Chapter Four: Sometimes Love is Worse than Hate

Two weeks had passed since Ren's words had left Haruto shaking at his front door.

Two, whole weeks. Though not a moment passed where Haruto didn't think of the youth. He thought about him constantly, and he was starting to feel so bad about how he had been treating him. Did Ren actually love him? Could it really be true?

Workdays were filled with clients coming in and begging for his help on cases, coffee breaks – and thoughts of Onodera Ren.

"Haruto? Are you listening to me?" his boss scowled, crossing her arms over her chest. Such a powerful woman, yet he felt nothing for her since the day he arrived fresh out of university.

"Sorry, Ma'am. My mind was elsewhere."

"Your mind has been elsewhere for the past two weeks" she sighed, crossing her legs now as she sat opposite him at her own desk, "which is what I wanted to discuss with you. Is everything alright?"

Haruto pursed his lips.

"Yes. I mean – it's a personal issue. There's no need to worry."

She remained silent for a moment.

"Haruto – I understand that your divorce has been hard on you. I do hope we can continue to work in harmony despite your personal problems."

"That will definitely be the case, ma'am. I do apologize."

How would he even begin to tell her that he didn't give two fucks about his divorce, and that the real issue here was Ren – his ex-wife's younger brother.

"Good" she smiled. A small silence filled the air.

"Haruto…" she suddenly called softly. Haruto's eyes met hers. She looked somewhat nervous.

"I do not like to mix my private and professional lives. Not at all. Though, I do wish to discuss with you the possibility of maybe…setting up a date."

"A date? With you?" Haruto gasped. He was shocked she had even asked.

"…Yes" she nodded slowly, "we can go have dinner Saturday night. Just to see how things go. Something casual."

"Interesting. I would love to" he said, smiling softly and standing up. Now things were a little bit awkward.

"I look forward to it" she said, scribbling her address down on a piece of paper and ripping it from her notebook. She handed it to him, and he glanced at it before folding it carefully and putting it in his pocket.

"Thank you."

"How does 7 sound? I'm a hungry person so I like to eat around that time."

He chuckled, "me too. 7 is great."

He left the office then. For some unknown reason, he felt guilty because of Ren. Ren would be so hurt if he knew he was seeing his boss. Reiko would also be upset. He wondered had she dated anyone since their split.

He shook his head. It wasn't the time to think of such things. He had to move on as well, and Ren was not the answer. Just because Ren loved him, didn't mean he had to fall in love with him, too. Anyway, it was impossible. They would never be accepted and – Ren was a guy. He didn't like guys. Not even feminine ones like Ren.

He returned to his own office and packed away his things into his briefcase. He locked up and then headed outside and in the direction of the train station. Soon enough, he was home, in his PJ's and eating some leftover takeout from the night before. Was that his life now? Takeout. Being alone. Going on dates but nothing ever coming of it? He wanted to make something work – but was a relationship with his superior a good idea?

Haruto had always had a feeling she was interested in him. Though it seemed that work was equally way more important to them than relationships.

A knock on his front door caught him by surprise. He found himself hurrying towards it and flinging it open – hoping to see Ren.

It wasn't Ren. It was his older brother, Usami Hakaru. Haruto let out a sad sigh. Hakaru emitted a small laugh.

"That sad to see me, huh?" he questioned.

"No, not at all" Haruto said apologetically, "please, come in, brother."

Hakaru kicked off his shoes and entered his home. Haruto let him into the living room.

"I'm sorry for coming unexpectedly. I know you had work today."

"That's quite alright."

"Though I can't help but shake the feeling you were hoping to see someone else. A new lover, perhaps?" Hakaru winked.

"Not exactly" Haruto sighed.

"Reiko?" Hakaru gasped. He shook his head.

"It's rather complicated."

"I understand. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Understood. Hey, I just stopped by to see how you're doing. We haven't really had the chance to chat properly since your divorce was finalized."

"Well…" Haruto really wasn't sure where to begin. Telling Hakaru about Ren was a VERY bad idea. Hakaru was bisexual. He had had boyfriends, and he had had girlfriends. He was quite sexual, too, so asking him what to do about Ren would just go something like this;

"Fuck him and see if you like it."

Haruto shook the thoughts from his mind as his brother started to speak again.

"Well, it's not like it's a bad thing. That family were weird as fuck."

"Hakaru, they're not that bad."

"You have to say that, you married one of them."

Haruto sighed, "if you've just come to pester me about past mistakes, please leave."

"Not at all" his brother said, "I'm sorry."

"Tea?" Haruto offered.

"Nah, I'm just leaving" Hakaru said, "I'll let you relax."

"Hakaru!" Haruto suddenly exclaimed just as his brother went to leave the room.

"Huh?" his brother turned quickly.

"It's about Ren."

"Ren? That weird younger brother of Reiko's?"

"Somethings happened with him. Something – weird. I don't know what to do about it."

"Whatever the fuck it is, tell him to piss off."

"Hakaru, this is serious. When I tell you what it is, I need a serious response."

Hakaru looked concerned. He took a seat on the arm of the sofa that Ren had sat on.

"He came here two weeks ago" he said.

"Really? I thought he hated you?" Hakaru mumbled.

"I know. So did I. Turns out – turns out the kid is in love with me or some shit."

"Holy crap!" Hakaru gasped in shock.

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I basically denied his feelings and said they weren't real."

"Fuck."

"Mhm."

"This is serious, dude. The kid is only eighteen. You're thirty-five."

"You think I don't know that?"

Hakaru let out a small hum as he thought of the possible ways Haruto could deal with this situation.

"Well…how does that situation make you feel?"

"I don't know" Haruto sighed, shaking his head "everything has been a blur since he left this house. I can't stop thinking about how I let him down."

"He's a kid he has his whole life to get over it" Hakaru said, "he'll find someone his own age, trust me."

"I guess you're right" Haruto said, smiling stiffly, "I have a date tomorrow night."

"With who?"

"My boss" Haruto said, "she's a very attractive woman and maybe things might work out for me this time."

"I do hope so. She IS hot. Man, you're lucky."

Haruto laughed. His brother did always know how to cheer him up in the weirdest ways.

"I know it will be tough," Hakaru said, "but things will get better for him. I swear it."

Haruto nodded, knowing his brother was right. An hour later, Hakaru left – and Haruto was now perfectly willing to go out on this date with his boss and release whatever it was he was feeling in relation to his conversation with Ren. Oh, if only things were that simple…

SATURDAY NIGHT

Haruto made the effort, he really did. He put on his best clothes. He combed his hair perfectly, and he wore his best aftershave. His boss, Izumi, looked beautiful too. She wore an emerald green dress with a sweetheart neckline, and she smelt divine. Haruto had such a good feeling about this date. He never expected it would go so wrong. So, incredibly wrong.

"Haruto, what will you be having?" Izumi asked, smiling down at her menu. Haruto had brought her to a diner style restaurant. He had heard such good things about it and read the reviews online. Although he wasn't sure she would enjoy it, since it wasn't really 'date' material, she really did seem to like it.

"I think I'll have the hamburger" he said, giving her a small smile, "what about you?"

"I think I'll just have the garden salad" she said.

"Oh come on" he laughed, "be adventurous."

"Adventurous?" she giggled, "I'm not sure I know what that word means."

Haruto rolled his eyes playfully.

"Just have the hamburger like me."

"Fine, fine" she giggled. The waiter came over just then.

"We'll have two of your hamburgers and fries. I'll also have a strawberry milkshake. What will you be having, Izumi?"

"I'll have the chocolate milkshake."

The waiter scribbled their order down and informed them it would take about twenty minutes, to which they agreed.

They talked about anything and everything. Work, which was brief. Their previous relationships, a lot longer. Lastly, they talked about their sexual preferences. Haruto listened to her, as she explained while rubbing his leg under the table with hers that she liked to be wild in bed. Haruto hadn't expected it – not from Izumi. He was about to respond when the bell above the door rang, distracting him. For whatever reason, he looked up – and he saw Ren. He had just walked in with a foreign girl.

"Um…" he tried to get back on track, but he couldn't stop looking over at Ren and this girl. Was she his girlfriend? Was it seriously a prank this whole time?

"Haruto?" Izumi called, "if this conversation is making you uncomfortable, we can stop."

"No!" he piped up. That earned the attention of Ren, who's eyes widened like saucers at the sight of him.

"I just saw someone I know is all" he said, "one second."

Izumi seemed taken aback as he stood up, walking over to Ren. Ren took the girl by the arm and tried to leave the restaurant, but Haruto exclaimed, "Ren! How nice to see you here!"

Now that everyone was looking, Ren released the girl's arm and turned to face Haruto. Haruto was now face to face with him – he had to get him on his own for a moment and scold him for playing tricks on him. He had been thinking about how much he had hurt him for the past two weeks and the kid was out with some foreign chick? Unforgivable. He had to end this torment once and for all.

"Ren can I speak to you alone for a moment, please?"

"No."

"Sorry, miss. I just need to borrow him from you for a few minutes, okay?" Haruto said, taking a hold of Ren's arm and pulling him outside the diner. He pulled him down the side alley as there were people outside the front of the place and frowned down at him. Ren raised a brow.

��You're here with a foreign chick?" he questioned him.

"Yes?" Ren said, "and you are here with your boss."

"Hey! How do you know who she is?" Haruto asked angrily.

"I know her from my sister, she showed me photos of her on Facebook."

Haruto was getting mad.

"Look, Ren. You and your sister need to just leave me the fuck alone."

"I have been leaving you alone!" Ren exclaimed, "you are the one who approached me just now!"

"Yes, I did. To tell you that your sick little game is over. I do not believe for one second that you are in love with me, Ren."

"Then why are you still thinking about it?!"

That question caught Haruto off guard. He WAS still thinking of it. So…did that mean it was bothering him?

"Ren I-" Haruto wasn't sure how to respond.

"Susy is a friend. She's a foreign exchange student, she came here from London" Ren explained, "she's not my girlfriend, not even close. I don't even like girls at all."

Haruto pursed his lips, "oh."

"Yeah, but that's not why you're here with her. Is it? You're here for sex, and then you'll leave her just like you left my sister."

"Your sister left me" Haruto reminded him, "and do you have a point here? What business is it of yours?"

"It's none of my business" Ren stated, "you've made that perfectly clear. I just…"

He looked down at the ground, "I hate seeing you with her. That broke my heart just now."

"Stop playing your games!" Haruto yelled. Ren flinched.

"If you love me so much, then you won't mind if I do this!" he yelled again, cupping Ren's face in his hands and just like that – in a swift movement – he pressed his lips to Ren's.

Ren's eyes widened. Haruto's fluttered closed. Ren's breathing quickened, before he leaned into the kiss, relaxing his tense muscles. Haruto pulled away. He had no idea why he did that.

"That was…" Haruto started, but Ren shook his head.

"What? You didn't like it?" Haruto questioned.

"I…I did!" Ren exclaimed, "I just – um. I have to go!"

"Ren!" Haruto yelled, but he was gone within a few seconds. Haruto leaned his back against the wall, the realization of what he had just done hitting him like a train.

He had kissed Ren.

REN.

His ex-wife's younger brother. He ran a finger over his lips. They were still tingling from the kiss. There was no way he was falling for that kid, was there? No. He had to get it into his head. He was STRAIGHT, and he would prove it with Izumi. He would sleep with her, simple as that, right?

He returned to the diner, still dazed but determined to prove his sexuality to himself.

"Sorry about that" he said, sitting down again. Izumi smiled, "it's no problem. Our food has arrived."

"Ooh. Great. Let's eat and head back to my place?"

Izumi grinned seductively, "sounds like a plan."

An hour later, Haruto practically kicked the door to his home open as he made out with Izumi. The pair of them kicked off their shoes, leaving them sprawled out across his hallway. He slammed the door closed. Izumi removed her dress as they walked towards the couch, and Haruto's shaky hands moved to unbutton his shirt. Haruto sat down on the couch, and she sat over him, grinding herself against his member hard and fast. Haruto's breathing quickened, his eyes rolling to the back of his head before closing lightly. Soft moans echoed throughout the living room, there was no other sound apart from the rubbing of her tights against his denim jeans.

"Oh fuck" he moaned out, grinning against her lips as she pressed them to his.

"It's been a while. Huh, Haruto?" she giggled.

"It has" he admitted. He hadn't had sex in so long.

"Mm, that's cute" she giggled again. Haruto smirked seductively, kissing her passionately.

"You know, Usami. I don't usually fuck on the first date" she confessed, "but you are irresistible."

"I try" he winked, pulling at her tights until they ripped. She gasped but then laughed, not minding that he had done that. He ripped at the crotch area, rubbing at her clit through her soaking panties.

"H-Haruto" she moaned, nuzzling her face into his neck and inhaling his aftershave.

"You're so wet, fuck that's hot" he mumbled, continuing to rub at her clit in a circular motion.

She hopped off him, kissing his lips one more time before she got down on her knees.

"Let's see what I'm dealing with here" she winked, unzipping his jeans. Haruto bit down hard on his bottom lip. He scooted a little bit to allow her to pull his jeans down to his ankles. She rubbed his balls through his Calvin Klein's, earning an aroused grunt from him. As she pulled his huge member from his boxers, she bit her bottom lip and moaned.

"Oh wow, Haruto. You are so fucking big" she said, licking her lips before taking the tip in her mouth. Within seconds, she was deepthroating him, taking his entire length down her throat. It happened so quickly and so suddenly that Haruto bucked his hips upwards, gasping with surprise. She pulled up, kissing the sides a few times. It was driving the man crazy – he was so, damn aroused. It had been so long since he had a blowjob.

"You're so good at that" he said to her softly, brushing her hair out of her face. Izumi looked up at him with wide eyes. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back to not cum. He didn't want to make a fool of himself by cumming too quickly.

"S-shit" he moaned out. That's when it happened. He didn't know why he did it. In fact, it took him a few seconds and a staring competition between him and Izumi to realize he had even said it.

"Ren – you're going to make me-"

Izumi froze up. She lifted her head, drool dripping from her chin. She wiped it away with her hand. Haruto stared at her blankly for a few seconds.

"I-I mean!"

"Who's Ren?"

"It's – he's nobody."

"He?"

"Fuck."

"Are you gay Haruto?"

"I'm not fucking gay!"

She stared at him in shock. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry that was uncalled for."

"It was" she said, standing up, "I had no idea that – never mind. I'll see you at work on Monday."

"Please don't go I -"

"It's okay, Usami" she smiled, tears in her eyes. She thought he was gay. Oh shit. He was so screwed.

"Please come on I'm not gay" he protested, "I just saw him today and I was upset with him, so he was on my mind."

"Usami, follow your heart" she said softly, putting her dress back on. Haruto took one last look at her body.

"My heart?"

"You need to listen to what your heart wants. If you want this Ren guy, go for him. What's getting in your way only yourself."

"I'm not gay."

She smiled sadly, like she felt sorry for him. He hated that. She leaned over him and kissed his cheek softly.

"Thank you for the amazing night."

"Sure. You're welcome…" he sighed.

"I'll repay you for dinner someday. Maybe we can get some lunch Monday?"

"Sure."

"Usami, don't be mad at me" she giggled, pressing a cold finger to his nose, "just be honest with yourself."

With that, she picked up her belongings and left Haruto sitting on the couch, eyes transfixed on the coffee table in front of him. He leaned forward, slamming his fists against the wood and exclaimed out:

"GOD DAMN YOU REN."