Drowning in Hunger

IT HAD BEEN almost a week since I started living at Hart Manor as a family

servant. When I first came to the manor, I'd made the horrible mistake of being

caught muttering in conversation with my sword, which made me seem more

than a little creepy. Fortunately, the Hart family servants were good people,

and they accepted both me and my eccentricities.

The following days were peaceful, if hectic. There was so much for me to

remember in my new role that I didn't have a free moment to leave the manor.

Cooking, washing, cleaning; I did whatever I was asked and gave up my days off

to throw myself into learning the ropes.

The job I took to best was gardening. Working on Hart Manor's enormous

lawns required patience and diligence. The weeding was endless, and the grass

was required to be a particular height at all times. Thanks to the help of the

three head gardeners, I started to get the hang of it. If I improved enough, they

said I'd be working on the garden's trees next. Pruning the enormous trees at

the front gate was something I was really looking forward to, and it felt good to

work for people who needed help. It felt meaningful.

At the end of a day's work, all the servants met to eat dinner. The meals even

had meat in them, and the first time I held a plate with meat on it, my hands

shook in surprise and excitement. I had never imagined I would be able to eat

meat again so soon after I treated myself to my post-hunt extravagance. Thanks

to the regular meals at Hart Manor, I even put a little weight on my once

skeletal frame.

Occasionally, when Lady Roxy returned from her duties outside the manor,

she would take time to talk with me over tea. I didn't actually know how to

have a conversation with a holy knight, or even the sorts of things holy knights

liked to talk about, so usually Lady Roxy did most of the work. Still, as long as

she seemed happy, I was happy to play my role, too.

Compared to working as a gatekeeper for Rafale, the difference was like

heaven and earth. Or, if working for Lady Roxy was heaven, then being Rafale's

employee was closer to working in hell.

But despite the happiness of my new work, my body was racked with pain.

My stomach was eternally empty, and I felt a hunger I couldn't satisfy. It was a

feeling of starvation.

And it ached.

***

"Fay, are you all right?"

Lady Roxy placed her teacup on its tray and looked at me with worry in her

eyes. Teatime for just the two of us had become routine, and it was the only

time she called me Fay.

Nobody had called me Fay since my father, so I was a bit shy about the

nickname. At the same time, when your boss wants to call you Fay, there isn't

much you can do but let them. I had already asked Greed about it, but his

response was little more than a chuckle, followed by, "I could care less. Make

up your own mind."

In any case, Roxy continued calling me Fay, and I continued to feel kind of

awkward about it.

"It's nothing, Lady Roxy," I replied.

I was hurting, both from hiding my hunger and hiding my feelings from Roxy.

"Are you sure? You don't look well."

Lady Roxy must have thought my unusual hunger was a cold, because she

reached a hand toward my forehead. However, I brushed her off. Any touch

would set off my Telepathy skill, and I didn't want to read her heart without her

permission.

"I'm fine!" I said. "Really. I'm fine."

I stood up to leave, but the hunger sent me reeling with waves of dizziness.

My consciousness seemed to stretch into the distance, and I collapsed to the

floor. The hunger had never been worse. It felt like Gluttony was eating me

from the inside out, and my vision was swallowed by darkness. For a time, I

heard the faint cry of Lady Roxy calling my name.

Then I heard nothing at all.

***

When I woke, I was in my room at the manor. I had been laid upon a mattress

of soft cotton. It was a far cry from the straw bed I was used to. I must have

passed out at teatime with Lady Roxy. The hunger of my Gluttony was getting

too much to handle. For now, though, the aching had subsided, and I felt a little

better.

It was night outside, and judging by the height of the moon, it was late.

Starlight shone upon a note that had been left on a shelf.

"Please take tomorrow off and make sure to get some rest. From, Roxy."

She had to be worried, but I guessed that was natural; I'd collapsed in front of

her. I would have to make sure I apologized the next time we met. She went out

of her way to make time for tea, and I'd ruined it. I let out a sigh, sat up, and

took Greed in hand.

"It's like I'm getting hungrier every day," I said. "I could tolerate it before, but

it's never been this bad."

Greed laughed loudly. "It's too late now. The die has been cast."

"What do you mean?"

"When Gluttony learns the taste of a soul, it only ever hungers for more. It will

forever urge you to eat, and to feed."

So the unusual hunger I felt meant I was, in fact, in a starvation state.

Gluttony had seemed like a godsend at first, but now I knew it didn't come

without cost.

"Your hunger will only worsen. The more you eat, the more your appetite will

grow. That's the peculiar thing about your skill. Until the day you die, your fate

is to eat and to grow stronger. If you cannot, you will either starve to death, or

you will lose yourself to the hunger and attack whatever, or whomever, stands

before you."

"That…that can't be…"

If I couldn't manage this ravening hunger, then I would die of it, or… The

alternative was terrifying. It would make me a monster. If I had lost control of

myself during tea, and if I had lashed out at Lady Roxy as a result… I shuddered

to think of it.

"Let me tell you something interesting. When you reach your limit, it shows in

your eyes. Take a look at yourself."

I stared into the large mirror in my room. Deep-red irises stared back at me,

so red I didn't want to see them. My once black eyes had been stained the color

of blood.

"You've hit the limits of your hunger, Fate. You can carry on with your happy

little servant life, but do not forget your obligation to yourself. Like I said: the die

has been cast."

Against my will, Gluttony hungered for souls. It was a desire that could not be

quenched with water and could not be satisfied by food. To sate this urge, I had

only one choice: to sink as deep as I had to in order to give it what it craved. I

didn't want to give up the peaceful life I had just discovered, but if I was at my

limit, I had to go.

I dressed by the light of the moon, took Greed in hand, and left Hart Manor.

It was time to satisfy my hunger.