Closure

"Hey, Chris, what the heck's going on with you?" she said as she sat down.

"You know what it is, right? What happened last Saturday. Auntie talked to us."

"What part of that is bugging you?"

"The part where we're cousins."

"So what if we're cousins?" I couldn't wrap my head around her question. Or maybe I just confessed wrong?

"Doesn't it gross you out, what we did?"

"Nope," she answered quickly. "And I don't regret it one bit."

I looked at her then.

"So what if we're cousins and something happened between us? Think about it."

"So, does that mean we can't be together?" I jumped in quickly.

"That's exactly it. So, it means we didn't do anything wrong because neither of us knew!" That hit me like a slap. I was caught off guard.

"Chris, we can't be together because we're cousins. That's a given. All I'm saying is, don't dwell on it. I don't want to feel guilty about what we did. So, I hope you don't either."

I couldn't respond. Of course, I went quiet. Still immature. I was in awe of Jennifer's strength in that moment.

"You're infatuated with me, Chris. Did you know that? I'm infatuated with you too. That's what Auntie said. It's normal for a guy and girl to like each other; that's what she said. We'll forget all of this eventually. The easiest way is to accept that we can't be together. We're still young anyway." I sighed, feeling a bit lighter in my heart and mind.

"Forgive me. I'm too immature."

"Just think for a second that I'm not your cousin. Did you know that in America, second cousins can get married? Here in the Philippines, it's taboo... even third or fourth cousins, I think... maybe even up to fifth."

I didn't know how to react to all the info she was dropping. It just left me more confused. What was her intention in telling me all this?

"I have this old best friend, a former classmate from PSU. On Sunday, I went to her place and we talked. We discussed what happened between us. She was shocked. But her mom overheard and said we shouldn't feel too guilty or grossed out by what we did because just 'cause we're related doesn't make us the worst people in the world."

"I'll admit it, Fer... I really fell for you hard after what happened between us. I felt like I got to know you so well. That's it. Of course, I want you to be my girlfriend."

"You're just infatuated with me. You liked what happened between us. Because, I'll admit, it was good. I'm not grossed out by myself because I wanted it too. And you know, right, that my ex almost took advantage of me? I haven't had nightmares about that experience since what happened with us."

"But---"

"Hold up, let me finish," she cut me off just as I was about to say, "But I love you now." "I don't consider what we did a sin or a mistake. So, Chris... I hope you feel the same! If you love me, free yourself from what happened between us. You don't have any obligation to stick with me just because of that." Slowly, I started to accept what Jennifer was saying. It was just hard to speak to her because she was more mature than I was, just starting to navigate life. She was more emotionally stable, and naturally, as a girl, she could cry and seemed to recover easily. Meanwhile, I felt like jumping off a jeep this morning. I even wanted to challenge the big guy guarding the gate to a fight. But I couldn't muster the courage because I was still weak—no guts.

"Man up, Chris. The Chris I fell for was the one who stood up to Cons to protect me. And the one who erased my bad experience with my ex. I don't have a cousin named Chris."

My ears rang when I heard that. I shook my head, bit my lip, and grinned. I was ready to let it all go.

_End of Chapter 1_