17. April

"Did you see the new music club videos?", Sophie asked me excitedly.

I couldn't help but stare at the pianist's hands in the video he played on his phone. His fingers moved with agility and precision, as if each note was an extension of himself. I shuddered to see how the music came to life through his hands.

"Do you want to go investigate him?", Sophie asked me with a mischievous smile on her face. But I shook my head, fighting my selfish, murderous instincts that wanted to find out more about the pianist. I wanted to feel human, if only for a moment.

"Okay," Sophie agreed, although I noticed the disappointment in her eyes.

Later, I downloaded the music club playlist on my phone. I felt ecstatic listening to them as I walked across campus to the library to meet Daniel. I could almost imagine it was a date, even though I knew we would only be meeting to study together.

I bit my lip as I remembered the last time I was with him, when I told him he was too handsome. I couldn't believe I had been so impulsive and direct with my words. Embarrassment washed over me, but also a kind of nervous excitement.

The library seemed more solemn than usual, as if the secrets and knowledge contained on its shelves had become quieter. I entered the enclosure with some apprehension, still feeling the embarrassment of my earlier words to Daniel. I looked up and saw him sitting at one of the tables, absorbed in his reading. His face was serene and focused, and I couldn't help but smile to see him so immersed in that literary world.

I approached him slyly, trying not to attract his attention, but as soon as I was a few steps away, he looked up and smiled at me. That smile had the power to make me feel comfortable in any situation, even when my heart was beating a thousand per hour due to the accumulated tension.

"Hi, April!" she greeted me in that soft but firm voice I loved to hear so much.

"Daniel, hi... I want to apologize for what I said last time," I began, feeling a lump in my throat. "I didn't mean that."

"That's all right," he replied with a gentle laugh. "You're very pretty too, and if you wanted to you'd have any boy you wanted."

"I've been doing chapter-by-chapter summaries and we can take this afternoon off. I've made quite a bit of progress on the project," Daniel said quickly changing the conversation when he saw my embarrassed face.

"Why do you want to spend time off?", I asked curiously, trying to understand his intentions.

"I think it's the best thing for us," Daniel explained. "This way we'll be able to experience the life of the main character in the book, as if we were acting. It will be fun and help us understand the story better."

My thoughts revolved around that proposal, trying to imagine what that free time together with Daniel would be like. Could I forget about the tension between us and just enjoy his company? I decided to try, even though I knew my heart was still a whirlwind of emotions.

"Okay," I agreed with a shaky smile. "Let's spend that afternoon off together."

We walked together towards the school lake, feeling my heart beat faster and faster as we approached the water. The sun reflected off its surface, creating bright sparkles that briefly reminded me of my life before I was a killer.

"I'd like to try something," Daniel said, pointing to the book in his hands. "In this part of the story, Griselda, the main character, walks by the lake and sees her reflection in the water. A face full of hope, despite the misfortunes that await her when she is forced to marry someone she doesn't love."

"Sounds interesting," I admitted, although inside I thought that I could not have that same hope as Griselda, for my life was full of deaths that I had to commit, even if I did not want to.

"Come on, April," Daniel encouraged me, taking my hand in his and guiding me to the edge of the lake. His touch was warm and comforting, but it also made me feel vulnerable, as if he could see right through me.

Once there, I looked down and saw my reflection in the water, obscured by the shadows of the trees around us. Feeling exposed, I searched for the right words to express my thoughts, but all I could say was, "I wish things were that easy."

"Just like that?" replied Daniel with a sympathetic smile. "It's just looking at the reflection like the protagonist and making a wish."

His words took my breath away, because I knew he was right. But I also knew that I could never get out of my life and escape my murderous parents. I felt a lump in my throat and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.

"A wish? If it were making a wish," I murmured, squeezing her hand in mine, "I wish I didn't have this life."

"It must be hard not to want the life you have, if you weren't in this school, I would never have met you," he confessed, looking into my eyes. "He was happy to meet you, I want you to be happy too."

In that instant, I felt a mixture of gratitude and sadness so intense that I couldn't stop some tears from falling down my cheeks.

"Daniel... I can't say it, I know there's no way out" I said, as the tears continued to threaten to spill over. I felt vulnerable under his worried gaze and wondered if he would really be able to help me.

"That's fine," Daniel replied with a bitter laugh. "But you can't keep wearing that expression on your face, like you want to die."

"I... I don't want to die" I admitted, feeling a lump in my throat. "I want to be happy, to be normal... To give up everything to have a life like yours."

I bit my lip, fearful of what I would say next.

"My life isn't normal either," Daniel confessed, looking at me with a mixture of surprise and sadness. "We're in this together."

Together we walked to the edge of the lake, where the evening lights reflected in the still waters. There, Daniel showed me our reflection and pointed to my eyes.

"You see that?" he asked, a serious expression on his face. "That's the hope shining in your eyes."

I didn't know what to say. For a moment, I thought Daniel had brought me to that moment of weakness to fulfill the purpose of the rehearsal, but as I looked into his eyes, I understood there was more to it. He came closer and embraced me in a warm hug, letting me be carried away by the contact until I felt his heartbeat. I didn't want that hug to end, but suddenly, I pulled away from him, feeling that I didn't deserve his pity.

"I'm sorry," I said, starting to run, trying to get away from Daniel. He quickly caught up to me and grabbed my hand, looking at me embarrassed.

"Please," said Daniel, "don't let what just happened ruin our relationship. I'm bad at interpreting other people's feelings, but I'm just trying to do my best in hopes of getting the best."

"It's okay" I replied, trying to smile at him. "Thanks for helping me today, you didn't mess anything up. I'm just... embarrassed and I need time to sort things out in my head."

"Sure" Daniel nodded, letting go of my hand and giving me space. "If you need to talk or anything, you know I'm here for you."

"I know," I said, as my mind struggled to process everything I was feeling. The encounter with Daniel had been both eye-opening and confusing, but it had also given me a glimmer of hope.

"See ya" I muttered, walking away from him and leaving the lake behind.

I knew I had a lot to think about and many difficult decisions to make, but for the first time in a long time, I felt that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how long or painful the journey, she was willing to fight for that hope, for that chance to be happy and normal as she had always wanted.

"Goodbye" I heard Daniel say behind me as I walked away, his voice laden with concern and genuine affection. And although I didn't know what the future held for me, I was determined to face it with courage and determination.

I had arrived at my room, feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened. I plopped down on my bed and, unable to hold back any longer, tears began to flow down my cheeks like overflowing rivers. My throat felt choked, as if an invisible knot was preventing me from breathing normally. I didn't want to continue living that murderous life, I longed to experience the happiness and hope that Daniel had shown me that day, even if it was only for a brief moment.

"April, are you okay?" I heard Sophie ask me from my bedroom door. I looked at her through my tears and tried to smile, but I knew I couldn't fool her.

"I'll be fine soon," I said, trying to reassure her. However, Sophie was not satisfied with my answer and walked into my room, closing the door behind her.

"Come on, you can tell me anything" Sophie insisted, sitting down next to me on the bed. "We're best friends and I won't tell anyone anything."

"It's... it's Daniel" I finally confessed, feeling my voice tremble as I said his name. "I want to be like him, to be with him, but my life as an assassin would only endanger him."

"I see," Sophie murmured, understanding the magnitude of the problem. Then, instead of offering me empty words of comfort, she simply hugged me tightly, allowing me to find refuge in her embrace.