Chapter 4 : the journey ahead

The coach jumped over the rubble like a road with gusto. Rocking its passengers in their seats as most gripped onto their thin seatbelts with white knuckles. I, however, found myself lost in the rural landscape which had long ago swallowed any trace of civilisation. Sitting alone on a seat made for two I didn't care about the rough ride that my class was having to endure. In fact, personally, I didn't give a toss about the tension which permeated the air as our rather blasé bus driver was a little too cheery taking the narrow roads with a jaunty tune on his lips. This was the first time that they had been silent- of course, it had taken a collective fear for life to do it. But I had felt no bad intentions from the man- he was nice enough to me as I got on flashing his Cheshire cat grin. This was probably the highlight of his day getting to scare the living daylights out of some students.

Though it didn't phase me. I didn't scream as he swung around corners or launched from the bumps. The thrill which turned my stomach had me suppressing happy giggles- the speed had me high.

Our rather metropolitan professor had asked him to keep the bus slow on the country roads. With a wink and a grin his hearty accent filled the air in response '' don't you worry miss -this old girl is in the best of hands- been together as long as most of the roads'' I couldn't help the knowing smile I offered the grey heard the man- you couldn't tell country folks how to go about their business. Besides they knew the place best.

We had only left the small Market town of Brampton an hour ago and were now thundering over country roads which meandered about the hills. But there was no need for the dramatics- with that fresh thought an ill-timed lurch to one side of the road had me clutching my own seat. It quickly settled but I refused to join in the chorus of gasps that the others gave in response to the heart stuttering coach ride. There was no way that I was showing weakness in front of this hyenas-which was a bit undeserved towards the hyenas.

I looked past the reflection of my pale face, pitch hair and green eyes to watch the passing scenery; pine trees which stood as sentries to the forest. they almost beckoned me to venture into their depths. I glanced to the other side of the bus to gaze at the flat land which allowed you to see the rolling hills in the distance.

Oh! if it wasn't for the unfortunate company of my classmates then perhaps I could have really enjoyed this trip. Unfortunately, I knew that this trip was going to be full of minefields. I had been plagued in the majority of my schooling with social awkwardness. Ultimately it all ended in tears- by now I had the sense that I would be best skipping fraternisation in my youth.

Luckily I had managed to convince professor Andrews that we should all take the opportunity to ride some Clyde's dales whilst we were out on the anglo-Scottish border. An activity I was well versed in that did not require me to rely on anyone else.

I was very intrigued as to what sort of reaction the class would give when faced with the intimidating stature of the breed. devilish of me but earned by them.

it had already been five years since my own chestnut gelding franklin had passed. I suddenly felt the familiar ache of grief that came from thinking of him-dulled but still poignant. He was truly a gentle soul who eagerly waited for me to return home from my distant school to trot around the Formby coast imagining grand adventures and romantic fairy tales. But he had been old when my aunt Mina bought him- the main reason she had done so. It meant he was quite a cheap purchase and my aunt, always the practical proper lady, knew he wouldn't be a long expenditure. The way my aunt had handled my only friends passing brought a frown to the sullen face staring in from the window.

I quickly noted the look on one of my female classmates across the aisle – her glare was cold. After a moment of intimidation, she whipped her head back to face her own window.

I felt a confused agitation bubble beneath my facade- easy, primrose. my inner voice chided me.

I took a deep breath to temper myself; I had to forgive the girl. It was just what I had been taught. Some could say that I had been brought up a lady; my aunt taught me that compassion was our greatest defence against the true demons that whispered into the darkness of our minds. All other trespasses were minor compared to the ones that they committed as they snaked into minds and poisoned the world.

My aunt Mina was a kind woman If just a little reserved in her displays of affection; a squeeze to my small hands was the closest we ever came to an embrace. And I had resigned myself to that level of affection and knew I would not receive more.

At least not the sincere affection I craved and feared.

When I looked into my future I could not see far and that had always been a problem. I only saw getting into university to study history and then nothing... I just never got past seeing myself graduate. And even that was a stretch. The idea of a husband, children- actually the idea of ever getting a boyfriend was incredulous, to say the least. So far I had been an unintentional loner.

Attending a school that took an hour to get to meant that it was hard to maintain a social life. . Upon reflection I could say with certainty that I was an acquired taste anyway. I glanced at my current classmates and saw how even in the midst of their fear most sat in their pairs; nervous smiles exchanged as if they were on a rollercoaster.

Yet next to me was an empty seat.

I shrugged off the feelings that writhed in the pit of my stomach. I should have been used to it by now. It wasn't just my tendency to be bored by the typical teenaged nattering which left me alone. The main reason was staring me in the face as the shadows of the beckoning forest now threw my reflection at me. Green and gold irises glinted in the window. A sigh escaped my lips as I thought of all the troubles my looks had gotten me into. I had never had a day of peace since people bullied me for my pitch hair and strange eyes calling me the wicked witch; a childish taunt that echoed through my life in the dark times.

I casually looked over my hands. The colour always made me think of peaches and cream- if someone had spilt the cream. Another sigh came with the trivial thought of never having a tan. I tugged the sleeves of my purple fleece over my hands before zipping it up to cover my chin. I chewed the zipper in frustration at the world.

I tried to be the attentive friend but I always either over or under did it- on a good day I would gladly through myself into projects only to hide from them in a ball of nerves on the bad days.

eventually, it became a chore-it felt like talking in a foreign language; with no translater to hand. I became aloof falling into small pits of depression over my inadequacy to fit in. that may have been ok on its own. Maybe they just think that I'm fragile- well actually they did think that. I could tell by the way they looked at me with pity treating me like a delicate flower. But that wasn't where it ended- never was. Apparently, a boy had taken a fancy to me or I had slighted the wrong person and it had rubbed the school populace the wrong way. So it was in high school and so it was beginning now.

So I was stuck. People lost interest or took offence to my complete obliviousness to their flirtations and left me alone. Then the girls seemed to clue them in on my being the tragic girl who just looked pretty but was all tears on the inside- not true but whatever. It just meant that I was alone and for the most part I liked it that way. I could think. And as my aunt said often 'the more people you know the more problems you have' so I didn't have any problems.

Though in the back of my mind I wanted some of those inane teenage problems that people looked back on with embarrassment. However, I just focused on working towards the university. By then I found it was too hard to wedge myself into other peoples social groups- so 'the loner' I remained.

I discreetly shook myself out of the self-deprecating thought tunnel I was heading down. My aunt's sovereign voice floated in again '' if you don't want to muddy the waters stop digging'' a simple phrase that though short-sighted often came to my rescue.

Of course my aunt Mina had used it more as a deterrent when I tried to probe her for information- namely about my parents. The most I had gained from years of arguments and soft words was the mantra "they couldn't live without their primrose..." . said with a quiet fury in her eyes.

that sad and loving statement truly sent my head into a spin and out came the muddy waters saying. And the topic was put to rest before any actual information could be gained aside from the longing memories of soft grass and the chime of sweet loving laughter.

Never forget who you are... A sparkling voice whispered.

''right ladies and Gents!- we're here!'' hollered the bus drivers cheerful voice.

I was jolted back from a foreign place. Like I wasn't in my body -I was just me...

And now I was back to this.

Happily, I collected my rucksack from the overhead storage. And waited for the rest of my raucous classmates to do the same. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes as one couple happened to decide the survival of their coach journey was reason to canoodle in celebration. But I stopped myself from openly groaning at the obvious hindrance they were causing. I just stood there and smiled politely- - when the blushing girl pushed her boyfriend off her to look at me apologetically. hold it in primrose. The boy grunted before shooting me a disgruntled look as if it was just my presence that made their PDA inappropriate.

I then allowed my eyes to release an exaggerated eye roll accompanied by a bored sigh. The boy smirked at me as if he was winning at some game I was definitely not playing.

Finally, they got moving and I shot the girl a grateful smile which the girl responded to with a pitying smile- again, it seemed like I was losing at a game I wasn't aware I was playing.

They were exiting the bus, but I felt like I had just been assaulted mentally by someone else's machinations. I was again glad for the purple fleece that I wore as I could feel my frostbitten nips threatening to cut my vest open. Great feet considering I also wore a cream loose knitted jumper. As I walked the aisle of the coach I rubbed my legs to get the blood going. I had noticed when we boarded the coach that I had been the only one to actually wear jodhpur and boots. I was just thankful that Aunt mina had forgotten to send my old riding crop.

I was the last one off; not counting Professor Andrews who had hung back to do a headcount clutching her clipboard.

''hope the journey was nice enough for you, Professor.'' The coachman said with a cheeky grin.

''it was... thrilling to say the least.'' The professor said through a tight-lipped smile which convinced no one. But it seemed to be the response that the coach driver wanted as he let out a light chuckle. I gave him a passing smile as I began to descend the steps. ''so you'll be waiting here until about 5 and we can make our way to the hotel then'' Professor Andrews confirmed.

The driver nodded in ascent ''aye-aye, mam''

Outside of the coach I found we had been brought to a baron coarse gravelled car park whose only other occupant was a land rover from which an older couple were disembarking along with their small sandy coloured dog all ready for a good walk in the wild.

I smiled and welcomed the little dog which ran over to us. It was nice to have contact with an animal again. Since moving to the university dorms I had felt lonelier than ever without an animal companion.

since Franklin, my only animal friend had been aunt Mina's moody cat Cailey. A smoky grey Maine coon who was all purrs and nuzzles one minute, the next she realised you weren't feeding her smoked salmon and it hissed before disgruntledly curling up by my aunt's feet possessively.

The happy greeting the little old man looking dog gave was refreshing and I gave him a gentle tickle under his chin. His amber eyes rolled back with pleasure. A piercing whistle from the couple broke the moment and he quickly bounced over to the rest of the class for a quick sniff. The girls played up as if he were feral and the boys took the opportunity to defend them from the wagging tail fluff monster who barely came up to their knees. Another whistle and he was off like a rabbit down a trail his owners having already walked on.

I puckered my lips with disappointment at the diminishing figures- I would have enjoyed a walk in the countryside with some new people and a cuddly dog. But with a sigh, I told myself that I would be satisfied with the coming ride. I glanced at my class most of whom were chattering about how scary the dog was.

The boy from the couch, however, gave my body a raking leer with his brown eyes which made me want to smack him and go get a shower at the- well not literally at the same time.

I just gave him a scathing look of contempt. His attention quickly went back to his blond girlfriend. Concealing a flash of anger on his face he quickly buried it into her ear whispering sweet nothings.

A roll of the eyes and I about turned to face the Professor who was now calling for the groups' attention. She reviewed her clipboard before addressing them with an authoritative voice which filled the air. ''well, first things first; it's now-'' she checked her watch '' eleven, seventeen. We will be walking for about half an hour to the village of Keilder. There we will have our packed lunches and then it's on to the stables. We will be visiting the dead water to discuss the significance of the Anglo-Scottish border. And then back here for five to drive back to Brampton and the hotel.''

I gave another look at my group and realised that none of them was really dressed for the excursion. Mostly jeans and jackets with trainers. Good for a stroll – I realised the pace we would most likely be making. Slow.

I stopped the sigh that wanted to escape loudly from a jutted chin of annoyance. I doubted they had prepared to ache this evening after a three-hour horse ride. Or that they were going to the border which was mostly open terrain and that judging by the speed of the clouds the winds would get bitter on horseback. I mentally began to prepare myself for the whines and moaning I predicted. It was a four-day trip and horse riding on the first would probably mean no snuggles for the boys in the hotel. Add potent male sexual frustration to my future and it was going to be a long field-trip