Breaking free: Filling up the blank page of uncertainties

Can you hear the silence? Too soft yet too loud.

It's so close to screaming, and the sound is deafening.

I hear that every time, coming from the inside.

Struggling to let the voice out; words always stuck in my mouth.

.

.

.

Life?

I never had control over it. Sometimes I wonder, How would life be if we were brought up in a different circumstance? In a different world? or a different family?

Every day, we wake up and do the routines that are already integrated into our system. A patterned life we are accustomed to doing. Something that just comes naturally, like day and night.

Something normal...

It is normal for you and everyone, but...

Sometimes, it just clicks. At certain times of the day, while walking on the streets, in establishments, and at school, whenever I meet various kinds of people, I tend to observe and imagine how they feel, their thoughts, and their struggles. We were all different, but the same, if that makes sense.

One way or another, everyone still has something in common: We all deal with problems all our lives. Whether we take it lightly and just let it be, or we let it consume us and drown slowly, it is all up to us.

From time to time, I would also wonder, while I am here trying to figure out silently what worries others, if there is someone curious about my feelings as well. But then again, why would there be? I doubt that is even possible for a woman like me; what I feel is the least of their concerns because,

I am "Ms. Perfect," the daughter of one of the wealthiest families here in Australia. "Someone" who doesn't have to worry about anything as it is readily served on her silver platter.

Everyone would think I have everything I wanted, so my status instead made many people envy me and the life I have, but to be honest, I yearn for their normal lives.

Not to be overdramatic or anything, but I never had it easy. And in contrast to their perception, this is not even what I wanted. Well, as they say, we only wish for what we cannot have.

Just like any other person, we struggle as well. Life isn't a fairytale wherein you can get your happily ever after; that is just some outdated dream every little girl desires. I don't want to pop your bubbles, but what I mean is, have you even wondered if those rich princesses are happy living in a palace, surrounded by servants and abundance?

I'm telling you now that it is not like that at all. Such a life is the loneliest you can ever imagine. That place is nothing but an empty house, perhaps a cage, where every step you take is being watched. Most often, it feels haunted and eerie. My hands are stringed, and I dance however the puppeteer wants to, and I have no choice but to follow.

Sure,

I don't lack anything; I don't need to strive daily just to earn wealth. That is a given, but what is the use of all these resources? Would that bring me happiness? That is too cliche, I guess, but really, money can't buy it.

Is this what others are trying to covet? Would you rather be confined just so you could experience such fortune?

If this is what people want and someone is willing to swap places with me, even for just a day, I would gladly accept it. How would it feel to live that way, to live simply?

I see a lot of people who are genuinely happy about anything and who live harmoniously with their families. And that is all I desire—the little things.

But this is what fate has given me, so I have no choice but to live with it, hoping there will come a time when I can break free from all these chains that bind me.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I'm zoning out again today. It's currently 4:47 pm, and I'm here, sitting within these four grey walls, waiting for our class to be dismissed while questioning my very own existence. I'm at a place I'm very familiar with. How many years has it been?

I couldn't keep up anymore with what our instructor was saying in front of the class, as I was too absorbed with my thoughts, thoughts that wouldn't even change anything no matter how I tried to think of possibilities to change my current situation. Should I just murder my parents? Lol, I am not that morbid.

Regardless, it doesn't matter if I won't be able to concentrate during class; I've already finished our syllabus long ago, and I am already starting to study another field. I'm only attending our class for the sake of formality and so that I can get the diploma I need to enter our company.

It has always been like this: attend class, then go home and study further for things that can't be taught in school. Boring right? Well, it can't be helped.

Currently, I'm taking up my Master's degree in Business Management at the University of Melbourne after having degrees in both Business Management and Information Technology for three long years.

Tough right? Well, that is the easiest part of my life-

studying.

In a way, this has been a form of escape from thinking about my parents. I am being productive while distracting myself from actual life. It's a must anyway since I have to study twice as much because, as the daughter of Eleanor and Arthur Williams, I'm expected to be exceptional so I can be worthy to be the successor of their business, Eclipse Corp., a software application development company, so I am accustomed to it.

The company is currently the top software company in Australia and is planning to expand throughout Asia.

Maybe you are wondering: Am I their only choice to be an heir?

Well, that is far from the truth. I'm not their only child, not even the eldest.

But despite all that, I had to take responsibility since my older brother wasn't interested in managing it at all.

And that

has been the greatest plot twist of my life so far.

Who would have thought that a second child, not to mention a woman, would end up being the heir instead? In most cases, siblings would have to fight for their inheritance; in my case, it was given freely.

But the burden weighs too much, and I don't even know how to keep up with this given responsibility or if I am even worthy of it. Nevertheless, I need to keep going.

It can't be helped.

Nobody expected that the eldest would pursue his dream as an idol singer, flying from Sydney to Seoul five years ago, running away from his supposed fate, and living the life he always wanted to have.

I must say he made a good decision given how far he has come after cutting ties with our parents. Currently, he's quite popular in South Korea as a soloist, using his real name, Aiden Williams.

It wasn't that hard for him to gain popularity at all. Besides being innately talented in music, his voice is as calm and cold as the river, and yet it still sounds sweet, adding to his undeniable good looks and helping him "capture the hearts of viewers and listeners." It's too cringy for me to continue, but anyway, as his fans describe him, "Through the glimmer of his green-hazel eyes that shine as bright as the evening stars, paired with his entrancing smile, anyone who catches it would eventually be held captive by his trap. And as soon as he starts singing with his melodic voice, then there is no way out, you've been enchanted by him." *sigh* That's how they describe him at least, but as his sister, of course, those words would never come out of my mouth. But I must admit, he does have good looks and great talent.

Having said all that, even if I try so hard not to show it, I do envy him a lot. He's out there living freely, while I'm stuck here in Melbourne doing the boring stuff on his behalf.

We might share the same blood and even resemble each other in most aspects, but that didn't hinder us from choosing different paths.

.

.

.

.

I'm Addison Williams.

A woman who once dreamed about becoming a music producer, but life did not permit me to do so.

.

.

I sometimes ask myself, "What if?"

What if we stop doing what's needed and start doing what we want?

Cross the line,

Go beyond expectations.

It would have been better.

But reality says there are no "what ifs."

Whatever happened was supposed to happen, and there's no point in trying to think about what would have happened if you had chosen differently when, at the end of the day, you can't even turn back time and have no control over what's ahead.

.

.

It would have been nice if my parents gave attention to me just a little bit, just enough to understand me. They never knew what I wanted, nor were they interested in it. They already planned my future, as usually happens with those of rich descendants. Cliché right? But that's the truth: an heir is an heir no matter what.

I just hope they care about me, even just half as much as my brother understands me. It was he who knew everything about me since we grew up depending on each other. He's the one who understands me the most, yet he left me to deal with our parents alone.

But don't get me wrong, I never hated him for leaving, and I do support his decision, even if it was I who had to suffer. I had my moment to choose as well, but I let it go, so it's on me. I was and always have been the problem. I brought it all to myself.

.

.

Ever since we were little, our parents were always busy, which led to me and my brother being left alone in the big manor, and naturally, we got so close to each other. We do have some silly fights at times; I think all siblings do.

But who would have thought that we were so alike that we would even end up sharing the same passion for music? This is a rich parent's worst nightmare.

Nevertheless, he's brave enough to disregard our parents' wishes and pursue his dreams.

But apparently,

I am not.

My dreams are there, stuck in my fantasies, waiting for someone to put some pixie dust on them and make my desires come to life.