MEETING HER

"Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced...It is that absence of envisaging that you will ever be cheerful again. The lack of hope. That very deadened feeling is very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts, but it's a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different. JK Rowling."

The brain is a complex organ that controls every process that regulates your body. A confusing system of nerves connects the brain to communicate from cell to cell in a split second. But what happens when your brain shuts down? Does your body understand that you're no longer processing anything correctly? As silly as this may sound, I felt like every cell in my body was disintegrating. It almost felt like everything I needed to survive was somehow taken away from me.

Is this what depression feels like?

It had been a while since Sarafina left, and I hadn't moved much. I was oddly content to stay there and wait for my death. After all, I had died before, but my mate had beaten me to the other side this time. Not to mention, no spell ensured that we would be reincarnated together. I curled into a ball, rocking back and forth, and the movement lulled me into a restless sleep. A searing light illuminated behind my lids, and the feeling felt all too familiar.

I was being pulled to a long-forgotten place. A place that I didn't want to be. The outlining of the familiar oak tree came into view, and a sense of belonging overwhelmed me. I had no idea why I was back here, especially since this place reminded me of my dead mate. My feet started moving toward it, and I knew it wasn't by my own doing. Something or someone is pulling me to it.

Moments later, I was standing under it while a cool breeze bounced over me, and I greedily drank in the warm, peaceful feeling it brought me.

"Is that better? I was beginning to think I lost you." An angelic voice said from behind me.

I spun around, half expecting to see Elijah, but I knew it wasn't him, but I couldn't help but hope it was, but I knew the voice was too soft to be his. Behind me stood a woman who could have been over 6Ft tall with long dark chestnut hair, golden brown eyes too light to be human, with the most incredible luminescent smile I had ever seen.

"Goddess Selene?" I asked, but it came out more like a question rather than the statement I meant it to be.

"Yes." She just stated.

I felt anger.

"Why are you here? Why now have you decided to show yourself? Where the hell were you when Elijah was dying without me?" My anger froze me in place.

Her eyes glowed darkly. She was angry. She was straight-up pissed. I watched as she did what I'd seen Elijah do dozens of times when trying to control his anger.

Moments later, her shoulders started to relax, and her face took on a more thoughtful expression.

"I understand you're upset, so I will let your utter disrespect slide. Losing a mate is never easy." She smiled a sad smile with tears that threatened to escape. "But don't confuse my empathy with submission." She threatened. "You are sitting in that basement wishing to die. Rotting away like some pitiful fool will not help your situation more than you standing there blaming me. Life is just life, dear one. This was meant to be your fate, just like how my fate was to be a Goddess. You must accept what you need to accept and move on." Her voice rang with authority.

Somewhere in my mind and heart, I knew what she said was right, but I couldn't begin to understand how I could pick myself up and move on. I only briefly had Elijah in this lifetime, and all I wanted was for him to be with me. In my arms. How can one begin to mend a broken heart? He was all that I wanted and all that I would never need in this life. I couldn't be a part of a world where he didn't exist.

The tears I tried so desperately to hide couldn't help but fall. Selene's strong arms wrapped around my shaking body. Giving me comfort that I believe only she could give me at this moment, I lay between her arms of steel and succumbed to my sadness.

"I know it is hard, but you must fight. It's not just about you and Elijah. You must fight for your friends, family, and even those who wish to love another, no matter the species. Do you think you are the first human to fall in love with someone supernatural? You happen to be a daughter of mine. And that in itself makes you special." She continued to rub my back, "Use that grief to your advantage. Fight harder. Trust me; I would not have chosen you to be my vessel if I didn't think you couldn't handle it. You remind me so much of my true love. The same fire. The same passion for doing what is right and fighting for those you love. Don't let this be your breaking point. Let this be the spark that starts that fire."

Of course, she was right.

Why should I let these fuckers win? They took Elijah from me, and the least I can do is reward them with a death of their own. Loss is a powerful tool for depression, but anger sure was a hell of an excellent motivator for revenge. But there was just one thing I needed to know.

"Is Elijah's soul at peace?" My heart ached as the words burned my throat as I spoke them.

She slightly turned her head, peeking at the sunset behind us, "Peace isn't guaranteed in life, and it certainly isn't guaranteed in death. Let's focus on the here and now." Her large hands patted me on the head like I was a child. "When you return, I need you to open your mind and truly accept your fate. You're only a useful vessel if you stop thinking with your head and start feeling with your heart. You're going to have to trust me." She gave an encouraging smile.

"So, what do I do when I get back? How am I supposed to use this power on my own? The last time I used it was with that creep Cal, and it was more him than me, I think." I sighed.

His lips turned up at the mention of Cal, but now wasn't the time to ask her about that. She sucked in a breath, "Stop thinking about it so much. Stop trying to force what will come naturally. When you feel that spark inside erupt, then you will know. And you'll need help getting out, but you already know who to call." She gave me a knowing smile.

The meadow started to dematerialize in front of me, and I began to panic. I didn't know what to do.

"Wait, ask who for help?" I yelled.

But the meadow was now becoming a faded-out dream, and my soul, my spirit, whatever name you wanted to put to, it was slowly returning to the physical world. I opened my eyes to this awful basement and sat up, noticing a small window showcasing the moon. It's almost time. I have to get out of here.

Selene said that I already knew who to ask for help. So, someone out there could get me out of this situation. But who? And that is when I remember a conversation in my mind. Someone told me that if I needed help, all I had to do was ask. Sitting up straighter with a newfound determination, I pulled the crumpled rose from my back pocket. The voice said, 'When I remember her name, just ask for help.'

I gripped the rose so tightly I thought it would snap in two, but it was surprisingly strong. I looked around, praying that there wasn't someone watching me. I was thinking as hard as I could.

"Rosa, if you can hear me, I need help."

Please

Please

Please hear me.

"Dammit, Helena. It's about time you called out to me." An angry voice echoed in my head.

"Rosa?

"Of course, it is me. We've been waiting for hours. I couldn't locate you unless you opened up a link to me."

"Who the hell is 'we'?" I mumbled.

"Don't worry about that. Now that I'm linked to you, I know exactly where you are. Just be ready." She commanded.

I started to say something, but I was cut off by the sound of the basement door opening. And it was like clarity washed all over me. I didn't want to die. I had to stay alive. I had to hope that Rosa and whoever else were on their way to save me.

"It's time to die, dear one," Sarafina said as she stalked towards me, pulling the chains and causing me to stand up abruptly. "But please take comfort in knowing your death will ease suffering and pain for many that have endured it for centuries." She sounded sincere.

Ok, this bitch is a total whack case.

I am going to survive. And when the time comes, I will get my revenge.