Meant to Be: Part Two

He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head. "Look at me."

She had tears in her eyes.

"Awe, Tink."

"I'm sorry, Bean. I'm sorry I started this whole thing. At first, it was just a little fun, you know, brought on by a lot of whiskey."

"There was no alcohol involved the day we were first together," Dean said, kissing her softly.

"I know you didn't want to. I know you only did it because I wanted it. Bean, you always do anything that I ask of you. You have my entire life, and I can't remember a time you ever told me no."

"I didn't know I wanted to do it until it happened. Now, I want to all the time. I can't be with anyone without you crossing my mind, Tink. How are we going to stop these feelings? I can't think about you when I make love to someone else."

"You're sleeping with someone in California?" she asked. She stopped moving. She looked hurt.

"No," he said. "I did a couple of times when I was with Allison. It was after we left here at Christmas."

"Oh my God. Really? Yet you didn't want to do it before it happened?"

"You're my sister."

"Step-sister and that doesn't answer the question, so let me rephrase it. Did you want to make love to me before I even said anything?"

"I don't know," he said.

"Why did you really kiss me that night in the kitchen? You kissed me like a lover, not a brother."

"Because you're the reason I came home. I know that Mom threatened to kill me if I didn't, but Allison was riding me hard. She didn't want me to come. And I knew she wasn't going to come. Maybe I should never have come. Things would have been much less complicated. Then I wish I locked the bathroom door. I wish I did because now it's going to be nearly impossible to quit you. It's not like we can break up and not see each other again. I can stay away as long as I can. Being in California can have its difficulties. Working for the bureau alone can make a good reason not to be able to make it out. I can come up with something to keep my distance."

"Won't being away longer only make it harder when we see each other? Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?"

"I was hoping for out of sight, out of mind," he said.

"I don't know if I can go that long without seeing you. Last time, you were gone for seven months and look what happened."

She slid off him and curled next to him in a little ball. "I'm so selfish."

"What? No. No, you're not." He gathered her up into his arms.

"I only wish this didn't happen because I want it to continue. I took your virginity, Tink. I..."

"I gave you my virginity. I wanted you to be my first. I couldn't have truer love," she said.

He kissed her cheek. "We can still be close. We had a strange relationship, to begin with. Closer than most. We need to go back to that. That's why I am thinking of us taking some time apart."

"I hope that we can. Not that I want us to, but we have to, don't we? Just don't love someone more than you love me, please."

"Tink, I will never love someone more than you. I will never choose someone over you. I wouldn't do it for Allison, and if I wouldn't do it for her, I wouldn't do it for anyone.

"Should we finish what we started?" she asked. "Make love to me one last time. Be with me one last time. Look into my eyes while we do it and tell each other I love you one last time."

Time went slow. They went slow. It was like a perfect moment between two lovers—the kindness, gentleness, unconditional love, and unconventional purity. At that moment, they were not Tink and Bean. They were Sarah and Dean, the happy couple.

She lay with her head on his chest while he held her close.

"We are so good together, aren't we? Maybe we were meant to be together."

"Well, we are brother and sister," he said.

"That's not what I meant. Two people need to find each other in this huge world. What if God put us together so we didn't have to search?"

"That's a good assessment, but regardless, what we are doing is---"

"Socially unacceptable. I know. Some even consider it incest, but just because you have been there since I was born, we will never be related by blood. We could even have a baby without worrying about any genetic issues. We are related by love."

"You keep trying to justify what we are doing."

"How am I doing?" she asked.

"Surprisingly, an excellent job." He smiled and kissed her on the nose.

"Are you ever going to find another girlfriend?"

"I haven't really thought about it," he said, staring at the ceiling.

"I am with Alex. You need to find someone."

"Didn't you just say that we were meant to be together? You gave me numerous examples of why what we have been doing isn't really wrong," he said.

"We need to live our lives. I don't think we should try to do a long distance in this situation."

"Then come home with me. I am sure you can get a job if you want one. You can start that charity you always wanted to run. There are famous people all over the place where I live. You can network and get corporate sponsors. With your social status, you will have people tripping over themselves to meet you and help you out."

"Bean, I just can't uproot my life. Would you like it if I asked you to quit your job and come home? You can work at the ranch. You know you will always have a job. You're a forensic accountant, which is like the superman of accountants," she said.

"First, you don't have to suck up to me, I already love you. Two, you know I don't want to work for the company in any capacity. Three... you're absolutely right. I am sorry I bought it up. I am just looking for how we can do this... without moving to Utah."

"I will start my charity at some point. It's just right now, I am too young and too immature," she said.

"I hate that you are with Vasquez."

"I know. I don't understand why."

"I think it is because he has loved you for so long, and I had told him to leave you alone. Yet here we are. I saw how much attention you always paid to him. You would sit on his lap and play with his hair. That's our thing, and you did it to him. From what I saw tonight, you still do," he said.

"So, you have been jealous of him for years."

"I have."

"Because I play with his hair? That's a little much, don't you think?" She let out a laugh.

"Did you just laugh?" He let go of her and got out of the bed. He started to get dressed. He was visibly upset.

"Bean. I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh. I think it's sweet that you are a little jealous."

"A little jealous? A little jealous? No, I am a little pissed and a lot hurt. I think it's time for you to return to your room."

"I said I was sorry."

"I know I heard you."

"You don't accept my apology?" she asked.

"Remember, Mom always told us you can choose not to accept someone's apology. I'm making that choice."

"I didn't know something as simple as me playing with your hair meant so much to you." But she did know.

"Yeah, well, it does. Are you going to go to your room, or should I go there, and you stay here?"

He picked up her pajamas and handed them to her. She slowly started to button her shirt. "You could have said something before," Sarah said.

"Why? How would that have sounded if I told you? I felt weird just for feeling that way. Brothers shouldn't be jealous of their sister's boyfriend or whatever you guys were back then."

He went to the wet bar in his room and poured himself a drink. He drank it down and poured himself another one.

"Bean, do you drink this much at home?"

"I don't need an intervention, Tink."

She walked up to him and took the glass. She set it on the bar. "I'm worried about you, that's all. You seem to drink a lot when you're here, and I wanted to know if this is normal behavior."

"I'm fucking my sister, of course, I drink. You have no idea how torn I am about this. You seem completely fine. I mean, you just fucked me this morning. You fucked Alex tonight, and then two hours later, you're fucking me in the shower. Then you're making love to me one last time, and now you're all ready to continue to live your life."

She didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. He was right.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Dean said.

He picked the drink back up and drank it in one swallow. "I love you, Sarah, but go to your room."

He poured himself another drink.

She just stood there. She didn't want to leave things like this.

"GO!"

He had raised his voice to a level that scared her a little. She flinched. He never yelled at her before. He never raised his voice.

She left the room without saying another word.

He emptied the glass and grabbed his phone off the table. He lay there for an hour. He started thinking of drunk texting Allison to tell her she was right. He could see it now. He would change his ways. He wanted her back. That he would do what she wanted, but he knew none of it was true. The last thing he wanted was to be controlled and miserable with Allison.

So, instead, he activated the link to the camera in Sarah's room. She was curled up on her bed, crying. He immediately felt like an asshole. He raised his voice to her. No, he yelled at her. He hadn't ever made his sister cry. He was the one she came to when she was crying. He didn't know what he should do. He was the one who made her cry, and he couldn't be the one to comfort her, too. A firefighter can't light the fire and then put it out, not in good conscience. He texted her instead.

D: I'm sorry, Tink. I accept your apology. Jealousy makes you do and think unreasonable things. I love you. I am in love with you, and that scares me.

He watched her pick her phone up from her side table. She read his text and then put the phone back down without answering him. He felt a pain in his chest. He had really fucked things up with her. He decided to try to talk to her.

She was heartbroken. Her brother had never made her cry. She would go to him whenever she cried, and he would hold her. The thought of it only made her cry harder. Her phone buzzed on her side table. She looked at it. He was texting her. She was so hurt she didn't want to answer him.

"Let him suffer for a while."

There was a soft knock on her door. "Tink? Tink, please open the door."

She didn't move. She just cuddled up with Mr. Bear.

"Tink, I am sorry. I know I am an asshole. I never meant to make you cry."

"What did you think was going to happen?" She called out.

"Please open the door."

She slid off the bed. She slowly opened the door. Her face was red, and tears stained her cheeks. She was using Mr. Bear to wipe her eyes.

"Oh, Tink." He went to take her into his massive arms.

She put her hand on his chest and aggressively pushed him as hard as she could. He didn't budge. He just stood there. She turned around and climbed back in bed. Seeing her curled into a little ball, holding Mr. Bear, broke him. He had vowed to protect her. Now, she needs protection from him.

He perched on the side of her bed.

"I didn't know. I would have never done it if I knew that you felt so strongly about it," she said, sniffling.

"I know. I never said anything, and you're not a mind reader."

He moved a piece of hair from her face and behind her ear. She was wearing a pair of diamond earrings that he had bought her for her 13th birthday. He had saved his checks for six weeks so that he could buy them for her.

"You're wearing the earrings I bought for you," he said. He brushed her cheek lightly.

She put Mr. Bear over her face. She spoke, but the bear muffled it. "I have worn them every day since you gave them to me. I only take them out once a month to let my ears breathe."

"You've never worn any other earrings?"

"Why would I? I have the only pair that I need."

"Come back to my room. I want to hold you while we sleep."

"No," she snapped back.

"No? Tink, I said---"

"I know what you said. It hurt me. You were angry with me for something I did that I didn't know bothered you."

"I know, but when you laughed at me, it really upset me. Like I said, it was a dumb reason to be jealous. Will you please come back to my room? Maybe play with my hair?" He got on his knees. "Please."

"Are you really sorry, or are you just saying it so I will come back?"

"What do I have to do to make you know my apology is genuine? I'll do anything."

"Anything?"

"Yes. name it."

"Would you kill for me?"

"Sure, as long as it's Vasquez."

It made her giggle a little. "Will you accept my relationship with Alex?"

"Oh, Tink. That's one thing I can't do."

"You said anything."

He rubbed his eyes. They were burning. The words felt like acid in his mouth.

"Yes, Tink. I will tolerate the relationship you have with Vasquez. But I can never accept it."

"Really?"

"Don't make me repeat it, please."

"Thank you, Bean."

"So, will you come back to my room? Can I hold you while we sleep?"

"Will you carry me?"

"Of course. Piggy or bride?"

"Bride."

He picked her off the bed and carried her back to his bedroom. All the while, she played with his thick