42. At My Limit

"Brother, the last time I saw you dazed like that was when your ex was still here. You were practically lusting after him the entire interview. You could have just left me alone to talk to him alone."

"He'd already decided not to take you in for the job."

"It's not like I wanted to work with him in the first place. You're the one hellbent on getting me a job that I don't like."

"It's going to upgrade your curriculum vitae, sis. Don't forget the networking part."

"I'm not a corporate genius like you..."

"Sis, please. You promised to help me clear the debt, so I beg you to reach out to Manager Ari after a month and follow up on vacancies."

"Weren't you there? Didn't you hear him say he can't afford to pay new staff for the first three months? I'm not going to work for free, Rey. I get that I'm the one who put you in this financial deficit, but I can't let you control me. Besides, it would be best if you hadn't pledged to pay my debt, not like I entirely gambled alone. How do you always seem to leave your crazed ex out of the equation?"

"Keep in mind you were the one who should have taken that knife in the neck. She may have been crazed, but she saved your life. Moreover, if Mom and Dad had found out about your situation, you would be in jail by now. They would never care that you are their daughter considering the trouble you gave them growing up."

"Look at you are calling the kettle black. How are you going to tell them you turned gay overnight."

"I'm not gay."

"Yes, you are stupid! I'm still weirded out that you liked men all this time, and I never suspected a thing."

"I would date any girl any day... But Manager Ari is different. You saw for yourself."

"Bla bla bla brother! Look, anyone can tell your feelings for your manager are more than just. At first, when I was watching you watching him, I thought you were a sapiophile merely attracted to his intelligence. However, I'm convinced something happened to spark up that attraction to physical appreciation. What was it?"

"I'm suddenly uncomfortable in my own home." Rey stood up. "I'm leaving."

"I thought you were off today?"

"I need to make a deposit for the loan."

"Can I come with you? I'd be bored here."

"Read a book or something."

"You are going to look for him, aren't you?"

"Does anything ever pass you by?"

Rey's sister guffawed. "Lying is my prerogative; while I look believable, you just look foolish."

Ignoring his sister's remark, Rey put on his cardigan. "Dinner better be ready when I get back."

"Chicken curry?"

"Spicy chicken curry it is!" Rey replied enthusiastically. "I'll bring some ginger beer with me when I get back."

"Some liquor or cognac would be preferable."

"You are hard to handle when tipsy."

"Yea yea, speak for yourself!"

Rey laughed at his sister's embarrassed expression. Lately, he'd been feeling relieved having her around. He may not have made it obvious, but he was keeping an eye on her, and so far, it relieved him that she had abandoned her old ways entirely. He'd have wished for her to get a well-paying job and shoulder a fraction of the debt but was fearful that putting pressure on her might render her recovery meaningless. As of now, she appeared to love her current job, despite the constant back aches from prolonged standing. Nevertheless, to hear her call him gay again; Mun had mentioned the same thing too and it irked him.

<i>'Why can't I like someone without being labelled or put in a category? Saphippile, my ass! I know who I am and that's that.</i>

<i>Still, I was like my sister months ago, making assumptions about what being queer meant or maybe I didn't understand her correctly. She appears more informed than myself, a woman's intuition perhaps? Either way, I wouldn't want anyone to think I like men. I don't. I just like Ari... Manager Ari.'</i>

"Sir, we are here."

"Thank you." Rey gave a courtesy bow and got out of the taxi. He looked up at the tall apartment complex before him and sighed aloud. It had not been his initial intention to come, but there was no doubt Ari would be here. Unfortunately, their conversation had been incomplete, with Ari insisting they move away from public view and afterwards, Rey's sister showed up to disrupt his brother's confession.

Rey had been glad to have made a crack in the icy mask Ari had put on that morning. Knowing he couldn't hate him no matter how much he tried was a relief. Unfortunately, Ari's affections towards him were his downfall, and Rey intended to keep watering that until his current relationship was no more.

<i>'Ari feels a huge sense of responsibility towards Ned.' Mun had said. 'I can't help him out of this because I know he doesn't want the past to repeat itself. He is going to stand by Ned to the very end. Somehow, I'm glad you came to his life to wake him up from that needless spiral sense of guilt. Ned might be a great guy, but I need someone to render that guilt Ari feels absolute.' Someone as straightforward as you.'</i>

"You don't like Ned, do you, Manager Mun?"

<i>'I don't doubt he likes my friend, but that relationship's future will eventually become toxic. Ned will constantly search for a place in Ari's heart and one day, his patience will snap. Knowing Ari, he will hold himself responsible for the deterioration of their relationship and will stay. Soon enough, Ned will begin despising Ari for never reciprocating his affections and judging by his nature, he is used to having his way. To retaliate, he will ruin anyone who approaches Ari for anything and that does not just include you but me as well. I've been seeing less and less of Ari that I'm beginning to believe he is cutting me out of his life and he is being very subtle about it.' </i>

The chime from the lift brought Rey back from his thoughts. He straightened his shirt and looked at his reflection in the lift before the doors opened.

It was quite a surprise to be welcomed by a sour air in the open office. Rey recognized one of the ladies from the trip he'd made with both Ari and Ned. She held her hand to him and said in a frightened voice, "I'm afraid it's a terrible time to come here. Do you mind visiting us another time, please?"

"Is everything alright?" Rey inquired, a growing concern surrounding him as he stepped into the large office reception, unkempt with books scattered on the floor and two computers dismantled, wholly written off. "Where is Manager Ari?"

"He is having a private meeting with Chairman..."

Without waiting for the lady, Rey rushed to where the loud voices came from and swung open the door. His body froze briefly before he ran towards a somewhat spooked Ari sitting on a couch while a completely puzzled Ned stared on.

"Unbelievable! I haven't even left for a day, and you couldn't keep him away, could you?"

"Rey...?" Ari's expression turned from shock to fright, his gaze changing from between Ned and Rey.

"You two are shameless." Looking back at Ari, Ned gritted his teeth. He was about to say something, then turned to face Rey fully. "You! I asked you if you have feelings for him, and you denied it! Why now? Why couldn't you keep off?"

"Manager Ari did nothing wrong." Rey's reply was calm. He knew he shouldn't have barged in on other people's affairs but his body had moved before he could think. "I'm the one who confessed to him."

"Confessed?" Looking back at Ari, Ned asked, "You never said he confessed!"

"I kept my word, Ned; nothing happened between us."

"Then why is he here defending you? If you can explain that, then I might believe you." Ned said and turned to leave. Ari was about to follow him when Rey stopped him.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice heavy with sorrow upon Ned's departure. "What do you want?"

"I-I wanted to see you..."

"I work here! Don't you get it?"

"He is furious. Give him some time to steam off Manager Ari."

Yanking his hand free, Ari murmured, "Stop acting like a child for once, will you? You've done enough damage."

"I'm sorry...for coming. I just needed to see you..."

"Enough Rey, please. I informed you never to get in touch with me..."

"Manager Ari," Rey interrupted, "I-I've been waiting for you...and I'm sorry for today, and yesterday. I didn't trick you remember? My sister was there. Even so, I've acted without manners to you in prior times, today included... I'm sorry for that. It's just that when I heard the ruckus and knowing you were here, I couldn't help myself."

"Are you done?"

"Not quite. Whatever judgements I made of your lifestyle were my own. I may not be able to take them back but I don't think I'm going to or want to give up. Everyday, the feeling of guilt gripes me like a vice. I'm pathetic, I know; and it's okay for you to be angry at me..."

"You've said enough." Ari's expression was firm with conviction. "If you show up in my office again, I will call the authorities."

"M-Manager Ari..." A dash of sweat was beginning to stifle on Rey's cheek. Ari's determination to rid him off was something he'd expected but not actually thought Ari would carry through with it. "I can't give up on you. H-Honestly, I never ever thought anyone would wait for me for that long and to mock you for it was the worst thing I could do. I take back everything I did... I-I wish I said something encouraging at the foodcourt when I met you with Mun... I wish I showed up for office party for the new recruits... I wish I had pushed off Sir Ned from you that day at the parking lot, damn! I wish I'd spent more time with you on that trip..." Rey took a step towards Ari but he moved back. "I-I really like you, Manager Ari. If you wish to be with Sir Ned, I'll respect your decision but don't ask me to stop trying. It's a lousy request but...I still want to keep seeing you..."

"Get out."