My Brain Is Scattered!

Mag studied Bellatrix with a thoughtful frown. Something in her large green eyes flickered, and she seemed to make a decision. "When Gellert shouted at you, how did it make you feel?"

Gellert frowned. "It wasn't," he began defensively, then interrupted himself. "It was her fault for breaking ranks! People could've died!"

Mag gestured him to be silent, then gave him an apologetic smile. "It isn't about who is wrong or right. It is about how Bellatrix felt about it. Feelings form thoughts which form beliefs, then choices and then issues, as you should know by now," she said, tone calm and gentle.

"I wouldn't have broken ranks or endangered anyone, had I not believed she had Roddy," Bellatrix said, eyes resentfully on Gellert. She heard the frustration in her own voice and didn't care. "Obviously this was incorrect, but I didn't see Rod where he was standing behind me. I saw him with her, and her wand was at his throat. Had she had your bloody man, you'd have done the same. And I do believe it was your bloody man who told you how difficult it is to see through those mental illusions of hers, and how they can work on a person's mind."

Gellert scowled. "I don't care. I care about what you should know, no matter what you saw. That… Matters," he enunciated drily.

Sighing, resentful glare still in place, Bellatrix slumped into her chair.

"Let's repeat what I just said, shall we," Mag said patiently, green gaze now on Bellatrix rather than Gellert. "You, like Gellert, are stating facts as you see them, and I asked how you felt, not what happened."

Bellatrix stewed for a moment in silence before pondering the uncomfortable question. As it happened, it was rather uncomfortable indeed.

"I felt upset. Hysterical crying, hurt feelings upset, and that isn't at all like me," she admitted. Suddenly embarrassed, she snatched up her glass of wine and had a swallow. Everyone remained silent, allowing her to continue, so she replaced the glass on the table before her and dug a little bloody deeper. "I knew he was right, but I didn't feel it was exactly my fault. I didn't enjoy him shouting at me over something that wasn't my fault when I'd just been terrified for Roddy's bloody life!"

Mag nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, and what else did that, perhaps, remind you of if you think about it? It doesn't have to make sense," she assured quickly. "Often feelings make connections that logic may not."

Bellatrix sighed. "Voldemort. It reminded me of Voldemort, and how unreasonable he was to us. How unfair it felt, and how when in his company I suppose I also feared for Rod's life. Considering what he did to us, and the fact Gellert said we always remembered it very deep down in our subconscious, I had good reason."

Mag nodded. "Very good! The fact you were fighting his daughter, who also probably has a bit of him inside her, didn't help that trigger, I'm sure."

"I understand that isn't fair to Gellert," Bellatrix freely admitted. "He's loyal to his followers, and I truly believe that my life is never in danger when it comes to him, no matter what. That isn't how I meant it." She flashed a quick look to Gellert who nodded, giving her a slight smile.

"Of course not," Mag said. "Remember feelings and facts don't speak the same language. They don't always share information either. They are literally coming from two completely different parts of the brain."

"No shit," Rabastan asked, and Mag smiled.

"No shit at all." Returning her gaze to Bellatrix, she continued.

"Your feelings aren't saying that Gellert would hurt you. They were saying they were hurt that someone you care for and look up to made you feel, even for a second, in any way like Voldemort did, no matter the reason. This doesn't mean that you, or Gellert, were particularly wrong. Sometimes things happen, and two humans respond in reasonable ways that can be problematic to one another if they did not share the same past experiences that formed their actions."

Bellatrix nodded. She supposed that made sense.

"It's about being able to connect our reactions to past issues, which helps to deflate them a bit, and give them less power over us," Mag said. "Knowledge is always power, after all. Knowing that your mind is adding more weight to a thing now, due to past hurts, strips both past and present issues of some of their pain."

Mag paused to take a sip of her wine before continuing.

"All of you have had some form of trauma in your pasts, so things will come up. Be open to and aware of this, and you can sort it without causing more damage. Ignore it and as these things don't sort themselves, more harm than good will be done in the way you handle situations."

"And we handle it by talking about it," Rabastan asked.

"In part," Mag said. "It's a start, and self-awareness is a huge help in this sort of thing. It helps you to put things in their proper places with proper perspective, and then you're processing and handling things better."

He nodded and she gave him a smile.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

Rabastan considered for a moment, then shook his head. "Nope. Things have been good. I mean, we're all overworked and not drunk enough, but that's just how it is until we get rid of the disease that is Delphini."

"And you, Rod," Mag asked.

Unlike his younger brother, Rodolphus didn't even pause to think before shaking his head. "I'm good."

"They're bottling," Bellatrix stated.

"If so, that isn't good," Mag said. "But the two of you must be ready to talk in your own time, and when things come up. Do me a favor, though. If you have any feelings, worries, or concerns throughout the week, even if they seem irrational, write them down, and when we meet again next week at the same time and place, we'll talk about them."

Rabastan and Rodolphus both nodded.

"How about you, Blaise," Mag asked. "How have you been feeling?"

Blaise shrugged, giving a tight smile. "I haven't had time to feel much, what with all the work we've been doing in various departments of the Ministry, thanks to Delphini."

"Such a whore," Rabastan muttered darkly, and everyone chuckled in appreciation.

"I suppose if anything, I'm most concerned over the parents at present," Blaise admitted after a moment of consideration. "They're trying to help, which involves keeping secrets, and perhaps endangering themselves." He sighed.

Gellert nodded. "I hate having to worry about them. It makes me just want to... Well, I understand that it sounds twisted, but I just want to lock them up to keep them safe! I know that I shouldn't, so I won't, but..."

"The way you locked your enemies away in Nurmengard," Mag asked gently, and Gellert shook his head before expelling a sigh.

"No, of course not. Not to keep them out of my way, but to keep them safe," he reiterated.

"To keep them from hurting you if they get hurt?" Mag corrected. Her tone was quiet, calm, and free of judgment, Bellatrix noted admiringly.

The redhead did have a talent for this shrinking problems business after all.

"Enemies can hurt us, and if your parents are putting themselves in a position that you feel may hurt you, you may wish to control their actions as you would an enemy's. Be careful with that as things can get twisted in the emotional department. Feeling helpless is not the place from which you want to make decisions. You're too good for that."

"They're trying to protect me! I don't need their protection. I need them to keep safe," Gellert exclaimed in obvious frustration.

"Like, I know that you're all young and shit now, but don't they know that you're bloody Gellert Fucking Grindelwald and, as such, are literally old enough to be their grandfather," Rabastan asked with a chuckle.

Gellert shrugged. "That doesn't matter to them. In truth, it doesn't matter to me either." He grinned. "You haven't seen our mum angry. I don't even dare to stand up to her."

Blaise nodded, chuckling. "She's as insane as the Cheshire cat, that's for sure."

"To you they are your parents, and at times, we very much need to try and protect our parents so that we never lose them," Mag told Gellert. "You and Blaise have perfectly normal feelings when it comes to that."

Blaise gave the Lestranges a slow lazy grin. "She's saying none of our other feelings that bring us to therapy are normal."

Mag chuckled. "You said it. I didn't."

"So what are we supposed to do about it," Gellert demanded. "How are we to keep them safe?"

"Communicate persistently and don't be afraid to show your emotions. Either of you," Mag said. "Let them know that your worry for them could place you in more danger than they know if they aren't completely open with you."

Gellert smiled. "That's good. They never like the idea of us in danger."

"And also it's true," Mag said. "If you are busy worrying for them, you may miss attacks coming from other fronts that you would otherwise have noticed."

Next, Mag turned her gaze to Kreacher. "How have you been?"

The elf shrugged, long slender fingers twisting nervously together. "Kreacher worries… Worries for his family in these dark times, but he has not been feeling any guilt over the past of late if that is what Magritte is asking."

Mag smiled. "Good! Now can we say the same of you, Regulus?"

Regulus glanced down, his shoulder length dark hair falling like a curtain over the left side of his face with the gesture. "I have been putting my thoughts more firmly on the future rather than dwelling on my past mistakes," he said quietly.

Bellatrix arched her brows at her cousin. "Wouldn't it be nice, though, if you actually focused on the real mistakes you made in the past rather than rubbish ones that mostly weren't even your bloody fault? I mean, the real mistakes you could actually take a lesson from?"

Kreacher perked up at once, beaming gleefully at Bellatrix.

"This is why group therapy is good," Mag said happily.

"Alright, Bella. I'll bite. What real mistakes," Regulus asked.

"Well, the fact you've been moping about depressed the entire twenty-three years that you've been back home, for one," Bellatrix said. "Most of your family are here, alive and well. At least three of us survived thanks to you. Yet, you still mope, and blame yourself for things Voldemort was responsible for. You've spent twenty-three years being depressed over mistakes you made that were for the most part unavoidable, when life is right here waiting for you to live. That should be your biggest regret, and you don't even see it."

"The mistakes you made in your youth, following Voldemort and not seeing who he was, were mistakes anyone in your position would've made and did make," Mag said quietly. "Just because you can look back and see how wrong you were, you have no right to mentally flog that boy. Where he was in life is not where you are now with the knowledge that you now possess. It is a very cruel punishment to judge yourself for being where you were at a particular time in your life."

Regulus sat in stunned silence. When he made no comment, Mag turned her gaze to the three Lestranges. "That goes for all of you as well."