Tearing Me Apart

"I want quesadillas…" she mumbles, waking up staring at the ceiling, "mmm? Where am I?" she glances at her arms and legs, bandaged, "what happened?"

She overhears someone cooking in the kitchen ignoring it and instead takes off the bandages around her arms, shoulders, and legs to shower.

Minutes later, Noah walks in, seeing Belen sitting on her bed with an absent mind and blank expression dripping wet with a robe. He places the tray of food on the nightstand, worried, "Belen! are you okay? How are you feeling?" He touches her forehead temperature.

He exaggerates, "you took off your bandages? And you took a shower like that? It probably hurt," he goes down on his knees, wrapping her legs and gently bandage her arms. Noah's heartache's seeing Belen in this state while meticulously mending to her wounds.

"…Finished. Please get ready, and I'll drive you there. And please, eat three spoonful's at least," he walks out, closing the door.

Belen does not seem to question last night; what matters most to her is getting ready to see her brother.

***

Noah knows the whole routine. He's been doing this ever since he became Belen's secretary. He doesn't say anything, but it hurts him more than anything else to see her slowly breaking.

They've finally arrived at a beautiful vast greenery cemetery—fortunately, it's empty. Noah stops at the curbside, but before he can put the car on parking Belen walks out of the car, stumbling like a drunkard with desperate eyes longing to reach Emiliano's grave.

He knows its not his place to follow and therefore waits in his car on alert to make sure there aren't incoming people or paparazzi.

Belen crawls like a baby, "Emiliano Astares," suddenly, the tears she's been holding back from this morning pour out. "Keebo…" she gently grazes his name, "it was this exact time you passed away…I don't know if you hear me, but I miss you. I w-wish I could've said, I love you sooner. I was so excited to hear you were coming to visit" she silently pauses, "I blame myself, I-I didn't know you were also being bullied in school. You even said you had something important you wanted to tell me."

Her sad eyes silently look at the bright blue sky, "was the weather this beautiful?" tears run down her cheeks, "Keebo, I know you won't like what I'm about to say, but I don't want to get married…" she reaches for the sky hoping to grasp the illusion of her smiling brother, "Y-You prom-promised! W-We promised that you'd be the one to walk me down the aisle. You knew!" she yells, "only you knew how much I suffered, my pain, you knew how strict my dad was with me that it almost broke me. But you know what? Being with you saved me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Keebo. While you were getting bullied at school and waiting for my call, I was having fun. You saved me, but where was I when you needed me," she wails, hitting her heart desperately wishing to have another chance to see him again.

"I know its all in the past, but I can't bring myself ever to forget you," she clings her fingernails to the grass, "I hate every one of them!"

She silently stays on her knees as if praying with her eyes open, "I don't want to continue living Keebo. I'm tired of living this life. Nothing is fun without you. You're always in my heart," a calm smile forms on her face.

"I have to continue wearing a mask to hide who I am. You probably don't know this, but my dad wants me to marry someone. I met him. He's arrogant, narcissistic, blunt, and curious. The only thing I like about him is his honesty. But I don't see myself marrying anyone. I don't want anyone else to walk me down the aisle, just you…" she sniffs, trying to control her tears.

"I brought you an early birthday gift," she takes out a miniature 2-story building that opens in half, revealing the little intricate details. But most importantly, she shows, "I had this personally made just for you" she places it beside the flower post near his name, "this is the image I had for the salon I promised you. I hope you like it." she sighs, looking up at the sky, "it's getting late, I lost track of time. Happy early Birthday, I love you, my little brother," a peaceful, tender smile forms on her face when she turns back, amazed to see Noah outside the car with a sullen expression.

"let's go," she opens the door, but Noah asks, "in a moment." He walks to Emiliano's grave, bowing and getting on his knees quickly.

As Belen saw this, she almost burst out in tears, turning away.

Noah quickly but respectfully says, "I drive your sister here every year. But I never got the courage to pay my respects. I was afraid to because I don't know you. I didn't deserve to see you. My reason for being here is not only to accompany Belen but because I have a favor to ask of you. Please let her go. Please, I beg you, Emiliano. I-I don't want to see her suffer like this anymore," he places his forehead to the ground enough to kiss it.

Noah desperately begs, "I want to see her happy. If she does not want to get married, then I'll help her if she wants to quit and live alone, then I'll do that as well. But please, let her go. I want to help her, I-I only want her to smile with all her heart." He pauses before walking back to whisper, "You were the only person she ever called family."

***

The whole ride back to Belen's house was filled with silence. It was as if they were both afraid to speak yet knew that in their current mood, it was not right to talk about A Star or the ball.

As they arrived, Belen walks straight into the house, but instead of leaving, Noah decides to follow after. He stops her on the stairs, "is there something you need?" she asks coldly.

"I-I don't want to leave you alone if you need anything."

She rudely cuts him off, "I want to be alone; you may leave."

"Please, Belen," he gently grabs her fingertips, but she violently moves away with a disgusted expression, "don't touch me!"

He sighs, "B-Belen, I-I'm scared!" tears form in his eyes, "I-I'm scared to leave you alone" he stutters, not caring about his look, "Please don't do this to yourself, its torture for me!"

"you think I like this feeling? Guilt, shame, regret?! Noah," she stares with shaking eyes, "it's because of me that he's gone!!" she explodes.

At that moment Noah gently pulls in to embrace her tightly yet tenderly in his arms, he whispers, "please, you don't have to act tough in front of me, remember, we're best friends, aren't we? So cry, say whatever you want. Don't be scared…that's why you have me." Belen can't believe her ears when she holds onto Noah sobbing comfortably in his arms like a newborn baby waiting to be comforted by its mother.

***

Noah stayed beside Belen that whole day and held her hand while she slept. He lied, saying he'd go to sleep right after she did but instead rested on his knees. Noah left to work as soon as the sun came out, leaving behind a tray of food with a note attached.

Fortunately, Belen wakes up feeling better enough to eat, drink water, and work on the documents Noah lied, saying that he brought.

Her sadness has subsided for now and instead reminisces of the happy memories of her brother.

***

Days later, "Good evening Lady Beth, how are you?" Belen asks, answering a phone call from the dance instructor.

"good evening Miss Astares. I called to know how you are doing with the dance routine. There are only two days left before the ball."

"Ooh! I've completely memorized it thanks to Everest."

"I see, I see, then what about Mr. Alvares?"

"Has he not been practicing with you?"

"I do not believe he has. Why? Did he mention he was practicing with me?"

"Yes? That is what he said, but."

"I have not taught him at all. That is another reason why I called. I can't seem to connect with Mr. Alvares. Is he busy?"

Belen's eyebrows furrow while walking out into her balcony glancing over at Noah's home, "I'm not sure, I'm on vacation right now. But I will make sure he contacts you."

"Don't bother Miss Astares. I only offer my services, but if someone is unwilling, I will not beg. Excuse my rudeness for calling on your vacation."

"don't worry. I'll talk to him, thank you, Lady Beth."

They hang up, Belen narrows her eyes feeling doubtful, "why hasn't he been practicing? Then where could he?" She gasps, "he wouldn't!" her anger surges.

"Hello? Be-I mean Madam President," Everest sincerely answers happy to hear her voice.

"I need you to answer me honestly!" her stern voice frightens him, "where is Secretary Noah?"

"He left just a while ago."

"Has this happened before?"

"Yea, I mean yes. He's been leaving around the same time every day. But I thought he was going to see you."

"why would you say that?"

"well…because I gave him documents for you to review, and he always brings them back signed."

She sighs, feeling ridiculous, "Everest, I need you not to mention anything about this call to Noah."

"Okay."

Belen hangs up, walking in circles within her bedroom, "y este que se cre?" her eyebrows twitch.

"Belen?" Noah answers, almost whispering.

She suspects, "Where are you?" she pretends to cough as if sick, "I want to know-how is A Star?"

"A Star, umm, Everything is going well. There is nothing for you to worry about, you sound sick, rest."

Her voice sweetens, "I'm feeling a little anxious since the ball is in two days. Did you master the dance routine?"

"uhh, not really, I'm sorry, Belen. I've been busy with A Star that I didn't find time to practice, but we don't have to dance, do we?"

She coughs, trying to hide her angry tone, "I'll talk to you later."

She storms outside, meeting with security, "Miss Astares! Good evening!"

"Has Noah been coming home lately?"

"No, Madam, Secretary Noah is at home right now. He's been coming early with a client."

Her eyebrow raised, "client? How did they look?" she crosses her arms with a menacing glint on her eyes.

Security barely swallow their saliva, "it's a woman, she looks about in her early 30's, 5'2 perhaps, and a little round."

She laughs, "oh, really~? When has he been bringing this client?" her cold expression sends shivers, "she has been coming since a day after your incident."

"Okay, thanks for the description. Did he perhaps mention her name?"

"I heard him call her Maple? Or was it Ma'pel?

Belen gets vexed, knowing who they are referring to, "you mean Mabel?" she scoffs, "I can't believe him" she says shaking her head.

And walks back inside the house, angry, feeling disgusted.

She throws the tray of food, "what does he think he is doing by bringing Mabel, my sister, to his house?! What the fuck does he want with her?! Ugh! I hate cussing."

***

Because of what happened during the night of Belen's incident, Noah decided it'd be for the best he did not visit Mabel anymore.

Instead, she agreed to go over to his house with Emma and continue their conversations. But most importantly, they've been meeting a lot recently because Noah's managed to find a studio apartment within a safe area for them to move in.

All he is doing is helping Mabel fill in paperwork and move a few carriables into the new apartment. Noah has also been busy for other reasons but has decided to keep it from Belen.

Mabel and Noah are in the living room while Emma is watching a movie.

When Belen called earlier, Noah was actually in his house, after he hung up, Mabel asks, "Is everything okay?"

"ah, yes! It was someone from work."

***

Another day passes by, Belen is haggard from lack of sleep because of her anger directed at Noah. She's unusually snappy with a headache.

She's hiding beside her gates. After a few hours, she overhears a car entrance, and Noah is talking to someone. She peeks to see Mabel coming out of the car alone.

Belen wishes she could continue to watch but hides after seeing them both walk into the house. She is speechless even to utter a single word. While at the same time feeling deep disappointment.

She begins to question her friendship with Noah, "why is he doing this? Why cant he just tell me the truth? What is going on?"

And calls, demanding to get him to reveal the truth, "Noah, what are you doing? How is A Star?"

"Everything is going well. I'm a little busy right now. I can't talk."

"Oh! Really?" she pretends, "then I'll make this quick," her tone annoyingly shifts, "I won't be taking you to the ball."

"H-Huh? W-What do you mean?" he stutters taken aback.

She grins maliciously, "yeah, I don't need a dance partner, let alone an escort. Since you're so busy~!" she mocks him.

"Wait! Belen, what are you talking about?" he asks, confused.

She scoffs, "I don't need an accessory, I'm letting you know now, don't bother showing up!" she abruptly hangs up.

"A-ah! Wait, Belen!" he shouts. "Damn," he silently grunts, feeling wronged, "what do I do with the suit?" he stares at it, amazed by its intricate beauty and detailed tailoring, "I can't throw it away. What do I do with it now?"

Mabel is looking for him, "Noah?"

He comes out into the living room wearing a fake smile, "ah sorry, it was work again."

He sighs, looking troubled as he sat down, Mabel immediately notices, "did something happen at work?"

"hm? Ah no! It's just. It turns out I'll be free tomorrow, after all. So I was thinking, why don't we order the moving van for tomorrow?"

Her face brightens, "really?! That'd be perfect! Aww, sadly, I'm going to have to give the news to Emma once I get home. My mom wanted to keep her because today is her day off."

"Alright, done! It will be ready for pick-up tomorrow morning. Hm, I'll be able to help you tomorrow evening."

"Yes! I don't have that much stuff here, but my mother forcefully wants to give me some things."

He chuckles, "how is your mother?"

"Today is her day off, so she's tired."

"I meant with your younger brother's death anniversary."

She nods, "um, well, its not a very comfortable topic to talk about, but she is well. I haven't gone to see him."

"why?"

"oh…well, I don't remember him. I have little memories of him here and there, but I don't think I was a great sister."

Noah asks, "how did you know about his death? I thought the only ones who knew about his death were Belen, her parents, and Iris?"

Mabel tries to hide her surprised expression as if she let the cat out of the bag. And pretends to yawn, "I've secretly been in contact with Iris, so she let me know right away."

She changes the topic, "I only hope Belen is doing well. I know how much she and Emiliano got along."

"She is doing her best to cope with his death year after year."

Mabel asks, "do you look after her?"

"Pardon?"

"You look tired, and you're very young to have wrinkles forming on your face. Does my sister tire you out?"

He almost gives in to revealing everything, "no, not really," he smiles, "she may be harsh but…I love her," his eyes sparkle amazing Mabel when she encourages him, "I'm glad. I wish every man was as devoted as you."

He asks, "has he tried to contact you? Your umm I don't know how to refer to him."

She laughs, "my husband? We're not divorced yet, so he's technically still my husband."

"do you still love him?"

"Hmm," she pouts, thinking, "I did, a lot. Right now? I don't know what to think," she tries to smile.

But Noah awkwardly nods, "You're thinking about what's best for Emma, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. I don't want to think selfishly."

He asks, "have you seen your father?"

"Oh no!" she makes him laugh with her facial expressions.

"why not?"

"I'm fine meeting him alone, but I don't want Emma to know that her Abuelo does not like her or me. After all, I'm not an Astares anymore."

"But no one knows that, right? At least in the public eye."

"you're right! I'm frightened by the thought. If I were to see my dad again, he might give me another chance since Belen is the owner of A Star, but" she gasps, "I don't know. Sometimes I don't know what my dad is thinking. He'd put me under his control again, and I don't want that, I just want to live my life."

"then, why did you come back? Did you not want to reunite with your family?"

"I do. But reuniting with your family does not mean we necessarily have to be in the same room together."

Noah stares at her, confused. She further explains, "I believe family is constant, always. There is never a day when we are family, and a day we are not. But I cut myself out of their lives, after having my very own daughter now I'm able to understand my mom's struggles a bit more after becoming a mother."

But Noah can't grasp her point, "I see, then you are not planning on bringing your family together?"

"No, that's impossible, that can't be done. The only way we can reunite as a family would be a miracle. But those miracles only exist in Hollywood movies, not in real life."

"what if one way or another, your family were given a chance to come together?"

"for like a birthday? Or a public event?"

"either one."

"hmm?" she hesitates straightening her thoughts, "well for starters if it were a public event I don't think I'd want to attend. But a birthday party? maybe…"

She suddenly hears her phone ring.

Noah looks away when she says, "I have to go home."

He nods, "oh yeah, right. Do you mind if a chauffeur takes you?"

"Yeah I don't mind, thank you so much! I'll see you tomorrow!" she waves, getting in the car.

Noah waves walking into the house, heavily sighing, "I couldn't concentrate at all. Not after what Belen told me. I should call her back," though, as many times as he did, it only went to voice mail, and the lights in her home were blackout.

After a while, he gets out of the shower drying his hair, and checks his phone to see if Belen called him back.

"Seriously? Nothing?" he frustratedly throws his phone to the bed. As he lay there lifeless, he suddenly begins to process his conversation with Mabel, "if she was secretly in contact with Iris, then why did she come looking for Belen at A Star? She was looking for her father, but she revealed that she does not plan to meet him. Doesn't that mean she knew he was not the President of A Star?"

He's close to connecting the dots, "She claimed she misses and was looking for her family. But has no intention of reuniting them? hmm…then did she want to meet Belen purposely?"