49 Code Geass FF chapter 49

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*****

Sigh...

Man!...

Now that I think about it, for those that might know about my situation.

Some people might not be able to accept the decision of just letting go of Marianne, right?

But we can't help it anyway. That's just how most adults live their life.

We mostly don't go with what we want to do.

We mostly choose what we NEED to do.

Besides, I, myself, don't really want to have a proper relationship with anyone.

Specially with Lady Marianne because she needs to give birth to Lelouch and Nanally.

In fact, I became quite close to her already.

We even became best friends when we don't even have a good amount of things we both enjoy.

Like, I don't like drinking but she does.

I do not like lazying about when I have something to learn.

Primarily because I can't relax just by lazying around.

If I really wanted to relax then I would play music.

She is more of a melee fighter while I inclined more on long range.

There are only three things that we liked together until now.

We liked memes that we get from social media.

We liked music, even though she doesn't have any talent in it.

We liked Mecha or knightmare frames mostly because that's the only type of mech that she knows right now.

In fact, the real reason why I am avoiding getting too close to her is because she NEEDS to die later.

It's not that I can't prevent her from dying.

It's just that I don't want to.

There are many ways to make the plot still happen on course even if she doesn't die.

I can even have her just disappear when the time comes.

But I won't because she will still die later on no matter what.

I can't give her VV's code and specially CC's.

And I am not even that attached to her right now that I would do this really troublesome things.

In truth, I just don't want to really go insane.

Because I know, I will really go insane If I loose someone really close to me again.

My will is not immortal after all.

The geass code can only make my body and soul immortal.

But my will is still of that of a mortal man.

I can still break when pushed to the limits.

We have only been together for few years now.

Even if she became my best friend now, I can still accept indifferently that she will die.

I can't do any detailed long term plans for after the canon starts because when the canon starts, I will be derailing the plot too much by then.

Charles would still need to get the code from VV later so he needs a reason to take it for himself.

Then the code will only be left in the thought elevator after Lelouch destroys the plans of Charles in the final moment.

The only sure thing that needed to happen is that Charles gets the code.

The finale can be derailed I won't really care anymore about the plot at that time.

So, that's right.

I can't be with Marianne or else, I will do everything I can just so that she will be with me forever.

I don't want to go all simping like that.

That's just brings back bad memories that I can't even forget now even if I want to.

Sigh...

Although I said before that I had experience in sexual endeavors in my previous life.

In truth, I had only ever had one girlfriend in my previous life.

I also had only ever had s*x with that one girl in my previous life too...

I was like the most simping person you could have ever met back then.

In fact, I don't even want to have a girlfriend back then.

I was like, 'F*ck girlfriends! That will just take my time away from anime!'

Yeah, that's really me.

But then, first love hit me when I didn't know.

It was a really effective sneak attack!

I was first like, 'Damn! I like this girl!' then I was like 'F*ck! I love her already!'.

Courting that girl didn't really seem like courting to me at that time.

Yeah, I courted her.

All I ever did at that time was make her laugh when we talk and make her relax when she is with me.

Have some fun, then talk about what we like.

That really isn't courting isn't it?

But that's all I know at that time anyway.

Then suddenly, one day, without knowing why.

She just said that we are 'together' together already.

I was like, 'Huh? what is she talking about now?' because I apparently forgot that I am even courting her myself.

Because I didn't asked for her answer even once after I confessed to her at the start.

She even have to remind me about it.

It was because I wasn't really expecting to be accepted by her at all.

I was already happy with just talking to her at that time.

Very naive right?

Anyways, that is not the bad memories though.

After that we were together for a few months.

We were only holding hands because I don't know when I should be doing what.

She is even the one who first initiated a kiss instead of me.

It was an issue for me back then because I was quite prideful of my gender at that time.

I wasn't yet enlightened by Sir Kazuma about gender equality at that time.

I learned a few vices indirectly and directly because of her.

I tried smoking which I also realize that I didn't really like at that time.

Then I also tried drinking alcohol which I also didn't like.

She's the one who invited me to drink because it was my birthday.

We did it in her house, together with the whole troop of our close friends.

We only numbered six, being three guys and three girls.

Me and the other two guys are best friends.

One of the girls is my best friend too.

Here's the bad memory.

A few months later...

My girl best friend called me one day to tell me something.

What she told me was that my girlfriend was having a relationship with one of my male best friends behind my back.

And it started just before my birthday too.

They even kissed at that time in my birthday too!

F*ck!

I get mad at my self just thinking about it.

I was easily drunk back then because it was my first time.

And what I really consider as bad memory now is that, at that time, I quickly thought about forgiving her if she just apologizes personally to me.

I was even on my way to my girlfriend's house that day too when my best friend told me the bad news.

The most infuriating simping moment I did back then was, I still did go to her house myself.

Then I asked her to apologize before forgiving her right then and there too!

Damn! Just thinking about my simping self back then makes want to die from shame and cringe.

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