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Bleach The Visionary

Author: Martrigg
Anime & Comics
Ongoing · 310.5K Views
  • 13 Chs
    Content
  • 4.3
    14 ratings
  • NO.200+
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Synopsis

Daniel gray is your normal everyday person, but one day everything changed when he was suddenly killed by an oncoming car and was transported to the world of bleach but not as himself but as Gremmy Thoumeaux. Daniel now Gremmy has to navigate the dangerous world of bleach with his newfound abilities. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is my first story I've ever wrote besides things for school so I'm open to any suggestions or critiques on the story. I will upload Randomly *Warning I don’t own any of the characters in this novel*

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Идея отличная, грамматика на уровне, но главная проблема в том что главный герой не раскрыть, хотя нельзя делать такие выводы Спустя лишь 11 глав, но могу сказать что так и дальше будет продолжатся, у гг должна быть собственная изюминка, отличительная черта, у нашего гг его нету, да и характер не сформирован, нету целей, желание и т.д, впервую очередь необходима более детально понять собственного персонажа, его ценности, убеждение и интересы, да и остальные персонажи сырые, автор должен более детально изучить персонажи блич, их характер и цели, у каждого персонажи в блич есть свой истории, которые в принципе объясняют кто они такие? почему они это делают? Необходима более детально изучить историю и характер персонажи и первую очередь создать своего единственного и неповторимого главного героя. Да и в дальнейшем автору не стоит делать упор на романтику, либо на гарем, Потому что романтика между персонажами появляются постепенно и для проявление чувств, Необходима детально понимать их характер и их ценности и т.д, не учитывая эти вещи персонажи будут ощущатся как другие люди. Автору удачи и надеюсь ты поймёшь мои искренние советы и возьмёшь на заметку и создать отличную историю!!

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