1 Where the River Begins

I savored the sweetness of the wildflowers and crisp grass before lifting my lids, letting them set on the marbling cosmos that drifted above. Stars twinkled brightly between the trees and one comet sliced the sky, illuminating the snaking branches in gold for the briefest of moments.

I breathed deeply to take in the scent that the night breeze brought with it. It smelled faintly of jasmine and flowering almonds—a personal favorite of mine. I was sure that if my mother was here, she would've loved this as well.

I blinked and felt a hot tear escape my lids that ran to my ear. I wiped it away as I recalled my last moments. As I dried my face, I shortly realized there was no pain in the movement. I flexed my fingers experimentally. The injuries I had had were no longer present.

Out of curiosity, I moved my shoulders and squirmed. I felt the rustle of grass, their sharp and pointed blades poking at my skin. It seemed as though I could move again. I didn't think I would ever be able to feel my arms.

I gave a sigh of relief, closing my eyes briefly as I took comfort from the warm earth pressing against my back. This was so unlike the hard mattress that leeched in the cold like a straw. Not to mention that pleasant departure from the sharp and sterile air of the hospital. It was a breath of fresh air, both literally and figuratively.

I opened my eyes once more, turning my head to the side as I fanned my fingers over the bed of grass, moving my hand towards a lonely dandelion that stood tall and spruced. I saw a layer soaring trees. Cascading vines of flowers smothered their barks, curled up into buds to bloom only from the first touch of sunlight.

"How long do you plan on lying there?" someone said, startling me. A shadow loomed above me and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I focused on the person, taken aback by his sudden appearance. I would've wanted a little more time to spend on my litany of thoughts and memories, but I suppose that wouldn't be possible now. My shock eased as confusion took its place. It was a dark-haired man wearing plain clothes—some hoodie and slim fit jeans. His skin was a fresh color of brown with olive tones, like the ripe earth at the time of the planting season. Under the touch of moonlight, it vibrated a faint silver. Meanwhile, his eyes were a vibrant pair of warm amber—like fresh, unsullied rosin awaiting the kiss of a bow.

"Enjoying peace," I replied as I admired the straight nose and angled jaws. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Your guide," he replied.

I'm prepared to be guided, I thought. The afterlife certainly knew the meaning of customer service and experience—everything visual was high-quality, even the steward. However, I expected a more grandiose set of medieval clothes, if not Greek in likeness, rather than the late twenty-tens getup.

"But I can't do my job if you stay there staring up at the sky like a buffoon." He paused.

On the contrary.

"Is that how you're supposed to be greeting people?" I asked. "Less is more, they say. And your attitude is definitely on the excess." I sat up, brushing off the twigs in my hair.

"Your wit will get you nowhere here," he told me. "But your feet will."

"Oh, shut up, smartass. So am I really dead?"

I didn't like being stared down at so I got up to my feet. The moment I reached my full height, however, I realized how futile it was. I should've probably just remained lying down. Death wasn't exactly a growth hormone. Then again, the guy was huge.

"This is death. Just not all of it."

I relieved a mild itch from my scalp as my guide turned and walked off. While a little hesitant, I followed him. The scenario shifted as we moved—like a fast-forward effect. The clearing I had woken up in quickly faded behind.

Finally, we came to a stop before a river. The water was so clear that the bottom seemed to be framed by living glass. Moonlight bounced off the delicate waves as the wind breezed through, creating a soothing chorus of ripples that resounded in my ears. I turned slightly to my right and found a stone bridge hunched in a perfect arch, connecting the two sides of the river. It had a perfect form and it was made in a way that its silhouette and itself formed two parts of a perfect circle.

Beautiful.

Beautiful it was, indeed. However, the longer I stared into the water, the more my fear built up. I was wary of the deep and staring at the bottom of it created an impression of an abyss.

Attempting to distract myself from my irrational fears, I turned my attention to the other side of the bridge. There was a rigid cliff framed by a midnight sky and misted by glowing clouds. Stars floated within my hand's reach as though they were only fireflies in the night, singing and humming a soft lullaby as they shined in a dapple of colors.

Fascinated, I stared, listening to their music.

"So you might've heard of it," my supposed guide began as he turned, finally, to look me in the eye. He had been quiet the entire way through. Like him, I remained so. I did not have many questions to ask. I knew he would tell me what I needed to know. "But I'm going to go through every detail because it's in my job statement."

I broke from the trance and focused on him, raising a skeptical brow.

"You drink from the lake—" I stared at him uninterestedly and as he began ranting about death this and death that. Honestly, he was so long-winded and monotonous. He obviously didn't like his job—hated it even.

As he rambled on, the melody drifted back to my ears. Distracted and a little enthralled, I tuned in. The song was beautiful and hypnotizing—quite hard to ignore—compared to this buffoon droning on in front of me.

". . . other side and you reincarnate into your next life. Hassle free. Now, if you please…"

"What?" I snapped to attention when I heard next life. However, I did not catch the rest of what he said. "I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood of reincarnating at the moment. I just died and found peace." I frowned and crossed my arms, cocking my hips to the side and glaring. "Thanks for the opportunity but I'd rather stay here."

"That's the purpose of drinking from the lake. You forget what you've accomplished, so you don't regret it," he argued, the amber pools seeming to twinkle in chorus with the stars behind him. "And you forget everything you suffered, so you move on without the pains of your past life."

The truth was that I did not think I was ready to move on. The last time I saw my mother, there was a mix of emotions so tumultuous she could only cry. There was relief, sadness, guilt, desperation, anger, contentment, and a few others I could not name. Most of the positive feelings, I assumed, was because dying would mean a reprieve for her daughter.

Was I prepared to brave through a new life after everything I had gone through? While he mentioned losing memories, my soul would still definitely bear the scars. I did not know about the countless lives I had already lived before this, but my most recent one was most definitely traumatic.

"People who stay here eventually fade to nothing," he said, crossing his arms. "Because a soul's purpose is existence. You want that?"

"Either way, I deserve to make my own choices. Whether or not I fade to this nothing is my call," I said.

A sardonic smile stretched on his lips. I was met with a gaze of ridicule. "Now that is not possible," he began with a scoff. "You've got to know that that life you lived is only a few of the thousands you've actually endured. If you see the sky behind me, you will see what becomes of the souls that have lived a million lives. Their souls have been polished so much they will no longer fade when they stay."

Staying here had requirements? I didn't know death was so strict. Then again, it was merciless. It never gave back anything it had already taken.

"Living is the only key to immortality otherwise that would mean true death," he told me.

Living—the key to immortality. There were nuances to that philosophy that tipped a meaning different from the initial thought. Of course, people have constantly disillusioned themselves with the concept of living forever—but what if they were only trying to meaninglessly stretch their lifetimes when they had long since achieved it? Just not in the way they wanted it?

My guide huffed. "Look, can you just drink from the river? I need to move on to my next assignment."

"I'll pass," I said.

If there was something I wanted, that definitely was not immortality. Maybe this true death was a better path. There comes a point where people just get tired. And I am definitely worn out. This insensitive jerk had no idea the pains I went through recently. I tried to keep my eyes open from all the lemons being thrown my way, but damn was I just so unfortunate.

"What is wrong with you?" He breathed deeply, cheeks pinking in agitation. "Look here—"

"No."

"This isn't—"

"I said no. What don't you understand with the word no? It's no. And I mean no."

His face darkened. He yanked me by the shoulder unceremoniously, grabbed me by the head and forced me to kneel by the bank like a carrot on a chopping board. Although he wasn't as harsh as I initially expected, it still hurt.

He dunked me head first into the water and pulled me back out.

"I'm complaining to Customer Service!" I screamed between gasps, grasping his arms and pulling on his skin.

"I am the Customer Service!" He tried to push me back in, but I fought him.

"HUMAN RIGHTS! I WANT HUMAN RIGHTS!"

"Not until you get reborn!" he countered.

That made sense.

"Dammit. Let me go!" I exclaimed, fighting against the sheer force of his hands and grip.

"I still have a million souls on my list and you are not helping my case here. So goddammit, just drink!" he said, forcing my head forward.

I came under, but I held my breath and refused to drink. I had a feeling that, if I did, this whole thing was over.

He had pushed me so far beneath the water that my shoulders were submerged. It was cool on the skin and felt comfortable—like Italian silk nighties on a cashmere bed. It would've been the perfect temperature for a dip, but I doubted anyone would want to drink from the lake after I was done.

I nearly choked underwater, but I kept my mouth firmly closed. When I felt I was finally being pulled out, I used an extra force to launch myself back. An arch of water trailed after my hair, hitting my guide on the face like a whip as the back of my head landed on his nose.

He staggered back and I used the opportunity to get to my feet. I threw a punch at his stomach before following it with a kick between the legs.

He landed on the ground. I left him writhing.

Did he think it was that easy? Was asking for a little more time to gather my wit actually that hard to give? I just died. I expected to be given some time to mourn the life I left behind. I did not die in peace. I died with a lot of thorn in my heart.

The forest behind us was not an option, so I went over the stone bridge. My guide yelled at me to stop—not like I listened. As I ran, my right foot caught on my left ankle. I ended up face planting on the rock-hard surface of the bridge, flattening my nose in the process.

There was a little tremble as I fell. I did not think it was caused by me or my falling because the bridge looked extremely sturdy to just wobble from my measly fall. It was quite gigantic in itself and drew as far as an Olympic swimming pool. However, I could not bring myself to care about this at the moment. I had to get away.

I did not check whether it was indeed broken or not. I simply lifted myself to my feet and resumed running. I lost a bit of my head start with that unnecessary spell of clumsiness.

Meanwhile, my amber-eyed guide came to the mouth of the bridge, but he hesitated going over as he cradled his jewels with his legs pinched close. I met his narrowed eyes when I threw a look over my shoulder and found his jaws clenched so hard, his cheeks were visibly tightening.

"Come back here!"

Eventually, he mustered his courage and went after me.

But he hesitated far too long.

As my bare feet landed on the other side, the melody that had only been whispering in my ear got significantly louder. It stunned me for the briefest of moments as I gazed at the gathering stars. The misty cosmos thickened before me, seeming to form the shape of a hand to beckon me forward and embrace me.

The music lulled me in and I stepped forward blankly. After a while of listening, it seemed to condense into a voice—a familiar one. It sounded very much like my mother whenever she tucked me in at night. She used to hum it through the forced smile on her lips—even when her eyes were flooding with pained tears. She had so much love in her heart, yet love didn't favor staying. It always left—walked out the door with everything packed.

Like my father did. Like I did. Many times. Until the last moment.

I paused for a bit, thinking for an instant that it was indeed her. "Mom?" I muttered. Could this possibly be the way back? I sought the sound of her voice. It came from over the cliff. "Mom…"

My heart thudded—I probably didn't have any at the moment, but I could feel it beating.

"Don't, you little aberrant!" the amber-eyed guy yelled. "That's not—dammit!"

I paid no heed to him. I made my way to the edge, sticking my finger into the galactic clouds that whirled about. There was a faint and gentle force that guided me forward, tugging on me until my feet found nothing to step on further. I looked down and saw a never-ending sea of stars drifting in cosmic waters—a blooming infinity of colors that seemed to just stretch on for miles of inconceivable distance. There was no bottom, no definite end. Being acrophobic, I stopped short.

"Stop!"

Did he not see I already did?

The amber-eyed jerk staggered forward, running as he cradled his fifth limb. "Idiot!"

I looked at him and back down the cliff. The tugging continued to coax me in, encouraging me for a dip—or a fall. But my heart trembled with fear and my resolve continued to waver. I swallowed. No matter how many times I mustered my courage, I could not bring myself to jump over at all.

In the end, he caught up to me, seething in anger. He grabbed me by the collar of my clothes and dragged me with him. The sheer force of it had my tipping back like a reverse wheelbarrow, raking the ground with my ankles.

"Hey!" Even as I choked and struggled by kicking my feet, he did not stop. He continued towing me, not giving me a chance to pull myself upright and walk. At this point, I was plowing the ground better than a tractor.

"You're killing me!" I said while coughing, tugging on the collar of my shirt.

"You're already dead," he told me. "But if you don't stop this, I'm going to kill you again."

"What sort of hell did you spawn from?" I asked.

"I should've known they'll be assigning me to troublesome souls," he muttered.

He continued spewing threats and complains under his breath. The little frown between his brows was like a persistent butterfly that refused to leave. Since he did not seem to have any intention of letting me go, I succumbed to him and gave a loud sigh.

"I'll drink from the river," I said, my arms crossed indignantly below my chest. "Now, please, let me walk."

"Not a cha—"

Before we could go back over the bridge, a heaven-shaking quake tore through the land under us. My heart lodged itself to my throat as me and my jerkhead of a guide were thrown high in the air. A split second after that, a louder rumble resounded and we flew off like the winning home run.

"What in the actual—" My breath got knocked out of my lungs. I rolled on the hard ground and banged my head. I knew I was supposed to be dead, but all these sensations didn't make it seem so. Worse of it all, I rolled off and skidded down the cliff. While a little dizzy, I managed to blindly grasp the edge. I dangled dangerously, feet kissing the misting clouds of pink and blue below.

"H-help…" I whispered.

"This isn't a part of my job statement," I heard the guy mutter as he rolled to his knees, reached out for me and took my arm.

I looked up with a crooked smile. "Let's just hope this place offers insurance."

The water came rushing out of the river, carrying with it an ominous roar as it tided us both. I held my breath. I did not dare open my mouth as we plunged into the infinite space below.