I see you

I remembered the time when Lei and I went to my cousin's place. This was the time when I knew how good hearted she really is. My cousin had breast cancer and been to and fro with her chemotherapy and radiation visits. Joy have been close to me and she was my best friend of all time apart from Leila. Joy was my confidante, supporter, fan and motivator. She is someone who is direct to me even if she knows I'll get hurt or defensive. Even if Joy felt pain or suffering from aches due to her condition we never heard anything. From the early years of her chemo, losing hair days, up to the last time I saw her in our apartment, when my dad agreed for Joy to be moved at home so that we'd be able to care for her.

My beloved cousin never complained. She had all smiles every time I come and visit her in her room. Her sister would always clean her wound, where her bosom was operated and taken out. I didn't mean to pry but I came at a bad moment when I saw Joy while she was being medicated from her wounds full of puss and as if the cancer has eaten half of her chest and that was not at all pretty. I can even remember it vividly in my mind that it wasn't just a memory but a painful reality that cancer is a killer, a merciless monster that eats your body up until your dead. I couldn't hear anything from Joy, not a cry or a groan. She accepted everything, the pain, the reality, the cancer and even smiled at me while she is suffering on her bed, which was her deathbed in the end.

Leila was there to comfort me when Joy died and when I couldn't find answers to why she need to die or what did she do to deserve to die. I was just given a hug and an I'm sorry, though Leila didn't do anything wrong to me, nor does Joy, that she deserved to suffer tremendously.

I have come to forgive cancer or be at peace to all of my questions of why about cancer. Yet, when I came across a movie entitled "Life in A Year" featuring Jaden Smith and Cara De Lavigne, I began to reminisce the times I had and did with my best friend cousin Joy. I know she is happy in heaven and that she no longer need to suffer nor cry inside because of the unending pains, aches and chemotherapy.

Our life moves on and our dead's life remain a memory but not forgotten. I swore that I would help and donate more money that I would ever earn for the Cancer patients in the world. I won't let anything bad happen to and support the abused children or women and feed the poor and street people or even house them with my free housings and feed them in my food banks or centers. If I can alleviate poverty, hunger, unemployment and cancer or illnesses to spread or even happen I would do that and use my money and influence to protect those I love and uplift the lives of those I serve and support, always. I think, life is just life and the universe can be funny, crazy or bitchy sometimes, that we couldn't expect that it will hand us happiness or success all of the time. But it is also there to teach us by giving, letting us experience pain, anger, trials and problems which we sometimes dislike because they are not part of our plan or vision in life.

Life is such a drag and it's just the truth, nothing personal. And I think when reality sets in in mine and Leila's life. We are both different people now and we have different likes or dislikes that sometimes jive and not. I woke up looking for Leila but my driver told me that she went out and I didn't know where she went. I cooked or let's just say tried to heat mac and cheese but I didn't know what to do and it burned inside the microwave. I called Leila's cell phone but she left it in the bathroom. I waited and waited for her until evening, but she didn't come home. Until I heard a car, a cab parked in front of the house and there was Leila smiling and so happy thanking the driver of the taxi she paid with some euros.

Hi! So glad you're fine and came home in time for a sleepover, maybe!, I added sounding pleasant but a little bit annoying. Yup, I decided to come back to make sure you're alright and not dying from boredom, Lei replied laughing loud. Ha, ha! Yeah, I was worried. Where did you go? I could have sent for a driver and drive you through where ever you want to go?, I cried worried and tried to kiss her cheek but refused to come near me. Wha....???

Thank you good ma'am for that! You want a medal for that, being good and saintly. I heard in the news that you have been giving or what's that...donating your fortune to the less=priviledge, those who are sick, dying, hungry and homeless. Wow! You are indeed a saint. You have totally changed. And I think I have nothing to do with that, or maybe I was also one of your charity cases, huh?, Leila continued, me sensing that she's hurt and feeling anxious.

Hey, baby! What's wrong? What happened?, I asked when Leila sat at the staircase trying to go to our room to change maybe but I reached for her arm and stopped her.

I came across this photo, this Miley, wow! She's hot and young! You should date her instead of being stuck with a phony me. Literally speaking, I'm not at all human anymore, I'm part robot, part human...., Leila said feeling useless and sad.