." Her voice trailed off.

"So much as what?" I asked after a pregnant pause.

DJ turned away from me. "That I belong with Brooke."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I sat up straighter. That DJ belonged with Brooke? What?

DJ glanced back at me and saw my puzzled expression. Smirking, she shook her head and explained, "We like fucking each other, but we're not lesbian. I don't mean that she thinks we're going to get married and march in pride parades and adopt kids and all that. I just meant that Brooke's got some very firm ideas in her head that sixty years from now, we'll be old ladies doting on our grandchildren and playing bridge and stupid crap like that. She sees the same thing for Dayna and Brandi. It's that stupid 'I can see the future' shit she's been pulling since she was eleven. But for me to end up with you would, quote, 'screw up the family balance'. She and Dawn would be all alone."

I frowned. "That's ridiculous. You're going to have a husband distracting you away from her, whether it's me or not. There's really no difference."

"If that husband is you, there is."

I sighed. "So that's what she meant about stealing her best friend."

Her head down, DJ nodded.

"And for the first time, she's really FELT me taking you away from her this last week and a half."

DJ nodded again.

We both went silent for a few moments. I let everything sink in, DJ's continued love for me and Brooke's feelings pulling at her from the other side. Continuing on that line of thought, I glanced over and touched her hand on the mattress beside me. "What do you think? Forced to choose between me and her, who would you choose?"

DJ turned to face me, her eyes turning red as moisture began rolling down her cheeks. Her lip started to quiver, but then she bit it and inhaled before muttering, "I don't know..."

DJ's face had turned ashen so suddenly that on my first instinct I reached out and wrapped her up in my arms. She burst into tears immediately and began crying into my chest. And I held her tightly, just trying to reassure her with my strength and presence as she sobbed her poor little heart out over the loss of her dearest childhood friend. This wasn't a simple one-time fight for her, with everything to be patched up in the morning. This was DJ's equivalent of my break-up with Dawn. And look at how badly that had fucked ME up.

How had I missed the signs? From what DJ said, this had been something building and building between her and Brooke all semester. Was I just a clueless male? Was I too preoccupied with my own romantic complications? Was I too deliriously in love with DJ to see what was going on between her and Brooke? They'd still been having sex with each other, hadn't they? They'd certainly been having sex together with me. But did sex equal a great relationship? Maybe not. I'd certainly heard about couples fucking each other right up until the big blowup that causes the divorce. Just because both parties are making the effort doesn't mean that the relationship isn't dissolving at the seams.

Glancing back, I measured how far away the headboard was and decided to simply fall backward. DJ went with me so that I lay flat on my back with her face still buried into my chest. She flung a leg over mine, hugging herself against the full length of my body. And still I held her as she cried.

"I don't know..." DJ repeated. "An hour ago, I told her I was choosing you. If for no other reason that it was HER giving me the ultimatum, I chose YOU over her. But I'm sorry ... Right now I'm not so sure anymore."

"It's okay. I understand what you're feeling," I assured her, squeezing her tighter.

She cried in my arms. She cried against my chest. And all the while, I simply kept stroking her hair and whispering soothing words. I was there for her. I would always be there for her.

No matter where our relationships took us, whether romantic or merely friends, we would always be 'family'.

I don't know how long it took, but eventually DJ stopped crying. When I glanced down at her face, her eyes were closed and she breathed the rhythmic respiration of sleep.

I don't know how much longer it took after that, but eventually I fell asleep too.

A stray beam of sunlight woke me up in the morning. It was probably a good thing it had, because I'd forgotten to set an alarm last night, and as I glanced at the clock on the nightstand I found that it was getting late.

Belatedly, I realized that the clock on that nightstand was not my own. In fact the nightstand, while familiar, also was not my own. Startled for a few moments by this realization, the events of last night quickly came back to me, and I whipped my head around to look around the confines of DJ's bedroom.

To one side there was the vanity I'd built for Adrienne so many moons ago. To the other side was the day bed that Paige used to sleep on when she stayed over. And by the closet was DJ herself, nude from the waist up with those mouth-wateringly wonderful tits on full display in the mirror for just a few brief seconds before her bra cups covered them and DJ reached behind herself to fasten her bra clasp.

When I blinked, I found that an afterimage of her naked breasts had been burned onto my retinas as if I'd just stared into the sun. But with successive blinks the image faded away and I looked up to find that she'd also put on a fitted T-shirt and turned around to notice that I was awake.

"Hey, sleepyhead," she greeted softly with a warm smile. Now dressed, she returned to the bed and crawled onto it, the high collar of her T-shirt keeping the twins out of view and making it easier for me to focus on her pretty face.

Still drowsy and lacking higher brain function, I just smiled and puckered up when she moved to kiss me. And after a tender smooch I let my head sink into the pillow as I snuggled further beneath the blankets, fully intending to never leave this bed for the rest of my life.

But DJ's smile evaporated and she gave me a weary look that sapped the contentment out of me. Sighing, she reached a hand over and brushed my cheek. "I wish things could be different," she began. "As much as I love my family – and yours – I wish we were 'only childs'. That way, there wouldn't be any weird sibling bonds getting in the way of you and me."

My face tightened. I understood the thought, but I loved my siblings too much to ever truly wish to have been an only child.

DJ read my expression and immediately nodded. "But of course, we're not 'only' children. And there are a dozen other things in our way. Dawn only left a few months ago, and you still need a little time before you can wrap your head around the idea of being married and settled down. I get it, I get it. I'm sorry I got so ... so ... pressure-y ... last night."

Taking a deep breath, I woke up a little more and levered myself up onto my elbows. "DJ ... I understand what you want. Please believe that I want it too. It's just going to take us a little time to get there, okay?"

"Okay, okay." Taking a deep breath, she backed up and slid off the bed. "Here's what has to happen: nothing changes. I know a lot of things were said last night about expectations and whatnot. But forget about them. Nothing changes. We'll get there in our own time."

"I can't just forget about them. Some pretty heavy things were said last night. And Brooke is still gone."

DJ bit her lip, glancing away. When she spoke again, she still didn't look at me, staring at her feet instead. "I understand what you're going through now. It's hard for me to be caught between Brooke and potential of what I could be with you, the same way you're caught between Dawn and the potential of what could be with me. It's a lot to think about, and I need more time to figure it out."

I nodded my agreement. More time ... living my life in a sort of holding pattern ... was exactly what I wanted right now. I knew DJ loved me, and I believed she knew I loved her. The rest would have to wait. "We've got lots of time. You're only nineteen, Deej. You're way too young to worry about grandkids and husbands and all that."

DJ took a deep breath, and after she slowly exhaled it, she finally looked up at me and nodded.

"So nothing changes." I sighed with finality.

Another nod. "I'm still your girlfriend. I still love you, you still love me, but we'll let the relationship take its course. I won't pressure you for anything beyond that."

I arched an eyebrow. "Yet?" I ventured.

A pained expression crossed DJ's face. "Maybe not ever. I don't know anymore."

She looked so suddenly sad that I immediately reached my arms out to her. Quickly, DJ rushed into my embrace, falling back down on the bed and spinning around so that I was spooned against her back. Squeezing her tightly, I held her as she started crying softly the same way she'd done last night. But this time, instead of falling asleep she got her emotions back under control within a minute or two.

"I don't know what's going to happen with us. I can't choose between you and Brooke."

"Maybe you won't have to. We've got a lot of time before graduation. And even beyond, we'll always be family. We've got our whole lives ahead of us, and there's no need to rush into anything."

Exhaling, DJ wiped her eyes and then snuggled even deeper against my chest. "I guess."

"It's alright, kiddo. In the meantime, we still have each other."'

"Thanks, Ben."

"You're welcome."

Craning her head around, DJ puckered up and pecked my lips. And then rolling out of my grasp and off the bed, she went outside.

Exhaling slowly, I lay my head back down on the bed. DJ loved me, I loved her. If that was all there was to it, we could be together and quite possibly be very happy for the rest of our lives. But that wasn't all there was to it. Brooke, Dawn, and everyone else were in our lives. Even beyond them, I knew there were other reasons and rationales not to be together forever, and unforeseen consequences if we DID.

Like seemingly everything in my life: it was complicated.

You might think that with Brooke moved out of the house, and Kim not yet returned from the weekend with her family, that DJ and I would spend all of Sunday together, reassuring each other about the stability of our relationship. Or maybe we'd even just stay in the house all day making love. But this wasn't an ordinary Sunday. For one thing, Finals would start tomorrow.

For another thing, now with a firm grip in her head on how she wanted to proceed, DJ wanted to talk to Brooke again. She wasn't going to try and convince my sister to come back to the house, but she wanted Brooke to know that she didn't blame her for her decision. Brooke was leaving because she felt like a third wheel, like an intruder in DJ's and my love nest, and on top of things she didn't fully approve of our relationship. While neither DJ or I was happy about it, we had to accept it and hope my sister would eventually come around. DJ was going to try and communicate that. And also, she still needed to study for Finals with her friends.

So did I. I called up Bert and Sasha, and both of them agreed to BART into Berkeley to study with me and Kim, who was returning early as well. The four of us would go over all of our mutual classes, and maybe even help out on classes we didn't share. I ordered pizza for lunch, and the four of us spent all day cramming our heads full.

We also ended up making dinner, and all four of us were still in the house when the clock chimed 10pm and Bert started thinking about going home. I told him that Brooke wasn't coming home tonight, and that he was free to crash in her room if he wanted. And right after that, my girlfriend called to tell me SHE wasn't coming home tonight either.

It had nothing to do with Brooke and everything to do with studying. DJ and her friends were pulling the same late night study session we were, and on top of that, DJ was particularly enjoying the time with her friends after being away from them for most of two weeks on her honeymoon period with me. She asked if it was okay for her to crash at Vivian Wang's place, and I assured her that was fine. I knew that since it had been about a month since I asked her to be my girlfriend, this was DJ's week on her menstrual cycle. So it wasn't like I'd be missing out on girlfriend nookie, although I'd miss holding her in my bed and potentially getting that morning BJ.

Without me saying anything, DJ seemed to sense my mood, and she asked whether or not Sasha had come by to study. When I confirmed that she had, my girlfriend giggled and said, "Why don't you invite her to crash overnight with you. Some old-fashioned screwing might be just the thing you both need to flush your brains and put you in the right mood before taking your Finals tomorrow."

"But what about you and putting YOU in the right mood?"

DJ sighed, going quiet for a long moment before she returned to the phone. "You know what? Just being with my friends has really helped with my mood, especially since Brooke is here and we seem to be getting along right now. Heck, the biggest she's smiled at me in weeks was a few minutes ago when I told her I was calling you and asking to crash here tonight."

"I see."

"I'll be fine, and I'll see you tomorrow. I promise. Okay?"

"Okay then."

"You'll give my offer to Sasha, won't you? I'd feel better knowing my man is taken care of."

I laughed. "I will."

And I did. Sasha accepted, and we certainly did a great job 'flushing our brains' along with quite a bit of bodily fluids that night.

And yeah, I got my morning hummer.

With the pipes thus unclogged, I aced my final the next morning. Sasha and Bert were right there with me, since our Monday final was Rutledge's Corporate Finance. After we grabbed lunch, Bert wanted to celebrate with the Xbox controllers. Sasha wanted to celebrate in my bedroom.

I went with Sasha's option.

Bert snickered and texted Kim to go meet up with her. Sasha held my arm as we went to my house, only to find Paige's car pulling into the driveway.

"Hey, you're home!" the petite redhead beamed as she opened the door and literally raced around the car to vault herself into my arms.

I caught her with a grunt, but Paige squealed as her legs couldn't find purchase to wrap around my waist with my bulky peacoat in the way. She managed to get her feet down and I half-caught her, both of us chuckling and breathing hard after the momentary panic.

Only then did Paige notice the beautiful brunette just behind me. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?" she asked with an embarrassed wince.

I glanced back at Sasha and shrugged. "We had a good final this morning."

Paige caught the look in Sasha's eyes and arched an eyebrow. "Me, too. Looks like you had the same idea as me." That last part was directed to her.

Sasha stepped forward and slid her arms around mine once more, appearing just a tad possessive. "Looks like."

"Well, you got dibs. So I can just disappear," Paige said with a shrug, taking things in stride. Then she turned to raise both eyebrows at me. "But tomorrow's Tuesday. And I'm calling dibs for then."

I chuckled and nodded. But to my surprise, Sasha reached out and took Paige's hand, gesturing with her head toward the house. "Nonsense. I've long known you two are more than just friends. It's Finals Week, and we ALL need to unwind. I can share!"

"Really?" Paige exclaimed with relief. Although both young women were good friends of mine, and intimately close to me, they barely crossed paths with each other and couldn't be more than passing acquaintances.

But that didn't stop Sasha from nodding her approval and tugging both of us toward the house. Glancing over at Paige with a smug grin, Sasha added, "One condition though: you have to let me watch."

"Watch? Sure thing!" Paige replied gleefully.

"Or maybe..." Sasha's voice dropped an octave, and her tongue snaked out to slide across her lips. "Maybe even let me join in..."

Sasha did get to watch. And Sasha did get to join in.

About an hour later, after Sasha sucked my last load of cum out of Paige's sodden snatch and snowballed it back to the fiery redhead, Paige gulped it all down and then lay her head back across my pillow with a satisfied smile, her head turned so she faced me directly as I reclined beside her. "You know, Ben," she sighed, patting Sasha's shoulder as the other girl rolled off to the other side. "If you didn't have DJ, I'd think this girl would be perfect for you."

Naked and with her face buried into another pillow, Sasha started giggling before turning her head so she could speak without being muffled. "You've got some pretty cool friends. But I like this one."

I rubbed Paige's head lightly, and then scrubbed it a little harder while ruffling her hair. "I like this one, too."

Paige simply beamed.

With all three of us nicely satisfied, we eventually got dressed and decided to get some actual studying done. I texted Kim to give her the all clear, and she and Bert returned to the house about thirty minutes later. Paige stuck around, even though she didn't share any classes with us. I think it was easier for her to focus on studying when surrounded by other students and not a needy 15-month-old. Plus, she was having a grand old time chatting with Sasha.

In a surprisingly short time, the two girls were on their way to becoming fast friends. I suppose that happens when you have an unexpected threesome that goes really well. In any case, just before dinnertime Sasha decided she should head home rather than spend another night with me without a change of clothes. And since Paige needed to get back home to April as well, she offered to drive Sasha across the bridge and back to her apartment. I can only imagine the things they talked about for that drive.

Bert, on the other hand, stuck around for dinner. Kim did the cooking while telling me that in the same way I needed to unwind by having sex, Bert needed to unwind by playing video games. So for about an hour we jammed on the Xbox and blew off some steam while discussing the merits of the new Xbox 360 Bert's parents had already gotten him for Christmas (and yet were keeping under wraps until the holiday).

After dinner, Bert likewise went home rather than crash here a second night in a row. And about five minutes after he left, my girlfriend returned to the house, looking rather worse for wear.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked with concern as DJ hugged me in greetings. When I pulled back, I kept her at arm's length with my hands on her shoulders, studying her surprisingly gaunt face and hollow eyes.

"I'm alright. Just stressed from Finals and tired. Didn't get much sleep last night," she replied wearily.

"And these are probably your heaviest flow days, aren't they?" I asked, referring to her period.

DJ nodded, and then gave me a sideways smirk. "Sorry I'm out of commission, but I'm hoping you got taken care of?"

I nodded, sliding my hands down her upper arms. "Sasha. And Paige visited, too."

DJ elevated on her toes and kissed me. "I'm glad. But in the meantime, I've got a headache. I really just want to take a shower and fall into bed."

"Want me to wash your back?"

DJ's eyes tightened, and she looked away from me for a moment before glancing back and shaking her head. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm really not feeling up for foreplay and I'm sure things'll look messy and red down there."

I made a face and immediately let go of her arms. She smirked and turned to go into her bedroom, eager to change and get that shower. And then I returned to the living room to study with Kim. We had our Strategic Planning final tomorrow.

Eventually, DJ came out dressed in fresh pajamas and kissed my cheek. She told me she was heading upstairs to sleep in my bedroom, and for me to just snuggle in whenever I was finished studying. My eyes told her I wanted to be finished right then and there, but she giggled and pressed a finger to my nose, telling me to stay put and do a good job.

Two hours later, brain-fried and wearing just a towel as I went into my bedroom after showering, I got dressed into my pajamas quietly so as not to wake my slumbering girlfriend. But when I crawled into bed beside her, I found that she wasn't asleep, and in fact was still awake and crying softly.

Holding her firmly, I spooned myself against DJ's back, no chance of an erection forming as I listened to her quiet sobs.

"Things still aren't quite alright between you and Brooke, are they?" I asked softly.

Sniffling, DJ shook her head. "I'm trying. She's trying. We want to still be friends, but it's not the same. There's a resentment there that she can't shake. We both feel it. But I don't know what to do. I can't lose you, either."

"You won't have to. We'll work this out. We always do," I assured her.

DJ then turned in my arms, tilting her head back to kiss me with a sad, almost desperate passion. And with tears still streaking her cheeks, she pulled back to look at me and asked, "Do you love me? Do you really, really love me?"

"Honey, of course I love you." I poured as much warmth into my gaze as I possibly could, and cinched my arms tighter so that she could really FEEL the strength of my embrace.

Even so, DJ scanned my eyes as if trying to read even more in them. And then squeezing her own eyes shut, she buried her face into the crook of my neck, clutching me fiercely as her body continued to wrack with shuddering sobs.

Rolling onto my back, I tugged her into a position where she used my chest as a pillow, holding her with my left arm while reaching my right over to stroke her hair and pat her back. "Shhh..." I soothed. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I'm here for you, no matter what, okay?"

"No matter what?" she asked softly, her voice cracking.

"No matter what," I assured her, full of confidence.

Eventually, DJ quieted. And when I checked on her a few minutes after that, I found that she'd finally fallen asleep.

I love this girl, I reminded myself. No matter what.

I felt something tickle my balls, and with a start, I jerked awake.

"Mmph!" DJ groaned, and as I sat up, I realized I'd just shoved my dick an inch into her throat. She took it like a trouper, gagging only slightly and keeping her head down, breathing heavily through her nose until I pulled back. And as I did so, she popped off my cock, smiling as she continued stroking my shaft with one hand.

"Morning," DJ greeted, looking much better than she had last night. There were still bags under her eyes, but she didn't appear as ... hollow ... as she had yesterday. A good night's sleep will help with that.

"Feeling better?" I asked, although I could already tell the answer.

"Mmph," she replied around a mouthful of meat, having already resumed the blowjob.

Smiling, I dropped my head back and raised my hand to run my fingers through DJ's sunny blonde hair. I enjoyed my girlfriend's ministrations for another few minutes, letting her manipulate my senses until she expertly brought me off, swallowing every bit I had to give her.

It was a great start to a good day. I made breakfast for us and for Kim, and then the three of us left the house to start our days. Kim and I aced our Strategic Planning final, and I cracked a joke at lunch about taking HER home to celebrate after. To my surprise, Kim didn't reply right away. But after a moment's thought, she glanced over at me through heavy-lidded eyes and replied, "Not today. But maybe when all of our Finals are done, okay?"

My eyes popped open wide. Ever since telling me that she didn't want to resume our intimate relationship at the beginning of the semester, I'd been getting hints here and there that Kim might change her mind eventually. It was more of a "not yet" than a "never again", but this was the first time she'd ever put an actual date on things. "The end of Finals?"

Kim blushed and averted her eyes. "Maybe. Or maybe not until the next semester starts. We'll have to see."

My eyes glittered, and unable to contain myself, I swept her up into my arms and lifted her into the air, spinning us around and making Kim squeal. We caused a bit of a scene, since we were standing in line at our regular sub-sandwich shop. But I put Kim down and shot embarrassed looks at everyone before they returned to their own activities.

Thankfully, I didn't need Kim to celebrate "my way". We were still eating when Paige called my cell phone, wanting to confirm that she still had dibs on this afternoon rather than just show up at my house unannounced. She was also rather curious whether or not Sasha or DJ would be joining us, but I told her that Sasha didn't have a final today and wasn't coming to campus, and DJ was on her period and would be studying with her friends anyway.

"That's cool. You didn't put it in my ass yesterday, and I'm in the mood for a really slow dicking right now. Think you can do it for me?"

Well, what do YOU think I said?

-- THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2005, FINALS WEEK --

I felt something tickle my nose, as if some bug were crawling across it, and with an annoyed swipe/rub at my irritated snout, I stirred awake.

Thankfully, there was no bug crawling across me. But a moment later, I realized the sensation was coming from the baby blue cotton shirt right in front of me. Apparently the tip of my nose had just been brushing against it, and its slight movement was irritating my skin.

Pulling my head away from the irritation, I first thought about rolling over and going back to sleep. But just as I was about to turn around, my ears awoke enough to recognize the sounds of sniffling, and as my eyes opened, I realized that DJ was crying in bed beside me again.

It still took me a moment to get my bearings, but once I did, I spooned up tightly behind my girlfriend and held her close. "Hey ... What's wrong?"

Fighting to get her tears under control, DJ whispered, "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine." Taking hold of her side, I rolled my girlfriend onto her back and leaned over her, concern etching my face. The bags under her eyes were getting darker, and that hollow look was back. "It's been four days now. Are you even sleeping?"

Blinking, DJ replied, "Monday night was pretty good."

"But not Tuesday night. And certainly not last night." I sighed. "It's Brooke, isn't it?"

"It's Brooke and Finals and us and you and me and ... and everything."

"Is there something wrong with us?"

"What? No. No," she said quickly, averting her eyes.

"Deej, is there something you're not telling me?"

"It's fine. We'll be fine." She reached up and stroked my cheek. "We'll get through this. Just ... help me get through Finals, okay?"

"You want me to help you study?"

She furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. "You're not taking the same classes I am. You didn't even take them when YOU were a sophomore."

"Still ... math is math. Reading is reading."

"You've got your own things to worry about. Really. I appreciate the gesture, but you can't help."

I sighed, thinking of the last time my girlfriend was stressing out during Finals and not telling me everything. But I pushed Dawn from my mind, and focused on the present. I may not have been able to fix DJ's issues with her classes, but I could take action to fix the other major thing bothering her...

Brooke.

I had an afternoon final today, and Brooke had a morning final, so my choices for talking to her were either at lunchtime or just before dinner. Deciding that I really should focus on my exam, and that the lunch period might not give me enough time to have the discussion I really needed, I decided to talk to Brooke after my final.

Given how distracted I was during the test, maybe I should have opted for "before". Walking into the exam room, my head was filled with plans for what I needed to say to Brooke and wondering about how she'd react. Every square millimeter of brain space was devoted to my sister, leaving no room for actual class material.

Maybe I should have let Sasha or Paige (or both) come to the house this morning to help me clear my head. Both of them, separately, called me asking to stop by, but I put them off saying I needed to take care of things.

But despite my distraction, not to mention my overfilled balls, I got through the Final and I knew I'd still get a decent grade. Immediately after I finished, I pulled open my phone and speed-dialed my sister, asking where she was and telling her I needed to stop by and talk to her about something.

As expected, Brooke was at Vivian Wang's, doing the group study thing with her circle of friends. To my surprise, DJ wasn't there. But rather than hunt around for my girlfriend at this moment, I told Brooke that we needed to talk in private. She suggested heading over to Meli's and Lexi's apartment, which was just a couple of blocks away and unoccupied, since both girls were at the group study. And my sister and I walked in silence all the way, both of us already knowing the topic of discussion but neither of us willing to begin just yet.

Inside the apartment, I first looked around. Knowing it was a 2-bedroom place, I fully expected to find Brooke's gear camped out in the living room, perhaps with a pillow and blanket neatly folded on the couch. But instead, the couch was bare and her suitcase was in Meli's room. Following my gaze and reading my eyes, Brooke confirmed aloud, "Yes, I'm sleeping with Meli."

My eyebrows popped, and I blushed. "Didn't ask."

"But you were wondering." Brooke shrugged. She ran a hand over her forehead and through her dark hair, raising a foot and then flopping sideways onto the couch with one leg tucked beneath her. "So what's up?"

I took a deep breath and sat opposite her. "You need to come home."

Brooke shook her head. "DJ break up with you?"

"What? No."

"Then I'm not coming home."

"Seriously?" I sighed in distress. "You want to ruin my relationship that badly?"

"It's not about ruining your relationship. It's about saving you two from each other. You don't belong together."

"Says who?"

"Says me, duh..." Brooke sassed, rolling her eyes. "Shit, I thought you two would have broken up over Thanksgiving."

"Where is this hatred coming from?"

"There's no hatred. I love you both."

"Love us so much that you move out and threaten to not come back unless we break up? Who does that?"

Brooke sighed and sagged deeper into the corner of the couch. She pulled her other leg up and wrapped her arms around her shin. "I'm not threatening ... And it's not..." She took a deep breath to collect herself. "Look, I'm okay that you two are staying together. I didn't think it would happen. Well, I always knew you'd GET together, but I didn't think you'd really LAST. But now it seems like you ARE going to last, and you're still my brother and she's still my friend. But I just don't want to be around you two that much right now."

"But WHY? Seriously, you HAVE to understand how out of left field this feels like for me. One minute, everything seemed peachy keen. The next minute, you're packing your bag and driving away!"

"Then you must not have been paying attention, dear big brother. I haven't made a secret of how frustrated I was getting with you both. Like that weekend when you two went vacationing around the bay."

I frowned. "That same weekend, all three of us fucked each other's brains out and fell asleep together."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Sex was never part of the problem. You both turn me on and when you two teamed up together to make it up to me, it was ... it was incredible. But the fact remains: you two had to make it up to me. I've always been the third wheel."

"If you were feeling lonely, we could have double-dated with Joel."

"Pssht. And let my boyfriend see how horny I am for my big brother? Thank you, but no thank you."

"Then what?"

"Then nothing. It is what it is. You two are off in la la land, happy and in love and gushy and romantic and all that jazz. I just didn't want to sit around at home by myself anymore."

"So you moved out?"

"Rather than have your lovey-dovey relationship thrown in my face every day? Yeah, I moved out."

"Brooke, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were jealous."

"I AM."

"What, you want to take DJ's place as my girlfriend?"

"What? No you stupid, self-centered moron! I don't wanna date YOU. I want my best friend back!"

Oh. Right...

"Look," I began. "I know we've gotten carried away a bit these last few weeks. But I don't have to take her away from you. We can go back to the old routines, with DJ spending all day with you and having lunches with your friends and all that. She's barely spent any time with me since Finals started. Really, she's all yours."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "It's not about the hours spent, and even if it was, DJ's not a toy you can play with than then hand off to me at our slightest whim. She's a human being, and she's a girl in love, and nothing you or I say is going to change the fact that she wants to spend every waking moment she has with YOU."

"She loves me. And I love her."

"Sooo fucked up," Brooke muttered to nowhere in particular.

"What were you expecting? For DJ to fall in love with you and run off to a state where you can get legally married?"

"What? No! I like dick just fine, thank you very much. And I'll always be DJ's friend. We have too much history to ever not be. But I just don't want to stay in that house feeling like the outsider when she used to be MY constant companion. Is that so hard to understand? She's with you. It's done. I'm moving on."

"To Meli."

"Meli's always been there for me."

"Does she know she's your rebound?"

"I'm NOT a freakin' LESBIAN," Brooke seethed.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead, holding my other hand up in apology. That had come out wrong.

"DJ's a mess, Brooke. She's not sleeping. She's got these big bags under her eyes and she's always freaking tired. She can barely focus when she's around, and she has this 'hollow' look that scares me. She MISSES you. She's going to pieces without you."

Brooke didn't reply immediately. Staring off somewhere, her jaw was set and her mouth was pulled downward in a frown. But I saw her teeth working around a bit, and her head shifted side-to-side as she rather grudgingly accepted what I was saying. "I've noticed," she replied gruffly.

"It's not just Finals stress. It's about you. Can you really do this to her?"

Brooke sighed. "Can she really do this to me?"

"We'll work it out. This doesn't have to be a you versus me thing. She loves us both!" I started laughing and shook my head as I realized the preposterousness of the situation. "Can you believe you and me are sitting here fighting over a girl?"

Brooke cracked a smile at that before screwing her face up and growling, "I'm NOT a lesbian."

"Didn't say you were. But you know what I mean."

"She's yours. She chose you."

"She said that because she was angry you weren't supporting her. Twenty minutes after you left, she said she wasn't sure anymore. For a little while, I really thought she was on the verge of breaking up with me to get you back."

"But she didn't," Brooke huffed.

"It's love. She loves me. Haven't you ever been that totally, completely hung up on a boy?"

Brooke stewed on that for a second, and then grudgingly she nodded.

"But just because she doesn't want to lose me," I continued, "doesn't mean she wants to lose you. She wants to have us both. Is that really so bad?"

"But she doesn't belong with you. I know it."

"Don't pull this 'I can see the future' bullshit with me."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "It's not bullshit. I know what I'm talking about."

"Really?"

Brooke set her jaw firmly. "Really."

Not wanting to get sidetracked by arguing about Brooke's clairvoyance, I sighed and shook my head. "The point is: why are you doing this to her? SHE'S not giving up on your friendship. YOU'RE giving up on HER. Why? How can you be so cruel? If you're so torn up that she's not honoring your best friend relationship by falling in love with me, then how should she feel about YOU not being her best friend at a time like this? Huh?"

"She made her choice. She chose you."

"No! YOU made YOUR choice. You're choosing NOT her. SHE still wants you. Don't make me and DJ the bad guys here. We're just trying to find happiness the best way we know how. You KNOW she's been in love with me since forever, and I'm really trying to move on from Dawn. I'm sorry that she's your best friend, but we could really be something special here. I love her, and so should you! Really, all three of us are family. We're you, me, and her. Haven't we always gotten along? We should be able to figure a way to work this out."

Brooke curled her lower lip up, frowning and looking decidedly unhappy with the way the conversation had turned. She was probably used to verbally thrashing me, and always getting the upper hand in our arguments. But for once, my words were leaving her without a retort or witty counter-argument.

"I get that you're a little hurt," I said more softly. "I get that you may even feel betrayed. But did you seriously not see this coming? With how in love she's been, and how much I appreciate her? You HAD to know this relationship was going to start. Maybe you just didn't expect it to last. Maybe you were convinced, or still are convinced, that we're gonna implode at some point. But you're my SISTER. And you're her BEST FRIEND. Can't you please wish us the best? Is that really so hard?"

Brooke still didn't respond, but she was clearly stewing on my words.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't realize how badly you were feeling left out. We used to talk more than this. We used to communicate, and share how we were feeling. Like that time I came to you to talk about Sasha. That was good. That was helpful."

"I thought you and Sasha were gonna hook up."

I shrugged. "I thought about it too. But I fell in love with DJ."

"Why's that? What suddenly changed? We both knew DJ was totally in love with you, but you always kept her at arm's length and never committed to her like this. But then she gets sick and blink, you're a happy romantic couple. Kinda sudden, don't you think?"

"It's not sudden at ALL; our relationship has been developing ever since the beginning of school. I can't explain what changed my mind, other than that I finally realized how much she meant to me."

"You mean she wore you down."

"I mean that I decided I didn't want to live my life without her being a special part of it. But I ALSO want my little sister to be a special part of my life. Is that really so wrong? We both do. And for you to up and move out is just as much of a betrayal as you're accusing us of committing."

My sister stared away from me again.

"Maybe if you'd talked to me more about this, I could have helped. I know you talked to DJ about how you were feeling, and she's been torn up about it. She always thought you'd eventually come around, not up and move out on us. But it's not too late. We can still fix this. All three of us can get together and TALK. We'll work out the balance. DJ and I won't just accommodate you, we'll integrate you. We both love you too much to leave you on the outside looking in, alright? We'll make it work, because that's how important you are."

Now Brooke's eyes flicked over to me, although her frown didn't let up.

"I mean it. We'll make it work. You can have your best friend back. And me? I want my little sister back, too."

Brooke took a deep breath.

"You've GOT to try, at least. If you don't, that just means you don't really care about her the way you say you do. And then you're the bad guy."

Brooke leveled an annoyed look at me, but at least she was still looking at me.

"C'mon. Come home with me tonight? Talk to us? You can leave your suitcase and all that here if you want. Maybe take a couple of more days to decide if this can really work out. But at least come home and TALK to us, alright? And then ... hey, Winter Break is coming up. You already know I asked DJ's parents for her to come spend it with me in SoCal. We'll be together, and we'll have lots of time to figure things out. Trust me. You'll see. We'll find a balance that works for all three of us, alright?"

Looking like she'd rather do anything but agree with me, Brooke nevertheless unscrewed her face and then sighed heavily. Dropping her folded arms, she looked at the ceiling for a moment and then back to me, nodding slowly. "Alright. I'll come home and talk to you guys. But no guarantees. Capisce?"

"Got it," I replied with a nod.

Brooke took another deep breath, and then gesturing toward the door, she said, "Let's go."

The sun had set by the time we got back, the skeletal trees and old house looking gloomy in the dim streetlights. The only house light visible from the sidewalk came around the cracks in the curtain covering the big bay window of the living room. I'd called Kim to let her know we were coming home for dinner and found out that she'd already started cooking. She let me know that Bert had already taken the BART home, and that DJ had returned after her afternoon final and then gone into her bedroom.

Together, my sister and I ascended the porch steps and she stood aside as I fiddled in the darkness for the right key. Nobody had remembered to turn on the porch light tonight, and I didn't want to bother calling Kim out from the kitchen when I knew I'd fish out the right key eventually. But Brooke sighed and stepped forward, sliding her own house key into the lock and then opening it to let us inside.

At the sound of the door, Kim poked her head out from the kitchen anyway and looked down the hall. I waved to her and she told us the food would be ready in ten minutes before returning. And then wrapping an arm around my little sister's waist, I led Brooke to DJ's closed bedroom door and firmly knocked twice before calling out, "Deej?"

No response.

I waited ten seconds, and then knocked again. Still no answer.

Taking a deep breath, I glanced at my sister, whose expression was inscrutable. Whether DJ wanted to or not, this was a discussion the three of us needed to have. And I wasn't about to let Brooke walk out of the house without convincing her to come back us.

So I twisted the doorknob, relieved to find it unlocked, and then led Brooke inside. We both saw DJ immediately, sitting hunched over on her bed with her back to the door.

"Hey, look who I brought home," I began breezily, trying to keep the mood light. When DJ didn't turn around, I circled around the bed, frowning as I peered into my girlfriend's face only to find her staring blankly at her hands and then through the floor.

She didn't move, and I had no idea what was wrong until I heard a gasp behind me, accompanied by Brooke's quietly breathless, "Oh my gawd..."

Only then did I see that DJ wasn't staring at her hands. She was staring at the object IN her hands. And as realization mixed with horror sent shockwaves through my system, my girlfriend raised her head and gazed at me through eyes rimmed red from crying.

And then she dropped the positive pregnancy test to the floor.