School-September/7/18

My mom's funeral and school worried me the most this month. My brain has started to go into overthinking mode, I'm starting to stress and high school hasn't even started yet.

I miss my mom so much, she'd tell me all kinds of things to keep me concentrated and not worrying about the stressful stuff in life but she isn't here and she'll never be here again.

I train my focus back on the fact that I have six days until school starts and I'll never be ready for school at least not with the mindset I have right now.

The day gets ill as my thoughts get worse and a headache forms not making things anything better. My dad comes in with heavy eyes and a sluggish look walking straight into his room.

"He-hey dad, how was work? I'm surprised you came home so early." He turned over and looked at me while dropping his case.

"Uh-oh yeah sweetie, I'm a little tired right now can we talk later ok?" He hopped out of bed and closed the door right in my face.

It hurt that he'd just close the door on me like that, I can feel the distance getting longer between us.

11/18

Just two more days until school and I already can't wait until the weekend is here, I don't want to see judgy kids whose life is or isn't even better than mine.

Not to mention the mean teachers who missed their chance to do something else in life so they just try to fu*k up yours with overrated tests and homework. I don't want any part of it and nothing at all to do with it.

I just really hope if anything good will come out of this year, at least one thing that could keep me going. Honestly, I feel the school year will just bring me down even more than it already has when I think about it.

Although nothing is worse than living with the fact that my mother is dead.

Noon

I took a walk around the neighborhood mostly up and down the street and back. Then hurried back inside the house, I know dad wouldn't want me out there without his knowledge.

He's starting to get a little overprotective having me stay in the house all the time. I guess I can't blame him though, he gets overprotective when something bad happens so I guess this is it.

The thing is that it's already been a few months since my mother's death and I thought he would be done with this act of telling me to be in the house at all times but I guess not.

I walked to my room slowly taking off my pants trying not to hurt my leg even more than it already hurts. Thanks to the doctor saying I should walk more to help with the healing process and getting it back into action.

My dad wants me to walk around the house to get it in but it's just too boring walking around the house all day. So outside it is, I just have to be more careful not to get hit by a car or not to be seen by my dad because he'll most likely have a cow.

Night

I prepared my back-to-high school outfit for King's Men West high.

Yep that's right you heard it Kings Men West it's the new high school I'll be going to due to my dad saying my last high school wasn't going to get me anywhere in life.

So with that, I won't have anybody to help me or to talk to and people tend to judge people who are alone real quick. They might think I'm some depressed girl who likes to be all by herself because she's a loser.

My dad came walking in an hour later as I was getting ready for bed.

"Hey, Dad how was work?" He kept walking into his room completely ignoring me.

"Dad!?" I said yelling at him before he closed the door behind him.

"Huh-oh yeah sweetie it was great thanks for asking." He said closing the door behind him leaving me in the darkness of the hallway.

The gap between us was getting bigger and I had the feeling right there that the gap was just going to get bigger.

13/18

My alarm went off three times before I decided to cut it off and get up to get ready. I kicked my one working leg in the air and got out of bed slowly.

I made up my bed as quickly as possible then headed into the bathroom getting my morning shower in, brushing my teeth, fixing up my hair, and putting on some lotion on my light skin.

I walked out of the bathroom into my room proceeding to put on some ripped whole jeans and a blue hoodie with a cartoon character on it. I put on my leg brace and waited on my dad to get up and give me a ride to the bus stop.

The ride was short with an I love you and have a good day when he dropped me off. The air felt cold as it hit against me while getting out of the car. My dad pulled off. and I looked around to see how many people were at the stop.

I counted ten in all and half of them were staring at me, about six boys mostly black with some white dudes. I didn't even bother to look their way fully because the girls around them didn't look so happy about whatever they were talking about.

five minutes later the bus finally pulled up and everyone raced to the curve I was at. The bus driver stopped me asking for my card to see if I belonged.

He quickly looked at it then handed it back and waved me to go. I looked around seeing kids looking at their phones or talking with their friends as I moved around quickly trying to find a seat. When I sat down the bus pulled off and went on the highway.

My dad forgot to tell me how big the school was because it looked like a university seeing the size and length of it. The bus dropped us off at the side of the school with the big doors. Inside the hallways were filled with people everywhere and my first day was looking to get tougher as I wasn't even fully in the building yet.

At that moment I stood in the middle of the hallway wishing for someone or something to help me get through this first day of my second year being in high school.