5 Chapter 4 ∞ Flawed

The night before our day out, I had a dream about the life I left behind. The recollection that came upon me were all of hurt and pain and I woke up, breathing and drowning in tears. I now knew why souls were supposed to forget their previous lifetimes. Not only did it offer a clean slate, it also offered peace.

There was peace in oblivion and I wasn't able to take it.

I had been selfish in that life. My biggest regret, perhaps, was making my mother suffer. I did not let her find happiness—a new man to love. I was so keen on trying to get my father back, even after he left us for another woman and made it clear he had no intentions of going back. I was also afraid that, like him, he would forget all about me once she had a new family. She understood my fears and swore to me she would never leave me behind.

It was in my naïve optimisms that I hoped everything would go back to the way they once were if I try to bring them back together. Alas, there were broken things that could not be mended with how fine the pieces had shattered.

I could only hope she found someone after she lost me.

"Mom?" I cried through the darkness as I rose from the dream, face soaked with tears. I reached out, but only felt the cold and red sandalwood floors. Veneryan beds stood extremely low that they forgo the feet altogether—just a plated pedestal lined with a thin sheet of feathered cushion to help ward off a backache. It took some time for me to get used to it, but it wasn't all that uncomfortable.

It would take a bit more while to come to terms with everything—or maybe I never would be able to get over it. Was I contented with this life? I was left with many questions upon my reincarnation and I had been taken from my birth family a few hours upon gaining consciousness. I wasn't satisfied with my cluelessness. But no matter how many books I read, no matter how many stories I hear, it would not tell me what I wanted and needed to know.

Kicking off the covers, a sudden chill washed down upon me. The silk curtains billowed from the night breeze by the windows I remembered Hellenia sealing tight. Fear rose to my throat, my eyes following the trail of shadows to my room's corner. There, I saw amber eyes, gazing piercingly at me.

"Amber?" I asked softly, incredulous. I nearly shot up from the bed but I stopped short when I realized something.

I saw his lips moving and I could feel his presence in the room, even if it wasn't so tangible. It felt like he wasn't in this world at all, as though I was looking at him through a veil that I couldn't pierce. But he was there.

And in wisps, he disappeared, fading under the streaming moonlight, the glowing amber eyes leaving vivid flashes in my memory.

Rattled, I pushed myself against the paneled walls. Sleep had left me completely. In its place was restlessness, the unsettling silence gnawing at my ears. The night wasn't anywhere near its death but my soft bed and warm duvet wasn't tempting at all. Even if I managed to return to sleep, the nightmares would come.

I curled up and nestled my chin between both knees. New life used to mean new chances and opportunities. However, being attached to the previous one carried ominous things. It was a grave reminder to me that the past, if not completely forgotten, would drag you back. I was beginning to feel the shadows of its weight.

In the torturous silence, I remembered the books I had stacked beside the bed. For once, I felt there was something I could cling to. I crept to the low, moonlit table by my open windows, making a grab for my blankets to bar away the coldness of the night. I swathed it around myself like a protective cocoon. My room had no chairs. Everything was all cushion and squatting. It would get a bit tiring at times as the blood could not move properly to my legs, but, like everything, it all just took to some getting used to.

When I finally found a comfortable position, I hatched open the book to the first page and sank into a reading daze. The words sang, louder than the screaming shadows that slithered to the front of my attention. The colors gave life to my somber night.

Like a siren, the words lulled me into a hypnotic state. Time breezed until dusk, a beautiful crowning glory, haloed the clouds, casting orange rays on my vibrant pages. I looked up to take in the beauty of the misty skies before sinking back to the book I was reading. It was beautiful, but not beautiful enough to trump the world of this book's making.

Birds chirped in my ears a little later until the incandescent light wormed its way into my room in a soulful burst. A while after, my doors opened.

Hellenia called out my name lovingly, "Evyionne."

I looked up as she stopped short, her eyes darting from my vacant bed to the table before where I sat.

"Evyionne," she said. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "I had nightmares," I told her.

"Again?"

Hellenia was carrying a tray of milk like she did every morning to help me wake up. Hearing my answer, she resumed her pace and knelt beside me gracefully, setting the tray on the table. I moved my book away to make some room for her.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded.

"Why didn't you call for me?" she asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I didn't want to wake you."

She sighed. "Maybe today isn't a good day."

I put a hand on the crack of the page, turning to my adoptive mother. "No, please, can we go?" I asked.

"You hadn't slept, Evyionne."

"I'll sleep later some more during the service hours," I promised.

She hesitated.

"Please, mama?" I pleaded, letting my lids pop a bit wider as I gave her a pout, hoping my childish charms would work on the woman.

She sighed again, fingers restlessly twisting by her long skirts. "Alright. But please, Evyionne, call out to me when you're like this. I can't have you staying up all night. Why don't you ever call for me?" she asked, leaning down a bit to pinch my cheeks.

"I didn't think I had to," I whispered.

"This girl," she muttered, pulling me in for an embrace. "Are you really a child? How old are you, my little one?"

"Six?" I replied.

"Really? You feel like an old woman to me." She caressed my head whilst smiling down ruefully. "Next time, call for me or any of the mistresses, understood? I shouldn't have let you sleep in another room at all."

"No, I want my own room," I said, jutting out my lower lip. God knows how much I had been dreading sleeping with another person in the same room. I knew it wasn't very child-like of me to want to be away from motherly company, but I had long since gotten over feeling dependent when I was four. Of course, I still needed help in certain areas, but those years were way beyond me.

"Alright, my little adult. Come on up and I'll dress you up. Can't miss today's day out, can we?"

I jumped in excitement. I was looking forward to our trip outside the House of Oblivion as it was no exaggeration to say I had never left its grounds. The farthest I had gone was the courtyard and, in as much as I wanted to sneak out, my frail self would surely be only met with danger.

I did not want to admit it, but I was quite a coward myself in this regard. I was a curious person, but I had never been the adventurous kind. Even in my past life, I never wanted to experience everything directly; I only wanted to observe from a distance. Perhaps this detachment was one of the reasons why I did not have many friends. Friday nights were spent in the bedroom watching Friends and Family Feud, popping junk into my mouth and blowing up my stomach instead of flattening it.

I sat in the corner, lost in thought, as Hellenia brought out a dress and flagged it before me. "What do you think of this?" she asked, brushing down the beautiful amaranthine fabric. It was the exact color of my eyes, an elegant, brooding red-purple that seemed to vibrate with a unique kind of energy and life. It was beautiful. The thoughtfulness behind it was even more touching.

I looked at it with a slacked jaw. "It's pretty," I told her, awed.

"Good. This is your first outdoor dress."

"It's mine?" I asked in awe.

"Who else can wear this thing, you silly girl?" she said with a chuckle. "Your Mistress Kora?"

I laughed. "He'd have trouble fitting in there."

"Ugh." She waved a hand with a mocking roll of her eyes. "Wouldn't want to imagine it, would we now?" She chuckled and stepped forward to help me with putting it on. "Your Mistress Neilly sewed it for you. So, you've got to go to her and thank her for it later, okay?"

I nodded eagerly.

After pulling me into the beautiful dress, Hellenia twisted my auburn locks into a crown braid around my head before dabbing a bit of perfume on both my wrists and at the locks of my jaw. Did I think it was overboard? No. It was my special day, how could anything be overboard? Hellenia seemed to think the same. She was going extra lengths to make sure this day felt special.

Sweet honeysuckle and citrusy hints filled the air. I sniffed, reminded of my previous life's mother and her passion for scents. She created the most wonderful perfumes.

Before I had the chance to delve back into my previous life's memories once more, Hellenia pulled me to the dining room for breakfast, my small hands in hers. We sauntered through the long, carpeted halls with me singing the Veneryan lullaby she had taught me. It wasn't long before she joined me and we started filling the House with the song.

It didn't take us very long to reach the dining room. I greeted the mistresses a good morning with kisses on the cheek. They seemed delighted to see me in the dress, with Mistress Neilly ramping up compliments for her handicraft. Mistress Lamia, our snowqueen, was as stone-cold as usual. However, I saw the faintest warmth in her eyes.

"Look at our beautiful princess!"

"Ooh, is that the dress Neilly made for you?"

"Pretty little thing!"

I nodded with a bright grin of my own, twirling in my matching amaranthine blouse and skirt. I then climbed onto my seat and, without waiting, started ravaging my breakfast.

"Look at her go," Kora whistled.

"Evyionne," Hellenia began with a laugh. "You cannot eat in such a hurry. Let me help you."

I refused. "No. I can do it by myself."

"If you choke yourself, how can we leave? Besides, a lady should not act that way."

"I'm not a lady yet," I mumbled through a stuffed mouth. "But I am definitely hungry."

They all laughed.

"How long until we leave?" I asked, swallowing.

"We haven't even begun eating yet," Hellenia said.

"But I'm already done."

"No, you're not."

Fruits were pushed onto my plate. Seeing as I had to obey or risk not having our plans fulfilled, I wolfed through a slice of melon, a handful of berries, and half a banana. I had finished rather quickly but my adoptive mother still wasn't done with her main course. My stomach was already filled to the brim and I had a huge food baby.

I sat for a while, hoping my stomach would digest it fast. After about five minutes of rest, I impatiently climbed to my mother's lap, enjoying the comforts of her embrace and reliable hands as she sliced through her sunny side up.

"Aren't you done yet?" I muttered restlessly, watching her from below her chin as she chewed. I bent back, pushing the top of my head against her stomach, my feet dangling to the floor.

"Evyionne," my adoptive mother warningly intoned. "You don't do this in front of the table, love. And you just ate. What if you get a tummy ache?"

"I love you though," I told her sincerely, flashing my biggest of smiles. Would this hurry up? Unlikely. Still, it didn't hurt to put out a little charm.

"Oh." She laughed, picking me up to seat me properly on her lap. Her nose drew close to my ears where it brushed against my hair. Her lips grazed my forehead as she ran her long fingers down my stomach to straighten my clothes. "Look at you. I love you as well. Beautiful daughter, my little goddess. My perfect child, oh how I love you so. Don't ever change."

"Don't worry," I told her. "I won't. I'll always love you."

"Yes, yes." My mother smelled my hair and laid a kiss on my braided locks.

"What about us?" Mistress Marian pouted. "You don't love us mistresses?"

"I'll tell you after everyone finishes eating," I stated firmly, crossing my arms and sticking out my tongue at them.

"But that's not fair," she said.

They all laughed.

"This cunning little girl!"

"We raised such a devil!"

"Come on, Hellenia! Hurry on up! We need to know if Evyionne loves us too!" they joked.

"Alright, alright. How fast am I going?"

My adoptive mother hastened her pace eating to the point that she had stuffed her mouth like I had done. The mistresses smiled warmly. Soon, however, they needed to hand over the jug of water to pour Hellenia a cup. She had started choking on her food midway and needed some fluid to help push it down. After that, she had a loud sigh before turning to me with a smile.

Finally, her plate was clean.

"So what now, darling?"

"You did well," I said. "I love all the mistresses!" I unabashedly exclaimed. I then turned to Hellenia impatiently "Can we go now?"

"What?" Veronika intoned. "That's it?"

I pulled on my adoptive mother's fingers. "Please, please, please."

"Alright, alright." She stood, brushing down her dress. "Say goodbye to the mistresses."

"Goodbye!" I exclaimed, waving my hand frantically and pulling Hellenia straight out of the door.

"Be careful, you two."

"Bring us some treats when you come back."

"Enjoy your day. Make sure you're safe!"