Chapter 55: Who To Blame

The training session continued once again, now with both Pholly and I being students as well. Cainne taught us more skills in combat barehanded and when using weapons. The training felt longer than before, and every swing of my wooden sword brought exhaustion in my whole body.

The sun that was once enveloping the air with its heat finally started sleeping towards the West, leaving the sky on its apricot color, which could only be witnessed when the celestial object will take its farewell.

At the same time, Cainne announced another break. I didn't expect that we would still continue until night. Well, the tournament will be held in a few days so I understand his harsh and quick training. And besides, every break with refreshments filled my energy levels high.

"Please, have some water," Nilo said, carrying a wooden tray with bowls filled with clean water standing at the top of it. The others started to grab their own drinks until mine was the last one left.

Without me being aware, he started walking towards my direction with a poker face. Every time I could see his face, I couldn't help but remember that time, and I regretted that happened.

"T-Thanks." I took the last bowl and tried to pretend that the incident before didn't exist anymore. But no matter how hard I remove it from my memory, it kept coming back like that of a magnet. And I know that the stutter gave it all away, as I saw him averting his eyes from me.

Silence surrounded us, and no one even bothered to break it. It was suffocating in front of him. His presence opened the door towards my guilt and every time he will show up, it kept pulling me into the depths of my mind.

"By the way, Nilo..."

Dalary managed to break the silence since she had never liked any place that was too quiet. Finally, the awkwardness between us was now gone. I turned around to see my tendrin friend with furrowed brows. It seems like what she was about to say wasn't just a joke.

"I've been thinking about this." She said, now landing her chin on her fingers. "This shop should be filled with rooms for blacksmithing."

"And instead, you reserved this wide backyard like it was a training ground." She added. Her eyes were glaring at Nilo like a deadly laser. She had been suspicious of everyone, so this time was no different.

I noticed Nilo with widened eyes and shaking hands. It seems like he was shocked by her observations of him. Sweat dripped from his head down to his cheeks.

"Tell me…" She said one more time. "Are you all just blacksmiths?"

Indeed, she saved me from the silence before, but right now, she just formed another tension-filling silence with her question. But come to think of it, this ground was too perfect for a training ground. I thought it would be filled with fireplaces and tools.

I took a peek at Nilo's reaction, and he didn't say anything yet. She hit him hard through her question. I understand that this shop was weird but she shouldn't go that far like making him nervous in front of us.

"Y-Yeah…" Later on, he finally admitted. He wore a smile that was obviously fake and started rubbing the back of his head. His eyes were averted from us. "I was taught by someone…"

Even though he started to tell everything, his voice told me that he didn't want to. Dalary shouldn't have asked him such a question that will put him in a hot seat.

"And this had become my training ground since the master didn't use it anymore." He added, ending his explanation with a wide smile, but one can see that it wasn't real.

"Is that so…" She answered, still in full suspicion on the man. She might be checking if what he said was the truth. These days, her trust issues were higher than before for some reason.

"Can you train with us?" Cainne asked with a smile which was more sincere right now. His golden eyes were shining along with the stars in the sky. As usual, his beauty as an encantor is showing up.

"Sure." Nilo smiled back. It seems that Cainne removed the tension between Dalary and him in the right way.

After the heated conversation earlier, we were back on training once again, now with Nilo joining with us. Just like last time, we were being divided into duels to find who needs more practice. I was doing well with the first ones, but I wasn't always winning.

Pholly was more experienced than me so she defeated me with no sweat. But I wasn't the one who was participating in the tournament, so there's no need for them to teach me.

And guess who I was dueling this time, Nilo. The guilt was once again triggered, and I couldn't be able to look at him straight in the eye now that it was time for our fight. I just lowered my head, and couldn't be able to lift my sword up to get ready.

It seemed like there was a gigantic wall in front of me, and I couldn't be able to break it down or even climb it up. This wall of regret started to block me until there's no way for me to move anymore.

"Meria, it's fine if–"

"N-No."

Cainne, noticing my uncomfortable approach towards our duel, decided to cancel it. But I refused to. I don't want the training to be ruined just because of me. I must continue it.

"I can do it," I said, now raising my head up high. But once I met up with Nilo's eyes, I averted with immediate speed and looked up. Even though I said that I could do it, I started regretting what I said.

Because of that, Cainne didn't interrupt us anymore and announced the start of our duels. Both of us didn't hesitate to sprint forward, with now lifted swords ready to defeat each other. I decided to not look at him directly.

The clangs of our swords were following a rhythm as our eyes were focused on each other's movements. I put every lesson that I learned earlier, and I couldn't believe that I slowly started to catch up on his speed and reflexes.

But no matter how serious I fight, I couldn't help but lift my head and take a glimpse of his true real face that I haven't seen for a while. His black eyes the same as me reminded me of that incident again.

The terror that I felt before kept coming back to me. Because of that incident, my whole life changed and never turned back. And for some reason, my mind was now filled with anger as I remembered it, which I don't know if it is for me or for him.

Then all of a sudden, I felt something strange inside my senses. My eye felt like I've seen everything around me, including what's on my back. The clangs were louder than before, and even the quietest of insects could be heard.

Because of this, I could be able to dodge and keep up with Nilo's speed and reflexes. Somehow, I can also feel my eyes started to burn like it was just transforming. The heat was the same as the one I felt when I first used my magic, except it was playing with my mind now.

Even my partner had his eyes widened because of what he saw. I may not see it but I'm sure it wasn't the usual.

With his shocked face, another memory was triggered. I could remember that face of him as he experienced what I had done. Like he didn't expect what happened.

And I couldn't help but think that he deserved it.

My hatred was now controlling my body. I couldn't help but lift my sword and tried to pierce it towards him, even though it was just a wooden stick.

My mind was now focused on landing a blow towards him. He was succeeding in dodging and blocking my attacks, but I could still follow him in the rhythm.

Until his sword was being thrown away from his hands, causing him to fell down on the ground in a loud thud. The other duels stopped in their fight and went in our direction.

As soon as they saw me, their eyes widened out of shock. They must have seen the same thing as Nilo saw earlier.

I lifted my sword and pointed it at him. His face mixed with confusion and fear made me ill as I wished I saw it before. The heat came back once more, and it was hotter than before.

It was too painful that I would scream, but I endured it, as I remembered Nilo lying on the ground. The others started shouting my name, but I was deaf enough to not hear them. All I can hear right now were their beating hearts and echoing voices.

"Meria!"

But then, one voice passed through my ears and struck my mind like lightning. It broke all the barriers and the familiarity made it to me. I turned around to find the sourc and saw Cainne standing beside them with worry.

The heat and my enhanced senses disappeared in an instant like a wind that passed through. I could hear their voices clearly and my mind was now back to normal.

Then, I saw Nilo lying on the ground with wounds and scratches. When I saw it, I started shivering, couldn't believe I hurt him. My jaw almost dropped and fear crawled in my mind once more.

I harmed him again, just like before.

I turned my head to the others, who had the same confused face. Unknowingly, I took a step backward, then followed by my other foot. From time to time, the distance between us got longer.

"I-I'm… sorry…"

Until I decided to run away from the scene, didn't know how to fix everything that I did. I thought I could be able to face all of my problems but I didn't change.

Why did I even do that?