chapter 2 : A wilting flower

I awoke to the call of nature. it was 1 am so I listened, my body as still as a corpse, when heard no movement i decided it was safe to go to the toilet.

Bobby must have been in a hurry tonight. I thought bitchily; he was usually still drinking and revving his engine. he and Barbara usually woke me up with their headboard banging.

I slipped out of bed and went out to go to the toilet. problem was there was only one toilet and it was past barb's room. again I was still as I listened for any sign that people were awake. fortunately I could only hear the late night traffic.

I gave a deep yawn and descended to go to the toilet. I hated living here- but rent was cheap and it was away from home. I hoped that come the new year I could move to a nicer flat share -perhaps with people i could stand, even.

I successfully creeped past barbs door only to run into something in the dark.

''hello little rose.'' I could hear the strange tone in his voice which made my skin crawl.

I stepped away and mumbled an apology as i tried to maneuver around him. but it wasn't happening or I should say he wasn't letting me. he acted the fool going from side to side mirroring me and getting in my way- it felt like a damn nineties movie meet-cute.

''sorry, bobby, but i need the toilet…'' I said, hoping that he would infer my meaning of 'get out of the goddamn way.' he paused for a moment his face half in shadow his lips illuminated as they turned sour whilst his eyes remained veiled by darkness.

silently he stepped aside .

finally he acts decent.

"Thank you…"

I spoke too soon.

as I moved past Bobby i suddenly felt his body press against me until I was pinned to the wall .

his hips pressed into mine and I felt something move.

my eyes widened in utter shock i looked into the shadows trying to discern his expression from the inky blackness.

he slowly leaned in and his face was lit up by a passing car headlights.

he looked mad as a hatter.

I kept my voice low knowing that barb was in the next room sleeping soundly after their carnal relations.

''what are you doing, bobby?- go back to barb and sleep it off.'' I hissed at him hoping he would just go back to bed if I could cut through the drunken haze he was probably in.

''how 'bout i come sleep with you?''his lips grazed my ear. my stomach knotted and I pushed back against the brutish drunkard.

''Bobby!'' I hissed again. he reared back to look into my eyes. his blonde hair fell before his eyes increasing my alarm as I saw his yellow- green eyes rake over my thinly clothed body.

''my little rose, I shall pluck your petals soon…'' he suddenly stepped back from me and moved off into barbs room.

after a few seconds of pure shock and confusion I began to hear the familiar and disturbing duet that Barb and bobby regularly engaged in. I rushed to the bathroom did my business and ran back to my room.

behind the locked door i finally started to breath properly again

what in god's name was that about?!

i was disturbed by Bobby's sudden attitude shift- he usually commented with barb on my lack luster appearance and my weird pale skin.i didnt tan- so fucking what?! did that mean he could poke me and comment nearly every god damn class i had with him?

i mentally flogged myself for letting him do that to me without hitting him. in fact i physically hit my face as with rage and frustration I wrung my hands digging my nails in as they came together. I stopped just before my fingernails managed to draw blood- so i was improving.

I forced myself to keep my arms by my side as I walked back to bed and curled up in the sheets. I closed my eyes, praying for my mind to shut up and let me sleep.

there in the darkness I saw a woman with long black hair and green eyes. she was beautiful in a traditional sense. I felt my heart pulled toward her into the familiar and safe arms of sleep.

when i woke up i tried to conjure the image of that woman to my mind but no matter how much I tried i wasn't able to remember her face…

it was the same every time.

I would be outraged or upset and then she would appear in my mind- behind my eyelids in the darkness she called me onto a place i never saw but felt; it was warm and comforting i felt happy there. and it broke my heart when I left there for reality. and every time, from the age of four or five I would see her and be quelled and then the morning would rip me away. it left me with mixed feelings on reality.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:30- which meant i had 2 hours until my last history class before we were to go on our field trip to the north of cummbria and northumberland - we were going to revise a few topics there one being the jacobite rebellions and the history of rebellion in britain; the teacher made it sound completely intriguing.

my only reservation was that I would be trapped in a hotel for three nights with my history class. in which was the lovely bobby and barb power couple.

I decided to put some classical music on to do ten minutes of meditation before i started what was most likely going to be a rough one after bobby's behaviour last night.

maybe he's forgotten - he must have been wasted to come on to me….

it just didn't fit with how he had treated me so far.

I mean i didn't really blame the way he and barb for attacking me sometimes- I didn't make the effort. I used to have friends but when your aunt is the strict literature teacher and you have barely enough free time to do your actual homework, well, friendships come and go like a waterfall as my aunt said. since I knew the ending at the beginning I didn't feel like going through the middle.

I wasn't interesting enough in the end; I didn't have any grand plans. I just wanted to have space to breathe- even if that was 100 miles from home.

I readied after a failed meditation session and proceeded to sneak out of my own residence.

I grabbed a breakfast bar from the kitchen and a bottle of water. no one else was up which was not surprising since it was probably a late night for everyone with Bobby in the building.

i had two classes with Bobby today and i really hoped he would be too tired to bother coming in today- maybe if they keep having sex they wont be able to go on the field trip due to fatigue.

a weird thing to pray for, I grant you, but under the circumstances I think it was a logical prayer or in other words an oxymoron.

though i didn't use social skills at the moment I knew that they would have to be employed if i was to ever see a penny of paid work. I had a lot of acquaintances I just never let it get beyond that.

no surprise then that I was a virgin to everything romantic.

no boyfriends or any sort of romantic history under my belt I didn't miss what i had never had.

I set out to the university and listened to seatbelts new album. I took my time in the rush of foot traffic that was heading to their jobs.

I sat in front of a sculpture which I passed everyday; two abstract figures locked in an embrace. an intriguing concept of art that implied many different things but in the end was subject to each pedestrians interpretation.

I sat with a coffee and sketched until i heard the cathedral bells chime for eight. I examined the two pages of abstract figures engaging in different tasks thinking they were fine - but not my best. with another failure before nine i headed to the lecture hall.

the lecture by Miss Andrews was long and made up mostly of reading topics that related to the field trip.

I couldn't focus though.

to my misfortune Bobby had made it to class, however, the cutting Barb was nowhere to be seen.

he had come in half an hour late- i didn't understand why he even came. especially when all he did was torment me with whispers. my anxiety fell into paranoia as i heard my horrid nickname consistently mentioned by Bobby behind me sat with his cronies.

"little rose'' he kept referring to me like I was a child.

I was eternally grateful to miss andrews when she asked me to stay behind. it meant Bobby had no excuse to follow me to the library.

''miss Erikson, i wanted to have a chat before the trip. your aunt has been in touch to remind us of your… conditions and i just wanted to make sure that you're up for this.'' she phrased it as nicely as she could i suppose.

by conditions she was referring to my unmedicated mental health conditions- i had all the letters after my name in the doctor's file.

I wanted to reply with a speech about how I was going to be twenty in three weeks- so I could make my own decisions.

but that was something that needed reiteration to my aunt if anyone- not my history professor.

''I feel confident that I will be able to cope, miss Andrews, but thank you for your concern.'' I smiled politely and followed up with my own question.

''were the school able to agree to a horse ride to the border, miss Andrews?''

''yes, primrose, the school decided that your suggestion would give the students a new perspective on historical events. well done.'' she smiled warmly before retiring to her seat behind her desk to ready for her next lecture.

I lingered for a few moments before Miss andrews raised her head with a puzzled expression to ask if I was alright.

''perfectly fine miss Andrews was there anything else you wanted me for?''

''no, primrose, you best head out for your next lecture if i remember correctly.'' her expression relaxed before she shrugged her shoulders disregarding whatever she had been thinking as she turned back to her litany of papers.

with no more to be said i went on to meander to my last lecture for the day.

literature was a favoured subject of mine. mostly because I just read as a child; no television helped that. again my aunt didn't like the things.

my aunt had many 'quirks' that made her who she was and though i loved her immensely for staying with me I didn't always 'like' my guardian.

for starters she never spoke of my parents. only that she was my mother's sister and she had been entrusted with me. whenever i pursued the topic my aunt reacted in one of two ways; anger or grief.

and after all the drama was over all i would ever learn was a simple phrase that Mina repeated with intentions to comfort.

she didn't know they stung like a hot iron in my chest.

''she couldn't live without her primrose…''