Entry 31 - Memories of you (Kana)

This sucks, this all sucks!

The days are counting down and I know by the end of it my big brother won't have a home anymore and it's only because of my stupid butthead of a cousin!

Still, I can't let my emotions get the better of me, don't wanna be like Kai after all. But it's frustrating, out of all of us in the family, I'm probably the only one who ever never experienced the more lighthearted Kyrell, or at least, none that I could remember since I was a baby for most of them. By the time I could even talk and walk Kyrell had already started to fall into despair.

Though he would always smile while tending to me, I would always see him frown whenever he was alone. Then as I got even older, I began to understand the problems he was facing, and because I had now known what went on in the family, Kyrell would distance himself from me. He says it's because I'm no longer a child, but really it was just a part of his plan to push everyone away, first, it was our parents… then Kai and Kara… then finally me.

By the time I left to go to England Kyrell had already given up on himself and on a brighter future, though he sent me off with a smile, I couldn't smile back, all I saw was someone who was tired and broken, I just couldn't see the brother I had in my memories anymore. Those short-lived memories are all I have now, and it's left such an awful void in my memories.

So colour me surprised when I was suddenly told that I get to see Kyrell again when the last time I heard he left our house. I tried to play it cool when I got to the inn, but I just couldn't help myself and jumped at him at every chance I could get.

I had fun in Aelin and I wish it could last longer. Here, I've made the most memories with Kyrell than I ever had during my childhood and now… it's going to go away and I'll have is yet another blur in my memories where I had another brother that I really loved.

Putting those thoughts aside for now though, I wonder what's going to happen now? Kyrell can't return to our house without him being constantly harassed by our family, so will he even stay in the city, what if he becomes homeless? I should prepare to bring him to England and let him stay with me for a bit. I'm sure my manager over there would let me, not that it would matter anyway.

Still, hopefully it wouldn't have to come to that. Maybe everyone got a change of heart and they were just trying to take a load of him… maybe.

Ah who am I kidding, they would never think that.

Prepare yourself Kana… prepare yourself. Because if you don't, you will break.