Calling All Yandere Suspects

Kline sat on a blue plastic chair before a temporary platform stage. After taking the workshop on berating male social media posters in the comment sections, he sat there, eyes dead, waiting for Charon to ferry him across the River Styx.

However, his mind was still partially active, focused on staring forward. It was lunchtime, but he was still sitting because his left side was against a wall, and the right exit led to an awkward encounter.

Unfortunately, he couldn't avoid the direction the woman was in long.

"Hey, Kline!" A cheery voice called out to his right.

He turned his head to meet the gaze of a cheerful blonde with a cute ponytail.

Her name was Mira, and she smiled constantly, only stopping when he was hurt or bleeding all over the place. In other words, constantly.

"Hey, what's up, Mira?" Kline asked, staring into her stunning blue eyes.

"Oh, nothing." Mira replied, whipping her ponytail back and forth while shaking her head, "I was just thinking, [know what? It'd be awesome to have lunch with Kline today!] so I thought I'd ask."

Kline blushed slightly. Her confidence and agreeability were jacked to cheat levels!

He felt he would've said yes if she asked him to drop a ten-strip and watch a Mr. Rogers marathon—wearing cheetah print snuggies—to celebrate robbing a bank and murdering someone together. That's how impossible it was to say no to anything she asked!

"Yeah, sure." The half-charmed virgin replied with a slight blush and an awkward smile.

Mira immediately replied ecstatically, telling him this and that, and they'd go here and there. However, he didn't hear a single word she said.

When Kline saw Bell make sharp eye contact with him after he accepted the invitation, he felt a wave of primal fear wash through him. It only lasted a fraction of a second before she walked away. However, when their gazes met, his mind took a snapshot of her eyes and burnt it into his memory.

Pure darkness.

It was the look he'd imagine a wife would make if their husband cheated on them after 23 years of marriage. Irreparable betrayal. The relationship would never be the same. Dead end.

"Kline?" Mira said confusedly, tilting her head, "Is everything okay?"

Kline blinked twice, staring at the woman before him with a stunned expression. He turned and saw Bell had already walked to the other side of the room and was merrily chatting and giggling with a group of women.

"Yeah… it's just that look…." He replied in a daze.

"What look?" The blonde asked, tilting her head back into place, "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. But I'd like to know if you're willing to share."

The nervous virgin turned to her hesitantly, "I've kinda put Catalina through some trouble.

Do you know… by chance… if she hates me? The glance she gave me looked hella… hate-ie. Like, mega-hella-hate-ie."

Mira burst into giggles, covering her mouth and pressing her arm against her perky breasts. The action made the worried virgin feel worse, and he pouted slightly, turning away in indignation.

"Wait, wait!" She giggled, "Don't get me wrong. I just thought the irony was cute.

Cat has gone all over the place helping you, and you're worried she hates you?"

"Well… that's the problem, yeah?" Kline asked, "She's done a lot for me, and all I've done is cause her trouble.

Now she hasn't looked or talked to me for almost two days, and she's the only person that didn't show up last night."

"Now that you mention it, that's all true." Mira said, putting her knuckle on her chin and tilting her head, "Now I'm wondering if you messed up.

I hope not; Cat's the type who'd never forgive someone, so your relationship would forever be defined by the level of mercy she gave you.

If you're lucky, she'd just chase you away. However, if you're on her bad side, she'll manufacture a reason to claim self-defense and curb-stomp your testicles—regularly."

Cold sweat dripped down Kline's shoulder blades after hearing her explanation. It left his mouth open slightly and his mind blank.

Seeing his face, the blonde burst into giggles again.

"I'm joking! Cat's not the type to hold a grudge." Mira giggled, "She's quite apathetic. So if she's been looking out for you, you're special to her somehow. I doubt she'd ever turn you away."

His heart pulsed, and his vision blurred when he heard that he could be [special] to someone so attractive! Stunning smile. Bangin' body. Protective personality. Let's goooooo!

"I see…." Kline gulped, "So… can I invite her to our lunch if she accepts… my apology?"

Mira's eyes snapped closed unnaturally fast, and she gave him a beaming smile that felt far too overpowering. "Of course! Catalina is wonderful, would you like me to ask her?"

The awkward virgin stared at her blankly with a look that screamed [name your price!]. However, he knew that personally talking to her was the point.

"No… I'll go ask her." He sighed.

She nodded and giggled at the shaking virgin, who looked like he was experiencing stage three hypothermia. "Don't be so nervous. I'm sure she'll be stoked."

"I'll trust your judgment, then." Kline dry-swallowed, took a deep breath, and stepped forward. It was time for some acting!

"Just don't try acting." Mira clarified after two steps, "You're talented, but Cat can see through it easily. She's sharp as a crime scene butcher knife if you know what I mean, hehehe…."

'No, I don't know what you mean! Explain—' He cried internally with wide eyes, preparing to turn around. However, two hands thrust his back, and he stumbled down the seating aisle, running with his hands behind his back like an undefended anime character out for blood.

Mira's eyes widened in shock and regret, watching the awkward virgin try to catch his footing as he braced for a head-on collision with Bell's chest in slow motion. It was nothing short of serendipitous to the point of being cinematic. Brutal.

However, by grace or misfortune, a clutzy brunette tripped simultaneously, accidently "dropping" her Swanson brand copy of Mein Kampf at 98.3 mph.

**Sound of a "dropped" book's spine exploding as it hits our virgin protagonist's kneecap!**

"Oof! GahHhh!"

After tripping and going airborne, Kline attempted a quadruple axel, a mythical figure skating move requiring the skater to perform four-and-a-half rotations in the air before landing.

Why an extra half? Unlike regular quad jumps, an axel requires the figure skater to land in a position to skate backward for the perfect artistic flare. Therefore, if a person's moving forward, like Kline Noble, they must spin four times to complete the quad and then turn an extra half to land backward.

Since the awkward virgin desperately wanted to avoid his face slamming into Bell's breasts, thus permanently destroying their relationship for short-term gain, he wanted to land backward but couldn't control the spin.

Therefore, he attempted the axel, something only one figure skater had ever accomplished in history. And, like every figure skater except that one person, the involuntarily airborne virgin botched it—spectacularly.

BOOM! Crash! CRaaAShhHhhHhh!

Kline landed on a blue chair, knocking it into another set, making them all crash and fall like blue dominoes having sex with a pinball game. Then he fell face forward, crashing into the painful blue sea, and rolled over twice, defying gravity before—

THUD! CRraaaAaCK!

—he crashed on the ground, directly on his face. The fall broke one of the vertebrae in his neck, leading to a sickening sound.

"K-Kline!" Mira cried in horror.

"W-What happened to Kline!?" Mindy yelled, whipping her red hair as she ran through the room.

The sound of desperation and despair in her voice was haunting, making someone feel like Kline was a moment away from breathing his last.

However, her panicked desperation and actions didn't align.

Thud! Crash! CRaaAShhHhhHhh! Thud! Crash!

"AgghHHhhHHhhhHhhH!"

To everyone's bewilderment, the redhead began picking up chairs and aggressively hurling them out of the way without looking where she was throwing them. It wasn't personal, she was just irrational—one-track-minded.

Personal or not, the impact was devastating.

"AgghHHhhHHhhhHhhH!"

Flocks of women ran in droves, showcasing the same desperation to avoid the chairs.

Bell looked around during the chaos, looking for someone. After making eye contact, she rushed forward, pushing chairs out of the way. "Kline. Kline! Speak to me!"

Her pause and eye contact only took a split second, but it made Mira narrow her eyes with murderous intent.