44. Seperation Anxiety
"When you said "afternoon outing", this is not what I had in mind," I entered the boxing hall with the two gentlemen. Anthony was at my right, presently holding my arm in his, and Friederich was at my left. The prince had rung up my house yesterday asking if we'd like to do something today. The place- hall, or whatever it was called- was packed and mostly with burly, eager, over-excited men all gosling amongst each other. Anthony's arm gave mine an assuring squeeze. "His majesty invited us and I thought it was a capital idea. Plus you needed an escort." "No, I'm glad you're here. I'm just wondering why we're "here". I thought you meant a football match when you told me "sports event"; not a boxing match," I spat back in a low whisper, but not too low so the prince couldn't hear me. "Well you're beloved Ajax team isn't playing in the UK currently, I hate to tell you," my brother countered with some irony. While I frowned at him Friederich blinked over to me curious.
"Ajax? The Amsterdam football team?" "The very same," I replied. "Why do you follow them? You've never lived in Amsterdam before," the prince proceeded to ask me. "It was our Great Uncle Arthur's favourite team. The first football match he ever saw when he moved over to Europe was an Ajax game. Since Anthony's got Daddy's favourite London football team covered, I follow Ajax on Uncle's behalf." Friederich seemed very surprised and astonished by this; his gaze widening ever so slightly. "Really? That's interesting. Where's your uncle living now? He still on the continent?" I hesitated for a second; eyes drooping downward. "Uh, no. He um…. died when we were kids." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "It's ok; he led a very fulfilling life when he was alive. And he's buried in Salzburg apparently," Anthony chimed in. "Is that so? Salzburg is beautiful. He's lucky to wind up there," Friederich's eyes lit up a bit. My brother nodded, then smiled down my way. "Yes, indeed. We'll go visit the grave someday, right baby sis?" And I gazed up at my brother, trying not to be too revealing in my expression. "Right, big bro….."
The room was crawling with people. Anthony had to let go of my arm to hold onto my hand. Friederich thankfully didn't take my other hand without permission but he was able to stick close behind me. Anthony led the way through the crowd, trying to find some seats for the three of us. Or he was until he spotted Simon at the other end of the room, busy talking with some other men. My brother's eyes lit up when he saw him, raising his arm up to wave. "Simon!" Then he turned to face me. "Stay with his highness. I'm going to say hi to the duke," my stare drifted from him over to Simon. It was my first time seeing him in weeks, and the moment I clapped eyes on the duke, my heart skipped a fluttering beat. My hand instinctively rose up to my chest as I took a step backward. Friederich, meanwhile, came up to my other side, grinning cleverly at me. "Shall we find some seats?" His hand stuck out in front of him. Slowly my eyes shifted down to it, then up to his face. Not wanting to touch his hand outright- I was in no way emotionally ready for that- I linked my arm with his. He looked surprised but didn't say anything. He simply responded with another dazzling smile and began to lead me through the scores of people until he found three empty seats- we assumed Anthony would be re-joining us before the match started.
We sat down with me in the centre of the three chairs; I put my coat on the seat beside me so to save it for my brother. Friederich also settled himself in and leaned back in his seat in that casual way of his. He looked at me, still grinning. "Well, this should be exciting. Can't remember the last time I've been to a boxing match." "I've never been to one," I responded, causing his eyebrow to lift up. "Oh? Don't have the stomach for it?" "I'm a proud pacifist," I retorted with a grin of my own. The side of his forefinger ran along my cheek, making me blush a tad. "But you're ok watching football?" "The football players don't try to destroy each other with their fists," was my counter. He chuckled, leaning his head in toward me a little. "Fair enough. Don't worry, sugar; I'll cover your eyes if it gets too gruesome." "Isn't that my brother's job?" I tried to sound serious but you could tell my tone was shaky. The prince chuckled some more; his eyes locking onto mine sincerely. "Not today, sweetheart; not today…" Friederich, my lips parted a sliver.
As if suddenly remembering where I am and what was going on, I tore my head away from him, making his finger fall down. My hands clambered on my lap awkwardly. I couldn't stop blushing, not knowing what to do just then. That's when I found the courage to peer up forward a tiny bit. There I saw Simon again; he wasn't looking at me but rather getting ready for his own round on the boxing ring. The blood in my veins froze. No one told me he'd be boxing today! I can't watch that! I can't see him get hurt; I can't even imagine… No; just no. I'll have to think of some excuse to leave when it's his turn to go on. Considering this, I continued to quietly observe the duke prepare for the match. He removed his jacket and was readying his hands. He rubbed something on them and then rolled down his sleeves to reveal his wrists. My eyes grew gigantic, my heart stopping at the sight….
The bracelet I'd given him back on the train- he was still wearing it. I'd honestly forgot all about it until now, but the instant I saw it, everything came rushing back. I remember buying him that charm bracelet, I remember giving it to him at the station, and I remember putting it on him…..
As if some cruel joke, it was right around this time that these all-too familiar stars began appearing in my vision. What? No! Not now! This is not the time for this! I blinked a couple of times, hoping that would help. They stuck around longer than I'd like- too long for comfort. I could see where this was going….. Friederich's head turned to me as I stood up out of my chair, admittedly wobbling a little. "You ok?" He asked, sounding a bit concerned. I flashed him a false smile. "I'm fine; just a little thirsty. Just going to get something to drink." "Oh, well why don't you stay and I go…..?" The prince began to offer until I stopped him with a shake of the head. "No, it's fine; I'll go. Won't be long; I'll be back before the match begins." He seemed hesitant. "Well, alright then….. I…. Hey, look! Isn't that the Duke of Hastings?" Friederich spotted Simon for the first time since we got there. I frowned, not following the trail of his pointing finger, lest I see the charm bracelet again. He then glanced back over to me.
"You wanna go say hi?" I shook my head, still refusing to peak in Simon's direction. "No, I…. I…." I want to hold his hand. My eyes immediately widened at the familiar voice speaking inside my mind. Wait, was that me? Did I really think that…. back in Edinburgh? "You are the easiest person in the world to be with, Daphne; even when it's not easy. I never asked for any of this, yet here we are…." I did, didn't I? I remember that night, back in the hotel room. I looked at Simon and realized he has that something…. Something I don't understand…..
And understand completely so.
Of course Friederich was oblivious to my present inner turmoil, merely relaxing in his chair and studying the duke nonchalantly. "Man, I don't envy him. His hands are gonna be all tore up tomorrow." "They will?" I blinked back at him alarmed. He nodded, still acting casual. "Course. You don't leave boxing matches like this without some blood on your knuckles." My eyes wandered from him over to my backpack, recalling the bandages I kept in my front pouch. My fingers quivered a bit. He's still got that something…. Only this time, I can't hold his hand. I can't hold his hand anymore. But I still feel that something…. That certain something of his. I already agreed to love him from afar a while ago, and I have no intention on stopping that. But….. My hands balled into fists unconsciously. I can't help it; I still want to hold his hand. I want him to put his empty hand in mine. His hand always fit so perfectly…..
Like it was made just for me.