1 1. Resignation

[...]

Did you ask for my name? Hmm... what was it? It's been a while since someone asked my name.

[...]

Hmm? Oh, it's nothing. I just didn't fit in with other people's life. I like being alone.

[...]

Pathetic? Haha... Yea, maybe. It's just that everyone would mock me or bully me when I was around them.

[...]

Hmm... maybe it was because of the way I looked? Skinny like a bone, pitch-black hair, dark eye-circles, droopy eyes, the same black clothes that were never changed unless it got dirty or stink. There's a lot of reason to hate me.

[...]

My parents? Ahh... They're the same. Whenever my father went home, he would always beat me up. It didn't matter if he was drunk or not. My mother would just ignore me. Every night a different man would sleep in her room with her.

[...]

There is one, it was my little sister. I don't know if she shares the same blood as mine. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was my mother's daughter, but I don't know if she was my father's.

[...]

Yes, that's why I always stay at home. So that my father wouldn't beat her up. So that my mother would never touch her. So that I could protect her.

[...]

Is that even matter? As long as I love her, I don't care if she loves me back.

[...]

Hmm? What did you say?

[...]

===°°°°===

Beepbeepbeep... beepbeepbeep...

I was woken up by the alarm near my bed. I seemed to have an odd dream just then. I reached out and turned the alarm off. It was still 7 AM.

'Ahh, isn't it Sunday?'

I should have turned off the alarm last night and slept a bit more.

'Oh right, it's my birthday. Or is that a week ago?'

Anyway, I finally turned 18. I looked around as the dim room turned brighter after I swipe the curtain to the side. I only open it halfway so that only my bed was covered with sunlight.

I... uhh... We lived in the attic. My little sister was sleeping on the other bed next to mine.

She didn't sleep with her blanket covering her again. She will turn twelve years old next month. Should I get her a present now? I already saved a lot of money, after getting my salary today, it will be enough to buy her a new PC. The old one I get her couldn't play newer games, other than Warcraft 3 or Age of Empire 2.

I looked at the manga next to her. There were also some of them scattered around her bed and the floor. She loves reading them, One Piece, Air Gear, Berserk, Attack on Titans, and many more. She somehow hates reading Shoujo Manga, she never liked romance either, only adventure, pure strength, blood, muscled men, and slaughter.

I walked toward her and pull up the blanket, putting some warmth for her. She squirmed a bit, which made me pause a bit as to not wake her up.

I silently walked on my toes and went down the stairs toward the kitchen. My destination was the fridge. It was full of canned beers and snacks. I took some leftovers from last night's dinner and brought them all with me. It wasn't much, only two chicken wings, a can of soda, some salad, and tacos.

I put it in between my sister's bed and mine, ripping the chicken wings a little bit so that it would look like I already eat it as well. She would always refuse to eat anything if I didn't do that.

I also left her a note for her to eat later. After taking my jacket, I went to the store where I usually worked. Yes, I didn't go to school. Not even kindergarten. My parents didn't want to waste money on my education.

But it was different for my little sister, I begged them to allow my sister to have her go to school. After enduring multiple severe beatings, my father finally gave up. But all of her tutelages must be paid for by me. The stupid me was delighted and joyful, even if I have to work my bones off. But at least, my sister would live differently, that's enough.

In the morning I usually run around delivering newspapers. Then giving out flyers near a subway entrance. After that I went to a small diner where I cleaned tables, mop the floor, and washed dishes for two hours. When it was evening, I went home to take my sister home from school.

When she was asleep, I left and locked the attic door to go work as a cleaner in a nearby pub. Going home after 2 AM. It has been 7 years since the first time I lived my life like that. Although my body keeps wearing off year by year, for me, it didn't even matter.

By working like that, I could save money to buy her clothes that are not dirty like mine. I could send her to school that I couldn't go to. I could buy her birthday gifts that I never got. I could give her the life that I never had. And I felt happy.

Back to the present. When I arrived, the owner asked why I came so early, especially on Sunday morning. But seeing my energetic mood, he knew what I was thinking and what I was going to do later.

'Ahh, his sister's birthday is coming soon.' he thought.

After I was done cleaning the whole restaurant, even to the very nook, and cranny, the owner gave me my monthly payment.

"I put an extra in it, so go home and buy her something good," he said.

"But there's still some work left to do," I replied.

"It's okay, my daughter can do everything today. She needs to know how to work this place sooner or later." He said, smiling wide.

After I thank him, I went to the nearby ATM and take some money, enough to buy the computer with the best performance. Last year I made an account in my name. Although there was a lot of money inside, I still have to save them until my sister could attend college.

I went to a computer shop where I worked two years ago. I make an order so that it would be sent and installed when her birthday comes. I couldn't help but left with a pure smile. I really can't wait to see her expression.

Why didn't she born sooner? Ahh... but then I would wish the same. Should I buy a new phone as well next month? I think I could save some more if skip dinner for another three weeks.

While I was thinking about it, I heard a sirene from a firefighter truck. It went past me, speeding toward the restaurant where I worked before.

I had a bad premonition. I started running and running, forcing my thin leg to move one step at a time until I arrived in front of the two-story restaurant. It was blazing hot and the whole second floor was on fire.

"No! My father! He's still there! He's on the second floor!" yelled someone.

I saw the owner's daughter crying, the firefighters were holding her to prevent her to get any closer. The other firefighter was still trying to put down the fire and they were contemplating to send someone in or not. If it was left alone, the owner's life would be lost today.

But... he was the only kind man that I ever know. That truly cares for me.

'Fuck it!'

I ran inside. The firefighters felt a churn in their stomach when they saw me went in, but they couldn't do anything because there was another explosion from the top floor.

I went to the kitchen on the first floor and put my clothes on the sink to drench it with water. After wrapping it around my face, I carefully climb my way to the second floor while evading the surrounding fire. The smoke started to hurt my eyes, my pale skin felt like it was burning, and keep choking.

"Mr. Frank! Where are you!?" I shouted, calling him. There was no response. I checked every corner carefully so that I wouldn't miss anything. After a few minutes, I finally found him in his office. He was almost passing out.

I smashed the window with a nearby chair to let the smoke out, and to breathe. But there was no time left, I need to take him out faster. The fire was slowly taking up the first floor as well.

I took his hand and put it around my shoulder. He was a bit heavy, but it wasn't impossible. I slowly dragged him outside. But the fire proved to be much of a nuisance. The roof started falling apart, and the floor would sink any moment now.

I was on the stairs when I heard one of the firefighters calling.

"I'm over here!" the thick smokes hindered my vision, but we could still hear each other. After a few meters, I finally saw him, but the ceiling suddenly cracked.

'Oh no!'

I pushed Frank away, toward the firefighter. I could have jumped as well. There was still a lot of time. If I moved a bit to my left, I could completely evade it.

*sigh...

'Huh? Did I feel relieved? But... Why?' I thought to myself. Then I closed my eyes.

Crack! Crash! Gruung!

I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't feel anything.

My sense was suddenly cut off. Right at that moment.

'Ahh, am I dead?' I questioned myself.

Somehow, I didn't feel sad. I don't know why, but I feel relieved. It was as if I was waiting for it a long time ago.

Finally... it finally ends...

[...]

"Huh?"

Suddenly, I recalled one thing. One person. My sister!

I opened my eyes. I was still inside the blazing building. Smoke covered my vision, but I ran toward the exit. I was coughing so bad and my eyes still hurt.

The firefighters were tending to Mr. Frank, the owner that I just save earlier. Except for the grazing he got from my push earlier, he was completely fine. I was glad that he was okay. Ahh... finally, my life has a meaning. Seeing his sobbing daughter by his side, I recalled my sister.

There were a lot of people watching in front of me. They were relieved and filled with joy. Somehow, I felt like a hero.

But, rather than basking in reverence, I just left the commotion and walked home. My jacket was torn apart and my pants burnt a bit. At least my t-shirt was okay, just a bit wet and dirty. I need to shower later on.

Crink crink... (sound of chains)

'Huh? What's that?'

I thought I heard something, but it seemed just my imagination.

When I arrived home, I didn't see anyone. Everyone was away, and my sister was still in her room, watching a re-run of Bleach on the old computer.

'How many times did she watch it already?'

Crink. Crink...

'Again, what was that sound?'

I wanted to shower, but I was too tired. So, I just changed my clothes and went to sleep.

When I woke up, it was dark. I look at the clock next to my bed. 4.20 PM. Nice.

I looked at my sister, she was sleeping facing me. Now, she covered herself properly with her blanket. That was rare for her, I felt proud somehow. I stare at her small frame of body. She really grew so fast, I hope I could be there when she met her only one.

"Soon, once I have enough money, we'll leave this hell hole. I'll make you a princess. I'll make you happier." I said while stroking her bushy hair. Tears were rolling down her face.

'Did she have a bad dream?' I thought to myself.

Crink. Crink...

I looked around. 'It seemed my head turns crazy after what happened yesterday.'

After I pulled the blanket to cover her exposed neck, I went toward the window. The window was connected to the roof. I spent a lot of time stargazing at this time of the day. When I was on the roof, I would just lie down, and started counting the glittering stars.

Because we was living in a city, there was a lot of light pollution. I couldn't see a lot of stars, but that was enough. For some people, counting stars might be boring. But for me, it was fun. Every day, I would forget how many I have counted, and which one I counted already. I would start anew and counting once again. I could spend hours and hours if I want to.

The sky started to turn brighter, and the stars would flee, evading the snobbish sun.

I started my day by running toward the office where I usually worked. But they didn't seem to notice me. I just took the newspaper and ran around the block to deliver the newspaper. I didn't have a bicycle, because I still need to save money for my sister.

Then I went to give out flyers, but every passerby was just ignoring me. What a bummer, I couldn't get my payment for today.

I couldn't go to the restaurant yet, because it was closed since yesterday's incident. I just stood there and watch the ashes while imagining how the building looked before.

Then I heard some neighborhood aunties, who were passing by, talking.

"Did you hear? There was a boy who died here." said one of the ladies.

Crink. Crink...

"Yeah, I was saddened when I watch the news. I hope he rests in peace."

Crink. Crink...

"Did his family got the news already?"

CRINK. CRINK.

"Of course, I heard the city would give his family money to compensate him.".

CRINKKK. CRINKKKK.

I didn't hear the rest and just stood there while they walked away. The constant noise of the chains somehow felt like it was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't bear it and just cover my ear and run away.

Meanwhile, inside my head, I was thinking about the subject of those aunties' conversation, 'There was a boy who died here? Fuck! I should have searched properly.'

I was saddened by it and felt guilty, but there was nothing that I could do. I just went home to rest for today. However, when I arrived, the door was locked. I banged the door and looked over the window. Nobody's home.

'Did they go somewhere?'

It was rare to see my family went out together. My sister would be in school today. But my mother usually stayed at home and my drunk-ass father went home in the morning to get some sleep.

I waited and waited. Hours passed by. There was nothing much to do except gazing at the passing cars. I keep counting them, just like how I count the stars every night.

Then a car screech on the side of the road, stopping, breaking the calm afternoon. My parents and, surprisingly, my little sister finally here. A sweat ran down my pale forehead.

"Where are you taking her!?" I yelled in anger. I was so worried. No, I was actually scared. Instead of going to school, they seem to be taking her somewhere else. Even if I got a beating now for raising my voice, I don't care. Her safety was the most important thing for me.

However, the punching and kicking never came. They just ignored my existence, without even batting an eye. Is this their new way to bully me? Except for my little sister, they were smiling and laughing, it was as if they just struck a jackpot in the casino.

After we went in, my little sister ran upstairs, toward our bedroom while crying.

"That bitch! Running around like that... ruining my fucking mood." my father suddenly got angry. My eyes flared in anger once again, standing in front of him to cover the door toward my little sister.

"Leave her be, Nick. At least we got more bonus after she cried on the stage." said my mother.

Huh? What were they talking about? I was so confused. What stage?

I just stood there listening to their conversation.

"Hahaha... true. Who would have thought that the fucking pest would give us blessing after his death," he said while taking a can of beer from the fridge. "He should have been dead much sooner."

"No, it's perfect. If that retard died somewhere else, we wouldn't have the money now." replied that bitch of a mother.

Suddenly I could feel a shock hitting my head. A scene appeared in my head like a broken film reel, and the last thing I saw was a frail and broken body, under the flaming rubbles.

At the same time, my father turned on the TV. It coincides with a Local News segment and was showing a girl being bombarded with questions as she stood there, crying. The flashes from the cameras were too blinding, never stopping even once to capture the heartbreaking moment, their selling product.

"No... not like this..." I muttered as my heart keep throbbing, as my sister's face was plastered all around the nation. My poor little sister.

Crink. Crink...