39. More Girl Talk

"Let's go fly a kite. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring," I hadn't noticed I was singing to myself very quietly in front of the mirror. Eloise, Francesca, and I had all taken a trip to the bathroom together, leaving the rest of our family back in the dining hall with Friederich and Simon. Eloise had just finished washing her hands when she side-eyed me; my not realizing this right away. She cleared her throat and turned off the water tap.

"You're in an awfully good mood for someone who's just run into her "ex-friend" since breaking up." "Am I? I didn't notice…." My attention stayed fixed onto my reflection in the mirror. I could almost see Amsterdam in the distance…. Eloise's eyes narrowed onto me suspiciously while Francesca made her way over to my side. She was rather close, leaning in a bit, grinning like a chester cat from ear to ear.

"So, what's the deal with you and the prince?" "Huh?" Finally pulling my stare away from my dreams on the horizon, I blinked to my sister. She leaned in a bit closer to me. "Prince Friederich. You've been all over each other since you arrived together." "We have not! We met each other outside the palace; he was lost and I helped him out. That's it." "So then why does he keep looking at you, and smiling at you, and sighing?" Her head tilted sideways a little. I looked at her. "Because he wants something from me, and I'm sure that whatever it is, it's not honourable." "How do you know he wants something?" Eloise ventured to inquire. "Because he told me so," I replied, glancing to her next. "He said that?" Her eyes widened a little. I nodded and she appeared to be considering to herself. Francesca meanwhile tugged on the hem of my shirt.

"Oh come on, Daph. See the trees through the forest!" "Forest through the trees," Eloise gently corrected her. "Whatever! Don't you see? This is perfect; this couldn't be more perfect! He's a prince- you're not going to do better than that." "Better at what?" My eyebrow raised, though I could already sense where she was going with this. "Status, duh! That's the whole reason you're supposed to get married. Don't you see it, sis? Marry him!" "We barely know each other," I rolled my eyes. "So? You'll have plenty of time to know one another…. on your honeymoon."

I sent my younger sister a completely unimpressed look; my lips curling to frown. "You know I can't do that. I'm already in love with someone else. My heart couldn't possibly be so disloyal….." "Aren't you the one who's said your whole life that love and marriage have nothing to do with each other?" This made me stop and think. Yeah….. I have always said that, haven't I? That's what Daddy and Grandfather told me….. Sensing my resolve starting to shake, Francesca seized her chance. Her back straightened up a little.

"You never expected to love the man you're going to marry. Sure, you love Simon, but that shouldn't affect anything. You're not getting married for love; you're getting married for status, wealth, and power." "But I don't want any of those things," I swiftly countered. Eloise's stare met mine, locking onto it firmly. "But you do want a PhD, don't you?"

The moment she said this, it felt like the whole world around me pulsed. It was like one of those electrifying scenes you see in a movie. Eloise said this and I turned back to face my reflection the mirror. "Looks like they're really considering your application." Yes, I do want that; I really do. And for the first time in my life, since I started my academic journey, I seriously considered the reality of the situation. The reality I was living in, and the conditions I was under….. My hand resting on the counter balled into a fist.

When I failed to say anything, Eloise went on. "Here's a reality-check for you, Daphne. It may not feel like it, but you got everything. You got Dad's love and his money- he gave it all to you. All he asked in return was that you marry well. Now I know you're not a fan of the situation, but it is your situation. There's nothing you can do about it…. if you really want to go into PhD." I hesitated, lowering my eyes a little. "But I really, really don't want to get married. Everything I am, everything I have will be his. The only thing he can't take from me is my education; that'll stay mine forever." "But you will get a PhD. That's all you want, isn't it?" Her asking me this made me look back at her, still keeping my fist on the counter. My face was softer now, more receptive. Both our eyes met yet again. "Let him have it all; you'll still get what you want in the end." "Eloise…." My lips parted a sliver.

"You have to get married, Daph. If you seriously considering going into PhD, then you have to make a decision and fast. I still don't see why you won't ask Simon to marry you." "I told you before- he doesn't want to get married." "Maybe that's because no one's ever asked him," Francie shrugged. I shook my head. "He's made some vow and is determined to keep it. I can't ask him to break it for my sake." "Why not?" "Because…. Because….. I've grown to love him too much- too much to ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

That wouldn't be real love….. if I did something so selfish."

Both my sisters stared back at me. "So you're willing to let your dream slip through your fingers because you love him "too much"?" "Love doesn't have anything to do with this. Marriage was never about love for me….." My eyes lowered a tad. "What about PhD?" Francesca asked. "I'm not going to use Simon for that or anything else," I quick-fired back. "Oh, but you're willing to use another man you don't love to get into PhD?" Eloise planted her hand on her hip. "What other choice do I have? I'm not going to do anything that'll hurt Simon; not now or ever. But that leaves me in a bit of a bind…. when it comes to marriage. I don't know anyone else I could marry and you're right….. The clock is ticking," I said this last part while gazing thoughtfully out the window.

"What about Prince Friederich?"

I blinked over to the youngest Bridgerton in the room. Her expression was entirely serious. "Me… marry the prince?" This was the first time I didn't automatically shoot down the idea. Her shoulder shrugged again. "Yeah. I mean if all you're after is a husband so you can get into PhD, why not? You already said you don't expect to fall in love your future husband and he's clearly got a thing for you." "Yeah but I don't think that "thing" has anything to do with marriage," I rebutted. "Maybe it will in time, once he gets to know you," she pushed. Eloise thought about this to herself, then re-joined the conversation.

"She's got a point, Daph." "Oh, not you too," my eyes rolled a second time. "What? You'll both get what you want; it's a win-win. Since you staunchly refuse to ask the man you do love, then you'll just to settle for someone you can tolerate," Eloise responded. "And do what? Spend my entire marriage wishing he was Simon?" I spat. She shook her head, somewhat severely. "No- go and get your PhD from the university of your choice. Marriage was never a goal for you; it's a means to an end. It's about time you start treating it that way, if you're seriously going to remove love from the equation." My eyes lowered a tad. Marriage as a means to an end…. I guess subconsciously I've always thought of it that way but hearing it out loud…. It just makes it so much more real. Like it really is the case for me….. My mouth opened on its own, taking its time to say anything aloud.

"I don't…. love the prince." "Of course you don't; you literally just met today. But in time you'll grow to be fond of each other; you and whoever your husband is. That's the best you can hope for in your position- fondness," Eloise took a step my way. I looked at her. "I guess I'll have to settle for that….." "If you want a PhD, you will." "I will…"

Francesca's hands waved around in front of her frantically. "Wait, wait; are you really considering prince Friederich? Like honestly?!" "No! I mean… no….. I don't know." Eloise huffed, giving her head a shake while looking down to the floor. "Make up your mind, Daph. You gotta decide: do you want to keep your freedom or your future? Cause you can't have both- not if marriage is really the way you and all the men in our lives have described it forever." "The prince doesn't seem so bad. I bet he won't try to control you," Francie added optimistically. I glanced down at her, then back over at Eloise. My mind was racing at the moment. It wouldn't be if Dr. Pillar hadn't just called me….. and yet, I'm so thankful she did. I already knew what I want; it's just how do I go about getting it that's in question…. And the more I talked with them, the clearer that path got for me. Still…..

"I want….. my future."

Eloise gave a single nod. "Then you already know what to do. You don't need to get the prince to fall in love with you; you just need him to say "yes"." "But what about Simon?" My hand rose up to my chest. "What about him?" She retorted coldly. "I still…." "He let you go, Daph; not the other way around. It's time you look out for yourself." Taking her words to heart, I gazed to the bathroom door. "I should go find his majesty," I said more myself than them. Francesca and Eloise looked at each other in understanding. I took one step forward and immediately hesitated. Of course I hesitated…. My head was swimming, it was so confused. "If I get married, I'm going to lose everything but my PhD….. My freedom, my money, my name." Eloise put her hand on my shoulder, touching me for the first time since I returned to London from Edinburgh. This certainly caught my attention as I looked back to her. "You'll get a new name- his last name.

But at least it'll have "Dr." in front of it."