The living nightmare

have you ever had a dream that felt so real but it wasn't a dream?

that's what it's like for me every night you're there beside me but when I reach out to touch you- my hand slips right through that's when I realize you aren't real, that none of this is, was what we had even real? was it all an illusion? I wish you were truly here even if it was all a lie you made me so happy it was nice and warm in your embrace I wish you could cuddle me to sleep like you used to even though I hear your soft voice I know it isn't real I try to hold on to you but it doesn't work because you aren't truly there I grab the blanket and put my head on the pillow and sob

I miss you so much and wonder sometimes if you were even real did I make it all up?

But this is what I deserve right? you saw who I indeed was and you ran away

into someone else's arms but you couldn't see that they were just using you That I was the only one who truly loved you but you didn't listen you believed their every word even though you told me you loved me you still chose them why? you were broken by them I was the one who fixed you and you helped me- but I wasn't fully healed and you were terrified and you wanted me to get better but now that you're gone I've only gotten worse and I don't think I could ever be healed maybe if I didn't change who I was maybe you still would have loved me - who am I kidding?

you would never choose me I'm too broken and I can never be repaired

but today I met someone who made my heart beat they made me feel warm inside with just their words he told me that coffee cures all but can it heal a broken heart?

will it end this constant nightmare? will it wake me up? will I feel those tender lips? his warm breath and those passionate Firey kisses will leave me breathless and hot-and wanting so much more- and hearing his soft voice in my ear saying "I love you"

would make my heart race- heh but that's only a dream and I hear you whisper the same every night but it just leaves me in tears I don't feel my heart beat I don't hear it at all I wonder if I even still love you- you were meant for me but you couldn't truly love me no matter how many times you told me you did It doesn't matter because if you truly did then why did you choose her? not to hurt me? that's exactly what you did you broke my heart- it was broken before and you fixed it but now you completely shattered it - and I don't think I'll ever wake up I'll never be saved

I sobbed into my pillow and clenched the blanket when I suddenly heard a voice

"it will be alright Kaide, it will all be better, I'm here now"

when I turned to look who it was it wasn't you but him-

"Tetsuya? is that you?" I asked

"Yes- it's me Kaide-I don't know how I'm here but I can see that you needed me and I'll always be there for you-" he replied

"But why would you care? you don't know anything about me-" I replied

"I may not know everything about you but you reminded me a lot of myself I remember living in constant fear and not sleeping well because I would have constant nightmares and I still do to this day-"He replied

"I used to have nightmares but now they're real, my eyes are wide open" I replied

"You mean that you aren't sleeping?" he replied

"I wish but if I was dreaming then I could fly out of this bed" I replied

I got up and stood on the bed and stood on my tippy toes trying to lift myself up but to no Avail, I was completely grounded I plotted myself back onto the bed with a pout

"dammit this is real!- but how are you here?" I replied

"I'm not sure but I know for a fact that I am asleep- unless I somehow teleported here" he replied

he reached out and tried to hug me but he phased through me

"huh- well I guess I'm not physically here but This is real isn't it? I'm talking to you?" he replied

I nodded my head- I never thought something like this would happen

I mean I have talked to people in dreams like this but I was never sure if it was real or not

"I have dream hopped before- well I'm not entirely sure if that happened but I would talk to them like how we're talking now-" I replied

"that's pretty cool, I guess that's what I'm doing now except you're awake or at the very least half awake-" he replied

"so what were you doing or what happen before you appeared here?" I replied

"I had a nightmare like I do every night I didn't think I would be able to escape it but I was glad that I could meet you again" he replied

"I know what that's like being unable to escape a nightmare the only way I was able to wake up was when I died I could even feel the sharp pain and I could barely breathe" I replied

"That sounds horrible- was there no other way? at all?" he replied

"nope I did try but I could never escape and sometimes I was able to see my corpse" I replied

"That sounds horrifying-I wouldn't want to sleep again and I thought my nightmares were bad yours sound so much worse" he replied

"what are your nightmares about?" I asked

"about my past, I relive it over and over again and I can't do anything to change it no matter what I do nothing changes it all ends the same" he replied

"and how is that? if you don't mind me asking" I replied

"It's fine and don't worry about it- It usually ends with my mom dying in my arms saying her final words "It will be alright Tetsuya mommy isn't going anywhere" and then the life fades away from her eyes I scream and shake her but there is no reply and I sob hugging her corpse screaming "mom come back! you said you wouldn't leave why did you lie?!" and I continue sobbing-and then I would wake up but this time I met you-" he explained

"so before this, you were sobbing too?-and when you lost your mom how old were you?" I asked

"I was 13 when I lost her and yes I was a lot- and when I saw you doing the same I wanted to comfort you- and can I ask the reason why?" he replied

"Yeah it's only fair it was because of my Ex he told me over and over that he loved me but when I showed him my true self he got scared and ran off and then he told me that he got back with his girlfriend and I told him how it made me feel he told me that he still loved me but he still would choose her and she was the one who broke him and she was manipulating him again but when I told him he didn't believe me, he still loved her and it broke my heart but he didn't stop talking to me yet and he gave me false hope even saying he still loved me- but if that's true why did he chose her?

eventually, he stopped talking to me and blocked me but now I still hear his voice and I know it isn't real and every time I listen to him say "I love you" it just makes me sad I don't feel my heart beat at all and it makes me wonder if I truly loved him" I explained

"That sounds horrible I'm sorry you had to go through that-if was him I would choose you, you cared so much for him, right? I would never toss you out for a girl- even though I don't know my sexuality-and that was probably the reason but he shouldn't have done that to you - you don't deserve that- you deserve to be loved just like you showed him and you should never give that to ones who won't appreciate it-" he replied

"maybe he would have still loved me if I didn't change-"I replied

"change? what do you mean by that?" he replied

"I'm trans-I was born female" I replied

"Oh-I see well that was your own choice, right? who is he to judge you?" he replied

"I think he was projecting onto me because he too was trans- and yes it was my choice" I replied

"Oh-he shouldn't have taken it out on you even if he was struggling with his identity-" he replied

"Before I talked with him I too was struggling but by the time I talked with him I had an idea-" I replied

"well you feel comfortable now right? and if you don't that's ok too" he replied

"I did feel comfortable, but he made me feel like I made the wrong choice- and it made me hate myself more" I replied

"well I think you should forget about him and I know it's hard but try to think of something that makes you feel safe" he replied

"I already did and it's right in front of me" I replied

Tetsuya turned bright red

did he just flirt with me?!

"ME?!" he shouted

"of course, I meant you silly-who else? it's just you-he isn't here anymore" I replied

"You do feel comfortable with me don't you? but why?" he replied

"because you seem to care about me and I can tell that you mean it and I don't get why you would care for someone like me-but you make me feel so much better and I hope you aren't like him-" I replied

"I'm not but how can you trust a stranger like me?" he replied

"well, we aren't strangers anymore-and I'm glad you're here-at least mentally-" I replied

"I'm glad that I made you feel better-but we still barely know each other" he replied

"well we have some things in common like caring about others even if they're a stranger and have nightmares and traumas-and now we're talking in your dream-" I replied

"Ha that's true but we still had different experiences-and I never have been able to talk with someone in a dream and they were awake-" he replied

"Yeah, this must be surreal to you-and as we talked I started to like you, you're really caring and haven't judged me-" I replied

"I like to go out with you"

Tetsuya turned bright red

"did you say that last part out loud?" he replied

"what do mean?" I replied

"did you say- that you wanted to go out with me?" he replied

I turned bright red

"F*ck I think because this is a mental link between us we can read each other's thoughts" I replied

"I read your mind?!" he shouted

"Yes so please wake the F*ck up before you find out what I was imagining of you because I will die of embarrassment" I replied

"Why are you so embarrassed?" he replied

"Leave please!" I shouted

"This just makes me more intrigued, just what were you imaging?" he replied

he peered into his eyes and he saw it

[slight sexual content]

it was him passionately making out with them and he saw that he was hard

when he pulled back Kaide was breathless, and he let out a moan

he leaned in and whispered in his ear "I love you"

Tetsuya felt a strange sensation on his lips it oddly felt familiar

and now he felt his heart beating and he felt hot

Kaide looked up at him "you saw it didn't you?- and that sensation you felt before- did you feel it when I kissed you?" he replied

"You kissed me? when?!"Tetsuya shouted

"indirectly I took a sip of your coffee-" he replied

"You-Indirectly kissed me?!"Tetsuya shouted

"Yeah- and you're hard by the way" he replied

Tetsuya turned bright red

"I wish I could touch you and suck your d*ck" he replied

Tetsuya couldn't handle it anymore he was so turned on

he reached down and unbuckled his belt unzipped his pants and reached in putting his hands on his cock he moved them up and down as he rocked his hips back

he masturbated intensely -

I watched him and I was so turned on I couldn't help myself, so I joined him

he didn't realize how in sync we were but we both were enjoying ourselves

and when he wakes up he'll realize everything-

when I reached climax, I released, and I felt my cum flood out I felt like I was in heaven and when I reached down and tasted it- ah- it was so sweet- I was in ecstasy

it felt so good and I felt as light as a feather and I drifted off-

when Tetsuya woke up he felt how wet he was- Oh f*ck- they really turned me on-

I think I might be gay for them-