░First day░

SOPHIA

AGE: TWELVE

It's my first day at school after the summer holidays. I don't want to go. I don't want to face people and socialise.

I don't want to be around boys and girls. I tried so hard to convince my parents to make me go to a girls-only school. But they said that I should be in the same school as my brother, Aahil.

I step out of the car, shut the door and wait for Aahil to step out as I cover my face with my novel to get the rays of the sun out of my eyes.

Aahil finally steps out and glares at the sun. He strides through the gate and into the school, not even waiting for me.

I bite down on my lip to keep the tears at bay and walk towards the entrance. I see my best friend waiting just by the stairs. It's good to see a familiar face but something is just not right.

When she sees me, she grins widely, showing all her pearly whites. She steps close to me and engulfs in a tight hug.

And suddenly, my lungs are constricted and I just can't breathe. I'm gasping for air. I fist the material of her school uniform tightly and try to pull away.

But I can't. I'm too weak. That's the main problem, isn't it? I've always been too weak, too small.

She finally pulls away and I take a few deep breaths.

"So, how was your summer?" She chirps.

I open my mouth to tell her what happened. But the words aren't forming. I want to share my pains and sorrows but I somehow know that she won't understand.

Nobody will ever understand.

"It was great." I lie.

"You must've had fun going on a vacation and stuff." She states, like that's a given.

I don't tell her that we didn't go on a vacation because of Dad's business. And I don't tell her what kind of a hell of a summer I had. Instead, I just nod.

I can feel myself drifting away from her and everyone. Feeling like I don't belong here. But that's the problem, isn't it? I don't belong anywhere.

—

I avoid everyone. Boys and girls included. I don't trust anyone anymore. Not even my family. Who knows what they might do? Who knows what methods they might have of hurting me?

In break time, I don't hang out with my best friend. Instead, a girl asks me to sit with her and we talk. And it's probably because I don't know her that I tell her a twisted version of what happened to me.

I know that she does not have the power to hurt me because I don't love her like I love my family and my best friend.

My brother, like always, pretends like he does not know me. Although all his friends know that I'm his 'baby' sister.

I ignore him too. Although I so desperately wish that he of all people would know what's going on in my life without me having to tell him.

But he doesn't. Of course, he doesn't.

In some classes, I can barely hear what the teachers are saying. My mind is on replay mode. And there's so much to replay that it just keeps going on and on and on.

One of my teachers asks whether or not I'm okay. The other simply says that I look like a zombie. And the whole class laughs. As if this is a laughing matter.

As if being raped is something to laugh about.

I feel tears burn in the back of my eyes but I manage to not cry.

I want this day to be over so bad. I can't breathe. Why can I not breathe?

I don't want to breathe.