One day at a time

The breakfast place was a beautiful tiny open place and Priya had a sumptuous meal which included pancakes, scrambled eggs and of course aromatic coffee with cream and sugar. She truly enjoyed it and at the same time remained guarded of herself though at times she forgot about it and said something about her breakfast or the place around. Raj on his part seemed to listen to her carefully interjecting with his thoughts in between.

After the breakfast Raj dropped her at her college south gate. Priya looked at Raj and merely nodded as if she were saying a "bye" and got down from the car, closing the door behind her. She found Sean chatting up with his friends under a tree at the far end of the gate and he had not glanced at her. She let out a deep breath thanking God that Sean had not noticed the car nor Raj! She quickened her pace and before she knew she had stumbled on a rock losing her balance and falling flat on her bottoms!

"AHHH" she yelped with pain when Sean looked up and ran towards her to help. He quickly gave her a hand and held her by the shoulders to steady her as she recovered from the fall.

"Thanks Sean, I am alright now! I needed this wake up call today haha", she told jokingly.

"Be careful Priya, can't see you in pain, you know that", he told her more seriously, his hand still on her shoulder to ensure she is ok.

Priya wondered what he meant by that and instinctively turned back and found Raj's car still there with Raj watching her broodingly! And just like that he started his car and accelerated ahead.

What was wrong with him now? She wondered and walked to the college with Sean.

"Priya, what happened? You are so pensive today. Hope the stalker is not troubling you. If there is any problem do tell me,don't hesitate" , Sean spoke with concern.

"Of course Sean, I will. The stalker issue is solved for now, thanks to the dean. I feel safe and protected so don't worry."

"That's great Priya, why don't we do some group study at my place today for our assignment due next week. I am sure exchanging ideas will help us score. What do you say? Samiara and Anita are also joining . You know mom loves it when you all come home. Oh please don't think so much..say yes" he pleaded with her.

Will Raj be ok with this? Well did it matter if he was or not? She had come here to finish her course and go back to her country and nothing more. She convinced herself and told Sean

"Ok Sean, I will come over but I would need to leave a little early. Is that ok?" She asked.

He seemed suspiciously delighted at her affirmation and said "Perfectly ok" with a gesture of Ok with his fingers.

It was four when Priya decided to make a call to Raj about her plans that evening. She picked the phone and almost dialled his number when she stopped. Why call him? A text-message would be enough.Did he call? She thought fiercely and messaged him with a terse "I am going out with my friends, will come home late.No Dinner" and hit send.

But there was no reply from him even though he had read her message. Well it was better this way, she thought. Expecting him to come back home, eating dinner with her was not what she wanted. They were only unsettling her further and making her long for something which wasn't hers in the first place. She decided it would be best to get the three months over as quickly as possible or whenever she finds herself a new place.That was the best for both of them she thought with some finality.

By seven they had finished their work and Sean's mom had fed them with some delectable snacks which literally melted in their mouths. Her motherly affection spread a feeling of warmth in all of them, especially Priya. Priya longed for motherly love as she had never experienced it in her life. The painful memories had scarred her for life so she collected precious happy memories whenever she could. Sean's mom was particularly attentive to her and asked about her life in India, about her family. Anita and Samaira had already left and she was beginning to feel a little awkward left alone in Sean's company. Priya started,

"Thank you Mrs Nicole for your yummy delicious snacks. WIll surely learn the recipes one day but I am sure I cannot make a batch like yours."

"Oh please, don't embarrass me. I have been doing this for twenty years now, don't you think I should've mastered the art at least now? I will surely send the recipe dear but you must promise me that you will come home"

"Definitely Mrs Nicole. It is getting late now , I will have to head home now. Goodnight", said Priya, wondering whether to get to the nearest metro or take a cab.

"Priya I will drop you , don't you worry", Sean intercepted.

"Nooooooo, drop me till the metro if you wish to" , Priya spoke with unusual urgency.

Sean looked was little taken aback by her strong reaction to his offer and he replied with

"Ok, if that is what you want, but I don't see why I should not drop you home?", he queried suspiciously.

"Oh, it is nothing like that. I have to pick up something from a shop close to the metro station that is why. Shall we go now?"She fibbed and escaped Sean's scrutiny.

"Ok, fine. Let us go", he said lightly and they both left.

A short while later Priya was in the metro wondering what Raj was doing. She looked at her phone to see if he had replied back to her and still there was no reply. Well that was good wasn't it? She wondered but couldn't deny feeling disconcerted about the whole thing.

As her thoughts were wandering to the past where it all started, she was brought back to the present by her vibrating phone. It was Raj!. So much for avoiding him! She mocked herself. She sighed and picked the call

"H-Hello"

"Raj here, where are you?", he sounded sooo abrupt and menacing at the same time.

"I am in the Metro, will be reaching Calerndon in another 20 minutes maximum", She replied, trying to sound as cool and casual as possible.

"Ok, I will be there at the metro to pick you up, near the parking lot. Don't leave. Is that clear? ", Raj spoke with some finality in his voice.

Priya wanted to refuse his offer but decided not to push it today.

"Ok, will wait there then", and heard Raj grunt a little and disconnect the call.

Oh!Everything was so simple till that awful night. She cursed herself. Living with Raj was making her feel vulnerable, happy, frustrated, disconcerted all at the same time. In retrospect, Raj not calling her was perfectly alright considering the fact that they were not a normal couple but she longing for his call or coming back home for dinner was the issue. And how wise was it ? Have you forgotten this was the same Raj who married you for a business deal? A man who colluded with your so-called parents in the guise of a "well-wisher" and made you enter a loveless marriage? Are you now dreaming about kisses from the same guy?How can I fall so easily? She taunted herself. Maybe it is time to have a talk with Raj and let him know what exactly she thinks of the current situation and how she plans to change it to a more formal setting and only hoped that Raj will agree with her unless he had a stronger reason not to?

The metro was relatively empty at this time and she was glad as she had used the ride time to gather her thoughts together and become the rational, independent woman that she was. The announcer brought her attention back to the present as her station was coming up next. As she walked towards the parking lot, she found Raj leaning onto the bonnet of his car with folded hands, deep in thought. She halted her steps and moved slowly towards him. Today he was dressed casually in hugging blue jeans and sky blue shirt accentuating his taut body even further. There was no denying that Raj was handsome and physically very attractive. He could make any girl go weak on her knees just by a look and a smile, she thought. Has she become one of those girls?. As she moved closer to Raj he looked up and straightened himself and studied her for few second before saying,

"Hi", he said but there was no smile on his face.

"Hi, have you been waiting long?" , she asked as if to lighten the atmosphere.

"Not long, get in", he told tersely.

The drive was a very quiet one but with every second Priya could feel a rise of frustration.

Once they reached home, Priya moved towards her room when Raj stopped her with

"Priya, wait, we need to talk.."

"Talk? " , she queried.

"I will ask you straight out, are you avoiding me?"

"A-Avoid you? Why would I do that", she replied suddenly feeling the room to have become stuffier and smaller.

He winced and said "Yes you are. Is it about yesterday's incident of me not calling you? If it is, I am really sorry. If you have to know why I didn't call you , it was because one of my employees suffered a heart attack and I had to rush him to a hospital. I simply did not have the time nor the mindframe to call you...maybe I should have."

He looked really sincere and Priya could not help feeling helpless and empathy for Raj.But how could she tell Raj that what she was avoiding was her own feelings for him and it was her own behaviour which was making her balk.

Raj was watching her intently now waiting for her reply.

"R-Raj, What I did yesterday was really abominable. I have no right to expect you to call me nor have dinner with me so it is me, I am disgusted with, not you" , she replied weakly.

Raj stepped closer to her and said very softly, almost in a whisper,

"And for the first time I saw your true heart, your real feelings. Don't run away Priya from your own feelings. Embrace it as it comes"

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he spoke, her own feelings in a turmoil.

He stepped even more closer and took both her hands in his and said

"I ask only one thing from you..these three months you stay here, don't think about the past, don't think about the future, just live the present. In your bid to reach the destination do not ignore the beautiful journey you are experiencing. Take one day at a time.Just be you.Will you?"

Maybe he was right but could she trust him?

" I-I will think about it." was all she could reply.

He just sighed and nodded. His hands were still holding hers and he was not willing to let go of it for some reason.

She looked down and said "Raj, my hands…"

He just said "Ahh" and let go in a jerky manner.

"Good night then" she said and ran to the sanctuary of her room.

Once in her room, she thought about what Raj had told her about living one day at a time and the idea didn't seem bad at all. No past, no future, just the present.,one day at a time. Her mind was convinced about it but what about her wavering heart which seems to have a will of its own?