Diaries

Slash picked up a large chunk of fallen concrete and threw it against the stone walls of the sewers. Roaring and howling in rage. When that did little damage he began to punch at the wall rapidly. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" he punched again and watched as it gave, collapsing and falling to his strength. His fist throbbed but he loved it. The feel of destroying something with his own two hands.

"Fucking vow! If I had not made it…when he touched Donatello…When he hit MY Donatello…" he picked up a fallen chunk and threw it as hard and as far as it could go, watching it shatter against the wall at the other end of the sewer. "HE WOULD BE DEAD!" he threw another chunk. "DAMN IT!"

He plopped on the walkway, throwing his head back against the stone wall. Tears flowing from his eyes as he tried to calm down, using the breathing trick Raphael had taught him.

'In through ya nose 'n slowly out ya pie hole.' He did so demonstrating the flow of air with his hands. 'I know it sounds like a load'a shit but it works. Donnie showed me when we were kids, a way ta calm meh temp'a ya know? When I got real bad.'

'Listen…we know ya ain't ta blame about what happened between yous and Donnie. It happened during mat'en season 'n all but…we also see da Donnie aint tak'en very well ta ya touch'en 'im. I know it's a lotta ask but…could ya ask 'im before hand? We don't wanna cause 'im any more stress for da sake of dem babes but…Leo feels like ya gonna trigg'a 'im.' He knew why Raph had asked it of him. He understood it was for the good of Donatello and their kids but still…to have to ask to see him, to be near him, to touch him? Would he have to do so to his own kids?

"Trouble in paradise?"

Slash shot up, his eyes glaring at his brother. "What the hell do you want?!" he snarled. He never wanted to see him again. "Nice scar."

The newt smirked and touched the scar across his eye. "You like your handy work? When you threw me from your mate I hit the mirror, you wouldn't have known that given you left in a hurry as I was left unconscious bleeding out upon the floor. The very one who brought your precious mate to you." There was anger in his voice yet his features remained calm.

"You tried to rape him!" he snarled, moving toward the bastard only to stop as he spoke again.

"So. Did. You." Another smirk as he eyes him. Watching the pain twist in his face. "Multiple times, each day. There was so much blood I'm surprised he survived it. Delicious really, when I watched you rape him. His screams echoing off the stone walls. It was so funny I laughed."

"SHUT UP!" Slash shouted. "I didn't want to…I made the cage to…to protect him from me…"

"I think what really broke him was when you actually got him to cum. When his body started to react and he enjoyed it. Moaning like a wonton bitch in heat. I think that is when he really stated to give into you. Shame will do that. I bet he thinks he is vial for enjoying it. I bet he is afraid of you."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" he chucked a chunk of wall at him, the newt didn't move as it missed by a huge gap.

He tsked. "Temper. Temper. Is that anyway to treat your brother? Are you going to act like that when you become a father?"

Slash's eyes widened. "How did you know?"

Another smirk. "Just now actually, that reaction spoke volumes. So he was heavy with eggs when I gave him to you, lovely. After all you deserved it. Congratulations." He tossed him a box, watching as it slid to his feet. "Customary for fathers to have cigars? I think?" he shrugged. "He must be quite lovely now. So, round and full of eggs. A breeder, that's what they are you know. He'll be hitting his mating season soon. Delayed because of the time in dimension X but none the less…I assume it will hit…Early to mid-fall." His tail waved behind him. "He wont be able to say no then. Just imagine him, covered in sweat, panting and wet with need. You wouldn't even need to pry his legs open, he'll spread them nice and wide."

"I'll kill you!" his voice dripped with venom but he couldn't move. The thought was too arousing. Just picturing his beloved, spread wide for him, wet and ready to be filled. It sent shivers down his spine.

The newt scuffed. "Doubtful. I wont give you the chance. Besides, there are a lot of powerful people looking for him. People who would do him more harm then just breeding him. Really, I was going to make him feel good, but now I guess the Shredder can do that. Something tells me he will open a lot more than his legs."

"STOP!" he threw another chunk and this time it whizzed past his head.

"Really? Now I am thinking you are trying to hit me." He shot at him, using his tail to knock him over and pinned him to the ground, gun to his head. "Now shut up and listen. I am on your side. The last thing I want is for my brother to lose his young. If you keep running your mouth I will cause more problems for you all." He pressed the gun harder against his head. "If that little whore of yours hits mating season with the other turtles there, then I doubt you will get a piece. They will drive the odd one out, that is you genius. So you either take him out of there, or you lose him because first chance they get they will get rid of you and your kids too."

He shook his head. "Raphael would never…Donatello would hate them…"

The newt laughed loudly. "RakkaRakka, do you really think they give a shit about what the female thinks or feels? When she becomes heavy with their offspring, they will not want the competition. Hell, I doubt she will even let your eggs live once they are born." He leaned in closer. "Tell me…did they already consider removing them?" the look on his brother's face was enough to ensure it was true. "So they have, why would anyone consider such barbaric tactics? On poor innocent babies?" he kicked off of him, standing far away from him. "When you get Raphael's dick out of your cunt and decide to grow a pair again, my door is always open for you, your mate and your kids." He opened a portal and vanished.

He left Slash with a lot to think about.

~LRDM~

He laid there, warm in the embrace of his brother, listening to the gentle sounds of his breathing as he watched the candle light dance on the wall. Gently, ever so gently did he touch his hand to the necklace. Something so precious and thoughtful that Leo had given to him, having sold his own valuable possessions to create it. Handcrafted with love and care for him and him alone to wear.

He had not the heart to tell him it was a collar. He had not the heart to tell him it was a brand of ownership. Declaring him as belonging solely to Hamato Leonardo. There was a tiny lock on the back, one he failed to notice before until he tried to remove it to sleep. A little lock, making it impossible for him to remove it, the key was around his brother's neck. He understood that Leo did this to replace rings, but to lock it on…Donnie couldn't remove it.

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. They had done nothing more then kiss. Leo had wanted more but when Donnie refused he backed down. He felt sorry for him, he could see how much he wanted it but was so grateful when he accepted his choice, choosing instead to embrace and rest like this.

"You should be sleeping." Leo's voice was deep, showing signs that he was straining to resist. His eyes didn't open and his breathing didn't change, but it was clear he wasn't asleep. "Lack of sleep is bad for the babies." He hummed.

"I'm sorry…" try as he may, he couldn't sleep after that. There were too many unanswered questions and he had so much to fear for right now.

Silver eyes looked to him. "I know it's a lot." He spoke softly. His hand cupping his shoulder. "I know this is all happening so suddenly but…Trust me when I say it will be okay." He kissed his beak lightly. "Raph and Mikey understand. We all talked it over and…"

"Without me?" he said softly. Curling into a tight ball under the covers, pushing his brother away. "You all do an awful lot of talking about me…so little to me." He muttered. Closing his eyes to stop the tears from falling.

"Sometimes we worry about the things we talk about…how you will take them and…" he reached his hand out.

"Good night, Leo." He knew his brother would get the message. 'I REALLY don't wanna talk.' He heard his brother sigh, as well as the clanging of Metalhead's footsteps before he opened the door.

The small robot looked to Leo before finding Donnie. He chirped a bit.

"You're sure?" Donnie asked, sitting up to look at him. He got a chirp in response. "Did you check the…"

Chirp.

"And the…"

Chirp.

"What about the…"

Chirp.

"It has to be there…it's where I had it last…" he moved the covers from himself and shifted to the end of the bed. "Did you look everywhere?"

Chirp.

Leo raised a brow. "Donnie you need to be sleeping. Whatever it is can wait…"

The pregnant turtle glared at him. "It cannot. I am tired, I am moody and I have been neglecting my own therapy while assisting with everyone else's."

Oh, Mikey warned him about the mood swings. This was clearly one of them. "Okay okay. What are you missing? Maybe I can help." He stood up ready to follow him out the room.

"My diaries are gone. Every book and even my most recent one." He crossed his arms. "You don't know where they are do you? I know you all went through my lab when I was gone but I don't think you would be so low as to take my diaries…"

He held up his hands. "No! We didn't touch them. We know how important they are to you and…" shit! In all this time they had been so focused on Donnie they never confronted April about the Diaries. Shit!

"Well I have to find them. I am very close to boiling over and I need to just vent."

"You can vent to me…" He offered.

Donnie shook his head. "If I could do that I would have. I just want my books." He made his way to the door before Leo grabbed his hand. "Leo, stop it."

The hold tightened. "Donnie…Please…wait until morning. Today has been stressful enough. Just…please."

The younger brother waited a moment. The yearning in his voice, almost pleading. Something wasn't right. Something was off. He didn't want him to know what happened to them because the only logical thing that could have been done, was that someone, if not all of them, had read them. "Metalhead…Show footage of every time someone went into the lab."

"Wait…he was deactivated…" Leo panicked. Donnie would find out it was April. He didn't need to know that.

"He was in sleep mode, most of his processes were still active." Donnie corrected.

The robot chirped and his chest opened to show a screen. Video taken from camera's in the bot's eyes. Donnie watched as his brothers searched the lab, day after day trying to find something to help him. Soon they stopped. Then…

His eyes widened. "April?" the image of her knocking the book down. Of her opening it and reading it. Then one after one, she took the others. Opening them in the lab and reading his most privet of words, of thoughts. Things she was never meant to see, feelings that were never meant to be known…of all people, why did it have to be her?

~LRDM~

April cupped her hands over her mouth. She shook her head from side to side as tears streamed down her face. He had to be lying. There was no way…it wasn't…they can't…She turned to Casey who held her tightly as she cried into his shoulder.

"Shhhh. It's okay Red. Relax, calm down." He pet her head gently. He struggled with it as well. The truth that was backed up with facts. It was hard to deny it, even as she heard it from her own father. It didn't make the truth any less a reality.

"April I'm sorry…It is highly likely that the eggs he is carrying will not survive. Turtle and Tortoise DNA is not compatible and by the look on his face…I think he knows that…" Kirby rubbed the back of his neck, showing them the study on such. "They are just too different."

"Then why is he so calm about all of this?! Why is he holding out hope?!" She spat back. "The mutagen! I think he isn't sure! Perhaps the mutagen…it had to of altered Slash's DNA because it was Raph who last touched him! It has to be why! There has to be hope because…because…"

Kirby shook his head. "The mutagen would not have done enough." He looked at her with sorrowful eyes. Reaching out to touch her had but April pulled it away. It was hard to tell her, even harder to see how she was taking it. She spoke of nothing but Donatello these past few weeks and it was starting to worry him. He feared his daughter had an attraction to the turtle. As grateful as he was to him, Kirby was not going o sit by and watch his daughter throw her life away for a mutant.

April burst into tears. Sobbing into her hands. How could she ever face him again knowing this? Would it be kinder to tell him or just let it go? What was she to do? What was she to say? Was it her place to tall him? Was it right to tell him? What she meant to tell the others?

Her T-phone rang. Looking over she figured it was Mikey or Raph but she was shocked to see it was Donnie. What was she to do now? What could she do? Picking it up, she composed herself and put on a brave smile. "Hello Donnie?"

"April…" what was wrong with his voice. Why did it sound so dead compared to earlier?

"Yes? Is everything okay?" she tried to keep her voice as normal as she could. She clutched the phone, wondering if this is fate wanting her to tell him.

There was a small pause. "I would like my Diaries back." Why did his voice sound so broken?

Dread filled her. She had forgotten about them! More so, she couldn't find one and so had been hesitating bringing the others back.

"I know you took them, I saw it on Metalhead's security footage." He sighed softly. "I am not angry with you. I just…I just need them back. Please." There was that desperation and disappointment.

She held the phone tighter. "Donnie…I…If you need to talk I…What I read…I…"

"Was it out of pity?" he asked.

April closed her eyes out of pain. She knew what he was talking about. When she tried to kiss him. "I'm sorry Donnie…What you wrote…I never knew…I thought it a childish crush but…I…Donnie I'm so so so sorry." She could hear a choked sob on the other end. "If you had told me…if you had shown me…they were all so beautifully written…"

"Please…bring them back." She could hear him struggling to keep himself together. "I meant every word in those books…every word."

Her eyes widened with horror. Every word. 'I want to die.' "DONNIE! Donnie where are you?! Where are your brothers?!" She shot out of the chair and looked to Casey. "Call Leo!" she cried out. "How do you used the tracker on here?!" her hands were shaking. Trembling as she fumbled with the buttons.

"I still love you…even after all of this…I never stopped…I doubt I ever will." The line then went dead.

"Donnie…" her voice was low. "DONNIE!"

Casey looked to her, gently pulling her in his arms. "It's okay Red! April…April…talk to Leo listen, talk to Leo." He handed her the phone, pressing it to her ear as she sobbed.

"April…He's fine. I was in the room when he called." He sighed heavily. "He…He is just very upset. A lot happened after you left and…you'll find out more tomorrow. Just go to sleep, I'll keep an eye on him." She heard Donnie's voice in the background but couldn't make out the words. "Don says good night."

~LRDM~

"You're not surprised by that?" he asked. Leaning his head against the stone wall of his room, relishing in the coolness of it. All of that had been too emotionally taxing on him. He hated it. Hated that she knew how he felt and that she was so willing to believe that he would stoop so far as to take his life while he carried innocent children within him.

Leo sat on the edge of the bed, knee bent with his arm across it, head resting on it so he could face him. "We all know. You never stopped. The way you still looked at her…you could never hide it." It hurt, to hear him say it out loud. That he loved someone else. "Yet, I think that is why we tried so hard…the way you look at her…with that cute puppy dog face..." He smiled sweetly. "I guess we wanted you to look at us like that."

Donnie smiled. "Never thought much past kisses and holding hands…" he said softly, feeling better just by talking to him and letting things fall from his heart.

"Kissing and holding hands…quite the pervert there Donnie." Leo teased. Yet, it only went to show…just how innocently his brother thought. Like a child, holding hands and kissing…and he was blushing so deeply.

He looked to him, still smiling as the tears slowly fell. "It would never have worked out. I know that. She always said she wanted kids but…there is no way our DNA would work together…" he looked down at his hands. "We are too different…even so…I cant stop loving her…I don't know if I ever will and you don't deserve a fiancée or wife whom cannot devote themselves to y…"

Leo placed his hand on Donnie's, watching as he slowly raised his red eyes to him. "Donnie…she is your first love. I understand that. You will always have feelings for her. There is nothing wrong with that." He pulled him close, hugging him. "I know you don't feel that way toward me, I can only hope that you can grow to love me like that…as much as I love you." He could not condemn Donnie's love for April, he did not choose to whom his heart belonged no more then he himself could.

"I don't deserve love…not yours and not theirs…" He hugged himself. "I am vial and tainted. Disgusting and horrid." He dug his nails into his arms, yet this time he felt a gentle hand stop him.

"Donnie…" Leo cooed in his ear. "Why do you feel that way? What have you done that you believe this?" he kept his voice calm, soothing as he tried to keep him talking. The more Donnie spoke, the more he was able to understand what was going on in his head and to hopefully aid his brother.

The younger brother was silent at first. Almost fearful of speaking. Yet it was not long until he spoke. "You know what happened…you know what…Slash did." His fingers tensed, trying to claw himself but his brother's own fingers, laced with his, were stopping him. He tried to choke back the emotions. Lowing his head so his brother could not see how truly pained he was. "I…He…" he trembled, his lip quaking. "Leo…I…" He struggled to speak, to get the words out as that pain filled him all over. The pain he had choked back all these weeks, threating to spill over the walls he had created. Those weak and damaged walls that threatened to fall and crumble.

The pain in his voice and the twisted look on his brother's face was breaking his heart. How much of that was still hidden, choked down by sheer will alone? "Shhhh." He soothed him. Gently rubbing his free hand along his cheek. "Take your time, do not rush it." he knew this was a chance, one he could not lose. If he failed this, Donnie may never open up to him again. "When you are ready…I'm here…I'm here."

He kept his eyes turned. Unable to face him as he spoke. "I didn't want to…while he did something like that to me…I didn't want to…" He wanted to pull away and hide but he couldn't. "I know it is just a reaction from the body to protect itself from injury and harm but…I…" he let out a choked gasp, biting back the sob. "It shouldn't have felt like that…after all the pain…I shouldn't have…found pleasure in it. Even if my body did, my mind knew better and…I feel so disgusting so vial for it…"

Leo reached under his chin to turn him back to face him, kissing his forehead. "Donnie, there is nothing wrong with that. It isn't your fault and it doesn't make you vial or tainted…." He smiled softly, wanting to reassure him that there is nothing to worry about. "It doesn't change how we see you. It doesn't change who you are on the inside. You are still Hamato Donatello and you are still my little brother and the one I want to spend my life with. Not just in marriage but together with the others as well. I am not willing to watch them suffer for a decision neither of us want and…"

"I know but…even if we marry…we could always just divorce later…" Donnie was just making a suggestion, one that was not well thought out or even fully planned. Just an idea mostly to try and pacify their father for now.

Leo shook his head trying to hide a chuckle. "We aren't even married and you are thinking of divorcing me?" He rubbed their beaks together and hummed. "You're cruel to me."

Donnie puffed out his cheeks in annoyance. Something he hadn't done since they were tots. "You know what I mean. We can marry for father but later we could divorce…everyone wins…"

"I wouldn't, I'd have to pay turtle support and alimony…" Leo snickered.

Donnie rolled his eyes. "No, you don't have a job, or a house, or a car, no savings…I would be the one forced to pay because I was the one earning income." He scuffed "You don't know much about the laws do you?"

"And how do you know about such laws?" he eyed his brother closely.

Again he puffed out his cheeks. "Some of those books that we found were law books. It all I could read beside 'The Cat in the Hat'." He scuffed and laid his head on his brother's shoulder. "Leo…promise me something…"

"Anything and more." He replied. Holding his brother and pulling the covers over his shoulders. He was going to fall asleep, there was no denying it, just had to wait a bit longer.

Donnie closed his eyes. "Can we wait until after the eggs are born to consummate? I don't want to risk hurting them." He snuggled up closely to him.

The elder brother chuckled and leaned in. "I give you my word, such things can wait." Was he bothered by this? No, Donnie was not asking to never consummate the marriage, just simply asking to hold off til his eggs were laid. He was simply asking to ensure that nothing happen to them. Leo understood that. They had their whole lives to worry about that but…Leo wondered if he really knew what it meant to marry the heir. Donatello was privy to the clan traditions just as all of them were but…marriage traditions they didn't really know, given it was thought they would never need such. It was only after his father told him of his intent that he read into it from his father's privet collection of books baring the Hamato symbol. He wondered if Donnie would be happy with such a life, trapped within the walls of the lair once more only to watch as his brothers and eventually children would come and go. Yet he would stay…forever watching, forever waiting and worrying…

Was that even a life?

Was that simply existing?

He lowered his eyes. Gently rubbing his hand up and down his brother's arm, softly cooing in his ear. Sweet nothings, things to hopefully cheer his brother up given everything that had happened. He could feel him relaxing in his arms. Happy that he was feeling something other then anger and stress. Even if it was just a moment, he was going to do his best to bring peace to Donnie.