Oops Lets Call Him MattBob Now

MattBob looked at the towering man before him. He was at least 9 feet tall. Mister Captain Naval McBoat took a step forward, but right at that moment, he stepped on an especially slippery pool of seagull blood. The towering man fell down like a Jenga tower.

MattBob couldn't believe it. His fiance was dead.

"I know what to do," he said through tears. He grabbed the white hat from his fallen soldier, and put it on.

"I am the Captain now," MattBob said.

He tried to close the eyes of his fallen love, but they kept opening again when he pulled his fiance's corpse to a sitting position. You know. Like how old creepy dolls do? Like that.

MattBob gave up on closing his eyes and pushed his love into the Ohio sea that he loved so much. He didn't sink, though. He just sort of bobbed in the water. A seagull landed on him and pooped a little. MattBob wiped away a tear.

"Now it is time for me to take my rightful place as the next Mister Captain of the Navy. In order for me to do this, I need to marry the most beautiful girl in the whole North American continent."

MattBob took out his lasso that he has had this whole time and lassoed a large seagull. MattBob named the seagull Tom and hopped on his back.

"Tom! It's time to force a marriage! Take me to the women!"

With a flap of his majestic wings, Tom carried MattBob towards a wife.