For your own good

"Xiao yuan, we should choose the university earlier. What major do you want to go for? You know your whole family are doctors. Remember what you say about becoming a historian when you were young. It was a poor choice that you choose before. Mother just hope you walk the right path. Those matters you should discuss with your mother and father." "I will choose what you want. You don't like anything that I choose anyway, Mother, I will go to school now." I don't even take a glance at mother after that. I told myself how can I let myself lose control over trivial emotions but I wonder what kind of face she is making. Is she unsatisfied with my decision again? I thought I am afraid of her thought about it but whether did I stop expecting anything? History is my hobby or it's to say it was my dream, my sore part. Normally when grandmother mocks of it and even when mother mention it a bit, I feel like a small knife poking my heart, teasing of my weakness. But now I feel nothing about it, as if mother was talking about a stranger. I can sense the change in me gradually. I felt happy about how I slowly mature and how I change. But standing in front of the mirror, I don't know the person appearing in the mirror anymore. The smile was gone or to say, it become fake. I have become someone my family wish to be but the unsettled feeling is like a void, the black hole hiding inside my heart and as though about to devour me anytime. I put down my unsettledness and start preparing to go school.