Awkward Family Dinner

This was by far the most awkward meal Naruto had ever eaten.

The room was so crowded that it gave the impression of being smaller than it truly was, and an awkward silence had fallen over the table since the dinner was served.

On one side of the table sat his… uncle, who he had met less than two hours ago. On the other was Ino's dad. Both men were visibly bruised, and still shooting nasty glares at each other, but at least they weren't trying to punch each other to a pulp anymore. What was Ino's dad even doing here, though? Shouldn't he have been eating with his own family? Not that Naruto didn't appreciate company during a meal since it happened so rarely, but weren't dads supposed to do that?

Then there were the three genin—which, he had been told, weren't actually genin since their teacher wasn't a shinobi, but he couldn't think of a better word to call them—who had been watching him like a trio of attentive yet unsubtle hawks, as if trying to gauge his intentions toward their sensei.

Naruto wasn't sure what he was supposed to be doing. He was sitting next to an uncle he'd never known he'd had. An uncle that hadn't known about him either.

He knew that they were supposed to talk to each other—after all, this was kind of a big deal. Relatives were supposed to talk about stuff, right?? But there hadn't been much talking at all since they had arrived at his uncle's house. Sure, once the brawl between the two grown-ups had concluded there were some very brief introductions, followed by a few instructions on the arrangements for dinner, but that that was it.

Every attempt Naruto had made to start bombarding his newly-found relative with questions had earned half-hearted—and short—answers in that broken speech the man used, if the questions weren't just dodged entirely. It was like his uncle was just as clueless about what they should talk about as he was!

Which was just stupid. There were so many things he wanted to ask him! What was the land like where he had come from? Were there a lot of strong people there? How come he could do Haku's ice thing? Was he married? Were there any cousins that Naruto needed to know about? Why was the cat bigger than he was, and able to talk too? And why were the four of them so bad at using the chopsticks?

But he had found himself unable to voice them. It was very unlike him, he knew this. Normally, he would've drowned the room with questions, attacking without mercy until his curiosity was sated. But he was too nervous to really try.

Naruto supposed that he could blame the circumstances of how they had met for the awkwardness. He'd punched his uncle. What kind of first impression was that?! He surely didn't want to ruin whatever chances were left that the man would like him, so not annoying him sounded good. For now.

Also, he was kind of hoping that he could talk to his newly-found family without an audience staring at him. Well, there were a few things he couldn't talk about with his uncle, even if they were alone.

Like the Fox trapped in his stomach, which the Old Man, for whatever reason, didn't want his uncle to know about. Naruto may have been dense, but he understood perfectly why the Hokage had interrupted him and reminded him that the Yondaime had "killed" the Kyuubi. He just didn't get why his Uncle couldn't know about it. You weren't supposed to keep secrets from family, right?

Which raised the fact that the Yondaime was also his dad—and his uncle's brother, of course—which would've been very fine and dandy if it wasn't that he had basically been told that it had been his dad who'd sealed the Fox into him. Naruto hadn't really thought about it when he first learned he'd had a dad, but now that it had time to sink in, the bitterness was coming to the surface.

How was he supposed to feel about it?! Was he supposed to be mad because it had been his father that caused his life to suck so much, or happy because he finally knew who his parents were?

"You not eat?" his uncle asked, interrupting his inner turmoil and attempts at drawing funny things in his mashed potatoes.

"I'm not hungry," Naruto mumbled as he shrugged. All the life-changing revelations of the day were messing with his appetite. Besides, it wasn't ramen. As soon as he had finished saying that, the cat-boy—Tassava or something like that—tried to reach for Naruto's roasted fish, but his uncle smacked his hand—paw?—away with his chopsticks, giving the feline a pointed glare. The other boy, Sven, snickered at his friend's misfortune, which earned him a light elbow to the side.

"You should eat. You too short," the man said, nudging the plate closer to him. Naruto opened his mouth to protest—he wasn't that short—but his uncle continued, "You that... exam tomorrow. Right? Was right word, 'exam'?"

"Oh, yeah! We've got the Chuunin Exams," Naruto explained, forgetting the remark about his stature. "They're a really big deal, you know! And I made it to the final rounds!"

"This important?" Conrad raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! And I made it to the final rounds!" Naruto beamed, hoping to make his newly-found family proud of his achievements.

"Why?"

Naruto blinked.That wasn't the reaction he had been expecting. Maybe his uncle had misunderstood what he meant? "Because I kicked Kiba's—"

"No, I mean... why exams important?" his uncle asked, sounding genuinely confused. Maybe they didn't have tournaments or exams where he was from? Probably something like that.

"The ones who make it to the top are the best of the best. And I'm going to beat them all!" Naruto tried to explain, boosting his confidence for the impending match. "Especially that smug bastard, Neji."

"That not explain why they important, boy," the man grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That what they do, not why."

"It's a contest, but also a performance, in a way," Ino's dad answered before Naruto had a chance to reply. "This is the way different shinobi villages show the world how their up-and-coming shinobi stack up against each other."

"... you use children to show off?" Conrad wondered, frowning in confusion. Looking around, Naruto noticed that even his uncle's students seemed puzzled by the idea. What was wrong with it? Genin were usually young, nothing strange about that.

"Not always, but you see, a big part of it is showing the strength that the next generation will bring to the village," Inoichi replied.

"That... make sense, but should use strong people," his uncle continued. "Why use child when you—Wait, there other shinobi cities?"

"Villages, Harissen-san. Villages," the Yamanaka said tiredly, which just made Conrad scoff, much to Naruto's confusion. No matter what, it seemed like his uncle wasn't able to understand that he was saying it wrong. "It's also an excuse for a diplomatic exchange with dignitaries from the Land of Fire and beyond."

"Right. Hokage busy with politics," Conrad said, spitting the last word in disgust.

"You don't like politics?" Ino's dad wondered.

"Who does?" shot back Naruto's uncle, as he poured himself another cup of sake. How he could enjoy that so much, Naruto had no idea. Sake wasn't good for you, right?

"You have a point there, Harissen-san," Inoichi admitted.

"Uncle?" Naruto called, trying to catch his relative's attention. This stuff was boring, anyway.

" 'Uncle'?!" the boy named Sven interrupted loudly.

"See, I tell you Conrad-sensei wasn't father," the girl—Bata or Baeta or something—smiled, singsonging in a 'I-told-you-so' tone.

"But that not explains how he exists!" Sven rebutted, pointing at Naruto.

"Small Master must be son Master's brother," Tassava reasoned. "Or sister. That make Master an uncle, too!"

"Stop calling me small!" Naruto yelled in outrage, "I'm not small!"

"Yes you," the boys replied at the same time, chuckling.

"He Minato's son," Conrad said just before Naruto could find a suitable counterback or just throw himself against the two jokers. "I no have sisters."

"The one that bards no talk about?" Sven asked, sounding af he was remembering something. "How he arrive here?"

"With a ship, newborn," his uncle explained after a long sip from his drink. "I not sure, but I think that… our mother was with him."

"Grandma…?" Naruto asked, in awe. This was what he had wanted to ask! He didn't have found just an uncle, he had found a whole family! A foreboding doubt made way through his hopes though, as logic told him what the next question should have been. "But… where is she?"

His uncle Conrad remained silent for a moment, before gulping down what was left in his is cup. "I not know. Probably dead, if she was not with Minato."

The reactions to that were mixed, to say the least, but the room fell silent again because of it. Ino's dad didn't seem very surprised, but a sorrowful shadow had entered his eyes. The not-genin, on the other hand, appeared to be shocked, which meant this was news to them.

Naruto wasn't sure of what he was feeling instead, it was a mess of emotions that he couldn't fully describe. On one hand he could understand how his uncle felt about it, never having met his mom himself, but a part of him had hoped to know more about his family.

"I'm sorry…" he half-whispered, not sure what else he could say.

"Don't be," Conrad grunted, quickly filling his cup one more time. "Never met, I can't miss her."

"How the heck are you not sad about that?!" Naruto exclaimed, shooting to his feet. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Everyone was supposed to love their mother, right?! "Who cares if you never met her, she was still your mom!"

"She left, boy," his uncle growled, slowly turning towards him. "Why think she crashed ship your shores?"

"She left...? What do you mean 'She left'?" the genin repeated, incredulous. Surely had heard it wrong. Surely his uncle was using the wrong words again. He didn't mean what Naruto thought he meant, did he?

"Not all marriages last. She left. I... learn not ask it."

Naruto clenched his jaw as his fear was confirmed. His uncle's mom actually abandoned him. Somehow, that sounded even worse than never meeting her. What kind of a parent would just leave?

"Good thing you," Conrad murmured, before taking another drink.

"What? Why would it be a good thing?!" Naruto asked. There was no way there was anything remotely good in that.

"If Mother not came here, your father never met your mother," his uncle explained with a smirk. "Lucky bastard…"

Ino's dad started coughing out of nowhere, as if he was choking on something. The girl that his uncle brought with him had turned completely red, and that freaky cat person and the last student were trying not to laugh for some reason, but Naruto wasn't really paying attention. He was still distracted by the implication of his uncle's words.

"What... what about grandpa?" he asked, suddenly willingly to change the topic.

"Our town was burned Alduin. I never see after that," Conrad said, his gaze lost in distant memories. "Could be dead."

Naruto had been sure that nothing would've shocked him again, not after the day of revelations he had went through, but he had just been proven wrong. His uncle was an orphan and he had lost the place where he was from? The young genin bit his lips at the thought, he had no idea what he would do if something bad ever happened to Konoha.

"Who is Alduin?" Inoichi asked all of sudden, much to Naruto's confusion. How was that important? "Is he an enemy of your people?

Oh. That did sound like an important question, now that he thought about it.

"Is long story, very long story," the foreigner sighed, which only seemed to encourage the jonin into pressing the matter.

"Can't you make it simple?"

"Alduin was dragon," Conrad said, finally putting down his drink. "Was. Big, Big one, too."

"You have dragons where you are from?" Naruto asked, incredulous. "And one of them burned down your home?"

"Not before twenty years ago," his uncle muttered.

"What?" Naruto furrowed his brow in confusion.

"They come back. Big surprise everyone," Conrad explained in a way that told Naruto the man was really irritated by the fact.

"I thought dragons were fairytales," Naruto argued.

"Lots tales are real," his uncle slowly said, looking at the cup in front of him. "I learned such."

"So, uhm... you people story about dragons, too?" Beta timidly asked.

"It make sense, since this Akavir," the boy named Sven reasoned.

"Akavir?" Naruto repeated, intrigued by the unfamiliar word. "What's that?"

"Name your land," Conrad elaborated. "Or used be. Me think all you forgot."

"You're making this up, uncle. How can you forget about a place's name?"

"Time erase everything," the man replied, with a tone that sounded a bit like the one Iruka used when he tried to say something deep. Naruto stole a glimpse to Ino's dad, but he seemed to be confused as much as he was.

"Uh... how you know how your brother arrive in Akavir, Conrad-sensei?" the girl asked. "I mean, if he was dead…"

"Minato told me, when I met him in Soul Cairn," was the quick and gruff reply.

"Oh, right! That scary place you said his ghost is trapped in!" Naruto nodded, remembering how the Old Man and his uncle had briefly mentioned it.

"... you went inside Soul Cairn?" Beta asked, slack-jawed just like as her 'teammates'. "Conrad-sensei... that is..."

"Very bad place, Beta. Don't go there," the man sternly advised. "A... friend gave proof of Minato's words. I had found a brother I never heard of, and he was dead."

"A friend?"

"Another dragon," Conrad clarified.

"You have interesting friends, Harissen-san," Inoichi stated after a few seconds of silence, reaching for the sake for the first time.

"So... what did you talk about?" Naruto asked, curious about his father.

"Not much. He asked me to travel here and talk to the Hokage, I guess."

"What else did you talk about?" he insisted. "You said he told you about Mom, so I was wondering..."

"What do you—Oh," his uncle stopped, grimacing and massaging his temples, as if he had a headache. Maybe he had drank too much sake? "Yes, we... talk about your mother… a little bit. But we not have time."

"Not have time...?" Naruto frowned.

"I... left the Soul Cairn, more or less."

"What do you mean?" the boy asked. "Why would you leave just after meeting your brother?!"

"His ghost," Beta chimed in.

"Same thing!" he mumbled. If his dad was in the ghost-place, him being a ghost was a given. There was no reason to remind him of it.

"I had no choice," his uncle said, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"But why?" he asked, genuinely confused. "Were you forced to leave or something?"

"Yes," Conrad answered, scratching his head as if thinking how to explain it. "Look, it was magic."

"Magic?"

"Magic," the man repeated. "More simpler way I can explain it. I not know enough words."

"You mean 'simplest', Harissen-san," Inoichi corrected him

"Whatever."

"Oh. So... you don't know much about my mom?" Naruto asked, crestfallen. "Or how she and dad...?"

"I don't, no," his uncle slowly shook his head, before gesturing towards Ino's dad with an evil smirk. "But he does."

"W-What?" the Yamanaka stammered, uncomfortable under the sudden attention.

"He does?!" the boy exclaimed, his eyes widening.

"He was Minato's friend," Conrad shrugged. "Guess he know about your mother, too."

"Harissen-san, that's—" Inoichi protested in a slightly panicked voice.

"The Old Man explained a little," Naruto said, interrupting Inoichi before he could protest. "But I still wanna know a few things! The first is… why are you here?"

"I was tasked by the Hokage to teach your uncle and his students our language," the shinobi admitted with a sigh.

"You're not very good at this job, are you?" Naruto asked, staring at the man with obvious judgement. It was clear that the foreigners had not learned very well.

"Hey!" the Yamanaka exclaimed, affronted. "It's not easy teaching a language when it's impossible to communicate—"

"I have a lot of other questions, you know!" Naruto interrupted him again. "Did you really know my dad? What—"

"That's an S-Rank secret!" the man exclaimed, trying to stop him.

"I already know it so you better spill!" he yelled back, pointing an accusing finger. "Did you know him? What about my mom? Oh! Did you know that they were my parents?!"

"I—"

"If you knew, why didn't you say anything? Who else knows? Was Mom strong? I bet Dad was, but I want to know about Mom too! What did they like to do? Did they like ramen?" Naruto continued, not stopping his questioning assault. He was so focused on his interrogation that he didn't even notice when his uncle quietly left the table with a slight frown on his face.

He was finally going to have answers, and nothing would stop him now!

:x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x:

A chorus of snores harmonized in the air. Almost musically-so, if Conrad paused to listen.

Finally, as the night had come, the boy had collapsed in the middle of his seemingly inexhaustible question. The magelings had retired a little earlier instead, and were providing quite a chorus to his nephew's aria.

"Thanks a lot," Inoichi said, more than a little frazzled after living through Naruto's undivided attention, keeping his voice low to not wake up the younger residents of the shack. "I barely escaped."

"The child want to know about his family," Conrad deadpanned as he he prepared a bedroll for the sleeping boy. "It is natural he curious."

"Is this why you left?" Inoichi asked wryly, arching an eyebrow.

The only answer he gave the inquisitive shinobi was a noncommittal grunt.

"I am no good with children," he whispered as he finished his task and got up, moving closer to the sleeping boy.

"You seem to do well with your students," Inoichi pointed out.

"They older. And I no need carry them to bed," Conrad protested as he picked up the snoring child.

"And you don't just leave because they make you feel uncomfortable," the Yamanaka added. The Nord couldn't deny the statement, he had got used to the magelings' presence but only after all the time he'd spent with them. Naruto… he was new. Stranger, he was related to him. That was not exactly something he had wrapped his head around yet.

Once the boy was safely tucked under the sheets, he felt the instinct to ruffle his hair but managed to stop his traitorous hand, frowning at the doubt that crept in his head. Had the idea been his own or was it a remnant of Minato's memories imprinted into his subconscious?

"Why are you here?" he whispered, as he turned towards Inoichi "After accident, I think lessons were…?"

"Let's go outside," the shinobi answered with the same tone. "We don't want to wake them."

After giving one last look at Naruto, Conrad followed the shinobi towards the door, grabbing a bowl of leftovers from the table. Once outside, he raised it above his head and the next second later the bowl vanished as one of the masked guards swooped down to claim their prize. Since his escapade of a few weeks earlier, he had not been allowed to keep any leftovers, but he couldn't tell if the guards were being paranoid or just petty. He hoped that they choked on them, though.

"We out," the Nord said, closing the door. "Talk."

"I was asked to accompany your students 'home' after your... 'encounter' with Gai."

"How nice," he snarked.

"For your information, I asked to accompany them. I didn't have to, but I thought that it would've been better for them to deal with a shinobi they were familiar with." Inoichi frowned, massaging his bruised and battered face. "Nice sense of gratitude, you have," Inoichi complained, and Conrad just snorted back.

"You deserve it, and you know it Inoichi," Conrad said, not feeling the slightest bit of guilt. "Besides, you break my nose. We even."

"Seriously? That's normal for you?"

"Not different from evening at inn," he shrugged.

"Your land is a strange one, isn't it?"

"It is, sometimes. Saw strangest, too. I will tell about it one day," Conrad half-smiled, looking at Inoichi straight in the eyes. "You did not just take the kids to shack, though."

"It's about your incident in front of the hospital."

"Incident?"

"That fight in the middle of the street," Inoichi explained, "I was told that there were consequences, although I wasn't aware that you had met Naruto as well."

"I already speak with Hokage, and—"

"I'm aware of that, and I'm sure that he was disappointed by what happened. But that's not what I meant."

"What then?"

"There were a lot of people on that street."

"And they saw me. My face," Conrad finished for Inoichi, easily guessing where the man was going with this. "That is problem, yes?"

"You would be surprised how large a rumor can grow in just a few hours."

"People talk. People always talk. I know very well." Conrad sighed after a moment. It seemed that no matter where he went, rumors would start about him. Same old, same old. "How bad?" he asked.

"Truthfully, I have no idea. I've been up here the entire time" Inoichi admitted with a shrug. "But something tells me we'll be getting a whole lot of trouble soon enough."

"I mean, what it mean for me?" Conrad persisted.

"Oh, it just means that you'll be even more heavily guarded than before."

"Not very different then," Conrad huffed, grimacing at the prospect of even more of those masked guards.

"We can't have some foreign diplomat see someone that has an uncanny resemblance to Namikaze Minato. It would raise… too many questions."

"I do this for Naruto, now," Conrad decided. Inoichi nodded in agreement, and Conrad continued, "But, Inoichi… I have limits."

"Things will get better in a few days, after the diplomats leave. Just bear with it."

Conrad grunted and, sensing their conversation was over, Inoichi got up.

"Well, goodnight. Try to remember to put a blanket on your students, too," Inoichi spoke in farewell.

"You are leaving?"

"It's late, and I want to go home. Where my family is, you know."

"Do so, then," Conrad said, shrugging. Far be it for him to keep a man from his wife and children.

Inoichi started walking, then stopped. "I was wondering, though…" he mumbled.

"Mh?"

"How did you convince the Hokage to let Naruto see you?"

"Naruto asked in front of both. I answered first." Conrad answered, not even bothering to hide the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Ah, I see. You're the evil twin, are you?"

Conrad laughed at that, "Get lost, milk drinker. Let me sleep."

Inoichi left with something that sounded like a confused chuckle, if such a thing existed. It seemed that Conrad would have to teach him about Nord insults as well. It wasn't fun insulting someone if they didn't get offended.

Bemoaning his lack of a decent verbal sparring partner, Conrad went back inside, turned off the various lights and, after a moment of internal debate, put a blanket over his students so they wouldn't freeze during the night. He didn't tuck them in, though.

Lying down on his own bed, the last thought he had before falling asleep was that he had forgotten to ask if Naruto's guardians had agreed to let him stay out for the night.

He guessed that whoever was currently looking after the boy after his parents' death would understand, considering the circumstances. Or they could just say the Hokage had ordered it.

Inwardly shrugging, Conrad decided that he would deal with it tomorrow.