Safe Shore

I opened my eyes, I had to force them open, I didn't know what to expect to see, probably the ceiling of my room, and finally woke up from this unbearable nightmare, I wished this was an actual nightmare, considering no matter how bad it is, it would be better than reality, better than his fingertips on my chin and I'll eventually wake up from it, and face a reality where I'd have control.

But the way my whole body is trembling, shaking at the idea of his hands on my skin, the same hands that made me feel float, are the hands that now make me stick closer and closer to the ground hoping that sucks me into the utmost depth there is.

Unfortunately, this was not a nightmare, well it is but not in the technical sense, not the ones that end with a ringing alarm, or waking up in the middle of the night.

My eyes perceived his face, his strong features, a furious gaze with his puppy eyes, his hand let go of my chin, both forearms on his thighs, kept his eyes on mine, getting less furious by the second, only for confusion to take over and make an unreadable expression.

I, on the other hand, was soaking in my thoughts, my fears, and a splinter of hope that I wish wasn't there, I know this sounds crazy as if I'm now suffering from Stockholm syndrome, or my mind was under a spell cast by a monster who wanted to have full control, and it's sad that his spell works, and I am not working or functioning right. The way I always have.

He looked at me for a sweet moment, then stared down at his hands, looking distressed as if I was, maybe I was a bit deeper in that rabbit hole than he was, but he should be feeling some kind of way about this situation, I've just thrown an unexpected bomb at him.

His first words were "Really? Rose, that's how little you think of me?"

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to read his expression and get a hold of his demeanor, maybe I'd understand his words better because I didn't see why I didn't have my doubts about him or think anything twice. does he expect me to believe that all this was a coincidence, a God's plan, something meant to happen and we're meant to be?

"I'm just uhm, doubting this whole situation that uhm seems to be beyond my understanding," I said with all the confusion my voice could carry.

" You're complicating something very simple," he said, this time calmer and somehow came to calm me as well

" I have no intention to do such a thing, I'm here washing your dirty laundry, and apparently the dirt is making you uncomfortable "

"Rose" his eyes on mine, trying to get through my haunted soul, the soul he could take out of my body altered it and let it back in haunted by him.

he added " Rose, I don't know how to make this clearer for you, what we had was a beautiful encounter."

" You call it beautiful, I find it creepy; and please if this is why you called for me, please let me go do my work or you can fire me and you won't have to deal with me anymore "

" No, this wasn't why I called for you, I was just delighted to see you unexpectedly, and I wanted to welcome you as a friend and a coworker "

" You realize I'm not your friend and not your coworker, I work for you, you're my boss"

"We can work on the friend thing, and you don't need to worry about your job I have no intention of losing a valuable intern."

" So, I guess I can excuse myself, sir?"

" Rose! C'mon, I'm trying here and I hope you see what we have as I see it. "

" Mr. Rogers, if you're sincere, and my accusations were just–groundless accusations and you care, I'd be grateful if you actually stop bringing it up and preferably you forget about everything before today "

" I may stop bringing it up, but I don't want to forget about it, it wasn't trivial to me but if it makes you comfortable I will for your sake, I'll let the ship find the shore, and when you do I'll be there"

"Now if you excuse me, Sir"

I stood up, turned to face the door, took two steps, and looked back "And Sam, my ship won't head towards any shore, and if I do and you were there you'll just confirm my accusations"

I rushed to the door, trying to leave as soon as I could, once I was out a waterfall of tears started flowing down my cheeks, I couldn't stop them, my brakes worked for way too long, and now I just couldn't resist letting everything get loose or out of my control.

I came to be able to take myself to the elevator, breathing felt suffocating, the air was heavy for some reason my vision was blurry and my head felt dizzy.

I can't go back to the office looking like a mess, I need to go somewhere to breathe first, then let's fix the rest, I pressed the top floor on the elevator, the 27th floor, this guy is freaking rich, and owning this building is the living proof.

The mirrors in the elevator made it look like a mirror maze, where I could see my loss of control on every side I looked at, I could see my defeat, holding to my fallen ego, I now am a bone with no muscle, power with no strength.

My face has lost its expression, my mind lost logic and control, and my soul lost faith in itself, I can't look at this deception anymore, so I closed my eyes waiting for the elevator to stop and hoping it never does. I can go this way for hours, at least I won't have to deal with all of this failure.

I don't think I can hate someone as much as I hate this man, feeling happy because it was like an addictive drug, took me high, and brought pleasures I never thought I'd be able to feel, but the withdrawal syndrome was as strong only it broke me instead, shattered the way I saw this.

It was like a fall from the penthouse to the underground.

Hating him is a nice way to put it, I despise him, probably the amount of hate I have for him is too much for me to feel and I can't bottle it up, can't just hold it but I have to try to be respectful from now on, I can't just be a bitch to him. As long as he keeps his distance, I'll be— I don't know, keep my side of the distance.

The moment the elevator stopped, I was relieved, I stepped out and I saw that there were a few steps to the rooftop, I climbed them to meet a huge door, I couldn't open it, too heavy and too big, so I pushed with all the power left in me and succeeded after few tried.

I didn't think I could be smiling with pride for such a trivial accomplishment, but being through a breakdown made my standards go down a notch.

Finally, the air was lighter and breathable; the sun was a bit strong, and I could feel the waves of hot rays touch my skin, I walked to the edge of the building and looked down it was too high that people looked like walking dots and cars like fast colorful rectangles. Everything looks tiny even my worries are getting smaller with this view, being this close to the sky, close to death, breathing is a big deal, important.

Going to see the world from another point of view, nearly another dimension, air got in easily so that my thoughts came out easier.

I went back to my desk. Lianna, my direct superior, has left me a few tasks to fulfill, and by few I mean a huge pile of paperwork; apparently everyone in here hates paperwork and I began to understand why; I am low on energy but I have to complete this, coffee doesn't seem to of any effect. The matters of the heart are out of its reach.

I texted V, that I missed her and needed someone to talk to. I didn't want to worry Allen, he already has enough to deal with, and his ear may listen but I don't think his mind would.

V didn't text me back, now two hours have passed, and she probably doesn't have her phone on her, that girl is always out of reach technology wasn't made of her, she's an old spirit who belongs in medieval times.

I'll be generous and imagine her in a noble family, married off to a rich handsome Earl, with a sharp stiff personality. Hates flowers and romance. And her stringent, opinionated personality will only make their relationship a headache, and to fulfill their duty they have to sleep with each other twice a week 'against' their will but their hot bodies create more attraction with every collision, and grow fonder of each other with every time they're at each other's throats, and with time sharps arguments become bickering, and those bickerings became tongues in each other's throats.

I finished my work, Lianna and Mike were proud parents, they see me as their baby, and each one of them has told me that they see themselves in me.

I decided to walk home, it's not that far, and I'll pass to see if some bartender can slide me some drinks, I know my chances are slim, but I have to try, you never know!

I thought I'd feel lonely during the walk but I didn't my thoughts didn't leave me alone, the idea of a stalker is terrifying, and the idea that he may be innocent is mortifying. His eyes weren't the lying kind but a good con can fake anything. For now, he is a stalker and I won't bend to just speculations of good intentions, while the possibility of bad ones is high.

The idea of him being on the good side must be shunned.

The closest bar to campus takes senior students as bartenders part-timers and the downside of this is that they know most students and they recognize fake IDs and all those tricks. I have no trickery on my sleeves, but I hope I don't kicked out.

And as I thought, the bar was ruled by a student, Trev I hope he doesn't recognize me, forgot me. We had a class together once, freshman year, he was someone who everyone had a crush on I surely thought he was hot but never dared to like him.

Trev, didn't seem to think I was familiar, the moment I asked for a vodka tonic he didn't doubt me and I tried to keep my cool, let's not celebrate in front of our only source of oblivion elixir.

I got a bit tipsy from the beers, tequila anything you can name I would have drunk that night, I got a call from an unknown number, I didn't think twice, it may be anyone at this point but probably work, maybe they think we can skip the formality of email already.

I replied "Hello" to a sharp deep man's voice " Is this Rosanne Smith?" hearing my full name reminded me of me being a little devil child and Mom calling me by my full name for confrontation, so a chuckle slipped " YES, this is she, who are you Mr.deep voice".

He replied with an angry tone " Are you drunk Rose?"

"Do I know you Mr. deep voice?" with a playful voice

"Where are you ?" with the same angry voice

"With Trev, do you know him as well? "

"Who is he, tell me where the hell are you? "

" Calm down Mr deep voice, you're reminding me of my tyrant Boss " I continued " He's someone you'd hate, don't ever stalk anyone!"

"Is he that bad ?" he asked with a calmer voice

" Oh yeah I'm thinking of quitting"

" You should tell me where you are and let's talk about this boss you hate so much "

"Okay, I'm in a bar called Liquid Alchemy "

He ended the call, and I didn't question my loose tongue or how weird the call was, who was the caller, I just let the alcohol talk and lead my life.

I woke up in my bed the morning after and got an email from Lianna saying that I could take the morning off as a reward for my hard work these past days, and that rest days are as important as work days, this feels like a gift from god, and I only can be thankful and nothing more.

V hasn't replied yet so I ought to call her and find an incoming call from an unregistered number, and the call was 8 minutes long, I don't recall anything to do with this call.

But the biggest question that roams my mind is how did I get home, I suspect the person who called, he may be someone I know, a friend, could it be Trev but he doesn't know where I live, or even know me apparently, this must be someone who knows where I live.

So I simply called to ask, nothing bad would happen from that.

"Hey, Rose so you finally woke up !" A deep voice said chuckling