CHAPTER NINE
"How was your day?" Mrs. Gwen said ever so bluntly to Kate. It was typical of her sessions to start with the basics. Whatever she had done to her would be bygones by now; they were on a clean slate. "And how was your week, if you don't mind."
"It was hectic. A lot has happened since then." Kate began. She knew all too well that a subtle 'fine' would not have cut it for her therapist. They had been on that road before, and it had taken them quite a lot to get over it. Her therapist kept on asking the same question over and over again until Kate saw no need in replying 'fine.' Whenever Mrs. Gwen would ask her first question, she needed a good answer. Good in her dictionary usually spelled out extensive and true answers. On Kate's, however, her good answer was initially defined by anything other than 'fine', and on most occasions, something longer than five sentences. She could come up with something, provided it sounded close to the truth, but she made sure it wasn't. She was not familiar with the entire therapy process, so she couldn't be blamed if she desired to withhold the truth. She had gotten away with it the first few times she told well-crafted lies, but when her therapist found out, they were back to square one. It turned out to be exhausting for both of them. In the end, Kate resorted to telling the truth in its entirety, after Mrs. Gwen's monologue of how she was getting paid to help her, how she will report her to social services for misinformation, and whatnot. The reporting did not scare her, at least not entirely; it was that if she would continue lying, she was not going to get her money's worth. Kate was a lot of things, but being careless with her money? Absolutely not. You have the wrong person.
"Mmmmh-mmmh." Her therapist urged her on, giving Kate all her attention. As compared to all her other clients, she was by far the best of them all; attention was the least Mrs. Gwen could afford to give her.
"There weren't that many hitches. The past five days have been great. Everything has been nice." Kate continued, pausing a little to stare at the pendulum on Mrs. Gwen's desk. She found it rather absurd in a therapist's office. Mrs. Gwen always said that it was essential to help her clients cool down, but Kate saw it as a distraction. Every time she would begin talking, the pendulum would somehow drift her away from her agenda.
"But… The but is what I am waiting for." Mrs. Gwen said calmly. From her experience in human conversation, after a generally positive statement, there was bound to be a but somewhere. It was language law; she wasn't sure who was responsible for it but knew that it was supposed to be there. Maybe the gods willed it to be so. She shifted ever so slightly forward and bridged the gap between her and Kate. There was still enough room between them. She had her attention before; now, Kate owned her curiosity.
"I have been having these…." Kate contemplated telling her how her day had been the weirdest she had had yet but was having second thoughts. Maybe it was just her mind playing jokes on her. The week had been a long one for her, and perhaps she was just exhausted. Either way, it was worth a shot. After all, that was her therapist she was talking to. Kate was pretty certain that therapists have had to sign an NDA before they begin commercial services. If that was not it, at least she knew that Mrs. Gwen could be trusted and would not judge her. Not that it wasn't a big deal, but when she replayed the events of the day, she would have sounded crazy. Either way, Mrs. Gwen was getting paid for such type of things. From Kate's perspective, it was her job to listen. All she had to do was talk.
"Yes?" Mrs. Gwen's pen was at the ready to start scribbling.
"I have been having these episodes, where I think I blackout and cannot remember anything afterward." Kate tried to explain to her therapist. "It is like at one moment, I know where I am and what I am doing. Perfect recognition, but at the next moment, I do not remember where I was. I'm sorry, I remember where I was, but not what I was doing. I am aware of what I am doing, but not aware of what I was doing."
"By any chance, were you drunk or high when this happened?" Her therapist was asking the routine questions that would determine the base of the matter.
"No. I was sober, I think." Kate was not 100% sure.
"You think?"
"Yes, I think. As in, I know I was sober before the blackout. What I don't know if I was drunk during the blackout. After the blackouts, I was sober. I can assure you that." Kate scratched her head rather literally, trying to piece the information together. She just heard the words come out of her mouth and wasn't sure she would believe herself.
"So, during the blackout, you did not know what was going on?" Mrs. Gwen wrote something on her notepad.
"Yes. Precisely."
"And for how long has this been going on?" Mrs. Gwen asked.
"Twice today."
"Okay, anything else?"
"No. Only that. Blackouts." Kate had already told Mrs. Gwen enough. She was glad she understood her or made it seem so, but there is so much one could handle.
"Okay." Mrs. Gwen picked up her tablet and looked at Kate's files. She then looked at her, then back at her files. She had seen this behavior somewhere else. Cases of hallucination as a coping mechanism. "And you are sure the blackouts happened?"
"Positive," Kate replied.
"To you alone, or other people around you?"
"Only to me. I think."
"Are you sure you aren't hallucinating again?" Mrs. Gwen asked.
"No. Why would I? I already got over my parent's death. At least the parent I knew of." Kate retorted, which sounded relatively harsher than it was supposed to. She had begun to believe that her therapist was understanding. She did not know where she lost her, but all she knew now was that they were on different conversational spectrums.
"Hallucination is a common case associated with death. It occurs when one…" Mrs. Gwen started, but Kate felt like she was drifting away. It seemed minute at first, but then she felt like the ground beneath her was moving. She looked at her hand and felt like it was foreign. From what she had experienced at the Dojo earlier, this feeling had the same appearance, so she knew better than to close her eyes. She saw herself drifting out of her body and continued floating upwards as if she was astral projecting. But she was not, at least not of her own volition. Below her, her physical self seemed to be engaging in a conversation with Mrs. Gwen that was suddenly not audible. That would be the least of her worries as she glanced upwards and saw the ceiling drawing closer.
"What if I never stop?" Kate wondered.
"Oh shoot!" She cursed at her floating self, in particular, and closed her eyes. Better the devil you know than the angel you have never seen. In her head, her dojo experience seemed to be the lesser evil of the two. She had no idea if it would work but closed her eyes either way. It was worth a try.