Mental Digress

The Emperor sighed. This place had been somewhere he considered a solace of sorts a long time ago.

 He had wandered into this area with Eunuch Li when he was little and was trying to avoid going back home to face his mother's fit of anger. She had recently tried to stab his father again and like usual, they had an argument and then his father stormed off, and now all her attention and anger was directed on him.

He thought it quite funny that she always tried to stab him, if she really wanted to kill him, poisoning would have been more effective and more fitting to her style.

After all, she has done it multiple times with no problems and his father ate whatever she brought with no reservations, which baffled him, but he thought that his father must have trusted his mother on some level not to really kill him, either that or he was just incredibly conceited.

Thinking back on it, perhaps stabbing him through the chest was symbolic for her, returning the pain she felt, and so was a necessity for his demise in her unwell mind.

Either way, when they were together, they ignored him and when they fought, his life became unbearable. Anyway, he had stumbled upon this quiet area of the palace one day randomly to avoid the chaotic situation.

 Jun Kai stood by the pond staring blankly at the calm water, occasionally sighing.

"What are you doing here?" A voice called from behind in surprise.

Jun Kai turned around to the origin of the voice and then quickly bowed in greeting, "Third brother."

"Are you crying?" Jun Shan walked forward with raised eyebrows.

Jun Kai knit his brows and firmly said, "No."

"Okay then."Jun Shan said and then walked up beside Jun Kai and sat down on the grass and looked up at the other, smiled and said, "Sit down."

 Jun Kai frowned at the grass and Jun Shan looked at his expression, laughed and pulled him down, "Don't worry you won't get caught, people rarely come around here."

Jun Kai looked at him skeptically, then glanced down and frowned at the grass he was now sitting on.

"So why were you crying?" The older one asked.

Jun Kai narrowed his eyes, "I don't cry."

"Your expression says you were and those old man sighs of yours also sound like sobbing." Jun Shan said smiling.

 Jun Kai remained silent, knitting his brows.

"Ah let me guess, you got in trouble with your mother?" Jun Shan asked with a smirk and a knowing expression on his face.

Jun Kai frowned and froze.

"Ah, so that's what it is..." Jun Shan nodded in understanding and raised a hand to pat Jun Kai's back. Jun Kai immediately moved away, frowning at the hand. Jun Shan with his hand hanging in the air looked at Jun Kai perplexed, "Are you scared?"

Jun Kai straightened up and looked at him with a crossed expression, "No."

 "Then why did you move?" Jun Shan asked amused.

Jun Kai's frowning expression deepened but he didn't say anything.

"You're weird...but quite cute." Jun Shan laughed and pat him on the back, Jun Kai flinched a bit but didn't move away this time, but had an unconvinced frown on his face.

"If your mother's upset with you, why not run to father to help you?" Jun Shan suggested.

Jun Kai was silent for a long time and then quietly said, "He won't help."

 They sat in silence for a while, then Jun Shan gave him a hard pat on the back, causing Jun Kai to turn to him with a frown, and then said, "Well, at least father comes to see you...no matter what your mother won't bear to punish you too badly."

"He doesn't come to see me." Jun Kai mumbled staring at the pond.

The two sat in silence for a while again and then Jun Shan got up, "How about we play a game?"

Jun Kai looked up, nodded and then got up as well.

 "Let's play...ah, tag!" Jun Shan said excitedly.

"Tag?" Jun Kai raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, tag." Jun Shan looked at the expression on the other person's face and dubiously asked, "You don't know what it is?"

Jun Kai frowned.

Jun Shan smiled, "That's fine...Ah, so it's a game where I hit you, so you're it." He demonstrated tapping on Jun Kai's shoulder, "...and then you chase after me to catch me."

"And then?" Jun Kai asked with a raised eyebrow.

 "...and then I become it and chase you."

Jun Kai frowned and asked, "So it's just going around in circles, with no real gains or losses, what is the point of that?"

Jun Shan blinked, "The point?... It's just for fun." He finished with a laugh.

"Fun?" Jun Kai's frown deepened, seeming to be contemplation.

Jun Shan looked at him with a perplexed smile, "Anyway, it's fun. You're it, so you have to catch me or you lose." Then he sped off running.

Jun Kai watched him with a frown for a bit and then sped off after him, regardless of whether he understood the point or not, he is not allowed to lose.

 After running around for a bit, Jun Shan took Jun Kai home to his mother, they lived in the courtyard near the pond.

Jun Kai observed the little courtyard, it seemed like there was only one maid here. He saw Jun Shan's mother, who was dressed simply warmly hug him as they entered the courtyard. Jun Shan excitedly spoke to his mother about the events of the day and about finding him by the pond.

To Jun Kai, this place seemed like a different world in every way.

Jun Shan pulled him out of his astonishment when he dragged him from the doors over to his mother. Jun Kai bowed in greeting, and she smiled warmly back at him. He awkwardly ate a simple meal with them that was filled with Jun Shan's chattering and his mother's occasional input.

After the meal, Jun Shan pulled him outside to go fly a kite and boasted about making it himself and pushed the handle into Jun Kai's hands, who frowned at it in confusion and then followed instructions to run with the paper kite and release it into the air.

 As Jun Kai watched the paper kite soar, he couldn't help a little smile forming on his lips.

"So you can actually smile."

The smile on his face vanished and he looked forward to see Jun Shan in front of him looking at him wide-eyed with a silly smile on his face, he then frowned.

At that moment, the entrance doors opened, and Eunuch Li stood there and bowed towards them.

Jun Kai nodded, put the kite handle in Jun Shan's hands, then bowed and walked towards the doors. Jun Shan looked at his back for a while and then said, "You should come to play again. It's fun having a younger brother to teach."

 Jun Kai turned to look at Jun Shan, who was smiling at him brightly while flying the kite. Jun Kai looked at him blankly for a while, nodded, then turned and left.

As they walked back to their palace, Eunuch Li quietly asked, "Was it fun?"

"En." Jun Kai quietly answered feeling somewhat happy but also conflicted. Today, he saw a different world, and couldn't help making comparisons to the one he knew, although a plain and simple world, but it was a seemingly happier one.

Eunuch Li smiled, "We can come again."

After that day, occasionally, he would come here. It was a happy escape for him. He had no idea whether his mother was aware of his visits or not. If she was, she didn't say anything about them. Perhaps Eunuch Li spoke to her and got her consent, or perhaps Eunuch Li hid it well, or his mother wasn't at all interested in his absences.

 The Emperor sighed again.

{...Is it possible to change things?...would things be any different if I didn -...}

{...*You're unexpectedly quite sentimental, didn't think you had the capacity for it...You have definitely grown up well here! I am so proud!...}

 The Emperor blinked.

{...You're back?...}

{...*You sound displeased -_-)'...}

{...No, it's just so soon...You're usually gone longer...}

{...*Would you prefer I leave? -_-)'...}

{...No, no, I'm simply pleasantly surprised...so, what's wrong?...}

{...*Nothing...Must there be something wrong to talk you? -_-)'...}

{...I guess not...but why are you here then?...}

{...*You were being annoying!... Your stupid misplaced guilt was disturbing me, so I had to say something about it!...}

{...I don't feel guilty...I didn't do anything wrong...}

{...*Not guilt? Then, responsibility...}

{...}

{...*You don't owe him anything...whatever debt you feel you owe has been evened out...}

 {...}

{...*Hey! Think something! Is your brain asleep?!...}

{...}

{...*Hey!...}

{...This is strange...}

{...*What is?...}

{...Having a conversation?... Normally you just...the situation is also...different?...}

{...*Well, I was bo-...}

{...Since you're talking, can you tell me what the issue is with the girl?...}

{...*What girl?...}

{...The one you had me keep in the palace, Lei Xing...}

{...*Oh...that one...}

{...Yes, how does she leaving the palace endanger my life?...}

{...*Endanger your life? 0_0)...}

{...Yes, that's why you said I'd regret it, isn't it?...}

{...*...}

 The emperor frowned as he listened to the sound of laughter reverberating in his head.

{...*hahaha...you have certainly become more adorable...hahahahaha...endanger your life?...hahahaha...well it is quite possible for you to kill each other...hahahahaha...Actually no, it's more likely for her to kill you...you should have been like this from the beginning...too adorable...hahahahahahahaha...}

{...Then what exactly is it?...}

{...*...}

{...Hello?... Are you still there?...}

{...*...}

{...Seriously?!...Can't you just explain things properly?...}

{...}

The Emperor sighed in annoyance, then turned around and walked back to his retinue and walked back to the royal study. When he got back, he said to Eunuch Li, "Send for Noble consort Lei." and then entered the study.

Lei Xing, who had been having a leisurely day, received the summons and begrudgingly got dressed and made her way there.

Now here she was, awkwardly standing in the middle of the royal study, while the emperor was sitting above on his throne chair staring at her.

{...What exactly is it?... If it's not endangering my life...then what is it?...}

 They had been like this for a while now, since the moment she entered the room. At first, Lei Xing was looking straight at him, but after a long while of this awkward staring, she was having trouble maintaining eye contact.

{...This is really awkward...and very uncomfortable...it's like being under a freaking microscope!... What the hell is your problem now?...}

 "Come sit down here." The Emperor finally spoke, motioning to a chair placed at the corner of his table. Lei Xing awkwardly climbed up and sat down feeling tense under his intense frowning gaze. She looked at him with a guarded expression, ready to flee on notice.

{...Well, this is worse -_-)'...}

 The Emperor stayed like that observing her with a deep frown for a while.

{...If it's not that...and looking at how it spoke about her...it could be that she has something to do with it...maybe...}

 "Is there anything strange about you?" The Emperor asked with a raised eyebrow at her.

Lei Xing blinked with eyebrows raised, taken aback by his question, and quickly answered, "No."

{...What sort of question is that? And who would really say yes to that? -_-)...}

 "Really?" The Emperor asked with a raised eyebrow.

She looked at him skeptically and said, "I don't think I am any stranger than the next person."

The Emperor's raised his eyebrows.

{...Any stranger than the next person...then maybe...}

 "Do you perhaps sometimes hear a voice speaking to you...in your head?" The Emperor carefully asked.

Lei Xing knit her brows and indignantly said, "I'm not crazy."

The Emperor frowned, "I didn't say you were crazy. Also hearing a voice in your head doesn't mean you're crazy."

Lei Xing looked at him unconvinced, "Do you hear voices in your head?"

 The Emperor blinked, and his mouth twitched, and he reminded, "I'm the one asking the questions."

Lei Xing rolled her eyes in her head and looked off to the side.

{...Well, you seem to be quite defensive on this...maybe you're hearing voices...Great! A possibly psychotic emperor, wouldn't that be perfect -_-)...}

 The Emperor continued staring at her intently with a deep frown.

{...So she doesn't hear it?... Or perhaps she doesn't want to say...it's not exactly something you can tell others...should I tell her that I hear it too...No, what if she actually doesn't...}

 Lei Xing glanced at him, seeing his frowning probing gaze again, she looked off to the side again.

{...This is so weird...What exactly is his problem today?!... If you're having a mental breakdown, please leave me out of it -_-)...}