Beside You Ch. 34: Better Left Unsaid

(Warning this chapter contains trigger warnings, sensitive topics, and mentions of rape. Please read at your own discretion.)

Chapter Thirty-Four: Better Left Unsaid

A strange sensation washed over me.

It felt uncomfortable.

"It's getting late. You should get out of bed."

Huh?

That definitely wasn't Michael.

My eyelids felt heavy as I tried to force them open.

"We'll be down soon," Michael said.

My eyes snapped open.

Bailee stood in the doorway.

Nausea was the next thing I felt.

"Good morning," Bailee said.

She didn't wait for a response.

She shut the door behind her when she left.

I buried my face into Michael's neck.

"I thought she might feel a little embarrassed about how she acted last night," Michael said.

I didn't get that impression.

Benny's mom seems like the type to just run with it.

If she said it or did it, she doesn't back down.

She's scary.

He took a deep breath, and it made me rise with his chest.

"Such a shitty way to wake up," he grumbled.

"We can stay here until it's less shitty," I said.

He chuckled, "We just woke up, and you're trying to do naughty things already?"

That wasn't where my mind was.

"That isn't what I meant," I stated.

"You sure?" he asked, "I wouldn't mind."

I sighed.

It was too early for this.

"Remember where we are," I said.

"I know exactly where we are," he stated, "That's what makes it more exciting."

I glared at the door.

"More exciting for who?"

"Some people find it more exciting when they might get caught."

I didn't even like the idea of getting caught.

"No thank you," I said.

"Only because you haven't tried it yet," he stated.

I didn't like people looking at my bare skin.

Why would I want to be caught having sex?

"I've been caught a few times," he admitted, "But it didn't stop me from finishing."

I picked my head up from his chest before sitting up.

"What?"

I only shook my head.

"It's not like doing it outside," he said.

My mind started going a mile a minute.

It made me think about things I didn't want to.

I glanced down at Michael.

His eyes were already on me.

I could remember clearly what Benny said.

His reason for not wanting to be in on our babe game.

"Were you really in an orgy?" I asked.

His eyebrow arched at my question.

"Yes," he said.

An orgy was more than three people, right?

"How many people were there?" I asked.

His gaze went to the ceiling.

I wasn't sure if he was actually thinking about it or if he was stalling.

"I have no idea," he said, "It was a party I was invited to. It was already happening when I got there."

"Was it weird?" I asked, "Did you like it?"

He took in a good-sized breath.

"It was easy to get swept up in the mood," he admitted, "But I didn't really like it."

"Why?" I asked.

I thought he was into anything that felt good.

Anything that could give him an escape.

His eyes locked with mine again.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't really know how to explain it," he said, "You'll only have more questions."

"Try," I said.

He sighed.

"I'll try pretty much anything once," he said, "But I'm not into bottoming."

Bottoming?

He sighed again.

"In a gay relationship," he stated, "It's the one that receives."

Oh.

"You've tried it?" I asked.

"I refuse," he said flatly.

Was that a no?

I wasn't quite sure.

Then the next question popped into my head.

"Have you had sex with a guy before?"

"I have."

"In the orgy?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Threesome?" I asked.

He shook his head again.

"Wait," I said, "So you went out with a guy?"

"It wasn't like that," he stated, "And it's a long story anyway."

I just stared at him.

Was he going to tell me the story?

I think he realized why I was staring.

"It's not my story to tell," he stated.

"Did you like him?" I asked.

"Not like that," he sighed.

"Then what was it like?" I asked.

"He was at the last school I went to," he said, "He was still trying to figure out if he was gay or not."

"Okay," I said.

"He asked me," he admitted.

"So I'm not actually your first virgin," I stated.

"You were," he said.

That didn't make any sense to me.

"He knew bits and pieces of what I've been through," Michael said, "He told me what his father did to him."

Bits and pieces of what he had been through?

My eyes were still on Michael when a horrifying thought came to my mind.

I didn't want to think it.

I refused to even ask it.

Instead, I asked about the boy.

"What did his father do?" I asked.

"Ren," he said in a warning tone.

It only confirmed what I thought.

Nothing bonds people together like shared trauma.

If the boy's father did what I think he did…

What happened to Michael?

I turned away from him.

"So much for communication," I said.

"I said it isn't my story to tell."

He was irritated.

It was clear in his tone.

"You make it sound like I'll go find him and tell him what you told me," I stated, "Why would I do that?"

"It's not that," he said, "He told me about something bad he went through. Friends keep secrets."

"Fine," I said.

"Ren," he said, "Don't be like this."

"Like what?" I asked, "You're right. You should keep his secret. Sorry I'm so fucking petty."

It bothered me.

Why was I only hearing about these old friends now?

I thought the only people he was close to were Benny and Gus.

I found out about a serious past girlfriend last night.

Now, I hear about a boy that Michael slept with simply because he asked.

What was even going on?

I felt a little too conflicted.

I keep finding out how little I know him.

There was a light knock on the door.

"Come in," Michael called.

The door opened slowly before Gus poked his head in.

"Can I hang out with you guys in here?" he asked.

"Come on," Michael said.

Gus shut the door once he was inside the room.

"What happened?" Michael asked him.

"Bailee asked for some mother-daughter time," Gus frowned.

That wasn't surprising.

"I thought things were going a little better," Gus said.

He meant last night.

When all of Bailee's dislike was directed at me.

"It will take more than a grilled cheese sandwich to make her like you," Michael stated.

"I know," Gus sighed, "But I hoped it was a start."

"It is," I said, "You just need to give it some time."

He nodded.

Gus made his way over, and he flopped down on the bed.

He laid in the spot that would have been mine if I didn't sleep so close to Michael.

It was quiet for a few minutes after Gus found a comfortable position on the mattress.

"What were you guys talking about?" Gus asked, "It feels a little tense."

Does it?

"Dean," Michael said.

"Oh shit," Gus said, "Really? Why?"

"I'm not even sure," Michael said, "I only remember Ren asking if I was actually in an orgy, then it led to…."

I didn't realize Michael had stopped.

"Led to what?" Gus asked.

"I don't think I ever told you," Michael said.

"About Dean's dad?" he asked.

Michael shook his head.

"Everyone knew about Dean's piece of shit dad," Gus stated.

"Did they?" Michael asked, "No one said anything."

"Because everyone loves Dean," Gus stated, "So we didn't talk about it."

"I wasn't sure how many people actually knew," Michael mumbled.

"It didn't really feel right to talk about it," Gus said, "We figured that the people he wanted to know about it knew."

Michael was silent.

"Was that not what you were talking about?" Gus asked.

"No," Michael said awkwardly.

Gus looked up at me before making a face.

"Then what is it?"

Michael let out a sound that resembled a groan.

"He asked me to sleep with him," Michael admitted after several long minutes.

"He did?" Gus asked.

I moved on the bed so that I was still between them, but I could see both of them.

I was sitting near their legs, facing them.

Michael frowned, but he didn't look at Gus.

His eyes were on me.

"Did you?" Gus asked.

Michael only nodded.

"Okay," Gus said.

I watched as the expression on Michael's face went from being anxious to being surprised.

"That's it?" Michael asked.

Gus rolled onto his back before grunting.

"Do you want me to say something else?"

Michael just looked confused.

"I mean," Gus said, "I didn't think he would ask you, and I didn't think you would do it."

Michael still seemed anxious.

"You've done worse things," Gus stated, "Being there for a friend shouldn't make you feel bad."

It was strange to watch.

Gus didn't even have to look at Michael to know how he was feeling.

I could barely interpret his expression, but Gus just knew.

"Really?" Michael asked, "You don't think it makes me like him?"

Gus was quick to a sitting position.

His thick brows scrunched as he stared at Michael.

"Why would you think that?" Gus asked.

Michael's eyes darted to me.

"Did you not tell her?" Gus asked, "About Dean's dad?"

I barely saw it, but Michael shook his head.

"I didn't want to say anything," Michael admitted.

Gus looked at me before relaxing his face.

"He would tell her," Gus said, "You know he would."

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"About our friend Dean," Gus said, "About what his dad did to him."

I felt a knot forming in my stomach.

"Dean's dad is a fucking monster," Michael said harshly.

Monster? I've never heard Michael call somebody that before.

"His dad is a drunk," Gus stated, "He'd beat the hell out of Dean."

I didn't even know this boy, and I was angry.

"If only it was just that," Michael whispered.

It wasn't the fact that he whispered it. It was the way he did it.

He sounded sick.

Did I want to know more?

"One night, his dad was so drunk he went into Dean's room in the middle of the night," Gus said.

He stopped there.

Both of them were silent.

The atmosphere felt heavy.

It only made the curiosity in me grow.

Only one question popped into my mind.

"He molested him?" I asked.

I wanted to know just as much as I didn't.

"He raped him," Michael said.

I sat there feeling this sick burning sensation in my stomach.

It felt like lava was threatening to spill from my guts.

It made sense why he didn't want to just tell me.

He wasn't Dean's first, but in a way, he was.

"It wasn't just once," Gus mumbled, "It started to happen every time he got too fucked up."

"But he's away from him now," I asked, "Right?"

Michael glanced at Gus.

"What?" I hissed.

He was still with his father?

"He doesn't live with his father anymore," Gus stated.

"Really?" Michael asked.

"I heard he's been living with his older boyfriend."

Michael looked surprised.

"He's doing good from what I hear," Gus said, "Don't you talk to the guys anymore?"

"It's been a while," Michael admitted.

"That's okay," Gus said, "If anything happened, we would know."

Michael nodded.

"We should hang out with them sometime soon," Gus said, "I miss hanging out with them."

Michael nodded again, "We should. It would be fun."

I wasn't sure if I should say anything.

My mind was still going a mile a minute.

Dean's father raped him?

Michael said Dean knew bits and pieces of what happened to him.

Michael said he refused to bottom. He never said if he ever really did it or not.

I still remember what Michael told me about his first time.

He said it was the worst experience of his life.

Could that be one of the reasons he hates his stepfather so much?

Did he hurt Michael?

My gaze was locked on him.

I could see the beginning of the scar on the left side of his head.

Benny's words lingered in my mind.

His mother was the one that left most of those scars on him.

Was it just because both of their parents hurt them?

I couldn't get the sick feeling in my stomach to go away.

I wanted to ask.

Michael would only get mad if I did.

"Have you talked to anybody from North Valley lately?" Gus asked.

"Not really," Michael said, "I do talk to Tate from time to time."

"Hmm," Gus said, "How is he doing?"

"Same as always," Michael chuckled, "He's not interested in much."

Gus sighed, "He wasn't always like that."

"I know," Michael said.

Another short silence lingered between us.

"Do we just attract fucked up people?" Michael asked.

"No," Gus said, "We are just better understood by people who have suffered."

I wasn't expecting Gus to hit us with something so serious.

"I guess," Michael said, "I'm tired of all the shitty people in the world."

"Me too," I said.

"For real," Gus said.

Michael let out a groan.

Gus rolled his head to look at him.

"I don't want to get up," Michael said, "I already know today is going to blow."

"It will," Gus said, "But we're here."

"Really?" I asked, "I was sure you'd be all for hiding in the room all day."

Gus smiled a little, but I could see it fade pretty quick.

"You have to meet Benny's dad," Gus stated.

"What?" I asked.

I thought he wasn't here.

I was starting to panic a little.

"He's way more accepting than Bailee," Gus said, "You'll like him."

"Really?" I asked.

"He's the one that keeps Bailee grounded," Gus said, "He's actually pretty fucking cool."

"He has his moments," Michael said.

I felt a little better.

"The one I'm worried about is Steven," Michael stated.

That's right.

I completely forgot about him.

"Do you want to shower first?" Michael asked.

I wonder what Steven has told Benny's parents about me.

"Ren?" Gus asked.

I met his questioning eyes.

"What?"

"Michael asked if you wanted to shower first?"

I didn't realize he was asking me that.

It would be better to get it over with.

"Yeah," I said.

I glanced around the room.

I forgot where my bag was.

"Foot of the bed," Michael said.

That's right, he insisted on bringing my bag into the house.

I got off of the bed to retrieve it.

"How big of a bitch do you think Steven will be today?" Michael asked.

"No bigger than normal," Gus said.

I picked up the bag and set it on the bed so I could pull some clothes out.

"Did Bailee really invite us all over just to try and hook Ren and Steven up?" Gus asked.

"That's what she said," Michael stated, "Steven told her how much he liked Ren."

"Pussy," Gus frowned.

Michael seemed like he was actually in a decent mood despite how he was woken up.

"I do have a question," Gus said, "About before."

"What is it?" Michael asked.

"It's…" he hesitated before glancing at me, "It's a weird one."

"So?" Michael asked, "Ask it anyway."

"It's about you and Dean," Gus stated.

Michael just stared back at him, clearly waiting.

Gus looked like he was having a hard time getting the question out.

"Are you trying to ask me if it was good?" Michael asked.

"No," Gus snapped, "Not that."

"Then what is it?"

Gus made a face before he spoke again.

"Weren't you worried?" he asked.

"About having sex with Dean?" Michael asked.

Gus made an awkward noise.

"Not really about the actual sex," he said, "I mean, being able to get it up."

Michael looked like that question surprised him.

"You're only asking that because you've only had sex with a girl you are attracted to," Michael stated.

"No," Gus said, "I'm curious."

"Sometimes all it takes is a little stimulation," Michael said, "Whether you like the other person or not."

Gus frowned.

"Not that I'm saying I don't like Dean," Michael sighed, "Not like that anyway."

"No, I get it," Gus said, "I'm just not sure if I'd be able to."

"In his defense," I interrupted, "Anything with a suggestive curve can turn him on."

With that, both sets of eyes were on me.

"She has a point," Gus said.

"No, that's bullshit," Michael stated, "I'm not easily excitable."

Gus glanced over at him.

"What?" Michael glared.

"You said a little bit of stimulation," Gus said, "What kind?"

"That's where this conversation ends," Michael said flatly.

"No," Gus said, "I want to know."

"Then we can talk about it later," Michael said.

Oh.

So he just didn't want me to know.

I guess that was fair.

My gaze dropped to the clothes I brought with me.

Maybe I could at least change the subject.

Both of them were looking suddenly awkward now.

"Are we going to swim?" I asked.

"It's up to you if you want to or not," Michael stated.

He didn't even miss a beat.

It felt a little like he was waiting for someone to change the topic.

"Are you?" I asked.

As the words left my mouth, my eyes went to his arm.

"My bad," I said.

"I can still swim," Michael said, "I just don't want to."

"Too bad we can't have that official chicken match," Gus said, "We could bet on it."

Michael's eyes landed on me again.

"He's hurt," I stated, "It wouldn't be fair."

"That's what we call a handicap, Ren," Gus stated, "Or we mix up the teams."

"Seriously?" Michael asked, "To what?"

"I'll have to ask Benny," Gus stated, "But with the four of us, at least the teams will always be even now."

"I'll think of a good punishment for you," Michael stated.

Gus frowned, "You always assume you're going to win."

Michael grinned, "I usually do."

"Bull. Shit," Gus said flatly.

"You always lose," Michael said, "That's why you never want to play."

"No, I can handle the L," Gus said, "It's the fucked up shit you two come up with that I hate."

Michael puffed out his bottom lip, "Awe, you going to cry?"

"Such a dick," Gus sighed.

"What if the punishment was decided beforehand?" I asked.

They both stared at me.

"We've tried that," Gus stated.

"Gus cracks under pressure," Michael stated, "And it sort of fucks up our game."

I guess I could see that.

"Plus, it's better not knowing," Gus said, "But when you win, it's a pretty good feeling knowing what's about to happen while the loser freaks out."

I just shook my head at them.

I didn't remember it being that much fun.

"Besides," Michael said, "Sometimes we bet on outcomes, not just games."

"Outcomes?" I asked, "Of what?"

"Anything really," Gus said, "Like a team winning, or a person saying something nearly word for word."

"They have to be pretty specific to claim victory," Michael stated, "That's why we usually just play games to win."

Sounded fair.

"Are you really trying to get us to play chicken as a bet?" I asked Gus, "Or were you joking?"

Gus shrugged, "I thought it might be fun."

"What if someone doesn't want to play?" I asked.

"We usually come up with something else if it's a team game," Michael stated, "Gus likes to chicken out a lot."

"Fuck you," Gus said.

"Chicken," Michael smiled.

"I just worry that you assholes are going to spray me orange," Gus sighed.

"I thought we already agreed that some things are not allowed anymore?" Michael asked.

"We had to," Gus stated, "You pick the most fucked up punishments."

Michael grinned, "I try."

"Well, stop," Gus groaned, "Or you're getting your asshole waxed next time."

Michael frowned.

"Well, this is fun, really," I said, "But where is the shower?"

Both of their eyes went to me.

"I can show you," Michael stated.

"You sure?" Gus asked, "I can show her."

Michael shook his head, "My fake girlfriend."

"Whatever, babe," Gus said.

Michael shook his head.

I removed the two-piece bathing suit I brought, along with a pair of shorts.

It's the same floral bathing suit I brought last time I was here.

The shorts, now in my hand, were black with two red stripes down the sides.

"Is that the same bathing suit as last time?" Gus asked.

I nodded, "Benny picked it out for me."

Gus glanced at Michael, who just barely got off of the bed.

"What?" I asked.

"It shows a lot of cleavage," Gus said.

"So?" I asked.

Why was he worried about my cleavage? He was all for the maroon dress I wore on my date with Collin.

"You're not worried about Steven?" Gus asked.

Did I not tell Gus just how close I was to having sex with Steven?

"It's okay," I said, "It'll only fuel his jealousy."

Gus looked like he was thinking about it.

"I guess," he finally said, "But he doesn't deserve to see you at all."

"But a regular bathing suit is alright?" I asked.

I could see the blush on his cheeks as he fumbled with his words.

"I just meant," Gus glanced away awkwardly, "He was constantly going on about your size. You look good in that bathing suit."

I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth.

I glanced over at Michael.

His eyes were on Gus.

"He's right," Michael said after a minute.

Gus stared at him as if waiting for the rest.

So was I.

"I'm right about what?" Gus asked.

"About both of the things you said."

"Dude," Gus said, "Use your words."

Michael sighed.

"About it probably not being the best idea to wear it," Michael stated, "And she looks good in it."

Oh.

"Benny's right about your tits," Gus stated, "Steven is a fucking idiot."

Benny has said plenty of things about my boobs.

Thankfully all of it was positive.

"You got what you need?" Michael asked.

I nodded.

"Let's go," he said.

Was it just me, or did he sound a little irritated?

I followed him out of the room until he stopped at a white door.

"Bathroom is right there," he pointed, "Shower. We'll meet you downstairs."

"Are you not taking a shower?" I asked.

He smirked, "There are plenty of bathrooms in this house."

I nodded awkwardly.

"It's not the best place for us to fool around," he leaned in to whisper.

"That's not what I meant," I gasped.

He chuckled softly, "Enjoy your shower. I'll see you in a bit."

I nodded as he turned to walk back the way he came.

I made my way into the bathroom and proceeded to remove my clothes.

++++++++++

I needed that shower.

It gave me a chance to overthink what might happen today.

That was probably the only bad part.

I felt a little guilty that I took as long as I did. I needed to shave my legs.

It didn't even occur for me to do it before we left.

When I got back to the room, no one was there.

I half expected one of them to be lying on the bed like before.

Michael did say that they would meet me downstairs.

I found myself standing awkwardly in the room while trying to figure out what to do with my dirty clothes.

My gaze landed on my bag.

It would be easier to just put them back.

I stuffed the clothes into my bag before placing it back on the floor.

I glanced down at the floral top I wore, and I felt a little nervous.

There wasn't even that much cleavage showing.

Still, it was more skin than I was used to.

The black shorts weren't coming off, so the revealing sides on the floral bottoms didn't matter.

It was one thing to say I can make Steven jealous.

Actually doing it was another.

Did I even want him to be jealous?

It was stupid to even think about.

He wasn't the one I wanted to look at me.

I shook my head, hoping the negative thoughts went away.

I needed to hurry up and get downstairs.

I've taken too long already.

I left the room and had to remind myself where the stairs were.

It seemed pretty obvious just to follow the hallway.

The last thing I wanted to do was get lost.

Not here.

I found the stairs and headed down.

I could hear talking before I even reached the bottom step.

I think it was Mrs. Sidney I heard.

My feet didn't stop. I walked into the room and smiled lightly at the older woman.

My eyes went to the person she had been talking to.

Michael stood there. His eyes were now on me.

"Ren," Mrs. Sidney greeted.

"Good morning," I said.

"How did you sleep?" she asked me, "Are you hungry?"

My mouth opened to decline, but Michael spoke first.

"She is," Michael said.

Her eyes were still on me even though he answered for me.

I nodded awkwardly.

"How do eggs sound?" Mrs. Sidney asked.

"Eggs sound wonderful," I said.

"Are there waffles in the freezer?" Michael asked.

"We always make sure to buy a box when we know you're coming," she said.

"Pico de gallo?" Michael asked.

"In the fridge," Mrs. Sidney said.

I watched Michael walk over to the fridge.

"Shredded cheese is in the bottom drawer," Mrs. Sidney stated.

I watched him lean down to grab something.

"What are you trying to make?" I asked.

"Just wait," Michael said, "You have to try it."

I watched as he pulled stuff out of the fridge while Mrs. Sidney made eggs.

"Ren's back."

I glanced at Gus as he stood by the island.

"Hey," I said.

It took my brain a minute to register that both of them were wearing different clothes.

I know Michael said that there were other bathrooms in the house to take a shower, but still.

Gus was shirtless.

The only thing he actually wore was a pair of camouflage shorts.

They didn't look like swim trunks, more like workout shorts.

I wasn't usually around Gus when he had so much skin exposed.

It felt a little awkward.

His comment earlier about how I looked in this bathing suit resurfaced.

He was one to talk.

How are these boys so damn attractive?

I had to look away from him.

It felt wrong to look at him with any thought like that.

Even though I wasn't into Gus like that.

It was hard not to look and not to think about anything.

My eyes locked on Michael.

His gaze was already on me.

His eyebrow arched questioningly at me.

I glared back at him.

"Now that you're back," Michael said, directing his attention to Gus, "Make your special breakfast burritos."

Oh.

Gus made his way around the counter to look at the stuff Michael removed from the refrigerator.

"Tortillas?" Gus asked.

"Bread box," Mrs. Sidney said.

Michael went to the bread box to remove the bag he was looking for.

"Have you talked to Benny?" Gus asked, "Is she eating too?"

"Benny ate earlier," Mrs. Sidney stated, "Bailee insisted they ate together."

I watched Gus frown.

There that word was again.

Insisted.

"What kind of burritos?" I asked.

Gus glanced up at me before grinning, "Just wait."

I was getting tired of people telling me to wait.

"It was weird the first time I watched Gus make it," Michael said, "But it tastes really good."

I watched Gus Open the box of waffles and pop four into the toaster.

What do waffles have to do with a burrito?

I felt Michael's eyes on me.

I shifted my eyes to meet his.

He leaned on the counter and blatantly stared.

I didn't want him to stare.

It made my skin tingle.

"Michael," Mrs. Sidney broke the silence, "Stop staring at the poor girl."

Michael glanced over at Gus.

Gus laughed before nudging him.

"You don't have to be shy," Mrs. Sidney stated, "You can be a little more touchy-feely with your girlfriend."

Michael made a face, "We aren't really touchy-feely."

Mrs. Sidney looked surprised, "That's not what I heard."

"Really?" Michael asked, "What did you hear?"

Mrs. Sidney turned off the burner before turning to face Michael.

"Bailee says she often finds the two of you quite close," she stated, "You even sleep together."

"Isn't that what couples do?" I asked.

"It's a little forced around Bailee," Michael admitted, "She's so against us. I just want to show her that Ren isn't like the girls I've dated in the past."

Mrs. Sidney smiled, "I can already see that."

Did he usually bring girlfriends here?

This suddenly felt a little less special.

"You want to try one this time, Mrs. Sidney?" Gus asked.

"Not this time, dear," she said, "Enjoy your breakfast."

"Thank you," I said.

"Thank you," Michael said.

"Thank you, Mrs. Sidney," Gus said, "Next time, right?"

She smiled, "We'll see."

She walked away, leaving the three of us in the kitchen.

I heard the ticking of the burner.

It stopped once it was lit.

"She walked in on you guys this morning?" Gus asked.

He was looking at Michael.

"She did."

Why did he make it sound like something else was going on?

Gus sighed, "You guys have been close since you met."

He turned back to heat up the tortillas directly over the burner.

He used his hands to flip the thin disks.

Michael didn't respond this time.

Wait.

Did Gus know?

"You aren't usually touchy-feely," Gus stated, "That's true."

Oh fuck.

I stared at Michael.

"Is she warm?" Gus asked, "She looks like a great snuggle buddy."

"What?" I nearly hissed.

Gus turned to grin at me, "I'd say let me snuggle with you, but that might be weird for you."

I was confused.

"Michael seems like he's always cold," Gus stated, "It makes me think you're a warm person."

"She is," Michael stated, "She always wants to face the air conditioner."

"Really?" Gus asked.

"Really," Michael said.

This whole conversation felt strange.

Did Gus not think something else might be going on?

"One of these days," Gus turned to point at me, "You're going to snuggle with us."

"Us?" I asked.

"Yes, us," he said, "Benny likes to be extra warm."

I had to grin at him, "What makes you think Benny and I don't snuggle already?"

He made a face, then glanced to the side.

"Jealous?" Michael asked.

"Fuck yeah," Gus said, "Why am I only hearing about this now?"

I shrugged, "Naughty time has rules."

Gus turned off the burner before turning towards me.

His eyes locked on mine.

"You ever consider your first time being in a three-way Ren?"

I nearly choked.

"He's joking," Michael stated.

"I'm not," Gus said seriously.

Michael's eyebrows gave away his confusion.

"Isn't that something you should talk to Benny about?" I asked.

This felt strange.

He didn't have the usual goofy smile on his face at all.

He was serious.

"You think we haven't talked about it before?" Gus asked.

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Benny was the one that brought it up," Gus stated, "She said that if we couldn't find you a decent guy to date, she asked if I'd be up for helping her take your virginity."

"Not a conversation you should be having here," Michael said.

He said it quietly, but I could hear something else in his tone.

I wasn't really sure what it was I was feeling.

Was that really something they talked about?

"It gives her something to think about," Gus said.

Gus turned back to make the burritos.

My eyes went right to Michael.

He was glaring at the floor.

"I'll be back," Michael said.

He walked out of the room, and I wanted to follow him.

He obviously wanted to be alone.

"I'm sorry if that made things a little awkward," Gus said.

"It's fine," I said, "I'm just surprised."

He turned to glance at me.

"Why are you surprised?"

I walked closer to him.

Part of the reason was to see what he was doing, but mainly it was so that I wasn't talking so loudly.

"I didn't think…." I stopped.

The words left me before I even thought about it.

"Didn't think what?" he asked, "You can be honest."

I didn't think I was attractive enough to be seen with them or by them in that way.

"Ren?" Gus asked.

"You won't like what I want to say," I stated.

He turned his head to look at me.

"If it's about the way you look," he said, "You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed."

"It's easy to say," I mumbled.

"Have we not told you that you're beautiful enough yet?" Gus asked.

I stared down at the egg in the center of each tortilla.

"Steven is trying so hard to get you to pay attention to him," Gus said, "Do you honestly believe he would go that far if he thought you were ugly?"

I didn't really think about why Steven wouldn't leave me alone anymore.

"I wouldn't want to get in the middle of you two," I admitted, "But I still have issues with how I view myself."

It was weird to finally say it out loud.

"That's okay," Gus said, "You'll get there. Beauty is more than something visual."

I glanced over at him.

"You don't have to worry about getting between us," Gus said, "I love Benny more than anything, and I always have."

I was a little jealous.

"And to be honest," he said, "I love her enough to put her before myself."

"What do you mean?"

He smiled sadly.

"Bailee is constantly trying to convince her to leave me," he said, "Every time we come here, I can see it getting harder on Benny."

I watched as he scooped some of the pico de gallo onto the eggs.

"She's going to listen to her mother," he said, "I just don't know when it'll happen."

No, she wouldn't do that.

"If that's truly what she wants," he said, "I love her enough to…."

He left it there.

As if speaking it out loud would make it happen.

"I don't think that will happen," I said, "She loves you. You're the one that needs to have some faith."

He chuckled, "I try."

I watched him rip up the waffles and put them on the eggs.

"What are you trying to make me eat?" I asked.

"It's good," he said, "I promise."

It looked like a strange combination.

He leaned over to grab the bag of shredded cheese.

"Seriously," I said, "Gus."

"Maybe you need a little faith in my cooking ability," Gus stated.

I just shook my head.

He wasn't even cooking. He was just throwing stuff together.

I could hear Michael come back before I saw him.

He was wearing something different than he was when he left.

"Change your mind?" Gus asked.

My eyes always found their way to him, even when I didn't want them to.

Michael is wearing gray shorts. They look identical to Gus's shorts, only the color was different.

He wore a black tank top that went slightly lower at his sides.

He was still stunning to look at, even with a sling.

"How about a bet?" Michael asked.

Gus chuckled, "What kind of bet?"

"I don't know what we should do yet," he admitted, "But the prize should be worth it."

"Oh?" Gus asked, "What's the prize?"

Michael's head went a little to the side, and I was able to get a good look at his chin.

The bandage was off, and his scratched skin was exposed.

It was covered in painful-looking scrapes.

"The winner gets to mark Ren first," Michael stated.

"What?" I asked.

"Deal," Gus said.

What the fuck?

"Mark me?" I asked, "Why? How?"

"Tattoo," Gus stated, "Benny mentioned it last night."

A tattoo for each of them.

On me?

"Does that mean I don't get to play?" I asked.

"That's exactly what that means," Michael said.

I frowned.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Next time," Michael said.

I wanted to play, even if I had no idea what the game was.

"Not fair," I said, "We should all be able to play."

"We don't know what the game is yet," Gus stated, "We might be able to come up with something that isn't a game."

"Like an outcome?" Michael asked, "Or something else?"

"We should wait for Benny," Gus said.

"You're right," Michael agreed.

"I'm looking forward to it," Gus said.

The room went quiet, and I couldn't help but feel uneasy.

"Is the food ready yet?" Michael asked.

"Just need one more thing," Gus stated.

I watched him take maple syrup and pour some over the odd combination.

"Gus," I sighed.

"Just try it," he said, "It's good."

"So fucking good," Michael said.

"Do you want to wrap it?" Gus asked, "Or do you want me to?"

I thought he was asking Michael, but his eyes were on me.

"You please," I said.

I watched as he wrapped a perfect burrito.

"What the hell?" I asked.

He only laughed as he wrapped the next one before handing it to Michael.

"Thank you," Michael said.

Gus poured a little extra syrup on his before wrapping it.

"Thank you," I said.

"Take a bite first," Gus said.

I glanced from Gus to Michael.

"I wish we had some hash browns," Gus said, "I need to add that next time."

I picked the burrito up, and I bit into it.

Both of them stared at me as I chewed.

Oh fuck.

"There it is," Michael said, "She approves."

I nodded, "So good."

"Hell yeah," Gus grinned.

Michael picked his up and started to eat.

Gus watched Michael take his first bite before wolfing down his own burrito.

"Did you even enjoy that?" I asked.

He ate it so fast.

"It tastes the same no matter how fast I eat it," Gus shrugged.

He put the stuff away while we finished eating.

"I'll go see if I can finally get a minute with Benny this morning," Gus said, "I'll be back."

He went the opposite direction we went coming down the stairs.

That's where the living room is.

"Are you thinking about it?" Michael asked.

I looked up at him, but he was looking away.

"Think about what?"

"About what Gus said," Michael stated.

For a split second, I completely forgot about what he said.

"I don't need to think about it," I said.

Michael shifted his weight to his right side.

"Because you aren't," he said, "Or because you don't want to?"

"I don't know," I said, "It just doesn't feel right."

His eyes finally met mine.

Something felt wrong.

"Can we talk about this somewhere else?" Michael asked.

I nodded, "Lead the way."

He took my plate from me to place it in the sink.

"This way," he said.

I followed him back towards the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"My room."

I felt anxious.

He was clearly bothered by Gus's offer.

He didn't speak again until we were shut inside his room.

"Be honest," Michael said, "You'd prefer it was with them."

What?

I was too confused to even respond.

"Why wouldn't you?" Michael asked, "Gus is perfect."

"Perfect?" I asked, "For who?"

"Admit it," Michael said, "You thought about it."

I didn't.

It wasn't something I wanted.

"I didn't," I said.

Michael looked frustrated that he wasn't right.

No, it's because he thinks I'm lying to him.

"I'm not interested in Gus like that," I admitted.

"Are you saying Gus isn't attractive?" Michael asked.

I could hear how ridiculous he thought that sounded.

"I never said that," I stated, "I'm just not attracted to him."

He looked like he didn't believe me.

I moved closer, and my neck was craned a little so that I could look at his face.

He was feeling insecure.

He was worried that I wanted Gus over him.

"You don't have to worry about that," I said softly.

He just stared at me, searching my face.

"You're worried I want Gus," I said, "Like Benny wanted Gus."

His brows scrunched together.

"Gus is a great guy," I said, "But he is perfect for Benny."

"You wouldn't understand then," Michael mumbled.

"Then tell me," I said.

His jaw tightened, "Gus is endgame, I'm not."

"What?"

He sighed before glancing away.

"To good girls like you, I'm a passing fancy," he said, "I'm a project."

He clearly didn't know me then.

"Girls want guys like him," he said, "To raise a family and live their fucking happily ever after."

"Michael," I said, "Not everyone's happily ever after looks the same."

He glared to the side.

"You do understand that, don't you?" I asked.

"If I'm sick," he took in a shaky breath, "How can I make anyone happy?"

"And what if you aren't?" I asked.

"My question first," he said.

"I don't know," I said, "But happily ever after doesn't just happen."

He stared down at me again.

"It takes work to be happy sometimes," I said, "And not everyone is happy by the same things."

I think my words were finally sinking in.

"If you were sick," I hesitated, "If you were, we would figure out a way for you to be happy."

His expression changed.

He looked frustrated again.

"Happy by myself?"

"No," I said, "Because being alone doesn't make you happy."

His head went back, and he groaned.

"You don't know that," he said, "If I really am sick, I'm dangerous."

"To who?" I demanded.

"To you," he said, "To anybody I care about."

Why did he sound so desperate?

"To myself," he gasped, "I won't know until it happens."

"You also don't know if you will," I said, "So until then, stop being so afraid you will be."

Michael didn't say anything for a little while.

I just stared at him.

"Why'd he have to say it?" Michael asked.

I was confused again.

"Why'd he ask you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said, "I think they were just worried about me."

"Some things don't need to be said," he stated.

I guess I get why he thought that.

"Michael?" I asked.

He looked down at me.

"I don't know why he brought it up," I said, "But I don't want to be a part of it."

He nodded.

"I already told you, didn't I?" I asked, "You're the one I want."

He didn't say anything.

Does he think I'm lying again?

I felt his hand on the back of my neck.

I don't know what he was really feeling. He didn't voice it.

His face moved closer until his lips pressed lightly to mine.

"Should we tell them you already lost your virginity?" he asked against my mouth.

I moved back until his hand dropped.

"What?" he asked, "It's a fair question."

He was the one that didn't want them to know.

"You really want to tell them?" I asked.

He frowned, "No."

"Then why did you ask?"

It bothered me.

He was trying to incite a reaction.

"You think they would still offer if they knew?" he asked.

I glared at him, "Michael."

"Don't worry," he said, "I won't tell them."

I didn't even think that was an option.

"They'd be mad," he said, "I'm not sure at who, to be honest."

"Really?" I asked, "Why are you trying to be an asshole?"

It was only a second, but I could see the worry on his face.

"Do you want me to want to be with them instead?" I asked, "Would that make you feel better?"

He shook his head.

"Then stop," I said, "You might not care, but words still hurt."

He glared at the floor.

"I know it's not that," I sighed, "But it feels like you want me to think that sometimes."

"I don't know what to do here," he admitted.

"Start with telling me how you're feeling."

"I don't know," he said, "That's the problem."

"Okay," I said, "Then take a minute to think about it."

"How will thinking help?" he hissed, "If I don't know what it is in the first place?"

"I said think about it," I stated, "You're obviously mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

"You are mad that Gus asked me to think about a threesome with him and Benny," I stated, "Or am I wrong?"

He nodded.

"You're mad that I might want to participate," I stated.

He nodded again.

"You're jealous," I stated.

"No."

"You are," I said flatly, "I'm not exactly sure why, but you are."

"No," he said again.

"You're not jealous that Gus already has someone?" I asked, "And that he can have more if he wants it?"

His brows furrowed as he thought about it.

"I didn't think about that," he admitted, "But it's fucking irritating."

"What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not interested in that?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said.

I moved forward until he was right in front of me.

If I inhaled too deeply, I would touch him.

"You've been honest with me," he said, "Haven't you?"

"I have," I said.

There was a short silence before he spoke again.

"I don't know," he said again, "I'm just pissed off."

"Okay," I said, "What would help you feel better?"

His gaze locked with mine.

"You really want to know?" he asked.

"I asked, didn't I?"

He stared down at me for a minute.

"What if it involved you?" he asked.

I stared up at him, trying to figure out if he was serious.

"Does it?" I asked.

He took a step back.

"Like I said earlier," he said, "Some stuff shouldn't be said."

What?

"We should head back down," Michael stated.

Despite the entire conversation we just had… He had to be a dick.

"Michael," I said.

His hand was on the doorknob.

"Despite everything," I said, "Do you really want me to hate you?"

He stared back at me.

I could hear the words again in my mind.

Maybe this was better left unsaid.

"It would be easier if you did," he admitted, "But I don't want you to."

"Then why do you do shit like this?"

"I don't know," he whispered, "I still don't understand it myself."

All I'm hearing is how much of a child he is.

"How about this," I said, "Next time you decide to say mean things instead of talking, I'm going to punch you."

He opened his mouth, but I spoke first.

"In the dick."

His mouth shut.

"Does that sound fair?" I asked, "You act like a dick. You get punched in the dick."

"With your hand?" he asked.

"What else would I punch you with?" I snapped.

"I just wanted to know if there was a kinky side to your threat," he said, "I guess not."

"You want kinky?" I asked seriously.

He stared back at me. I could see the unsure expression on his face.

"I've already told you your punishment," I stated, "But what if there were some rewards too?"

"Reward?" he asked, "For what?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "But wouldn't it be nice to feel something good instead of something shitty?"

He nodded slowly.

"Then think about it," I said, "Think about reasons you might get a reward and what it could be."

"No," he said, "If you do something for me, I want it to be because you wanted to, not because you feel like you have to."

This boy.

"You sure?" I asked.

He nodded.

I walked forward and pulled him down to me.

My lips pressed a little roughly to his before I pulled back and did it again.

"Open communication," I said, "Remember?"

"Yes," he said, "I remember."

I let him go before smiling.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't like it when we fight," I stated, "But it didn't end like it usually does."

He smiled lightly, "I guess."

"Come on," I said, "Today barely started."

He groaned before pulling the door open.