PART 1:  I’m broke, I’m sick, I’m losser…!

"People say if you work hard success will come to you atleast one day."- 

          I believed in this statement and kept on working till today and guess what, I am still waiting for that so-called "success". Well now you may be thinking I'm broke, I'm sick, I'm losser. Okay why does that sound like a tiktok  soundtrack? Uhh whatever, focus girl. So where was I? Yea, me being broke well I'm not broke at least for now. I'm sick? I'm not sick excluding my mental health cause that's a DISASTER. And don't worry I won't talk about that. And lastly me being losser; well I won't say that it's not true cause in the game of life,love, friendship I was never in the winning party instead my bad luck was. But if we say career wise I did win probably, for now I guess. But that too feels unrealistic because I belong to that category who wins medals by being a  substitute in games from my high school week. And that too ended when my high school life ended. And you know what, everybody says that your high school memories are something that you'll miss for your whole life and will laugh recalling it. Let me make this thing clear today; I don't miss my high school neither I laugh recalling it cause they were horrible. And I'm glad I won't have to go back to that crap again. Now the situation can be different for everybody. So don't compare because that's the least thing I would want anybody to do. And guess what;all  MY PARENTS did in their whole life was to  compare me with other children and it's not a past tense as they still do. My mom  just did two minutes ago. 

           Hello. I am Mahalia Saikia.People call me Lia.  A typical Indian girl but wasn't treated like one by her own country. Why ? Well that's a long story you'll know if you keep going. And it's my story. Not a story of my success but a story of how I failed as a human being. And this started 27years ago on the year 1994, 14 dec, morning 6:05 am when I came out from my mom womb. My parents regarded me as a lucky child because according to their story when I was born not a single penny was spent on me. In other words I got a free ticket to the Earth.Nothing exciting to be honest.  So the money that they saved for my delivery was used as a fixed deposits in the bank. And like that my family's saving started. And yes ofcourse i'm not the only child; i got a elder brother who came out from the same womb 3years before me but not on free of cost but in a very expensive way.  THE GRAND ENTRY. Uhh whatever. I was born in Guwahati, Assam,from the northeastern part of India. Never heard of it? Google it then. As a child people around me used to tell that i am a bright and smart child. And i believed that too. But who knows that  i was actually a little LED bulb with less voltage and realize it when I started to grow up and met the other children of my age. Became a teen only by age though. I was always a average students neither bad nor good a.k.a the students to whom teachers never gave a fuck. I passed my high school and then my senior high school finally ended my school life. At the farewell some were sad, some were excited but i was feeling amazing that feeling was something different i.e. the same feeling how indian people felt when they were finally free from British rule.

But honestly I worked hard in my senior high school years because it was the only key for my escape. A good percentage will help me to get admitted into the best uni of the capital and also a best way to get away from my family. Okay, now you may think my parents don't treated well and that's not true. they 've treated me and raised me in the best way possible. So why i want to get away from them? First, I don't hate my family. They are good, sweet, lovely people but that doesn't mean we understand each other. I never shared my feelings to them or any wants. So I wanted to leave them because I was scared that if I stayed with them longer than the love that we have for each other would disappear. Sometime to save something you need to let it go.So I did the same thing too. My family wasn't well off. We never had anything extra. Everything we had was of the exact amount that we needed. Nothing extra or less. But we got everything we wanted when it came to academics ; our parents never disappointed us for anything related to our studies. Instead we were the ones who disappointed them as we never studied properly. Well it wasn't our fault also as asian parents are those species who will still scold you even if you scored 100\100. Satisfaction is not in their dairy. 

            As expected I did get into the top tier colleges of DU and within no time I flew to delhi. My whole family went to delhi with me as we have never been there. My youngest aunt live there. So living expenses was not a issue. Oh i forgot to tell you one thing that i was a part time youtuber too. I started a channel in my final year of senior high school with a hope that when I'll be in college I won't have to ask for pocket money from my parents. I wanted to be financially independent as soon as possible. As I was brought up in a family who always runs with a limited  expense, earning money was always my first priority. When everybody wanted to be a doctor, engineer , or architect , I simply wanted a job that pays me well.And also, I was suffering from a serious anxiety disorder. I have had panic attacks since I was in 9th standard. But i never realised it for like three years. As I always thought that i had asthma that's why i cant breath but who knows my brain was the one who was making the mess instead of my lungs. So to cure that i started a channel to open the things that i have been bottling up since ages. I didn know whether that made any sense or not but I did want to try. So i did. And surprisingly through youtube I was actually getting a decent income which was enough to pay my dormitory fee and other miscellaneous expenses. But there is saying when you to plan everything, something is bound to go wrong. And it did happen to me too. I experience the harshest reality that i was not ready to face at all.