Chapter 23 : The Real Spartan Way

There are three things I fear the most in my life. First is the centipede. Everybody in my class knows that Tine, the chic chic guy is scared of it. From it's posture, to its number of feet, to its color, it is really damn scary. They knew that when I saw one, I would cross all the borders of Thailand and run as fast as the missiles launched from Russia.

Second is height. I am extremely scared of heights. People say that the higher the place is, the colder. Therefore, I have to endure the heat below because my heart can't stand elevations. I felt dizzy just by looking at it. One time during the ninth grade, we were forced to jump on a tower for a camp trip. Guess what? I peed in my pants. Imagine... a ninth grader. You can obviously imagine how embarrassing that is.

Third is my brother , P'Type. He had been visible ever since I was born. He is a perfectionist and will notice everything in the world. Back in elementary, I did not even bother to touch his eraser because he'll know if it has been used or not. In other words, the most influential person for me is not my parents, but my brother. People always made a comparison between us ever since. Tine, the playful and cheerful type, and Type, the serious and ghost-like type.

I am only afraid of these three. These three things, yet I am scared this much. And now, I think the fourth thing appeared amid the chaos of the war of words. It is called...

Man.

Damn! I fear Man more than anything else in this life. He didn't come to play because this asshole told me that he will flirt with my brother. It is visible from the words he used on Instagram. He really scared me so I had to turn to look at Sarawat like I was asking something.

"What makes you worry?" Sarawat is smart. He understood my eyes right away. Or maybe, he already knew me so well.

Asking me whether it is romantic? No. Because my leg is ready to kick your bastard friend. I hate the post!

"Man said he will flirt with my brother."

"So what?"

"You guys can hit on anyone but you can't touch P'Type."

"I don't know anything. Man decided it himself."

"Go tell your friend to stop what he's planning. My brother is not a gentle person like you think."

"I know."

"..." The atmosphere of death entered. I turned around to sit and look at him. No matter how much I fear my brother, I don't want someone to speak badly about him.

"Okay. Let us settle this." Seeing me making a slightly worried expression, Sarawat immediately picked up the phone. This time, he did not call anyone but focused on typing a comment. He is making sure that he will type all the words correctly.

In less than five minutes, another comment popped-up below the picture of Man grinning...

Sarawatlism

Good. Tine said that he supports you.

What the hell?

"Why is your reply like that?" I scolded him loudly but Sarawat just shrugged his shoulder and let out a devious smirk.

"Your brother touched what's mine first."

"What? Are you serious? This is totally a different thing! Why are you helping Man?"

"Well, he said that he likes your brother so I have to support him. Besides, he helped me to be in a relationship with you."

"..." I was speechless for a long time. The only thought that came to my mind was... My brother must not be tainted by Man.

"Hey, relax. We just gave Man the green light and that doesn't mean that your brother will fall into him. Let them handle that themselves." His thick hands patted my shoulders before pressing my face closer.

"Wh... what are you doing?"

"I want to touch your boobs."

"Is my boobs the only thing inside your head? Perverted bastard." No matter how far our relationship progressed, it all ended up with him asking to touch my boobs. My heart...

~

After returning from school, P'Type went straight to the bedroom and slept. Sarawat and I were busy preparing the food in the kitchen. His phone rang and he answered it.

"Why?" I feel like something is suspicious when he asks that question.

"..."

"Man is inviting for a drink." Sarawat looked at me. It seems that this question is especially for me.

"Where? Ask him." I quickly responded.

"Same bar as last time."

"Okay. But don't come home late."

"No. He is inviting us... including your brother." I paused for a while. I mean, even if Man won't invite me, I would still go. Who will take care of this bastard if he gets drunk? But the sentence included my brother so it made me think for a while.

"What does he want from my brother?"

"How can I know?" He refused to answer, then turned to continue talking to the other end for a while before hanging up.

Alright. I will invite my brother since he's got nothing to do. Whether he will go or not is another story. I won't force him. It is already seven thirty in the evening so I started to speak.

"P'Type..."

"What?" He asked while happily slurping pork ribs while the serene Sarawat sat quietly and scooped up vegetables in its territory.

"My friend is inviting me for a drink tonight, just for fun. You want to join?"

"Not interested."

"The place is full of cute and lovely girls, too!"

"So what?"

"Just to make you inspired, you know."

"I can't talk much when I eat. Can we just eat quietly now?" So I had to shut up and quietly eat. Sarawat didn't say anything until everyone at the table started to fill up.

He then decided to speak up after eating. "Then, can I take Tine with me?"

"Why?" P'Type replied in an angry voice, seemingly a little unhappy.

"We always go together. I promise I'll take care of him."

"Tine can go by himself. Besides, you're not his husband. There's no need to take care of my brother that much."

Damn! Damaging me again with the power of words? The truth is that Sarawat is my husband but it has to be a secret especially from you.

"In short, can I go drink tonight?" I want to try it out. Maybe my brother is in a good mood unlike the face he is showing.

"Do you want to go?"

"Of course! I want to have some fun! This is also our celebration for the start of the new term."

"Fine. Then, I'll go too. I can't leave you to your friend. Not to mention his unreliable face." He glanced at Sarawat, stood up and put the dishes in the sink. I also hurriedly followed him, playing the obedient younger brother.

But suddenly he turned to ask a serious question to make sure.

"Just to have fun, right?"

"Right."

Then I realized, are we really going to drink tonight just to have fun? Or the White Lion gang has another monkey business? Hmm...

~

"Hahaha! Come on, drink!" Kanpai!

The sound of about ten glasses of alcohol touching against each other in the bustling atmosphere at the pub. It is the first day of the semester so a lot of people came to celebrate which made the place crowded. The first bottle of alcohol has been opened and poured evenly for the members of the White Lion gang and my male group. P'Type is just sitting with his closed lips as usual. I didn't dare to drink much because he is staring at me.

"You looked so cute even just sitting down. Do you know that someone's heart is wriggling now?"

"... !" Everyone at the table was stunned.

Man who just arrived spoke too loud amidst the music inside the bar. He is rushing to grab the vacant seat in front of P'Type while smiling up to his ears.

"I don't want to listen to the words of a fool like you." My brother responded with an unhappy look.

"Many people don't call me a fool. If you're as handsome as me, you'll understand." I would like to throw up on Man's response. His friends just nodded awkwardly with this overconfidence. I know my brother won't stop arguing especially to the people younger than him. His ego is as high as the sky.

"You call that handsome? That face like yours? What a joke."

"You want to try me? So you can have a handsome partner in this lifetime?"

"Man!" P'Type shouted loudly. His hand raised as if he was about to bury Man's head.

"Alright! Alright! Don't be angry. I am just so excited because you are so cute."

"Disgusting."

"Even if I am rotten, I am still your future husband."

"..." This time P'Type did not respond.

"Give up yet?"

"..."

"How sad. Come over here so I can soothe you."

"Are you kidding me? I'm three years older than you. Have some respect!"

"Just look at me and be captivated. My ID is Man_maman."

"What?"

"My Line account."

"Are you telling me to add you so I can scold you?"

"I don't mind if you scold and swear at me. Love... That is what I want from you."

"I don't want it!"

"Calm down. Check this out, I just bought this sticker for one hundred fifty baht." Man quickly changed the topic, taking the opportunity to crouch forward and show his Line screen to P'Type. My brother was showing a fierce look.

"One hundred fifty baht?"

"Yes."

"Using that money to buy fish for your brain is better."

"Are you worried about my health?"

"I don't even know how to curse you this time, stupid!"

"Owww!""Guys, let's play some games for fun!" The sound of Theme and Peuk chirping excitedly after a tense battle changed the atmosphere. Man was dragged by his friends and banged his head to return to his senses.

"Sure." Everyone else agreed except for my brother.

"What should we play?"

"Let's bring out the intellectual people. Give a category then everybody should give an example about it." Big then explained the rules in detail. Man was the first player to ensure his confidence in the person in front of him.

"Please name a Japanese actress. I'll start, Rola Takizawa!"

"Playing like a bastard, huh. Then let me give you a name of the legendary big breasted lady - Yayoi!" Big answered with confidence.

"Go to the mall and eat it. Stupid!" (Yayoi - Japanese restaurant chain)

"Sorry, it's Aoi." Big corrected himself.

Man is pointing his finger based on the person sitting next to each other counterclockwise. I sat next to Sarawat, and on my right was P'Type.

"Sarawat, your turn. Tell us which Japanese actress you like. Don't answer Tine because he is not an actress." Man said to Sarawat.

"Like my ass! We are just friends!" I quickly interrupted them. Man is so stupid. We are trying to keep it as a secret to my brother but it seems like he wanted to have murder in this bar.

"Haha! I won't ask Wat and Tine anymore, they're no fun. Let's go ask P'Type." And then Man still tried to make a story for it and still very determined to tease my brother. P'Type did not answer but just sat still.

"..."

"P'Type." The supplication is no different from the devil asking for merit. Let me calm down for a minute.

"I did not join your game."

"No way! You are included in the circle so you have to play." Man's face looks extremely perverted.

"I told you I won't play."

"No way. Give an answer now."

"I don't know."

"You don't watch Japanese movies? Oh my God! The loser has to be punished. Guys, you know what to do." Friends from White Lion gang poured a drink in the shot glass and gave it to P'Type.

"Drink! Drink! Drink!"

Man saw that my brother did not seem to lift his glass, so he took the opportunity to bring it to his mouth, forcing my brother to drink reluctantly. Fortunately, my brother is good at controlling emotions so we can continue to sit and drink happily. "Woohoo! Alright. Give us another category, Man!"

"Everyone, name one dish that starts with 'ka'. Starting with Boss." "Kaprao moo krop." (Stir-fried roasted pork with basil)

"Kalam bpleethot nampla." (Stir-fried cabbage with fish sauce)

"Karee." (Curry)

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

It went quiet for a while. Everybody was confused. "Just give this genius a drink!"

Man said while pointing at Theme who is the next loser. But it seems that Theme is very interested in this type of punishment because he constantly gulps down and even asks for more shots.

The party continues to bustle amid P'Type's unhappy face. It has been two hours since we are playing this game.

"Name a superhero from Marvel. I'll be first... Captain America!"

"Iron Man."

"Ant Man."

"Spider Man."

"Ultraman."

"..."

"Drink!!!" It was Theme's answer again.

The comedy is not only coming from Theme's answers, but also from these bunch of drunkards. We have been drinking for almost three hours. Even myself started to get dizzy but still aware of what's happening.

My brother is so drunk as well even if he did not participate in our game. The reason why is because Man is forcing my brother to drink alcohol. I never stopped him even once because I want my brother to have fun with us. It wasn't until the game ended and we switched to chatting with fun stories.

"P'Type, tell us a funny story about Tine." This time it was my friend Ohm's turn to speak because my brother was in a good mood and the atmosphere was getting better as well. The only thing is... My brother is drunk. He was drunk.

"I can tell you a lot of things."

"Okay okay. No need to tell a story. Everyone, please have a drink!" I quickly cut him off.

It had been an hour since they all started to get drunk until it was almost impossible to move, but they can still drink. Man started to talk again but this time, his target was Sarawat. "Wat."

"Umm?"

"Go to the toilet with me."

"I'll be back." The owner of the low voice turned to speak to me. "What's with the look, Tine? I have no intention of asking Sarawat to go swimming." Man hurriedly interrupted us before dragging the tan skinned to the toilet, passing through the number of crowded guests of the bar. After seeing the wide back disappear from my view, I turned to focus on drinking with the rest of the group.

Less than ten minutes later, Sarawat came back. But this time, his face is cheerful. I looked up to him to ask but there was nothing he could do and just obediently sat still because P'Type was sitting next to him.

"Please sit down." Ohm hastily shifted his butt and patted the chair, offering an invitation to the newcomers while the others took turns nudging their arms. "Give way, buddy. Three more guests came to join us." Man's lively voice quickly interrupted, and brought uninvited guests to come along.

They looked familiar. I think they used to be one of the cheerleaders but did not join the university wide. As for their faces, I must say they look good and have cute faces.

But the main problem is that they are guys. And it seems like Sarawat is just tolerating them and doesn't seem to bother at all. I don't know why but I'm sensing something fishy.

"This is Oak and New. And this is P'Pang, a third year senior. I happened to pass by the table and invited them over for fun. You guys have no problem right?"

"No problem. Hey, give us three more glasses, please." The table is already crowded now that there are three more people joined us. The annoyance immediately crept into my chest because it separated me and the Sarawat.

P'Type really knows me so well. With his full brother instinct, he immediately pulled my wrist because he already sensed something from me.

"I'll take my brother back home."

"Oy, P'Type. You can't go home yet. You came with Sarawat's car, right??" This time Peuk spoke. My brother was silent for a while despite the rest of the conversation.

"Hey, sit still. I am drunk as well. It is not safe to drive." I said to my brother while he is pulling my wrist.

"I'm not drunk." His bloodshot eyes stared at me. But since I refused to stand, he sat down and continued to drink.

Trying to control your emotions and not showing your ownership is a very uncomfortable thing. I am quite confident that most people in the school know that I and Sarawat are dating even if we did not formally announce to everyone.

These three new strangers also are so annoying. They are talking to them as if they are really close to each other with a lot of body caressing. You just joined us you motherfuckers! Don't you dare put your hand on my lover!

"Sarawat, is it okay for us to sit here? Doesn't your lover say anything?"

"What do you mean by lover? We are all friends here!" Man cuts right off in its prancing style.

It is already eleven o'clock so the band who performed lively music earlier changed the atmosphere with their sad music...

"We used to love a person. Then suddenly, we found out that we were betrayed. It was painful. But no matter how much pain we suffer, in the end... we still love that person. Please hear the voice of those people who were betrayed by their lovers!" "Oooohhhh!" Damn Mr.Vocalist. You know my life right now.

"This song is to remind us of our pain..."

The singer's inspiring voice started singing along with the acoustic guitar. I turned to look at my tall lover. Sarawat is sitting between a friend and a stranger, and I'm just sitting here pretending to be a friend to hide the pain

It looks like I am in a drama scene. Damn it. I'd rather get stabbed with a knife right now.

"Actually, Wat is still single. So am I." Theme went into making the drama. "I heard you have a lot of girlfriends, Theme monkey."

"I already broke up with them so please don't mention it. But do you like guys or girls?" The target was transferred to the people who just arrived. They looked at each other's faces before laughing out loud.

"I don't know. If I like someone, I'll use my heart to choose rather than the gender." The other guy answered. This guy deserves a round of applause. Not until the other guy answered...

"Sarawat"

What did you just say?!

Then I felt it in my heart. I... am... jealous... So jealous that I could bite a glass. Damn it!

"Does Tine and P'Type need more beer?" Ohm saw that P'Type and I were silent for a long time so he started talking. My brother doesn't need any more alcohol, he's about to sleep now because his eyes are closed. As for me, I just want to go back to my room now. It is important for me to take the name of that person who still dares to sit together with my lover...

I want to punch his face.

"No. You guys drink it. Don't worry about me." I answered Ohm with a smile.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course. We are all friends here, right?" Finally, I turned to look at Sarawat as I emphasized the word 'friend'.

"So ask me whether I want to be friends with you or not?" That was the first sentence Sarawat gave me since he came back from the toilet. His face was calm but he looked like he was boiling inside.

"Then let me ask you, can I be your friend?"

"No."

"Why not? You just told your new friends that all of us are friends here, right?"

"I did not say that. Think carefully first before saying anything."

"I mean, Man told them" I forgot it was Man. Damn!

"You too. You said it yourself. What do you want me to do? Do you think I'm not annoyed when I really want to say something but can't say it?"

"If you want to say something then say it! Why won't you say it?"

"..."

"And now you keep quiet. You dare to tell them that I am just your friend? That motherfucker made me jealous to death but you still dared to glance at them and invited them for a talk. Want me to tell my brother that you're my lover, not a friend, right?"

Shit. I missed my mouth. I want to brush my mouth and let the wisdom tooth fall out. But it did not seem to keep up anymore because P'Type turned around to look at me with bloodshot eyes. Not only that, the friends sitting at the table were also very quiet, not daring to say anything.

I'm now frustrated. Is that it? Let me just drink. "What did you just say?"

"Sorry... I'm just drunk. Let's... let's just go home."

"I am asking you. What did you just say?" I am now getting scared with my brother's tone of voice. I said those words from my heart but I guess this is the wrong time.

"Nothing. I just said it randomly."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Hehe." I need to scratch my butt and treat my embarrassment.

"Are you sure?" He is not over yet...

"Yes."

"I will ask you again."

"Huh? I am just drunk. Stop thinking too much."

"Don't play dumb. Are you and Sarawat only friends?"

"Umm."

"What kind of friend acts like a monkey that lost its banana?"

Hosh! Like a hundred daggers straight into the heart. The whole table was stunned. Only Sarawat was still calm. Man also did not talk again, but just quietly listened.

Perhaps only three people - I, P'Type, and Sarawat have to solve this problem. "Friends that hugged each other on the sofa?"

"...!"

"Do friends kiss?"

"P'Type. Friends also can kiss. We're friends. Give me a kiss."

"Damn it!" See that, Man? There is no time to joke around. This moment is extremely scary right now. P'Type was furious, but I could do nothing but become a defendant.

"P'Type..."

"I already knew that long ago."

"..."

"I'm just waiting for you to admit it."

"I'm sorry. I'm just afraid you won't accept us."

Singer, you go to work. Let me ask for a song that would nauseously bleed to match the dreary situation like this time.

But I'm tired. If I didn't miss my mouth, I would have to say it one day. Because I can't hide secrets like this anymore. Even just a second is too much.

It's not a bad thing to date Sarawat because we always have each other. I don't know what the definition of P'Type's love is because I've never seen him with someone.

So I don't know how wrong my relationship with Sarawat is in the eyes of P'Type. "I couldn't accept it at first. But after seeing you two being so happy after I sneak around the room, and even in the yellow tape zone I created, I fully understand." "..."

"But I'm worried about you because you're my brother."

"I know."

"But I can still kill you, you know?"

Damn. From the touching moment now moving to heartache. "..."

"You too. If you love my brother, you will take care of him as much as your mouth says. Then for that person who came up with that shallow strategy which made my brother accidentally admit that, whoever you are, you are stupid."

It turned out to be a plan? Fuck! Then the three troublemakers disappeared. I am so stupid! I got trapped again.

I turned to look at the smiling Man with his fucking face. My friends in the group also seem to know about that plan. Dude, you all tricked me again. Most importantly, the person who was stunned, the source of all the troubles that caused my blood to burn, even dared to raise an eyebrow at me. Luckily, P'Type haven't seen it, or he would not have lost the game at my feet.

"Tell the truth. When did you fall in love?" Looks like P'Type is focusing on him now. He remained silent, bowing his head for a minute before answering him. "Last semester."

"How do you meet each other?"

"Met at a Scrubb concert last year."

"I won't let you be with him. Do you still want to pursue Tine?"

"Yes."

"What was the difference with Tine in the past and now?" "A lot."

"Is that acceptable?"

"It's okay."

"It's just the love of the first years. I have a lot more experiences than you. I don't want you to promise that you'll love my brother forever because I don't believe in these kinds of things." P'Type opened his mouth and smiled sarcastically.

"I don't expect you to believe me, but I have the right to believe in myself."

"Prove it to me then. Fall in love with my brother for more than four years and talk to me again."

"So you won't talk to me right now?"

"Sarawat, I once thought that you were a good person. But to think that you would be so jealous over me..."

"..."

The tense atmosphere started to dispel along with the crazy doings of Man and Boss when they showed their comedy skits in spite of the moment.

Man, let me ask a little. Where did you meet that person?"

"It's right at the university."

"So you're chasing that person?"

"That's right."

"What was the difference with that person now?"

"A lot. At that time it was cute like a cat. Now it's as fierce as a dog. Haha!"

"Is that acceptable?"

"That alright. I will vaccinate him by myself."

"As if you can get him."

"You have the right to not believe me, but to me, there's only one fact."

"What is it, Man?"

"The one named Type will definitely be Man's wife. I must nail him!"

"Wife? Who's your wife?"

Bang! For sure, Man will have a lump on his forehead.

~

The sun shining in someone's eyes and the low bass sound woke me from my dream. The fatigue invaded my body and the pain in my head was about to explode. I shouldn't have drank too much. I can't even remember how much I drank and how I returned to my room last night. As for what kind of appearance I am right now, I do not want to think about.

"Tine, take a shower now. Let's go to school today."

"No. I have a headache. I want to continue sleeping." I pulled the blanket over my face before I felt a strong force from the person on top of me buckling my neck. "You don't want to wake up?"

"Stop! Sarawat. It hurts."

"Wake up or not?"

"I'll get a hangover for sure."

"Go take a shower and I'll make black coffee."

"Umm." I nodded in tears, but I still did not get up. I lay for another 10 minutes, but this time I was dragged out of bed.

I am done taking a shower and the moment I stepped out of the bathroom, I smelled the aroma of coffee. My stagnant mind suddenly awakened again. Another memory suddenly came to my mind... There are only two people left in this house. Well, it seems like someone who will stay here for a week disappeared.

"Sarawat, where's P'Type?"

"He still hasn't returned."

"Damn it! Did you leave my brother at the bar?"

"No. Man volunteered to take him home but I think they did not go straight here."

I suddenly have goosebumps just by listening to that. Man and my brother... This isn't a horror show, but I don't know why I'm feeling so strange. I am not afraid of P'Type kicking Man... I'm afraid of Man and the possibilities that he will do to my brother. My heart...

"I know what you are thinking. Man didn't do anything to your brother."

"How can you know what I'm thinking?"

"I am your husband." He then gave me a smirk and handed me the coffee. He also sneaked out a kiss on my cheek.

"You're annoying. I haven't even counted the case of your uninvited guests last night."

"That was all Man's plan. I'm not involved with anything regarding that."

"Is that so?"

I did not pay any attention to that person who sat on the dining table. I just drank my coffee to cure this hangover. But this coffee tastes like dog food.

"What is in it? Salt? Sugar? Do you see the wrong bottle?"

"Mixed together." It's a mix of spices to get rid of my headache now. Having a lover of this type would rather be good but it is not working for me because I won't drink that coffee at all. I am the pickiest person when it comes to food.

I gave up the coffee Sarawat made and turned to eat buttered bread. At least the taste is better. My other hand picked up my phone to call P'Type but no one picked up so I switched to surfing social networks.

"Phone or eat properly?" I am here. Why are you complaining? So I raised my face and stuck out my tongue at the opponent.

"So what?"

"You might choke."

"I'm good with multitasking. Don't worry about me." After saying that, I immediately went down to take a picture of the black coffee cup on the table.

Tine_chic

Drinking this new coffee mix then will sleep after

Sarawat went into the room and took his phone to play as if he wanted to make a small fight. As for me,I just sit while playing Minecraft games. We did not talk for exactly half an hour.

"Well, I can't play anymore. Let's talk." After all, the docile person who surrendered was also me.

"..." Sarawat gazed at me for a moment before playing again.

"Sarawat, are you teasing me?"

"I am playing a game."

"But I've got nothing to do."

"I'm not free. Wash the dishes for me, too." Oh Ho. Nope, I won't do that. Since it was the first week of the new semester, there were no homeworks or projects to be done. This is our free time.

"Some people think Sarawatlism on IG is mine." This time I tried to start a conversation again.

"Yup."

"Because all that's posted are my pictures or something related to me. Your followers might not be very pleased."

"Different from yours. Your followers are pleased with your posts and most of them are boys."

"What?" Ironic. But even Sarawat sat down to say something like that. "Not to mention how many people you follow."

"All of them are my friends ."

"If Instagram has a limit for the number of people you follow, I assume you can't follow me."

Wait! Where does the story start? The starting point is that I didn't eat properly, then just played on the phone, and pretended to ignore him. So, why do you end up being so ironic about following or not following Instagram? I am extremely confused.

"So what? Whoever I want to follow is my problem."

"Can I do that, too?"

"Do it. I will help you!" After saying that, I immediately rushed to take the phone from his thick hand, click on the camera icon, and then repeatedly snap photos of his handsome face. "What?"

"I took a picture of you. Choose one then I'll upload it so you can have more followers. Follow some people too"

"Good. Then post it."

"..."

"I told you to post it."

"Why do you like to tease me this much?"

"It's cute when you're angry." I gritted my teeth. He laughed happily before running into the kitchen to wash the dishes.

Not long after, Sarawat actually posted his picture on Instagram. This is the first time he posted a photo of himself on that social media.

@Sarawatlism

Chexk rating.

And he mistyped the words again... Some things never changed.

@AmonaBee

handsome.

@Gos.dem

Love love Sarawat.

@tarineeJ

Tell him that I love him @Fah-nich

@Berrymint147

My husband posted a picture. Yey!.

@Umae.weew

#TeamSarawatWife for life. <3

Posting his photo at this time is both fun and happy to welcome the new semester. This is a gathering of wives and girls from everywhere.

There is no movement in Sarawat's post. Some people knew about Sarawat and I. Some people knew Sarawat was practicing in preparation for the competition. But today's post made a lot of people know a thing about Sarawat...

@Green_kiki

Still so handsome. Oh, wow, wow.

Less than 3 minutes later, comments kept jumping. One question I see is...

@Dewwwwwwy

Sarawat is so handsome. Who took the shot for that?

@Spacening06

I'm jealous of the photographer. How to shoot without shaking hands?

I kept reading the comments. Someone just asked him how to take a photo without your hands shaking. There are many ways. But how to prevent my heart from vibrating at close range, I really don't know.

@Nam_nanim

I also want to know. Who took the shot for that?

@Sarawatlism

my lover shot it.

@Sarawatlism

Sarcastic lover.

@Wii.love.u

Is she this person? @sarinyapoey

@Sarawatlism

Not

@Sarawatlism

My lover's name is Tine.

My lover's name is Tine. My lover's name is Tine. My lover's name is Tine. Shit...

~

Today was another chaotic day for our cool lives because Sarawat just announced to social media that he is in a relationship with me. Therefore, his wives kept on following us to the point that they knew that we were living together.

They are obviously true stalkers.

Second term has quite a few activities but there is still a big event that is expected to happen. That is the university's music competition. So after my classes, I went to buy a snack and waited in the club room where Sarawat and his friends from Ctrl S always come to practice.

"Tine! Why come so early?" The greeting from the lead singer made me immediately smile and greet back.

"I've got nothing to do after my class. I bought snacks for everyone." "Thanks a lot. I actually thought you fled to your room first."

"Why?"

"Sarawat's fans started gathering under the Law School building. Afraid that it will bring inconvenience to you." Why don't you call the newspaper from the start. So chaotic. But, It was still quiet just now.

"It should be okay. I think they won't squash me."

"Haha! I will save you somewhere. What made you think to rob a national husband from the public?"

"He flirted with me first."

"But you agreed."

"You are being nosy now. Do you want me to stuff this snack in your mouth?" I threw a small bag of bread to him. He hurriedly grabbed his hand before tearing it off to eat deliciously while waiting for the other members.

I'm a social media addict so I always pick up my phone to check on the latest updates. The topic for today is Sarawat's first post on Instagram in months.

For me, reading people's comments is not really a headache because some people are really funny. It is like Sarawat is the center of the universe. I keep on reading and laughing until my eyes stop at someone's comments.

@Pam_pitcha

Does my serious person have a lover? I thought he was just a friend.

I frowned in worry because she did not address Sarawat like the others. She called him "my serious person" which clearly shows that they definitely know each other. But I didn't think anymore until I saw this girl's other comment.

@Pam_pitcha

I'm in Chiangmai right now. Hang out before the start of the semester. If you are free, let's meet.

I couldn't contain the curiosity in my heart anymore so I clicked to see her profile. I see a lot of pictures, almost thousands on Instagram.

I think her name is Pam because that is what I read on the comments of her posts. She looks so beautiful. Her IG is white in color, blending in with her white face and elegant clothes to attract viewers.

I looked at her pictures in a calm mood, but everything changed when I saw one of her posts with Sarawat in it.

It was a selfie in an ice cream parlor where they both smiled happily at the camera. The time indicated on it clearly showed that it was only a few weeks ago. Right! That was when we returned to Bangkok and we separated to go to our hometown.

"Tine, relax. This is nothing. Nothing to worry at all." I told myself as I wiped the sweat off my forehead, continuing to dig past photos of the girl.

Instagram timeline won't lie at all. The moment you posted the photo clearly shows when that photo was taken. In that case, she took a photo of her graduation at school with Sarawat last year.

Also, mid last year, both of them went to Khao Yai with her friends. They also went to Scrubb's concert together at Silpakorn.

Last valentine I saw the tall skinhead Sarawat standing beside her.

My hands started to shake even though I don't know why I am scared. But I'm sure she could be Sarawat's first love. What should I do? Should I talk about this matter with Sarawat? Yes or no.

What can I do to make myself feel better?

"Eh? That post was a long time ago. Why are you going there?" Earn pushed my head after she checked the profile I am checking. It brought me out of my subconscious panic.

"Sarawat is surrounded by his fans. They are going to make shirts and cheerleading boards. Not to mention we also sell band wristbands. It's a good thing to have a hot boy in the group."

The remaining members compete with each other too. Some ate, others teased, all waiting for the last guitarist to enter the room to practice music like usual.

"There he is. Sarawat is here." Tall body entered the room with a different face before turning to look at me and then sat down, dropping the backpack from his shoulder on my lap.

"Waiting for me for a long time?" That low bass sound caught my attention and responded.

"Umm."

"What's wrong? Not feeling well? Why is your face so pale?"

"No. It's because I'm hot. See sweat?"

"Have you eaten something? Did you fill your stomach?"

"Umm. You?"

"No. After we finished practicing, let's eat together. Can you wait?"

"Okay."

"Did your brother return to Bangkok?"

"Yeah. He called me at noon. Man kept on following and bothering him so he escaped back already."

"It's worth it."

"Go and practice." Sarawat nodded. He then took the untuned electric guitar to the middle of the room with his friends. I looked down at the backpack on my lap. My heart really wants to open and check his phone.

"Sarawat."

"Umm?"

"My phone is out of battery. Can I borrow yours?"

"Umm." With permission, I clicked to check Sarawat's contact list. Most of them are from his friends in the White Lion group, seniors, and family members. And one of them has the name of the person I'm afraid of.

Pam.

I clicked on to see the call information. I saw that the most recent number belonged to that person.

My heart suddenly panicked. I became curious to know who she is. I once again opened Sarawat's Instagram account. This time I clicked to see his direct messages. I saw a lot of messages left unread and without replies.

That's it. Sarawat is so stupid in typing text messages on his phone, so he probably won't waste time answering things like that. However...

The thing I feared the most right now appeared right in front of the phone screen. Sarawat and Pam have been exchanging messages almost everyday.

I took the opportunity to click and read their conversation. Mostly are greetings because Sarawat said that he had difficulty typing. The message was not very complete. If I were to guess, I think it would be more convenient to call and talk. Ctrl S needs around two hours to prepare before leaving. Sarawat is always the last person to leave the room because he has to make sure that everything is in order. "Good practice today.." I often say that to encourage it.

"Really? I think I played badly today. Tomorrow will definitely be better."

"Exactly."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Then wait for a while. I'll arrange a bit." I nodded. Normally, I won't ask about music stuff because he will just answer that I am stupid. But today some curiosity made me deliberately ask Sarawat.

"This song is from DCNXTR?"

"Umm. The song's name is Summer Rain."

"What about this one? It doesn't have a name. I can't read the chord."

"That is nothing." After saying that, his thick hand stuffed the wicked paper into the bottom of the stack as if trying to hide it.

"Ahh. I'll wait over there." After saying that, I pointed my finger towards the corner of the room then moved back.

My anxiety is deeply rooted in my mind last night causing me to be restless today. Despite being embraced by the tan-skinned man, I still couldn't make my inner worry disappear. Earlier, Sarawat informed me of some bad news.

"I have to go see my old friends this afternoon. Want to go?"

"Who?"

"You don't know them. They are my high school friends. But I can introduce you to them."

"Boys or girls?" "Girls."

"What are their names?"

"In, Makok, Fern, and Pam." My hands are shaking again. And my heart has the same reaction.

"Today, I have a date with my friends. We will try the new restaurant from Peuk's page. I can't go with you."

"I won't be able to eat dinner with you tonight as well."

"It usually happens, right? Let's just assume that you went out to eat with your friends." I can only pretend to laugh happily but deep in my heart is pain.

I could only pray that Pam is just his past. And me, being his present, is enough.

~

"This is the fourth restaurant. My stomach is about to break."

"I have to make a review on my page. Stop nagging and find a parking spot now." Fong and Ohm kept complaining inside the car. As for Peuk, just scratch his head and because he is the admin of the page "Not good but have to eat because it's cheap".

I just follow the steps. Take the menu, order, wait, take pictures, post, and eat. My stomach is about to burst as well.

Fortunately, this shop is the last restaurant for today. Everyone is relieved because they don't know where to take their stomachs, and stuff their food. While waiting for the food to digest, I tried to pull my friends to find a way out of myself.

"Ohm, being the casanova of the group next to me, let me ask you. Do you dare to throw away the person you seek to pursue?"

"Of course!" Oh. Loud and clear.

"Aren't you going to think of it first?"

"What for? Pity?"

"No. It's not like that. What if you don't have any problems at all?"

"If you don't have the feeling, just leave. As simple as that."

"..."

"You should ask yourself, Tine. When you were in high school, you flirted with girls. In the end, you abandoned those people. You don't have to ask me."

"It's not the same. It's just puppy love. I just want to know what if you seriously love someone so much that you want to spend your whole life together until you get old. Then you spend so much effort to love that person. Can you get rid of that person easily?"

"If you're not in love anymore then quit. Reluctantly do nothing." Peuk answered. "So what was the point of your questions?"

"Just... random."

"Are you sure?."

"Yes."

"If both of your personalities are not compatible, it would have been better if you would look for someone. I've seen that case a lot of times."

"A new lover?"

"Anything new is better than the old one. But remember, the old one has an advantage."

"What is it?"

"First love."

"Yeah, I think so too. I fell in love with and then broke up with many people. No matter how much I love, I forget everything. But my first love is still the same."

This time Fong got into it after being kicked a few months ago by a high school kid. "Most people remember their first love. Don't you remember your first girlfriend?"

"I remembered her..." Her name is Ging. Now she has become the girlfriend of a tutor named Dang.

But the first lover I really had a deep relationship with was Sarawat.

"That's it. But actually, whether it's a first love or a new love, all humans fall in love. No matter what tricks you use to hold on to your relationship, if the other party let go, there's no way you can save it. No matter how much you cry, what's not yours is never yours. That's the reality of the world."

"Are you being possessed by a buddha?" What kind of morality is it? But it's true. Reflecting on this fact, I immediately tensed up. The girl named Pam was his first love. Someone like Sarawat will never forget his first love. Then they meet again... It made me worried. Maybe, I'm just her replacement.

On our way back, I am carrying a huge weight on my shoulder. A red light means a signal that forces all vehicles to stop automatically on one side. I turned my head to look at the open lane of a famous mall. Evening lights create a feeling of overwhelming, but at the same time, loneliness.

"Tine, is that your husband?" Peuk grabbed my shoulder.

"Your mouth. What the heck!" I shouted at him. The sudden gaze saw the tall body of someone sitting at a roadside cafe.

"Isn't that Sarawat ? He is at the Tom N Toms store."

"He told me he will have dinner with his friends. His friends stopped by."

"I see."

That's strange. Why is a rare smile from a man like Sarawat appeared so easily in the side mirror? Opposite of him was a girl sitting. Her hair is very long. And no matter how many times I looked at her. I had to say that she was very attractive. If it was before, I might have stepped in to flirt. But not now because I have a lover...

She is white.

She likes Scrubb music. She often laughs.

She uses Instagram to talk with Sarawat.

She plays many instruments, especially the guitar. She once posted pictures of songs Sarawat liked.

She is the girl in his ideal form.

Or actually, I'm just a low-class clone of her...

~

It was already ten o'clock but I could only sit and watch the clock on the wall. TV shows aren't fun at all. I got bored to the point of holding a laptop to find music on YouTube. Until the person I was waiting for arrived.

Sarawat entered the room with a ragged student uniform. He took off his shoes and placed them on the shelf, then tossed his backpack on the counter and went to drop himself down on the sofa beside me.

"Take a shower." It was the first sentence I told him. Sarawat nodded but refused to budge.

"Where did you eat?" He asked.

"Four different restaurants. My stomach ached. How about you?"

"Did not go anywhere. Just roamed around the mall and went to a cafe."

Silence swallowed us for a moment. I couldn't help but think if Sarawat was having a bad stomach or was sleeping already.

"You..." I said softly. "How long have you been friends with them?"

"Since first year. We just separated classes during our last year."

"One of them is a girl named Pam, right?"

"Yes, Pam." He nodded then leaned my head slowly on his solid shoulders. I decided to slip my arms around his waist. Sometimes, I want to act spoiled.

"I once asked you about your first love... The girl you loved secretly. Today... I want to know about her."

"..."

He was extremely silent. So quiet that even breathing sounds could be heard intermingling with the air conditioner. Sarawat looked at me, but I kept my eyes closed and continued to whisper while my head was resting on his shoulder.

This position is probably better just in case my tears will fall down my eyes. I have to let it all out.

"Sarawat... do you consider me as someone else's replacement?" "..."

"Please tell me straight..."

"..."

"I promise, I won't be angry. Because you haveall the right in the world."

Even though my world will collapse if I lose you...