increasingly confused with his feelings
Damn, I can't stop thinking about her. My legs, as if following my thoughts, brought me to her apartment building. But then I stopped in front of the building, looking up, thinking she might not even be there, perhaps she's with that guy named Roger.
"But where is she? What do I even say when I find her? What if she gets mad at me? Or...what if Roger is her boyfriend and they're...doing something intimate?"
Confused, I glanced around while keeping my black hoodie covered my head, then slowly turned away, realizing it wouldn't be right to force myself to see her just because I couldn't get her out of my head. I needed patience—I needed to understand her and control my feelings.
"Shasha..." My eyes spotted her about 20 meters away, carrying a girl on her back.
"What's happening? Why is she..." I jogged toward her. "Shasha, who's she? Why are you carrying her?" I asked anxiously.
She sighed, looking annoyed, while I worried she might be struggling since the woman on her back looked much bigger than her.
"She's Stella, my younger sister," she said. "She's heavily drunk, so I had to carry her."
"Shasha..." I shook my head, looking at her in admiration. "You're such a good sister, but let me carry her now." I stepped beside her, ready to help.
"No!" She moved away. "It's fine. I can handle it."
"No, you're struggling, I can tell!"
"I'm not struggling at all. She's light!" She smiled and kept walking.
I sighed, watching them from behind. It was clear her sister was much larger than her, and her slow steps only convinced me further that she was struggling.
"Shasha!" I caught up to her again. "She's much bigger than you. I know you're struggling! Please, let me carry her!"
"No, it's not necessary..." She kept walking.
Quickly, I stepped in front of her, staring into her eyes, trying to figure out how to stop her from refusing my help.
"Logan...please don't bring up new problems when you haven't even resolved the old ones," she said.
"You're worried that if I carry her, it'll go viral again like when I carried you, aren't you?" I asked, and she turned her face away.
"I'll issue a clarification tonight if you let me help you now," I said, making her turn back to me. "I'm serious."
"Fine...please, carry her."
She helped lower Stella into a standing position, and I quickly crouched down in front of her. She helped Stella onto my back, and we continued walking into the building. We passed quiet corridors and entered the elevator to the fifth floor.
Inside her apartment, I laid Stella on the bed. She promptly took off Stella's black heels and covered her with a blanket up to her waist.
"Antonio...Antonio...why did you do this to me?" Stella murmured, making me suspect her state was related to someone named Antonio.
Shasha sat on the edge of the bed, holding Stella's hand with concern.
"Stella...please rest. We'll figure out a solution," she said softly.
"I love him...but I hate him so much...he's disgusting!" Stella cried hysterically.
"I know..." Shasha leaned down and hugged her. "This isn't easy for you."
I stood awkwardly, feeling out of place. Eventually, I left the room and sat on the living room sofa.
Ding.
My phone buzzed in my black jeans pocket. I pulled it out to see a message from Soraya.
Soraya: Please issue a clarification immediately... Your fans are flooding my DMs. It's making me uncomfortable!
"Why is my business becoming hers now?" I muttered, tossing the phone onto the table, imagining Soraya's dominant demeanor.
"Are you upset?" Shasha asked, sitting on a nearby sofa and picking up my phone. "Honestly, if you clarified things right away, you'd feel better too," she said gently, looking at me.
"It's not weighing on me," I said with a frown, unable to hide my irritation. "It's not an issue. I don't owe anyone an explanation about my life, about us. It's my right. I'm not obligated to satisfy their curiosity!" I snapped, turning away to suppress my anger.
She stayed quiet, making me look at her again.
"Shasha...please don't force me to do something I don't want to do. Besides, it doesn't bother me. I'm fine, can't you see? I'm fine!" I reassured her, gazing at her with melancholy.
She sighed and nodded. "Alright...if that's how you feel, I won't push you."
I smiled, relieved by her understanding.
"But...I might not work there anymore," she said, biting her lip, causing my heart to race.
"What do you mean? You don't want to be a housekeeper at the apartment anymore? You don't want to see me again?" I asked, eyes wide in disbelief.
She lowered her head in silence.
"Shasha...what's wrong? Are you making this decision just because of..." I shook my head, baffled. I couldn't imagine getting through my days without her. Even today was hard because I couldn't stop thinking about her. Tonight, I came all the way here despite my exhaustion because I couldn't bear the thought of her with someone else. Should I confess all this to her? But...I didn't even fully understand what it all meant.
"Logan...I want to focus on caring for the children at the daycare. My two friends can't manage it anymore, so I'm the only one they can rely on," she explained gently, as if to avoid upsetting me. "Please understand...I'm leaving my housekeeper job because I want to help mothers who need someone to care for their children. That's my priority now because it's very important too."
"I see..." I nodded, looking at her with disappointment. "But I won't clarify anything...no. I don't care what my brother says to you...I don't care!" I stood abruptly, and so did she.
"I know my place. You don't want to see me. You think I'll cause problems for you...it's okay. I'll go," I said, heading toward the door, ignoring her as she followed me.
"Logan...wait!"
She blocked my way at the main door, looking up at me with tension written all over her face.
"What's wrong with you?" she whispered. "You came here, but you won't clarify anything to protect your career. And now you're angry because I want to resign. You're threatening me about your brother-in-law... What do you want? What do you really want? Do you want me to struggle? When you know that clarifying things would solve everything, and we'd both feel at ease!" she said, bewildered.
Frozen, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know how to express these feelings. It was insane how she could turn my world upside down after just two days of knowing her. I had never felt this way before. She was like a witch, like a drug—her face, her voice, everything about her pulled me closer.
"Logan..."
"Sorry...I have to go." I pushed past her before she could say anything else, rushing out without looking back. I couldn't bear to see her anymore. I needed to figure out what this feeling meant.