31 V. I Chapter 28: My Responsibility, and My Sin

Ciel drifted in and out of unconsciousness for several days, before finally waking up completely.

However, he wished that he remained in his unconscious state forever, or better yet, he would just die, so that the filthiness that had repeatedly defiled his body would finally die with him, so he would no longer spread his grime and taint across the world.

If he could just die, then his mother would no longer have her favorite toy.

Ciel moved his fingers, making sure he had full mobility before slowly sitting up in bed. He couldn't see his legs under the blankets, but he could feel the stiffness in one of them. His fists clenched the blankets a second before throwing them off.

Ciel froze.

The damage was much worse now that he saw it. His leg... would he ever be able to walk again?

Ciel's fingers reached up, to his eye, which was covered in a heavy layer of bandages. He doubled over, breathing shallow and heavy, sending aches through his back. The aches brought back memories.

Ciel's breathing was even shorter, eratic, as his arms folded around himself, nails clawing at his arms so hard that he drew blood. He continued scratching, ignoring the bleeding, until the wounds on his chest and back from the whip were reopened.

He hated himself. Filthy. Disgusting. Worthless.

That was right. That was what his mother had always said.

Why couldn't he hate her..!

Ciel gasped as a memory surfaced.

.

"You're disgusting. Just like your father. He ravaged men just like the people you saw today did you. It's filthy."

"I'm sorry," Ciel whispered as he sat in the bathtub, the water tinted pink from open wounds made by the men just a couple hours before. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry."

"Worthless. Garbage. Unclean. Utter filth."

"I'm sorry."

"Why do you look like him!"

"I'm so sorry."

Acasia glared at Ciel, eyes brimming with tears. "Why aren't you running from me like he did?"

Ciel moved his hand from under the water to Acasia's cheek. "I'll always be here for you, Mommy. I won't leave you. I'll be a better man than my father was."

Acasia grit her teeth as she raised her hand, covering Ciel's with her own. "Ciel, I will never say I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I will never stop this game."

"I know."

"And I can never stop hating you."

Ciel just smiled sadly at his mother. "I know."

Acasia blinked, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. She reached for the washcloth hanging on a thin rod in the shower, dipping it in the bathwater and beginning to wash Ciel's arm, careful of the wounds. "I want you to promise me something," she said as she wiped Ciel down, gently, kindly, like a real mother would.

"Anything."

Acasia smiled slightly as she smoothed back hair from Ciel's face. "What I'm going to tell you is very important, so listen closely and don't forget. I will continue to destroy you, Ciel, because I can't reach you father, but I can reach you. I will never stop. I will never love you. You will always live in fear of me. You will always live knowing you're worthless and unclean. I will continue driving you into a corner, and the only way out will be suicide. Everything about you will always drive me to extremes. But I do this to get revenge on your Father. I want him to hurt, to feel pain equal to what I went through when he left me, when he sees you again, my perfect, broken toy.

"So you need to perform spectacularly for me. Shine, until you attract his eyes. In the end, you're the best shadow ever, Ciel, because you can even pretend to be a light. You will be a shadow so dark, he won't even see the lighter one hiding beside it. Blindness works two ways, after all.

"But Ciel, what I really want you to remember is that none of this is your fault. All of this will happen to you. It will be unfair and it will hurt. But you have to remember that this was never your responsibility. So never blame yourself, Ciel, for what I do to you and those around you. Hate the world if you must. And hate me for eternity. But never, ever, blame and hate yourself. Please."

Ciel nodded. He slowly stretched his arms out, but didn't get any closer.

Acasia laughed softly. A kind, beautiful laugh, like she did when Ciel was younger, when their family was whole. She sighed, "Only this once," before wrapping her own arms around her son, the two hugging each other fiercely, because they both knew it would be the last time they ever did so.

"There was a time I loved you, Ciel. I want to go back to those times, but any hope we ever have of meeting again with kindness in our hearts is only a cruel fantasy."

.

Ciel sat, gasping in bed. His hands were covered in blood, the wounds he'd reopened dripping crimson.

That memory... he'd forgotten it. Forgotten the events that had occurred, but not the emotions that went with them.

That's why he couldn't ever hate Acasia.

Ciel made a fist before relaxing his fingers. He was fighting a one-sided war. How he destroy the other side when he didn't hate them?

Ciel made one last fist before swinging his legs over the bed, his right lagging behind the left. He rolled his ankle carefully, wincing, but deeming he would be able to stand and move on it, abet slowly.

As he took his first step toward the window, a hiss slipped through his teeth, along with one random word, though one that had been lingering in the back of his mind in his unconscious state.

"Jaeyline..."

Ciel was slightly startled by the sound of her name on his lips, but resolved himself to do the bare minimum before sorting out his problems.

.

"Hello. Welcome to the Rose Branch of LEO Corporation--" The receptionist cut off in the middle of her sentence, shocked by who came through the door.

"I will only be here for a short while, so please answer to Laksa about all affairs in the branch today, as well."

"Y-yes... of course..."

"Then, thank you. Good day to you."

The receptionist gaped after him as he stepped into the elevator. He hadn't come in weeks!

Ciel laughed uncomfortably as he stepped into the elevator, feeling the stares of those around him. He had been gone for God-only-knows how long, so he kind of understood their surprise of him suddenly appearing, but he didn't think it was anything to be that worked up about.

"Is that really you, Ciel?" one of them asked, reaching out and poking his arm before reeling back with her hand over her mouth, squeaking, "You're real!"

Ciel smiled wryly, nodding. "I'm real. However, CEO Laksa will still be in my place for awhile. I am just here to check on everything."

"Mr. Michaelis, are you feeling okay? We heard you were sick," said another employee.

"I'm feeling better, thank you. And I wasn't necessarily sick. I had gotten in a bit of an accident," said Ciel, smiling, pointing to his bandaged eye.

"Oh, my. Is it serious?"

"Not really. I'll be back soon. I just have to go back home."

"Right. Your parents should know about the injury. They're probably worried."

'Not quite,' thought Ciel. 'In fact, it was my parents who inflicted the injury...' Ciel just nodded, remaining silent for the rest of the ride up.

As Ciel walked off the elevator, he saw the massive pile of documents on Laksa's desk. He felt a twinge of guilt for making his little brother take care of everything while he was unconscious, but walked over and sat down at the desk.

He didn't realize it at the time, but he'd styled this office quite similar to the one he'd worked in as Jaeyline's assistant. The desk was the same one, and the chair, too. He felt as if he was back in his past only a month before, when he was sitting in his office and would make Jaeyline coffee and tea every day, when he life was peaceful.

Ciel ran his fingers over the bandaged half of his face. Would she even let him remain at LEO? He shook his head, pulling the first papers toward him.

Ciel had gained a skill during his days of torment by his mother. He liked to call it "Absolute Focus", which allowed him to focus on one thing and one thing alone.

He used the skill to tune all thoughts other than the dealings of LEO out of his head, focusing wholy on the work in front of him.

With no distractions, Ciel finished it before Laksa had to go into work. Ciel cleaned up the office before leaving, a small piece of blue-gray paper sitting on the desk as the elevator doors slid shut.

Cursed.

'Not quite,' thought Ciel. 'Just a sinner. My sin has and always will be to run away from my problems instead of facing them.'

.

"Where is he!"

"M- Mr. Laksa," said the receptionist, startled by his sudden appearance.

"Where is my brother? Where did he go?" Laksa demanded.

"He went up. I don't know exactly where, but I assume it was his office..."

Laksa ran to the elevator, pressing the button, but he knew it was already on its way up and waiting would take too long. By then, Ciel could already have left...!

Laksa ran from the elevator to a side corridor leading to the staircase. He could probably make it at the same time as the elevator, if only a little slower.

Laksa jumped the first ten easily, taking them five to eight at a time as he sprinted up.

There were sixty-nine floors, but with his speed and stamina, he'd be able to make it. He had to make it!

.

The receptionist cleaned up the coffee she had spilled when the younger of the Michaelis brothers had suddenly shouted, sighing. She hoped that was all for chaos that would occur for that day.

"Miss...! I implore you, stay in the car!"

"There's no way that's happening!"

"Please. It may not be safe! I was hired to protect you--"

"You have five second to get the hell out of my way, or I will introduce your face to the concrete!"

"Don't be unreasonable--"

The receptionist jumped as the window shattered, a body in a black tux falling to the lobby floor. She heard several more thumps before the revolving doors revealed two important figures. "C-Chairwoman Cordelia! Assistant Havok!"

"Where is President Michaelis?" demanded Jaeyline, slamming her fist on the desk. "Tell me where he is right now, or I swear I'll kill every last one of you!"

"H-h-he went up to his office," squeaked the receptionist.

Jaeyline glared at her for a second before throwing a wad of money in her face. "That's to buy you a new desk," she said, before waking off into the elevator that had just opened. Ciel had to still be there...! She was going to punish him for just disappearing for several weeks without telling her.

It took nearly ten minutes to get to the top floor, due to other employees entering and exiting, but as soon as the elevator doors opened, Jaeyline burst into the office, just as a door slammed open and a dishevaled Laksa Michaelis nearly ran into her.

Denis grit his teeth before yanking Jaeyline out of the way. They were too late.

"Assistant Michaelis, where is the President?" Jaeyline asked in a rush.

"I don't know. I just got here myself, after getting a notice that he was here," replied Laksa. "Dammit. Did he already leave? He shouldn't even be getting out of bed right now!"

"Laksa I have a question," said Jaeyline. "What exactly happened to Ciel while he was missing?"

"It's not very important," said Laksa, clearly distracted.

"No, it is. I want to know," said Jaeyline, walking right up to Laksa. "Ciel's been in my care for just about five years. He's never missed more than two days of work in a row, in any of the time I've known him. Something must be very wrong for Ciel to disappear for nigh on three weeks. No matter how oblivious I can be sometimes, I'm not stupid."

"I know full well you aren't stupid, Chairwoman Jaeyline Cordelia," said Laksa coldly. "But this is a family matter. And it will stay a family matter. Just try to use your authority to force me to respond differently, but then I suppose my suspicions of you were true."

Jaeyline's fist clenched.

"Now, Mr. Michaelis. That was quite rude to say to your surperior," said Denis.

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Havok," said Jaeyline. She stuck her hand in her purse and withdrew a bundle of hundreds, other hand grabbing Laksa's wrist so his palm faced up.

"Ha. I knew--"

Jaeyline turned and flipped Laksa over her shoulder, onto the floor. She stood over him, heeled foot pressing against his back, arm held painfully perpendicular to his body. "This is for the hospital bill," Jaeyline snarled, tossing the bunch of money by Laksa's face. "Listen close, little boy. I will never use my authority to force someone to talk. If I really want the answer to something, I'll extract it from them myself, with my own strength. Understand?"

Laksa felt shivers down his spine. "Yes, Chairwoman Cordelia."

Jaeyline released Laksa. She crouched in front of him as he sat up. "Now, I'd like to know what's going on. The full story."

"That may take awhile."

Jaeyline smiled, a bit of that coldness lingering. "I doubt we'll be able to find Ciel now, so I have all day."

Laksa sighed before smiling slightly. "You know, I really think you and Ciel are a perfect match." He tittered softly as Jaeyline blushed slightly. "Alright. You want to know everything, so I'll start about twenty-nine years ago."

"That long?"

"You wanted the story, so you're getting it." Laksa sighed. "It starts nearly three decades ago, when a man from the English mafia tamed a woman from the Japanese yakuza, and had a beautiful and loving baby boy."