03. Mom and you ❤️

"Kindness in words: creates confidence.Kindness in thinking: creates profoundness.Kindness in giving: creates love."

-Lao Tzu

*Do I miss my mom? No, I don't. The honor of giving birth to my self is always to the mother who gave birth to me of course.

That's the truth even though: which might sound rude to someone who hears it from me. I haven't ever seen my mom or dad in my life except through the photograph I have, also was given by Rudy. I used to miss my mom tbh but by the time, I was able to overcome from that stage as I realized the reality in my life is that Rudy is the only one now I have and there is no one except her. what I have learned was, as long as I'm going to hook up on someone whom I have never seen, is not going to help me. Most importantly why to worry when I'm left with the world's best version of mother!

I have never seen a better version. I can guarantee that I won't see that kind ever too. I always have the attention and the care a kid needs from a mother. Even though Rudy is not my biological mother I have not ever felt any space between us. Though she never married after her boyfriend died by a car hit, she never wanted to go for another relationship. most of the people questioned her about it pointing out me as her barrier to get a new life.

I know what you have in your mind. Yes, even I have that question all the time when I see her giving all her attention to me all the courage into me. It's always ;

"isn't she sacrificing herself for me too much"!

Well once we had this loud conversation when I was not feeling okay with my self and was worrying about her. The answer I had had made me speechless.

" I made a promise to myself. when I've lost my only best friend, my sister, the ONLY ONE I ALWAYS had, I made a promise to my self that you are my responsibility and I would take care of you as long as I'm going to live. I don't want to lose people anymore. In you, that's my sister's blood working. Remember, you eventually became my daughter since the day your biological mother found her way to heaven. Though there is no biological tie between us, the un-biological fact of you being my best friend's daughter, is making the strongest fact, that no judiciary could justify."

from the day I heard the answer, I didn't ever want to ask her the question. but still, sometimes randomly I catch that typical quiz pop up. especially when seeing her worrying about me a lot.

I love you, Rudy. I really do.

"Are you okay sweetheart" I heard the glass moving on the table.

damn, do not go into that stage of your mind! I know that she does care a lot about me and sometimes I do not like to make her worry about me. She gives extra care for me indeed.

"I'm good. Just a flashback of how we enjoyed our last Christmas" crap I just realized again I have made a crack.

"Aww... It seems you are missing Uncle Marc :'). He will be here let's have a little family time then. Okay?. Now get up and pull yourself into the car please or else in the other minute, I will have to grab you from upstairs. Please don't make me do that. I'm getting older now."

I'm glad she did not get that into her mind and mess it by thinking about her brother. I am sure that she misses her brother when she is here in this woods.

I kept all the things aside which were out for breakfast and walked to the living room to see where I kept my phone. I'm pretty sure that I didn't carry it to my room. yesterday night as I did not remember listening to any songs nor text to anyone since I came here, as I had a lot to do and I did not want to pick it up for any work.

Radio: Cloudy, Cool, wet condition will occur over Macardigan and it is been reported that we might have lots of thunderstorms on the upcoming week.

"Rudyyy.... It's gonna rain! Am I gonna live in this house for the whole week? Oh wow what a great way to start the holiday"

It's not that I do not want to stay inside of the house and be a bed bug. I always such a person, when I am living in the city, I am still the person who does not really go out like most of my age's people do.

But the situation here is different from where I live 3/4 of the year of my life. I have a lot to do, I have a lot to see. It's new each and every day. People here feel like family somehow.

"It's the end of the year darling. It was always been the same. The difference is that it's a new year for you. You have grown up. Everything is changing. So the weather is. You are gonna like this."

I sensed the scent of the baby cologne spreading in the whole downstairs as soon as I heard of opening Rudy's room's door. It is how it used to be. It was always been the same. I wish I could stop becoming an elder. I always enjoy every inch of being home. being here.

"Can I get the car. Please"

It's here I get the chance to drive the car most of the time because we have only one car and I'm not usually getting the chance to drive with Rudy and we don't often travel together.

"Yes, of course, why not !? be my driver Today"

she had this cane fancy bag with her which was matching to her outfit. She stood there and gave me a look asking ;

"Do I look like a countrywoman ? " the short hair tied back of her head and the plain green and peach color mixed frock with the leather jacket and the boots have given her a new look.

"you look beautiful" it's the truth she always does maintain her personal health than myself do. she is healthy. age is not a matter of fact exactly for her as I think.

"oh.. hearts hearts. now stop making me shy get me to the market"

"it's not market. it's the 'Macardigan's fair' market isn't a good looking name for what we are heading to." hahahaa.. there I am.

"smart you. leave me alone from yo words"

the wind blows into the car. as it was not raining I did not rush to close the window of the car. it is always good to feel fresh air here.

I feel the happiness raising in my life I'm afraid of losing it every time when I go back to the city.