CHAPTER 29

This wasn't a bunch of little sobs. Nicole was full-out bawling, her voice almost yelling as she cried. I wanted to go forward, lend a hand on her shoulder, tell her everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't bring myself to it. This was too much for me to register, too sudden. Nicole was crying. Shit, she was more than crying, she went from fine to inconsolable.

Amongst her tears, I could hear her try to make words, but they all collapsed into whines, whimpers, and sad yelling. Her arms landed on her knees to control her, but after a while they gave out and her head hit her knees. She couldn't lift herself up, she was crying too hard.

She began murmuring again, this time making more of an effort to speak. Muffled by how she was speaking into her jeans, I just barely heard "I miss you," before she collapsed into another fit of crying. She began pawing at the tombstone with her hands, as if it might magically bring the mystery person back, before she lifted her head up and embraced the stone with her full body. Her cries became even louder, even more painful.

In a sense, I was right. I was expecting to see Nicole end up getting hurt, and here she was, more hurt than I'd ever seen her. I wanted to go forward, to say something, but what could I have possibly said? I had no idea how to deal with this, how to deal with her. She had always helped me when I was feeling down, but this was something else. Something I don't think anybody could have fixed.

Who was it, though? She apparently talked to her brother about video games, and both of her parents were alive. Was it a grandparent? A friend? I dared to take a few steps closer, as I glanced at the epitaph she had brushed off. 'Mitchell Baker' was what it said.

Her brother? But she just talked to him recently! Nicole told me that herself!

My curiosity was my undoing. Noticing that someone was close, Nicole whirled her head around to face me. Her beautiful blue eyes were red, puffy, and squinted, filled with tears. Many lines streamed down from her eyes, and in the time it took me to register the fact that she was looking at me, another made its way down her face. Her normal sassy smile was twisted into a scowl I never thought I'd see on her face.

I thought she'd begin slowly, gently. I thought she'd understand. I thought she'd do anything but what she did next. "What the fuck are you doing here?" she barked, her voice raspy and thick.

"I…" I began, not knowing how to proceed. "I'm… sorry."

"You're fucking sorry?!" She spat. "You fucking followed me out here, didn't you? I thought I would have a little time to my fucking self, but no, your needy ass just follows me! Well, guess what? I don't fucking care this time. Get away from me. I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you for a long fucking while. Just go the fuck away!"

The shock of her sudden meanness paralyzed me for a second. As she finished, she burst into a fresh batch of tears. My brain didn't know how to react to those words, but instead became numb. Not knowing what to do, I put my hand on her shoulder sympathetically, remembering that I wanted to help. She quickly brushed it off.

"I said go away!!" she yelled in my face, the tears still flowing. She didn't care about her volume at this point, letting every word sting as hard as it could. "Don't fucking touch me! You're such a little shit! You wouldn't even be anyone without me! I help you, even though you're a complete dick to every girl you meet, and this is how you fucking repay me?! You just follow me around town, without even texting me first, just to catch the poor little fucking girl crying? Well I don't fucking need you. I don't ever need you. I don't want to see you again. I fucking HATE you Adam, you hear me?"

I had to take a step back to compose myself. Hate. Nicole said she hates me. The words before stung, but this one was a switchblade to the heart. Trying to make sure she didn't mean that, I cleared my throat and spoke. "You don-"

"No. Not a word." She threatened me. "Not a fucking word. Don't you dare. Just turn around and fuck off. Fuck off for good. I don't ever wanna see your ugly fucking ass again in my life. Just stay away. Now go."

I stayed in place, mostly because my body wasn't listening to my brain.

"GO!" she yelled with the force of a hydrogen bomb. Scared at this point, I found my legs turning me away as I walked away, every sound in my life muted except that of Nicole hysterically crying behind me. I turned around to face her. She was lying on the ground, almost in the fetal position, looking like she couldn't even work her own muscles anymore. I thought about turning around and helping her, but as her gaze met me, most likely checking to see if I was leaving, she noted I was looking at her. "GO!!" she half-yelled, half-pleaded as she began bawling again. I sighed internally and made it home.

***

My mom and dad were actually worried that I had tripped or caught a chill outside. They could tell my mood was severely dampened, but I did not want to talk about it whatsoever. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

The least of which, Megan, as my phone buzzed and I checked my screen to discover she had texted me for the third time that day. I also had an unchecked message from Carson, but I didn't care. I didn't want to communicate with other human beings. I wanted to rewind time, to make everything better. Yet, part of me just wanted to die. I wouldn't dare go through with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how much I wanted everything to just end. The thought turned into a daydream of me dying, and how everyone in my life would react, until it got to Nicole. At that point, the daydream faded and I was knocked back into reality.

I hadn't shed a single tear. I was sadder than I normally was when I cried, but I had no tears. Was I angry at Nicole? I had no answer. I was mad at hell at what happened, and it quickly turned into being mad at myself. I was such an idiot. I should have called out to her, or not followed her. Or something. I was just shitty, that was the only explanation I could muster. I was just a shitty person. Nicole all but said it herself.

I had no clue how long I laid in my room. Seconds, minutes, hours. I just sat there, eyes wide open yet in some kind of sleep, as a yell up the stairs woke me.

"Adam!" It was my mom.

"I don't want any lunch, mom." I called back, knowing that was her excuse to get me to come downstairs.

There was a brief pause. "Lunch was three hours ago, sweetie." Oh, shit. Seriously? "I called up but I got no answer."

God damn, I was a mess. By the time I had returned from the walk, it was barely 11:30, and my family was in the habit of eating lunch late. I looked at my alarm clock. 4:23. Jesus Christ. But wait, if it wasn't lunch…

"Then what do you need?" I called down to mom.

"There's a knock at the door. I think it's for you." Mom called back up. Nicole, I presume. Half of me, I guess the selfish half, didn't even want to answer the door. I just wanted her to freeze her ass off in the cold. It was what she deserved after what she said. But the other half, apparently the half that controls my actions as opposed to my thoughts, stood me up and had me walking down the stairs before I realized I was doing so.

"You okay, sweetie?" mom's concerned voice asked me as I came slowly, almost in a robot-like manner down the stairs.

"Yeah." I answered with no emotion, not even realizing I was speaking. She frowned, concerned for me, and went off towards the kitchen.

I neared the front door of the house and opened it to see just who I was expecting. She still had nothing more than her sweatshirt on, and her teeth were chattering. Her eyes had fully recovered and there was no evidence of crying on her face, but her mouth still held the same devastated expression that I thought didn't exist just yesterday.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, her teeth making the only audible sound before she piped up. "I-it's n-not getting any w-warmer out here." She chuckled, even though it was a nervous, sad chuckle, to herself.

My expression had not changed. I wasn't happy to see her. I was half-tempted to just close the door on her right there, but finally I gave in and stepped to the side, inviting her in. She all-too-eagerly stepped in, breathing into her hands to warm them as she did so.

"Thanks." she said softly as I closed the door. I said nothing, and just looked at her. She looked back at me, her eyes containing more sadness and even a little more fear than I remember her normal eyes holding.

"I'm sor-" she began, before a voice from the living room cut her off.

"Who is it?" dad asked, his voice ringing across the house.

I sighed internally. This was not the time I wanted to do this. "It's Nicole." I replied, trying my best to sound cheerful about it, rather than annoyed. Nicole, of course, noticed my hidden tone, and her expression turned even more sad.

Mom popped out of the living room, and it was only then that I realized I never even mentioned Nicole to her.

"It's very nice to meet you, Nicole." she piped up, smiling. "I'm afraid we're not the spontaneous type, but… Make yourself at home!"

Nicole gave mom a half-smile. "Adam hasn't mentioned me once, has he?"

"Not a word." Mom replied instantly, as if it was shameful.

"Good. You had me worried for a second." Nicole winked at mom, kicked off her boots with one solid swing, then entered the house like nothing was wrong. When she left earshot, mom whispered, "How do you know her?"

"Student council." Nicole answered her from the next room over, making mom jump. I was glad to see Nicole's psychic ability wasn't just limited to me – mom's whisper was so quiet I could barely hear it, let alone Nicole.