BAB 20
When he'd come home, he'd been strangely happy to see Zaki truck in the driveway next to the Dumpster. They hadn't seen each other much at all while Zaki had been on duty, but he'd come to look forward to the sporadic texts about reminders for the house stuff. And it was kind of nice to have someone to come home to. He'd intentionally never lived alone because he liked having someone to talk to instead of being trapped in his own head all the time. So he'd planned to vent as soon as he walked in, but then he'd found Zaki under the house in pursuit of his cat. A switch had flipped in Pino's brain Zaki wasn't simply a convenient set of ears for Pino ramblings, but a real roommate, one who gave a shit whether Pino's cats were okay. Maybe they were on their way to friendship after all.
And friends took care of each other when they were hurt. It was only natural that his chest had felt too small at the sight of Zaki wounds and that he'd wanted to help. And only natural that he'd wanted to touch that chiseled, surprisingly furry chest and kiss...
"Fuck." He punched the pillow again. He was so stupid. He lay there, looking up at the ceiling for so long he almost started to drift off, startled awake by the sound of the doorbell.
"Hey, Pino?" Zaki voice called from somewhere out in the hall. "I...uh...there was no food, so I ordered a pizza. Got you sausage and pineapple on half and asked for those little pepper things you like on the side."
Oh hell. Now Pino had to go be nice with Mr. "I'm just waiting for the right girl" if he wanted food. And clearly Zaki intended the pizza as a peace offering of sorts, even remembering what Pino had ordered the last time there had been pizza at Rino and Josiah's house.
"Coming," he called back because really, what choice did he have?
They lacked a dining table so Zaki had set the pizza on the rug in front of the TV along with some of the plates Pino had brought with him from LA.
"You like the rug?" Pino asked, because talking about anything other than the kiss was a great idea.
"It's more color than I'm used to, but yeah, it works." Zaki offered him a tentative smile as he dished up two slices for each of them. However, instead of taking a seat next to Pino on the couch, Zaki stayed sitting on the rug. He'd ordered Canadian bacon on his half, and he picked a piece off the slice and ate it.
"There's a great thrift store near the campus. I got the rug and slipcover there dirt cheap. If we've got time tomorrow, we could go grab a table and two chairs maybe." Pino folded one of his slices in half and took a bite.
"Maybe." Zaki shifted around on the rug. Fuck. Time to address the real big rainbow-colored elephant in the room.
"Look. Making this place livable isn't going to turn you gay. I promise." Pino nudged him with his foot. "And neither will kissing me." The pizza turned to ash in his stomach as he said the words he knew that poor, confused straight boy needed to hear. "I promise. It was my fault and it'll stay our secret."
"It wasn't your fault," Zaki said firmly, but his neck turned pink, and he started fiddling with the remote for the TV. "But you...don't want...ah...not again?"
"Are you asking if I want a repeat?" Pino gaped at him. Lord save me from confused-yet-horny straight boys. Seriously. What did I do in a past life to deserve this?
"Not exactly." The pink stain on Zaki cheeks belied his words.
"Zaki," Pino groaned. "Come on. Level with me, man. Are you really straight? I know I've got a rep as a loose cannon, but I swear to God, this goes no further than us. If you're gay or bi or pan or whatever but closeted, I'll keep your secret."
Zaki was quiet a long time, eyes deathly still, mouth not moving, even to chew. It was as if his whole body had shut down to think. Come on, trust me. Pino tried a trick of his mother's and tried to surround himself with a trustworthy aura.
But it didn't work, because eventually Zaki shook his head.
"Fuck." Pino thumped his head against the couch. "Then no, we can't kiss again. No repeats. No 'experiments.' You get me?"
"I get you." Zaki glowered at him. "I don't get why you're so hung up on labels. I mean you flirt with everyone. And you joke about threesomes. I would think you'd be happy"
Pino held up a hand. "How about you stop before you call me a slut, okay? And yeah, I flirt. That's my right. And joking about threesomes that aren't happening? Dude, have you looked at Rino lately? Who the hell wouldn't want a threesome with him and Josiah? And it's my right not to screw around with straight guys. Ever since..." He clamped his mouth down around the word vomit threatening to spew forth. "Never mind. I've got rules, that's all I'm saying."
"What happened?" Zaki voice was softer now, and he'd scooted closer to the couch during Pino's tirade. If he'd pushed back with more slut shaming, Pino wouldn't think twice about not answering, but something in Zaki's expression made him want to share this story. And who knew? Maybe it would help the guy.
"I had this best friend in middle school and high school. Roger. I was one of those kids, I was always out. People didn't have to wonder with me I was always on the level about liking guys. But Roger didn't care, or so he said. And we were buds all through school. And he said he was into girls, but I couldn't help myself and..." Pino sighed and trailed off.
"You fell in love." Zaki said it as a statement, not a question.
"Yeah. I fell hard, and by the middle of high school, I thought maybe he was just scared to come out. After a while, I could swear it was mutual. I built this whole fantasy around him realizing that he felt the same way for me."
"Did you try...anything with him?" Zaki voice was almost inaudible.