39. Heartache

"Tell me, why do you keep pestering me about Ari's upbringing? It still surprises me he took you to his hometown, you of all people. Moreover, you saw everything; I can't say there is much to add or are you perhaps developing feelings towards my friend?"

"Not at all. I wish to understand Manager Ari better. He is quite indecisive and way too forgiving."

"Annoyingly tolerant to mistreatment as well, vacillating, irresolute, tentative, hard to move forward... Quirky..."

"Why is he like that?"

"Well, he does have a maladaptive trait which is birthed from constant worrying, and anxiety. He equally has a history of recurring depression. Hard to tell since he is the opposite when working."

Rey nodded in agreement.

"Well, now you are aware his childhood wasn't exactly rosy. There is no definite record of his birth parents. All Ari remembers is the people you met a few weeks ago. I would know he had it rough since I used to live in that neighbourhood, but Ari had no idea who I was. He still doesn't and I intend to keep it that way. Understood?"

"Yes, Manager."

"That town is relatively small therefore word travels fast. Ari was pretty famous back then too since his adoptive parents made sure everyone knew he wasn't theirs by blood once he came out. They'd argue all the time about his welfare, especially since his psychiatric treatment was expensive. However, everything changed when he ran away with a neighbour's boy who was his junior by two years; an act that became a blessing and a curse at the same time."

"What do you mean?"

"The thing with Ari is apart from being dithering, if he gets his attention on something, he foolishly broods over it and as much as I've tried to change that side of him, Ari remains Ari. The upside of that trait is unwavering loyalty which is why he and I are friends to date.

Years later, I was lucky to have met him on campus. I didn't trust him at first since my memory of him was of things I heard and the tragedy that befell one of the neighbours because of him but later on, I discovered he had been under a community welfare organization, and his match was sceptical about him since he had a pending attempted murder case to his name."

"What?"

"Hold your horses. I too was shocked to see a suspect on the campus. Nevertheless, there had to be a reason he was admitted as a regular student correct?"

"I-I guess."

"I paid a huge sum to his match to allow me to become the replacement and as expected, Ari was devastated to be abandoned yet again. My objective was to play around with him but then I figured there must be a reason that boy ran away with him in the first place. Remember, our judgement of others can be compromised by assumptions we've heard from others so I gave him the benefit of doubt. He didn't trust me, then it occurred to me. Ari never know who I was.

Breaking the ice with him wasn't easy either considering he is four years my junior. Additionally, no one ever treated him with respect or without selfish gain. I made it a mission to prove to him there are trustworthy people in this world as there are untrustworthy ones.

One day, he got attacked by his first-year classmates when his secret got out. He called me and opened up about his past. A part of me felt victorious when he said I was the first person that came to mind if ever he needed help. Finally, I had become useful to him and despite our little age gap, I somewhat treated him as a parent would their child. I grew up with absentee travel enthusiastic parents therefore I can't say I know how it feels to have a family, well, things changed with Ari around of course. That was the beginning of our codependency.

We fought plenty of times, I pushed him away and so did he but eventually, we knew each of us wanted the best for the other, and when he got his first job, guess whom he came to tell?"

"You."

"Exactly. Despite his traumas, he still had hope in life."

"Whatever happened between him and that boy he ran away with? Are they still in touch?"

Mun sighed. "You see, Ari took his then-boyfriend swimming but when it was time to go home, he was the only one who returned. An investigation was conducted and he was found innocent. Later on, the family of that boy sued Ari's parents which somehow escalated the case and put Ari under police watch. He used to have a tracker during his first year until he was proven unimpeachable. I remember the day it was taken off of him as if it were yesterday."

"Were they in a sexual relationship?"

"Haven't you been paying attention?"

"But how...? If memory serves me right, that neighbourhood is exceedingly conservative."

"Ari can be quite brave sometimes despite his indecisive character. He has lived a life of wanting to belong and that is why he didn't think twice about whichever opportunity came with love."

"Is that why he is dating sir Ned? To fill up a void?"

"If you hadn't poofed and disappeared in college, he would have been dating you."

"With all due respect, I'm not queer."

Mun grinned mischievously. "Yet, your skills in bed are something he couldn't wait to share with me, hmm?"

Averting his eyes, Rey hid his embarrassment. "You two talk about everything."

"Look, I'm not judging you or your beliefs. If I wasn't heterosexual, we'd have banged. Ari and I get along extremely well. He has no obligation to be my friend and so do I. I'd do anything for him. You'd be surprised that he too is the one who set me up with my current job and look at me now, sitting on his chair running a company he co-started. Coming from a well-off family, I had it rough adjusting to being a salaryman, but Ari coached me and I stayed because I trusted in the fact that he believed in me. I wanted to extend that same level of faith to him too."

"I-I see..."

Mun chuckled at Rey's stuttering. "Look. Whatever is happening between you two may seem too confound especially now that you've physically become aware of him, but I encourage you to give yourself a chance at experiencing something new."

"I'm not denying that Manager Ari is a great person but, in situations such as this, it dawns on me that there may be little difference between straight and queer people. Over the last couple of months, this truth has resonated to my very core. His presence has brought about big changes and annoyance at the same time... And sometimes, it can become too overwhelming that I feel scared I might bring harm to him. Even so, I do not wish to cause him unnecessary hurt."

"Your words hardly match your actions, but who I'm I to judge? I'm not exactly a saint myself."

"H-How did that...boy die? If you don't mind my asking."

"A passerby thought someone was attempting suicide, saw Ari running into the ocean from a distance and rushed to save him, little did they know Ari was trying to save the boy instead. When the passerby realized he'd saved Ari, he became livid, running away while hurling homophobic insults. Still, Ari didn't give up and ran back but it had been too late. The kid had drowned and his body couldn't be found for two days. Yet, despite Ari missing those two days, none of his family members reported his absence.

For a while, he blamed himself for going to that beach at night but he had valid reasons for constantly seeking solitude."

"What was it?"

"He didn't want that kid to be seen with him. Ari always despised crowded places, living in his head that people are watching him, waiting for him to make a mistake. He later informed the police the beach was always deserted that time of the night. Anyway, after a while, it was discovered the kid had suffered a pulled muscle and that was why he was swept away by the tide. Ari took the blame and accusations thrown at him and his family segregated themselves from him for years.

You might wonder why he put up with your attitude at the beginning. Well, he's already met your lot multiple times Rey therefore, if you're going to give him something just so you can take it away, I'd rather you disappear again. I can recommend a transfer with a bigger salary for you but, if you sincerely want to build a relationship with my friend, I'll root for you."

"Me?" Rey was puzzled, "Why not sir Ned?"

"You think you are the onlyone Ari is avoiding?"

"You too? Why would he..."

"Figure that out by yourself."