What He Was Not

Lee Yong was unsure if reading about sexuality sparked lots of introspection. He was unsure if it was because he had been reading about it for so long or if his interest in others were specific, but something snapped in him. He realised he was not straight either.

He never felt attracted to someone based on gender. But being a celebrity who did not want scandal, he never acted upon those attractions.

In the past, he was attracted to both men and women, and he always brushed off his attraction toward the same gender as admiration.

After contemplating for a while, Lee Yong pulled up a new paper and started to write the list of people he was attracted to and what he felt was a more attractive trait. He wanted to compare and understand himself more.

A week back, he would not even have thought of the possibility of him not being straight. He always brushed off his attraction toward other males with an excuse of interest in them or, more particularly, an appreciation for some talent or trait he appreciated.

He always hid his crush as something he admired in them, especially if it was towards someone of the same gender.

It dies away when he gets to know the person, their real self. As if the only quality good about them was that talent or trait he felt attractive and nothing else was good about them. His crushes also pass by very soon.

But he wanted to be honest with himself if he had to make everything right for his brother.

After listing all thirteen people he had ever felt attracted to, he became more clueless. He did not even let out the childhood crush he had on someone. He could not understand what his sexuality was or what he was attracted to as there were no patterns.

But he knew the list had more males than females.

He was attracted to five females in his life and even was in a relationship with one in school. But he was attracted to eight males in his life. His first childhood crush was his childhood best friend. Clearly, it states what his sexuality was about, at the least.

The more he thought, the more he realised what he was not while he could not understand what he was. 'I hate specifics that I don't even understand. Someone, please help me!'

Lee Yong plopped into his bed face down, questioning his life and his entire existence.

He was sad. It had been two days, and no one knew where Lee Whan was.

His father believed Lee Whan would be fine and safe if he were with his friend.

And his mother did not even acknowledge that the other was missing.

While he was sitting on pins and needles, wondering where his brother was and how he was doing.

Unfortunately, he did not know his brother was three floors above him but drunk out of wits and creating lots of ruckus with his friends.

There was an ungodly noise from the above flat. Not their directly above flat but a couple of floors above. They had been partying for two days non-stop, and Lee Yong was unsure how many days it would last.

The previous day when Lee Yong heard the noise from the floor above, he wanted to go up with a sledgehammer and break the entire house. He was sensitive about everything that happened with his brother, and a brutal headache pushed him to get aggressive. But his reputation as a celebrity was at skate. Hence he gritted his head and pushed the violent thoughts away.

Lee Yong walked out to the balcony to get some air and even hear the drama to distract himself. His entire band members were seated there with melon seeds and listening to the conversation with a shit-eating grin.

Some people were trying to strip on the balcony, and someone else was trying to drag them back in. The commotion was too loud that Lee Yong heard the conversation well. But the drunk blabber was high and not highly comprehendable.

But whoever was controlling them not only deserves the award for patience but also for having a pleasant but still powerfully commanding voice. The voice was like a resting demon chiding his unruly human spawns - the mix of authority, fondness, and exasperation made Lee Yong feel the threat.

Celestials' band dorm was on the seventh floor, while Choi Haneul's flat, where Lee Whan was staying, was on the tenth floor.

Lee Yong definitely did not know that the brother he was worried about was three floors above, drunk and complaining to the mafia boss.

And he neither knew Choi Haneul was the little Choi who offered sanctuary to his brother nor the same Choi Haneul who would soon be the new choreographer for his band.

The same man would make Lee Yong's world flip upside down with one simply existing.