Exposed Gaze

[Allison]

"I'm home," opening the door where neither my mother nor father could be seen. I untied my shoelaces at our front door before I stepped into the clean flooring that my mother cleans before she goes to work. 

It's always like this, no one is ever here whenever I go home from school. That's because they're working for my sake. And shortly, I swore to return the favor.

The strong gust of wind made our curtains dance and the chimes sing. I was dropping my bag as soon as I entered my room. I got dressed in my light yellow shirt and black sports pants. I tied my hair into a tall ponytail and turned the TV on in the living room for some noise. 

"What are you going to make?" a voice makes its way to be heard. 

"Are you hungry?" another one asks as I slowly make my way to the kitchen.

"Yes, I am," with a smile, I reached for the rice cooker to find it was empty. I poured some rice into it and rinsed it three times to remove some starch and other inappropriate chemicals or dirt.

"You're so thin, you should cook some meat," advice from a 'friend'.

"How about some dim sum today?" a suggestion came as I opened the fridge.

"I'd love to, but I don't have the ingredients to cook that," inspecting the vegetables and meat as I scan the inside for other things I can work with. I proceeded to cook some egg-fried rice as we had leftover rice and a tray of eggs sitting on the corner.

The smell of it made my stomach growl as I cleared the table to put some plates and disposable chopsticks.  I rummage through the fridge one more time to discover some hot cocoa mix and vanilla ice cream in a container for dessert.

~~

"I wish I could eat some of that too," drooling as they look at me dining in some chips and drinking apple juice.

I'm just having a light snack while what I cooked earlier was for dinner, for my parents and me to enjoy when they get home. It was already getting dark and chilly so I shut every window and folded the dried clothes.

There was no homework to finish so I had nothing better to do than lie on the couch as I waited for the doors to open. The sun is beginning to settle down as my eyes start to fail me.

"Al?" A gentle pat on my head woke me up. "I'm home," she said.

"Mom? Welcome home," scratching my eyes as I noticed a blanket covering me from cold winds. "When did you get home?" I asked as she was still in her work uniform.

"Just now," she beamed a smile. I figured that if she didn't get me this blanket, my 'friend' must've. And it must be for a while now because my warmth is already all over it.

"I bought some cup ramen too," she added, revealing a plastic full of pieces of bread and ramen from the convenience store.

"Thanks," I say, boiling water in the kettle as I set the table with plates, chopsticks, and a couple of drinks as well. "Are you drinking tonight?" I noticed a few cans of booze in the plastic that she brought.

"Can I?" she pleaded, holding the bottle for dear life. It's not necessary to get permission from me, so I just played along and nodded in response as I saw her jumping for joy. Who am I to stop my mother from feeling relieved and happy for a little while?

"Was work that hard?" I massaged her shoulders when she sat down, pouring her liquor into a glass full of ice cubes.

"It was," she drank her first shot. "But it's fine," she continued, pouring another one. Smiling through the hardship to not make me worry. "You can drink some too if you want," she was ready to pour another shot of glass for me.

"I'm still underaged," I retaliate, giggling at her pout as the kettle laughed with me. 

"Hurry and grow up! I want a drinking buddy already!" she drowns her second shot, proceeding to eat some chips that she also bought. 

I covered the fried rice I cooked with some plastic wrapper and put it in the refrigerator as I was sure that neither I nor Mother would eat it that evening. Picking up the kettle, I poured the boiling water into some instant cup noodles and sealed it up for about three minutes.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Before I forget, we're going to your Grandas this weekend, so be sure you're free," she then went back to drinking after being said that.

"Of course," I instantly answered. It's not like I have anyone inviting me somewhere anytime.

After a few more hours of my drunk mother ranting to me about today's work, she was dead asleep. It was only the two of us living here and I couldn't just leave her there, imagining how painful her body ache would be when she woke up, I somehow managed to drag her to her room. Tucking her in, I noticed a picture frame facing downward from her workspace. 

I walked towards it and opened the night light only to find that her table was full of papers. Some were for work, some were for both paid and unpaid bills, and some were thick folders with foreign languages written on them. Reaching my hand to the picture frame, I took a peak and found our very first family picture.

It was taken in my parent's bedroom where I was soundly sleeping in between them. It was when I was still a newborn. They both looked so happy watching over me.

A cold breeze suddenly came from the slightly opened window that made my mother groan from coldness. I gave her a blanket immediately and fled the scene after I took a picture of the frame and closed the window.

As I was walking to my bed, I didn't even realize that a few drops of tears were starting to fall. Just staring at the picture after I threw myself to bed, I started to drift off to sleep.

"Why did it have to end up that way?" I murmured before finally falling asleep.