It's a no

"If you get a husband who asks you for nothing, be loyal to you and you only earn and nothing lose, what would you do?"

"Is he handsome?" Esmeralda asked, scrunching up her nose. 

"I guess so, "Ethan replied with a nod. Which magazine was it that called him the most handsome man alive? 

"Is hot sex included?" Esmeralda asked as if it was her priority. 

"A lot of it, " Ethan replied with a soft smile. Lord, what was wrong with him? 

"Then, my answer will be no, " Esmeralda replied with a straight face. 

"But why? Didn't you say you would love to get such a husband?" Ethan asked in concern. What did he do wrong now? 

"If the guy is so good, why would he marry me? I don't even love him, " Esmeralda replied in a duh tone. "Last night, I had this amazing idea of getting into a marriage of convenience. I called my mom and asked her why she wasn't following the script and she hung up the phone on me. I don't believe in love now. But why should I let my shitty ex dictate my life? I want to be someone's wife without loving him and I think I'm pretty enough to get this, right?"

Ethan nodded his head as if he was liking where this topic was heading. 

"Then, tell me why would someone marry someone crazy like me? If he is handsome and has all the plus points and is still willing to marry me, it means he is gay and he needs me to be his beard, "Esmeralda told him in all seriousness.

When she decided to get married, she called her mom and asked her to arrange blind dates for her because she wanted to get married but her mom hung up the call saying to call her when she was sober. She agreed that she was drunk but not that drunk to not know what she was saying. 

She gave herself a list and if any guy matched the list, she would marry him without asking any questions. Even though she knew that her conditions were impossible to match. 

[Okay, she agreed that she was a bit unreasonable. But by virtue of being a human, she had all the rights to be unreasonable!]

Ethan burst into a fit of cough when he heard her words. "Trust me, he is not gay."

"He is not?" She asked, surprised. "Then, he must be an old man. I will not marry an old man. They don't turn me on."

Ethan had an urge to look into her brain. What was she made up of? Did she forget to buy a filter for her mouth? 

"He is in his early thirties, " Ethan sighed. "He is not that old."

"Then, why does he want to marry me?" Esmeralda asked. 

"Because he wants a marriage without love but full of loyalty, " Ethan murmured. 

"Don't tell me it's you, "Esmeralda narrowed her eyes at him. 

"It's me, " Ethan replied, staring at her. "So, Emerald, will you marry me?" When he saw her widened eyes, he asked, "Do I need to go on my knees and then ask you?"

Esmeralda murmured while groaning to herself,  "I'm really drunk. I had a little too much grape juice. Emerald, do you really think Mr Steel Blue eyes will propose to you? Stupid. Stop dreaming about his eyes. Go back home or Amber will turn you into embers. "

"You are not dreaming, " Ethan said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to make her face him. "It's me. I'm offering you a marriage of convenience. You can have anything that you want but love. I'm incapable of loving."

"As cliche as it may sound, why me?" Esmeralda asked with a sigh. 

"Because you are bearable and your rant is cute, " Ethan replied with a soft smile. She makes everything bearable about her. He just felt that his life would be a cute disaster if he married her. 

Maybe, he needed to change his monotonous life to feel good once again. 

Esmeralda blushed. No one had ever called her rant cute before that. She looked at him and sighed when she saw how serious she sounded. Oliver, the world's biggest jerk once said that she needed to see a therapist to do something about her rant. But this man said her ranting was cute. Could she cry on his shoulder and bawl her heart out? 

Never mind Esmeralda, do something about his offer now. 

"Buddy, this is a conversation I would like to have with a bottle of vodka, " Esmeralda replied with oh so much seriousness.  

___

A/N: So, I'm wondering if Me! song by Taylor Swift suits Esmeralda.